Education in the not too distant future.

[Perchoutofwater]

Good morning students, and welcome to First-Year Orientation here at Saul Alinsky High School, home of the Fighting ACORNs. My name is Principal Soros, and I'll be guiding you through your indoctrination today.

 

Let me just begin by informing you that "Freshman" is a sexist term, and is verboten! You must understand that intolerant language will not be tolerated here at SAHS. Any word that makes any group uncomfortable will be severely punished ... unless of course it is a group that we have determined is itself intolerant. This may sound confusing, but do not worry; we will let you know which groups are to be protected (e.g., "freedom fighters" who kill indiscriminately in defense of social progress; those who refuse to work for a living) and which are to be attacked (e.g., groups that agitate for lower taxes; all non-Muslim religions--especially Christianity).

 

We have recently adopted a year-round calendar. This means there will be no more summer or winter vacations. Dogmatic fidelity tended to wear off during long summer breaks, and everyone knows that the winter breaks were just an excuse for religious activity anyway. In addition, school will now meet seven days a week, as there is no legitimate excuse for taking Saturdays or Sundays (especially) off. Spare time can only lead to thinking politically impure thoughts or hooliganism!

 

Now, let me tell you about our course offerings. As first-year students, you will all be enrolled in our core curriculum. In subsequent years, you may be allowed to choose electives, if you have made sufficient progress in each area, but for this first year, we feel it is important for you to start with these experiences in common.

 

First Period will be Atheism 101. Here you will learn: 1) that there is no god, and 2), that since there is no god, there is no objective good nor evil, and that "right" and "wrong" can be defined by each society any way it wishes. You will then learn how our society will be defining them—the only correct definition. The study materials will include the writings of notable experts on the subject (like Karl Marx) along with a sprinkling of carefully filtered scientific facts. Here, we will also encourage your natural teenage antipathy towards your parents and families and provide you with a number of outlets to help supplant any remaining feelings of loyalty for your familial oppressors.

 

Second Period will be Government/Economics 101. Since private property, which is merely the mechanism by which the evil rich steal from the noble poor, has been supressed, Government is Economics is Goverment. Your copy of Marx from Period 1 will double as your text for 2nd period as well, along with the added wisdom of Castro and Chavez. Here you will learn how the benevolent State cares for all of its component collectives in the way best suited to each group.

 

Period Three will be Social Studies 101. This includes the study of notable historic personages, namely, whoever is in charge of our government at the current time. We will study mythologized accounts of the heroic exploits of our wonderful rulers, but most particularly our Maximum Leader, the source of all light, truth, and joy. As you develop your atheism, the Maximum Leader will be the natural repository of your innate devotion to a higher cause. And if you should happen to notice during these studies that the ML lives luxuriously compared to the hovels provided to you free of charge by the State, just remember that His mansions are the property of the State just as are your homes, and He only gets to keep them until he dies.

 

Third Period also includes multiculturalism, where you will be instructed that no culture is superior to any other. Traditional American culture, however, is horribly flawed, and we will enumerate the innumerable injustices and outrages perpetrated by American capitalism against other cultures here at home and around the world. In fact, as you will be taught, virtually all social and technological advances throughout history have been made by Third World cultures, although many of these innovations were stolen and popularized by imperialist oppressors. In this class, you will learn tolerance for ways of life that may not be intuitive to you. This will be of great help to you later in life, when you may not always immediately see the wisdom in the way society is run, even though it is always for your benefit. In this class, you will also learn the correct way to look at every significant issue, as determined scientifically by Party experts in the various fields.

 

Period Four will be Introduction to Environmentalism. Nature is another worthy object of devotion, and here you will learn to reflexively put the welfare of non-human species ahead of your own. You will also learn why it is important for you to live at subsistence levels similar to those enjoyed by our ancestors in the middle ages, in harmony with Mother Earth and in a show of solidarity with our brothers and sisters in less fortunate countries. Sustainability will be the catchphrase here, and anthropomorphism of Gaia and all her creatures will be the vehicle. Since the National Parks and Forests are off limits to any but Party officials (who only enter these temples to non-industrialization and stay at the State-run hotels there to fulfill their responsibilities to the environment), you will rarely have the chance to observe nature first-hand, but we will show you pictures so you will know what your sacrifice is helping to preserve.

 

After lunch is your Fifth Period class, Sexual Variations and Experimentation. This is a survey course, and you will be expected to participate in a wide variety of what used to be called by the quaint term "perversions." Here you will be fortunate to be personally instructed by Party officials and other Party members who specialize in these practices. After trying some of everything, you will need to pick a few of your favorites to explore in greater depth for your second-, third-, and fourth-year electives. Don't worry; condoms are provided by the school. Also, when the condoms fail, abortions (mandatory) and STD treatments (for those which are treatable) will be provided free of charge in the school clinic. This is the only approved recreational outlet for those not chosen to represent our school on the soccer team--the only sport we offer. Since no score is kept and, consequently, no one ever loses, we are expecting the Fighting ACORNs, in their resplendent red uniforms, to enjoy their sixth straight undefeated season!

