Rovers Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 My nephew, who has an apartment in my house, went down to TN to ride the "Dragon's Tail" a 300+ turn mountain road in the mountains of TN. This was his second trip. He is an accomplished rider, being the "Road Captain" in his sports bike club. Some young man I never met before knocks on the front door. My nephew went off the road and was air-evac-ed out. That was all he could tell me. Not knowing if he was alive or dead for a while, we finally found out what hospital, and found out he was in stable condition. Sounds like he is ALL flocked up, but no head injuries, and he won't die. It was a matter of time.... it was always just a matter of time. He always felt it was his choice, which it was, but he never took the burden of the worry that family would have on his shoulders. Now, I get to be caretaker and nurse maid for how long? Sounds like he won't be walking for at least 6 months if he's lucky. Sounds like his career as a NYFD firefighter is over. The decision to ride these things is a selfish one. just something I hope some sports bikers might consider if they read this thread... yeah, it's your life, but it DOES affect others, sometimes in a BIG way. Think about it.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fatman Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 Wow Rovers, sorry to hear about that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
westvirginia Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 Wow Rovers, sorry to hear about that. +1 But I'm not sure how the message applies. There are certainly stupid squids who ride without a lid, who can't hold the lane in twisties, and have no regard for safety of others, but I'm guessing that's not your nephew? Everything has risks, you just try to minimize them is all. +1 on both. I can't live my life to please other people. Harm none, do as ye will. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rovers Posted August 12, 2008 Author Share Posted August 12, 2008 +1 But I'm not sure how the message applies. There are certainly stupid squids who ride without a lid, who can't hold the lane in twisties, and have no regard for safety of others, but I'm guessing that's not your nephew? Everything has risks, you just try to minimize them is all. I think my point is, ride at extremes speeds, even with all the proper equipment.... eventually you will get road burn. In this case, he went off a mountain road. He is (was) by all standards, a VERY good rider. It's a high risk sport, and HE was willing to live with the risks. I however, WAS NOT. But now, I will be nurse maid, dog sitter, cook, bed pan emptier and I never got the thrill of riding like that. Sure, he will pay the price, but so will I. So, he risked his own tail, but in the process, I must also pay a price, along with the others in the family that now have had their lives disrupted. That is my point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rovers Posted August 12, 2008 Author Share Posted August 12, 2008 yup. i've been down twice. Don't play nurse maid. I won't have much of a choice. It's only him and I in this house, and when he's in traction.... That is what I will have to do, and will do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
westvirginia Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 I won't have much of a choice. It's only him and I in this house, and when he's in traction.... That is what I will have to do, and will do. I've been down before too, but never that bad. I really don't want to be a hardass, but you always have a choice. I mean, yeah, you'd be a jerk to not help him at all, but to become his slave because of his choices? Does he not have disability insurance? I mean, if it bothers you that badly, you need to talk to him about it man. Bottling this up will drive you to drink! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rovers Posted August 12, 2008 Author Share Posted August 12, 2008 I've been down before too, but never that bad. I really don't want to be a hardass, but you always have a choice. I mean, yeah, you'd be a jerk to not help him at all, but to become his slave because of his choices? Does he not have disability insurance? I mean, if it bothers you that badly, you need to talk to him about it man. Bottling this up will drive you to drink! LOL! Well, my nephew and I have what you would call a 'history" of not getting along, but honestly, he gets along with very few people. Yes, I DO have a choice... hang him and his mother out to dry, which is likely what he would do to me, or do the right thing. I still have hope that this kid will enter manhood at some point in his life. I'm not his father, so all I can do is set an example. He has a dog he never feeds.... should I let it starve? No, I feed it. He could not cut a blade of grass with a scissors. I do all the yard work.... he's 32, I'm 53. Starting to get a picture here? Even though I was not the risk taker, I will now do what has to be done.... I call it being a man. I