When you're David Banner...

[Chavez]

Why the Hulk...um, hulks out.

 

 

INCREDIBLE HULK PROVOCATIONS

or "Ways to make David Banner angry"

 

1. Problems with flat tire

 

5. Being hit over the head repeatedly with a metal object

 

8. Being mauled by a bear

 

9. Being bit by a dog

 

10. Being placed in a car compactor

 

11. Being punched out and thrown down a flight of stairs

 

12. Being punched out and thrown over a balcony

 

13. Being punched out, period

 

16. Being hit with a blast of steam in the face while trying to turn off the nuclear

reactor that is melting down

 

18. Dropping a C02 cannister on his foot after being insulted

 

19. Being pushed down a mountainside by a bigfoot impersonator

 

20. Dealing with a pesky operator in a phone booth ("I DON'T HAVE TWENTY-FIVE

CENTS!!!")

 

22. Having a burning 2x4 fall on his head while trying to get the horse out of the

burning barn

 

23. Being trampled by a crowd AND having the hot coffee spilled on his hand

while trying to get to the sniper

 

24. Being tied up and fed soup by an elderly Japanese woman who doesn't

understand words like "You've GOT to cut me loose!"

 

25. Grabbing the pipe that is below freezing temperature

 

28. Being placed in a dumpster by the two garbagemen who think he's a thief,

and who don't believe him when he says "Hey! There are rats in here!", and then

being bitten by the rats to add injury to insult

 

29. Having two mean football players snap wet towels at him and shove him into

the steam room which they have turned on to full blast

 

32. Getting his jacket caught in the printwheels at the newspaper printing room,

and then inexplicably sticking his hand into the rollers

 

34. Handcuffed to a woman who is falling over the cliff

 

35. Having a large wooden beam fall on him, and then having a heavy boulder fall

on the beam

 

36. Somehow running into a bear trap

 

37. Beaten up and placed on a car going through a car wash, and then being

dragged under the car

 

38. Placed in a small room with a ravenous black panther

 

39. Somehow locking himself in an old, dark basement, and then nearly

electrocuting himself (really has to be seen to be believed)

 

40. Falling into the churning water of a boathouse, and then inexplicably being

repeatedly carried over the paddlewheel (this one is stranger than 39)

 

41. Being trapped in the middle of a forest fire

 

43. Attempting to turn off the boiling hot water for the waxmaker, only to have

the faucet break off in his hand and scald him, and then inexplicably slipping and

rolling around in same boiling hot water

 

44. Kicking over a beehive and then being surprised when the bees are mad at

him

 

46. Having his friend tell the New York "syndicate" that David has their money,

so that their enforcers chase David back to his apartment, and then having all his

neighbors close their doors on him rather than listen to him saying "Please!

You've GOT to let me in!!!", and then being beaten up and thrown over the

balcony into the smelly trash cans by same enforcers

 

47. Being stuck in a cab in New York rush hour traffic - "You don't understand, I

have to be there by 4:00!" - "Hey, mac, it's rush hour, we ain't gettin' there til five,

so relax." - "BUT I HAVE TO BE THERE BY FOUR!!!"

 

48. Helping Ray Walston out with a magic trick by allowing himself to be chained

up and put in a tank of water, only to find that drunk Ray has forgotten to leave

the escape key inside the tank

 

50. Receiving a speeding ticket

 

51. Having Thor the Thunder God push him around

 

52. Locked in a drunk tank with a crazy person who insists he is Ernest

Hemingway and then beats the stuffing out of David

 

57. Being pushed out of a plane at 30,000 feet by a mean guy who yells “You’re

gonna land a lot sooner than the rest of us!”

 

58. Being forced to land a 747 without any training or instructions or help, at the

risk of his, the Hulk's, and everybody else on the plane's lives

 

60. Being stuck in the police department's voice mail system when he knows his

friend is about to be the next lobotomy subject, only to have the police finally

pick up the phone after he's turning into the Hulk

 

61. Being stuck in a cabin that the police are turning into swiss cheese with their

shotguns, even though he and the pregnant woman have no guns and have

waved the white flag, only to have the police bullets start a fire in the cabin, etc.,

etc.