 

Some have asked about writing, math, and other drudgery-oriented subjects. Do not fear, we will not torture you with those here at Saul Alinsky HS. Only those youths selected for the heavy responsibility of future leadership, based on proven aptitude, are burdened with those classes. Some may have noticed a high correlation between parents' Party membership and selection for these special leadership schools. It is a heavy responsibility, but you are fortunate that the Party is here to bear it for you.

 

Also, from time to time, we will offer special seminars in critical thinking, an essential skill for every good citizen. During these seminars, we will teach you how to think critically about people and ideas that deserve criticism. Pay close attention during these classes, as unsupervised or unauthorized thinking can lead to unpleasant consequences.

 

Finally, some have asked about grades and homework. There are no grades, only a pass/fail designation based on whether you accept or reject the wisdom imparted to you in each class. As long as you are sufficiently indoctrinated to pass each class, you won't have to worry about summer reeducation sessions in remote mining and agricultural communities. But in any case, let me assure you that rumors of high mortality rates at those camps are greatly exaggerated—only a small percentage are ultimately unwilling to rehabilitate.

 

There will be no homework outside of an occasional experimental assignment related to fifth-period coursework (typically, extra credit work with party members). So as soon as school lets out each day, you will be released to report to the voluntary work-study location printed at the bottom of your schedule card. Remember, anyone missing more than 10 days of their volunteer assignment during the course of the year will be scheduled for one of the aforementioned reeducation camps. After you have completed your eight-hour shift there, you will be free to return home prior to curfew. This part of your day is how you will repay the State for the resources allocated to your education and will be crucial in teaching you to be productive organs of collective State prosperity.

 

Thank you for your attention. If anyone has questions, please report them to the disciplinary officers stationed by each door on your way out. School is now in session! Go ACORNs!

[Duchess Jack]

:

[Yukon Cornelius]

im all for year round schools. trimesters with small breaks in between. the rests

[bpwallace49]

Perch your love for the most asinine chain emails is very disturbing.

 

 

 

Cause I know you dont have the wit to write that whole thing yourself . . .

[Perchoutofwater]

Perch your love for the most asinine chain emails is very disturbing.

 

 

 

Cause I know you dont have the wit to write that whole thing yourself . . .

 

You are absolutely right, but I actually do know the guy that wrote it, and it wasn't an email.

[detlef]

It's been "right around the corner" for some time now.

[Kid Cid]

You are absolutely right, but I actually do know the guy that wrote it, and it wasn't an email.

You should really stop talking to him.

[BeeR]

First Period will be Atheism 101. Here you will learn: 1) that there is no god, and 2), that since there is no god, there is no objective good nor evil, and that "right" and "wrong" can be defined by each society any way it wishes. You will then learn how our society will be defining them—the only correct definition. The study materials will include the writings of notable experts on the subject (like Karl Marx) along with a sprinkling of carefully filtered scientific facts. Here, we will also encourage your natural teenage antipathy towards your parents and families and provide you with a number of outlets to help supplant any remaining feelings of loyalty for your familial oppressors.

 

201 is even better. You learn about how all Christians are Fundamentalists just itching to beat your door down and twist your arm to their beliefs while hitting you over the head with a Bible. 301 is good too - all about Christianity in the Middle Ages and why that means you should hate Christians today.

[dmarc117]

2 words......

 

home school

[Ursa Majoris]

You are absolutely right, but I actually do know the guy that wrote it, and it wasn't an email.

The victimhood is strong in this one.........

[yo mama]

2 words......

 

home school

Screw that. I'm already paying for the public school system whether I use it or not.

[Square]

Screw that. I'm already paying for the public school system whether I use it or not.

I'm sending my kids to public school.... so they'll be proficient with small fire arms and hand to hand combat.

[detlef]

201 is even better. You learn about how all Christians are Fundamentalists just itching to beat your door down and twist your arm to their beliefs while hitting you over the head with a Bible. 301 is good too - all about Christianity in the Middle Ages and why that means you should hate Christians today.

So, which class taught you that 1) Christians had a monopoly on morality and that fearing your god was the only path to discerning right from wrong 2) That simply preferring that separation of church and state actually means separation of church and state is an attack on religion and 3) That the last time the Christian Church did anything wrong was during the middle ages?

 

Or did you just turn into a whining and delusional putz all on your own?

 

Sorry, gotta come back to this. I should be amazed, but I guess am not that you latched on to the particular circle jerk of stupidity that you quoted from Perch's post.

 

So, just so I have this straight: The issue with Atheism is that, because there is no god, everyone can decide for themselves what is right and wrong. In other words, through god, you learn that this is rather absolute and not subject to interpretation and that only those who follow god know the true definition of right and wrong.

 

Additionally, the issue with the liberal elite is that they feel their definition of right and wrong is the only way.