won't be happy about it, but in general, the things that gains one own's self respect aren't fun things to do. That is the lesson I keep trying to impart to him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimmy Neutron Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 He is (was) by all standards, a VERY good rider. It's a high risk sport, and HE was willing to live with the risks. I however, WAS NOT. He's family, Bro - gotta take the good, the bad and the ugly. I'm guessing you're the kind of man that would help a family member (for a while) that made other bad decisions and got hooked on drugs??? That would be tougher to me than a nephew that dumped a bike. I have never dumped a road bike, but don't have that much experience with them. I have, however, mangled a few dirt bikes and an ATV so there is a very real part of me with a soft spot for people like your nephew that really appreciate living. "Life is not the number of breaths you take, but the number of times your breath is taken away." Good luck with your nephew. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rovers Posted August 13, 2008 Author Share Posted August 13, 2008 He clearly needs help. Might I suggest that you talk to a social worker/therapist, priest/rabbi, or anyone with experience in dealing with people cuz he needs help. I was assuming your nephew was 20yo. At some point, some of us have told family members that enough is enough. I've done it and the relationship was a bit 'closer' than uncle-nephew. It's not easy, but I won't let my life be dictated and ruined by someone who doesn't even care about themself. Sometimes, people get it, sometimes they don't I'm sorry for what you're going through, I know first hand it ain't easy. He had problems from day 1.... then being on the 30th floor of the north tower when the south tower of the World Trade center went down didn't help things any. His Lt died.... and he by all rights he should have too. So, he carries this "I should be dead already" baggage around. The report: Broken tibia and ankle on the left leg, broken femur and what's that other bone? .... on the right leg. Heck... I dunno right now. Seperated shoulder too. Going into surgery tonight. No other upper body problems. We've done all we can with counseling as a family... I should say I did... but I did not get much support along those lines. I own 1/3rd of the house along with two sisters, including his mom, who I don't get along with very well either. I could not do the whole "tough love" thing.... even tho his apartment is filthy beyond belief at times. I can't kick him out.... and I would have several times if I could have. Now, it sounds like his career is done to boot.... and the economic loss will be real in this household. He was only paying 400 a month for a 4 1/2 room apt.... runs his AC when it's 50 degrees out, doesn't pay the utiliy bill.... I could go on. But... he is my nephew and godson.... and I will do what I have to to take care of family, even if they are'nt deserving. I suppose I'm just venting some frustration... I knew this day would come, and now it's here. Maybe... just maybe, this is his wake up call, but I have my doubts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yo mama Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 Well I'm glad to hear he's not dead. But if doesn't give up biking afterwards I think you're within in your rights to toss him out, or at least make it clear that you won't be playing nurse maid again in the future. But on the flip side, if you got into a car wreck would he take care of you if the roles were reversed? If so, then chalk it up to good karma and move on with life. Or hire a care giver and make him split the cost with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rovers Posted August 13, 2008 Author Share Posted August 13, 2008 Well I'm glad to hear he's not dead. But if doesn't give up biking afterwards I think you're within in your rights to toss him out, or at least make it clear that you won't be playing nurse maid again in the future. But on the flip side, if you got into a car wreck would he take care of you if the roles were reversed? If so, then chalk it up to good karma and move on with life. Or hire a care giver and make him split the cost with you. Well, the roles have been reversed. I had sinus surgery, he came upstairs, saw me with the bandages and blood all over my face and asked what happened. Told him, and didn't see him for 3 days. Then, I had my shoulder reconstructive surgery. He helped me put a shirt on ONCE, and talked about how he helped me out a year later. THEN.... and this is the caveat.... I had spinal fusion.... I aksed for "permission" to use the washer and dryer for some clean clothes for my doc visit. 