 

63. Being grazed in the face by a bullet while running after the bus carrying his

friend's hysterical mother, and then running into the messy, overturned garbage

cans

 

64. Being rear-ended fifteen times in a row by a mean bully with a bigger car than

his

 

68. Being placed in a cage with an angry gorilla

 

71. Wandering into an Army dump to get the deadly canister of army nerve gas

that has blinded his friend, only to be caught by a mean MP who knocks his gas

mask off and throws him back down the hill, knocking the canister open so that

David can frantically try to put his mask back on before looking up to see that the

MP has somehow brought in a crane and is dumping two tons of garbage on him

(this is an unusually bizarre situation)

 

75. Beaten up by all the other prisoners in the work camp, in the middle of the

night while he is trying to sleep, when he emphatically told them not to beat him

up that particular night

 

76. Falling in a pitfall set by the crazed man who is hunting David on his private

island, and then being stung by the scorpion when trying to climb out

 

77. Being horsewhipped by same crazed man who is understandably upset that

David will not accomodate his polite requests to "turn back into that thing"

 

78. Being thrown under a New Orleans Mardi Gras parade float by a mean guy in

a gorilla suit who gives David a few kicks for good measure

 

79. Making the High Priest of the Baba Yaga voodoo cult so angry with him by

challenging a perfectly normal ritual sacrifice that several of the Priest's minions

are obliged to beat the stuffing out of David and throw a cloak over his head

 

80. Accidentally getting stuck in the department store that is being robbed, and

then having one of the thieves lock him in the bottom of an elevator shaft,

underneath a creaky old elevator that is showering sparks, and slipping off of its

cables, yelling "Hey! You've got to get me out of here! It's slipping!", only to

have the 5-ton elevator suddenly fall on him (this one gets points for originality)

 

85. Wandering around in the service ducts of a hotel (akin to Bruce Willis) only to

accidentally yank several of the steam pipes loose and get a full blast of hot

steam

 

86. Beaten up and thrown in a closet, and while thrashing around and trying to

get out, sticking his hand in a box of broken glassware

 

89. Being trapped by McGee in a back room, and when he tries to run away,

bashing his knee, crashing into a backboard, and doing generally clutzy things

culminating with falling down the stairs and crashing into a giant flower pot

 

90. Being hit by a car and knocked twenty feet so that he tumbles down a

conveniently open manhole

 

92. Being trapped in the middle of a forest fire so that burning branches keep

falling on him and setting him on fire, and a giant, burning tree falls directly on

him as the last straw (Different from last forest fire predicament)

 

94. Foolishly trying to open the door to the shed of airplane propellant that is on

fire, and then being caught in the explosion

 

95. Falling out of a plane without a parachute, then being given a parachute

(which causes the person who pushed him to be told "That guy has nine lives",

to which the mean person responds by pulling out a rifle and saying "Yeah, but I

got ten rounds"), and then having the straps to his parachute shot off when he is

still 30 feet above an empty house so that he falls through the roof and hurts

himself

 

98. Crawling through the sensitive, highly dangerous electrical service tunnel

for no apparent reason, only to accidentally kick several of the electrical cables

loose and flailing around near the hot water pipes so that he can be practically

electricuted and fried at the same time

 

101. Punched out and thrown in the cactus bed so that David can thrash around

on the cactus, even though he has plenty of avenues of escape

 

102. Coming to the aid of the gumshoe in the garage who is being beaten up for

not minding HIS own business, and getting beaten up himself, kicked under a low

riding sportscar that has been jacked up for repairs, and whose jack is removed

so that the car can fall on David. Gumshoe's reaction, in voiceover narration: "It

was a big green thing, and it definitely wasn't happy about something."

 

103. Being caught at the old studio backlot with same gumshoe, by same nasty

bad guys, and trying to run away so as not to get angry with them, only to have

them pull a heavy old scene facade down on top of him. Gumshoe's reaction: "It

was that green thing again, and it still wasn't happy."

 

107. Tied up by the Japanese mob in San Francisco and thrown in his bathtub

with the shower blasting scalding hot water on him (why he doesn't simply get

out of the tub is a mystery)

 

108. Having several clay pots broken over his head in the middle of the now-

burning room (why is the room always burning?), and then knocking an entire

case of same clay pots onto same head, and then, while lying very still and

struggling not to get angry, having his pants catch fire

 

 

112. While paralyzed for the episode, somehow getting caught in the middle of a

barroom brawl, and while trying to quietly wheel himself out of the room, being

hit by a flying body and knocked down the stairs (what David is even doing in

such a situation goes unexplained)

 

115. Trying to help his friend for the episode, the midget wrestler known as "Half

Nelson", by climbing into the ring for him, only to be clobbered by a large, beefy

wrestler who practices numerous combination moves on David, in spite of David

(and Jack McGee)'s numerous cries of "Stop! You don't know what you're doing!

You're making me ANGRY!"

 

116. Somehow being caught under a rockslide, and then foolishly exposing one

of his hands on the mountainside so that a big, heavy rock smashes it

[Skilly]

 

sad walking-away music playing in background.

[Puddy]

1. Problems with flat tire

 

Completely understandable and deserving of the number one spot.

[Big John]

19. Being pushed down a mountainside by a bigfoot impersonator.[/url]

 

and

 

15. Having a row of computers fall on him

Edited February 17, 2008 by Big John

[whomper]

 

sad walking-away music playing in background.

 

 

Thats great