 

Then you make light of the fact that non-Christians feel that Christians are hell-bent on inflicting their belief system on them.

 

So, in other words, you're against cramming ideology down the throats of others unless 1) you're the one doing the cramming and 2) the crammies don't complain that it's happening.

 

So, which is it? Are you a hypocrite or simply incapable of following simple logic?

Edited September 11, 2010 by detlef

[Scooby's Hubby]

I'm sending my kids to public school.... so they'll be proficient with small fire arms and hand to hand combat.

same here, mine is even riding the bus and he is only in kindergarten, by the end of the day he will have seen it all.

[BeeR]

So, which is it? Are you a hypocrite or simply incapable of following simple logic?

You were looking in the mirror when you said that, I hope. Your mix of the pot/kettle thing and genenal stupidity is impressive regardless.

 

Anyway, hope you feel better now. Let us know when that bulging vein in your forehead has gone down, hopefully allowing a little blood flow to your alleged brain and perhaps allowing for the possibility (however small) of some rational thought/discussion. We'll hold our breath waiting.

 

Meanwhile enjoy continuing to twist my words, put others in my mouth, and generally acting like a ranting raving ass.

 

lol

[detlef]

You were looking in the mirror when you said that, I hope. Your mix of the pot/kettle thing and genenal stupidity is impressive regardless.

 

Anyway, hope you feel better now. Let us know when that bulging vein in your forehead has gone down, hopefully allowing a little blood flow to your alleged brain and perhaps allowing for the possibility (however small) of some rational thought/discussion. We'll hold our breath waiting.

 

Meanwhile enjoy continuing to twist my words, put others in my mouth, and generally acting like a ranting raving ass.

 

lol

Ha, I was almost hoping you'd come back with the "I know you are but what am I" response. Seriously, what words did I put in your mouth? Was it not safe to assume that you identified with the particular section you quoted? Especially considering that you ran with it and expanded upon the same paranoid sentiment?

 

So, let's start with what you quoted.

1) that there is no god, and 2), that since there is no god, there is no objective good nor evil, and that "right" and "wrong" can be defined by each society any way it wishes. You will then learn how our society will be defining them—the only correct definition.

Is that not a contradiction? Read it through. This person obviously has an issue with the fact that Atheists decide for themselves what is right and wrong rather than following the rather absolute definition provided by the church. And then he takes umbrage with the fact that they dare to imply that there's only one correct definition. So, he's against someone telling him what they can and can't do, but not against the church doing the exact same.

 

Then there's the tasty little morsels you added. That non-Christians unfairly feel that Christians are cramming their ideology down their throats. But you say this right after you quote a guy implying that the problem with Atheists is that they want to decide for themselves what is right and wrong as opposed to falling in line with what your church says.

 

As for me being a hypocrite. I don't give a flying cufk what you do or what you believe. Provided it doesn't break the laws of the land. Which means I do have an issue with Catholic priests sticking their dicks where they shouldn't and, frankly with the church protecting these men and acting like they don't have to answer to the law because they answer to a higher power. Well, then there's the pathetic paranoid crap that the Pope's personal preacher brought up about the holocaust... Oh, I could go on. But besides that, I'm not forcing my ideology on anyone. I make no secrets here about many things I find offensive but not to the extent that I want laws made to stop them. Sure, the knee-jerkers among us assume that I do and run with that assumption the second I mention my distaste with anything, but I make it rather clear that I simply think that this or that sucks ass. It's something I'm entitled to.

 

All I demand of yours or any church is that they don't feel they're above the law, that they leave me alone, and that they stop trying to enact legislature based on their holy book. That's it. That they recognize that some of us don't believe the same things you believe and that the world will not go to crap if you don't manage to convert us all. Again, go back and read the bit about Atheists letting each society decide what works for them and how that is such a bad thing. Surely this is not the first time you've seen this written. It absolutely implies that, only through the bible can you know what is right and that is totally and completely screwed up and insulting to boot. Despite the fact that I have not read your book, I've managed to figure out how to be a good person. But guys like the dude who wrote that and, seemingly you because it appears you agree with him, can't trust me in that regard because I don't go to church like you.

 

And again, make whatever restrictions you want on what people are allowed to do. IN YOUR CHURCH. If some gay couple wants to get married in your church and you guys say no, then I say tough poopy for that couple. It's your church, your rules and you can define that however you want. That's entirely your deal. But outside your church is outside your church. I'm prepared to live with you wanting to believe in your god, now you need to be prepared to let me not.

 

As for having to look back to the Middle Ages to find something the Christians have done wrong. Are you serious? Do you really want to go down that path?

[bushwacked]

The victimhood is strong in this one.........

 

Werd, the modern day right seemingly plays the victim card at almost any given opportunity. I suppose it develops some sort of comforting bond, "blaming the man" for every conceivable slight; participating with a group of like-minded socially conservative martyrs for the "way things outta be." Are they oblivious everyone else perceives this victimization tripe as hackneyed whiny sniveling?