Yukon Cornelius Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 (edited) actually conversation of the week Yukon and one of the horde at target The Scene: A very rainy April morning inside a Target Corp. retail store. Dad pushes a shopping cart, inside of which rides 3 year-old Son. The cart is empty exept a camo backpack. dad and son are trying to leave the taget store... Son: Dad, I have to go to the bathroom. Dad: OK, great. Son: Then I can have gum from mommy's purse! Dad: [Laughs] Well, how 'bout gum from Daddy's pocket? Son: [Hesitates] Nooooooohh ... Dad: Well, it's either Daddy's gum or no gum at all. Son: OK. I have to poop. Dad: Well, then let's get going! Dad excitedly navigates to the cart corral at the store's entrance/exit and begins to unstrap Son. Son: [bouncing] I have to pooooop! Dad: [Lifting Son and reaching for the backpack] OK, let's go! A Target Security guard steps in front of Dad Security Guard: Excuse me sir. Dad: Yes , What is it? Son: [Looks at Guard] What's your name? I have to poop! Dad: [smiling] As you can see, I have things to do. Guard: I have to have a look in your bag. Dad: What? Why? Guard: To check for unpaid merchandise. Dad: Huh? But I didn't buy anything. Son: Dad! [shouts and tugs Dad's sleeve] I have to poop! Guard: Yes, I can see your cart is empty. Why is that? Dad: Umm. Well. You didn't have what I was looking for. Guard: [stares at Dad, blankly, smiles] Really. Dad: Yes, really. [Glances out at the pouring rain] Apparently April is a bad time of year to be shopping for a child's raincoat. Son: Dad! Dad: Well, all right. You can look through his bag, I just have to take care of this ... Guard: No, you have to stay here. Dad: Uh, pardon me? Son: Excuse me dad, I have to go! Dad: [Looking at Son] Thank you for saying 'excuse me.' Guard: You have to stay here Dad: [Raising his voice slightly] What?! Until we buy something? Guard: Anyone who comes in and leaves without making a purchase is subject to being searched. Dad: Fine! Look in the bag. It has all sorts of interesting things like little boy's socks, Spiderman underwear, jeans, a soggy sandwich Son: Excuse me, Dad! I didn't ... poop. [The stench of moist, freshly rendered feces quickly collapses the space and time separating Dad and Guard. Dad winces, Guard gasps and chokes.] Son: [Rocks, cries, kicks] I can't poop in my underwear! Not on Nemo! Dad: [sighs] It's OK, it's OK. You tried to tell me. [Dad snatches Son's bag from Guard and stomps toward the bathroom.] Son: [Chirps] Then I can have gum now! Guard: [shouts] I thought you said you didn't poop Edited April 5, 2006 by Yukon Cornelius Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Codwagon Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I don't live up North. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hat Trick Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 I would have smeared the shiatty underwear all over the wall and wrote the Security guard said he hates all of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twiley Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 You should have given the messy drawers to the guard on your way out and let him search that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big John Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 This is from an e-mail. And you deleted the OIA punctuation marks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Cherni Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I don't live up North. 1405136[/snapback] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiefjay Posted April 5, 2006 Share Posted April 5, 2006 This is from an e-mail. And you deleted the OIA punctuation marks. 1405151[/snapback] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yukon Cornelius Posted April 6, 2006 Author Share Posted April 6, 2006 (edited) This is from an e-mail. And you deleted the OIA punctuation marks. 1405151[/snapback] yup my email , my budies and i do a weekly COW... the conversation needs to be with and or about the kids Edited April 6, 2006 by Yukon Cornelius Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Holy Roller Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 Speaking of COW and poop: Birdy, birdy in the sky, You put whitewash in my eye. But don't you worry, I won't cry, I'm just glad that cows can't fly. (With apologizes to Ogden Nash). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikesVikes Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 One time I was walking into Target and a mouse followed us through the door. I knew exactly where he was from all the screams from the ladies in the store. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikesVikes Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 Yukon, I'm disappointed in you. I thought you were going to mention that you are the champion cow chip tosser of the world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yukon Cornelius Posted April 6, 2006 Author Share Posted April 6, 2006 Yukon, I'm disappointed in you. I thought you were going to mention that you are the champion cow chip tosser of the world. 1406408[/snapback] I don't touch cow chips but bison ships and can wing a country mile Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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