4 hours later, he and his white trash GF still had stuff in the dryer. When I LOUDLY beitched, they asssaulted me, chasing me all the way upstairs into my own bedroom. They kicked the door in, knocked over me and some furniture. This was 2 months after I had spinal fusion! I had to call the cops to make them back off.... and this kid's mother actually defended him! OK, too much disfunctional family testimonial here.... but tell me.... am I an idiot to take care of him when he gets home? Your opinion won't change what I woll do.... I will do the right thing, and hope he learns something. I won't let the past dictate my actions.... I will do what I think is the right thing to do. Just like I would not let his dog starve, and instead took care of it, I will also do what I have to do to take care of another being who can't do it for himself.... in this case, a nephew, not a dog. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yo mama Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 (edited) Well, the roles have been reversed. I had sinus surgery, he came upstairs, saw me with the bandages and blood all over my face and asked what happened. Told him, and didn't see him for 3 days. Then, I had my shoulder reconstructive surgery. He helped me put a shirt on ONCE, and talked about how he helped me out a year later. THEN.... and this is the caveat.... I had spinal fusion.... I aksed for "permission" to use the washer and dryer for some clean clothes for my doc visit. 4 hours later, he and his white trash GF still had stuff in the dryer. When I LOUDLY beitched, they asssaulted me, chasing me all the way upstairs into my own bedroom. They kicked the door in, knocked over me and some furniture. This was 2 months after I had spinal fusion! I had to call the cops to make them back off.... and this kid's mother actually defended him! OK, too much disfunctional family testimonial here.... but tell me.... am I an idiot to take care of him when he gets home? Your opinion won't change what I woll do.... I will do the right thing, and hope he learns something. I won't let the past dictate my actions.... I will do what I think is the right thing to do. Just like I would not let his dog starve, and instead took care of it, I will also do what I have to do to take care of another being who can't do it for himself.... in this case, a nephew, not a dog. No offense, but your nephew sounds like an ass wipe. If you elect to take care of him because he's family and that's what family does, I'd stand behind that decision. But once he was healthy I'd tell him to hit the bricks. Edited August 13, 2008 by yo mama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rovers Posted August 13, 2008 Author Share Posted August 13, 2008 (edited) No offense, but your nephew sounds like an ass wipe. If you elect to take care of him because he's family and that's what family does, I'd stand behind that decision. But once he was healthy I'd tell him to hit the bricks. He IS an ass wipeman. But, with my limited authority, having only a 1/3rd onwership in the house, I am not empowered to throw his butt out. I have to deal with rodents, flies and whateever else his filthy habits generate. Basically, I have NO power... only the power of example. I really should give up on him, but for whatevere reason, maybe because I am also hid god father, I can't let go..... especially because I CAN'T throw him out! This is sort of my only option. I really don't like him as a person at all.... he's the angriest most grudge holding person I ever knew. The great Will Rogers said he never met a man he didn't like. I tried to use that, and in my modification, I always tried to find something about any man I met that I could like. That has always worked for me, in every case, the whole Satchmo "wonderful world" song meassage. It doesn't work with my nephew.... I honestly can't find one single thing to like about him. Never met a man that didn't have at least one thing I could like about him.... my nephew breaks the mold. Maybe knowing he has a serious mental health issue is what makes me persuvere... but in a moment of pure honesty.... I wonder if had he been killed, if this family would be better off. He is why I don't get alongwith sis #2, sis #2 won't come to the house because of how he trashes it, No doubt he is the catalyst for many tensions. Sis #2 still to this day blames me for the assault fiasco. I hope he stays in the U of TN Hospital for as long as possible,. Life is much more simple when he isn't around. That was a lot, likely to much to unload on a message board, but I'm at wits end, frankly. Sis #2 is on her way to her baby boy in TN.... and she will play hero, and when he gets back here, I will be the Taco bell runner and bed pan man. Anyone know about the disfunctiopnal family profille? The family hero, the comedian, the middle child, and the scapegoat? This dynamic CAN carry over into adulthood. Guess which one I fall into? Edited August 13, 2008 by Rovers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimmy Neutron Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 Sorry to hear about this Rovers - your thread title threw me off. The guy sounds like a real burden. