cliaz Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money. After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office. The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, '$165,000'. The pr esident was curious and a sked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets. The president was surprised and asked, 'What kind of bets?' The elderly woman replied, 'Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square.' The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that. The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, 'Would you like to take my bet?' 'Certainly', replied the president. 'I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.' 'Done', the elderly woman answered. 'But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o' clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.' 'No problem', said the president of the Bank confidently. That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet. The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that t he president's testicles were square. The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly. The president was happy to oblige. The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. 'Of course', said the president. 'Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.' The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, 'Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that ar ound 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of Canada!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cliaz Posted February 12, 2007 Author Share Posted February 12, 2007 A Blonde Joke A guy on trial for murder decides to bribe a juror so he can escape the death penalty. He tells a blonde on the jury that he'll give her $10,000 if she pushes for manslaughter. She agrees. >> Days later the jury finds him guilty of manslaughter, and he's taken to jail. There he uses his one call to ring up the blonde juror. "Thanks so much for saving me." he gushes. >> "No problem. But it wasn't easy," the blonde replies. "Everyone else wanted to acquit you." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perchoutofwater Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 True story. My father just go back from a trip to Little Rock. He said he had never had the pleasure of seeing so many Bubbas in one place. He said he went to the Clinton Library, and that it looked like a big mobile home on stilts. Amazingly enough there was no mention of the blue dress, but for $3 you could buy a tape with Clinton giving you a tour the whole time trying to brainwash you into the liberal way of life. They went through a drive through on the way home. Dad's friend wanted a glass of iced tea. They only had sweet tea, and because he is a diabetic, he asked what it was sweetened with. After several ugh's the guy goes "I don't know, but it isn't artificial. Dad stopped off at an antique store so mom could spend more of my inheritance. When he did, his car wouldn't start. He called AAA. They send out 2 Bubbas an hour later. After about another 3 hours they finally determine the battery is faulty, even though Dad was telling them that the whole time. He finally called a taxi, went to a Walmart got a battery and changed it out himself, while Bubba and Bubba were sitting there scratching their collective head. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cre8tiff Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 politics have no place in the huddle, so spake DMD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spain Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were > in her room giving her a blanket bath. One of them was washing her > private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the > monitor when she touched her. They tried it again and sure enough > there was sizable movement. > They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, > "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick > and bring her out of the coma." The husband was skeptical, but they > assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy. The husband > finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes > the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses > run back into the room. "What happened!?" they cried. The husband > said, "I'm not sure....maybe she choked Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DemonKnight Posted February 12, 2007 Share Posted February 12, 2007 A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were > in her room giving her a blanket bath. One of them was washing her > private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the > monitor when she touched her. They tried it again and sure enough > there was sizable movement. > They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, > "As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick > and bring her out of the coma." The husband was skeptical, but they > assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy. The husband > finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes > the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses > run back into the room. "What happened!?" they cried. The husband > said, "I'm not sure....maybe she choked Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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