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paulzale Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 You can lead by example, but still not take care of him. Tough love is toughest on the person administering it! Take care of the dog and maybe help him out once in a while, but let him start to live in the real world where adults are responsible for their own actions. I get the "I should have died" sentiment, but honestly to me that is a get out of jail free card and we all know there is no such thing. I am sorry for your situation and it will be toughest on you. I know we all have family that don't live up to our standards, but you are responsible for yourself and how you live your life as is he. Be tough because it is the right thing to do, not because he doesn't return all the favors you have done for him. Just my 2 cents Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh 0ne Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 Very sorry to hear that Rovers, but disagree with the message. I've been riding sport bikes since I was 18, I'm 37 now. This story has very little to do with how he got hurt, it's much much more about the individual who got hurt. Condemning bikers as reckless daredevils because of this incident is far from fair. And again, sorry about your situation Rovers, terribly sad as a whole. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimC Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 (edited) I've driven Tail of the Dragon several times in Da Vette years ago. It used to be a great road until the police HAD to take over because of the motorcyclists. First time, she was with me and was literally screaming to be let out -- and I was barely doing above the speed limit. It is a tight windy twisting road with a sheer cliff on the passenger's side. There is no place to pull over until you get to the end. These crotch rocket punks usually come flying around waaaaay too fast for road conditions veering into oncoming traffic. Several die every year. Your nephew was lucky. The Harley's, for the most part, are out there for the same reason as the Vettes...to simply enjoy the road and the view. It is one of the most gorgeous spots in the U.S. Those import bikers have ruined it for everyone. I doubt we'll go back again since the ricers have taken over. Edited August 13, 2008 by TimC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rovers Posted August 13, 2008 Author Share Posted August 13, 2008 I could be wrong, but I don't think Rover's saying bikers are reckless, just that the consequences of a biker's (or anyone's) actions probably affect others and that people need to at least consider that? Rover, is that what you're saying? I'm saying that reckless sports bikers like my nephew don't just put themselves at risk when they ride like that. Not condemning all sports bikers... just saying that when one chooses to be a daredevil, rides on the edge all the time, it isn't just himself that has to pay up when things go bad. Dropped his mother off at the airport this morning... and I WILL have to take care of his needs whenever he gets back... or I just put it on someone else's shoulders. My life has been interupted, and will remain so for a long, long time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tbimm Posted August 13, 2008 Share Posted August 13, 2008 I think my point is, ride at extremes speeds, even with all the proper equipment.... eventually you will get road burn. In this case, he went off a mountain road. He is (was) by all standards, a VERY good rider. It's a high risk sport, and HE was willing to live with the risks. I however, WAS NOT. But now, I will be nurse maid, dog sitter, cook, bed pan emptier and I never got the thrill of riding like that. Sure, he will pay the price, but so will I. So, he risked his own tail, but in the process, I must also pay a price, along with the others in the family that now have had their lives disrupted. That is my point. My GF and my Daughter talked me off of my sportbike after I went down. I did not take it as bad as it sounds like he did but I can tell you it hurt like hell.The reason I listened is exactly what you are saying here. I miss it but....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rovers Posted August 13, 2008 Author Share Posted August 13, 2008 Wait, why can't his mom take care of him? My son is only five months old, but if he got hurt later in life, I wouldn't ask my sister to take care of him. I'm confused Actually, he will stay with his mother when he comes back north, at least at first. He'll be in a wheelchair for a while... no crutches with the shoulder problem, which may in fact be the worst injury he has. They say it's a strange dislocation...something about the direction of the seperation... they put it back n place, or tried to, but now they say it may not be back in place. So... lacerated spleen, left leg, broken femur, broken ankle with severe ligament damage (completely torn), the right leg, broken tibia and fibula. Several bad wounds... don't know if the bone poerced skin... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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