Children Living in Same Room

[The Wolf]

The title is horribly worded, and I apologize for that. however, I am in need of your opinions here.

 

My wife and I are looking to buy a home. Considering that we want her home as a stay-at-home mother for our kids, the responsibility for our financial obligations falls on me. I am fine with it; that's how I want it.

 

We want to have another child but cannot do so where we reside (rental, 4th floor, no elevator), so we have to make a purchase to do this. Time is a factor here; I am 39 and my wife is 36. We cannot wait a few years to have another one, nor do we want to.

 

I cannot afford to support a 3-bedroom home, or a 3-bedroom co-op/condo. The cost (we live in the NY Metro area) is far too prohibitive for us to make the leap and hope I can handle it. I can afford a beautiful 2 bedroom co-op on Long Island, well manicured, brand new kitchen and bathroom...it's a great place at a very affordable price. Both bedrooms are very large, so space is not a concern.

 

Here's our dilemna...if we buy this place, our daughter (now 2 1/2) will eventually share a room with a newborn (if we are fortunate enough to conceive again)...my wife is set against it, and, although I am not a huge fan of it either (what if we have a boy? Is it fair to my toddler to have a newborn in the same room with her?), it beats staying where we are, continuing to pay rent, and not having another child or making this move and still not having another child.

 

Thoughts?

[wiegie]

My brother and I shared a room the whole time we were growing up and we turned out fine. (Of course we were less than a year apart.)

[fingfootball]

I have two boys that share a tiny bedroom, and with bunk beds they do just fine. But I could see where a girl/boy situation could cause a problem in a few years though.

[H8tank]

If I were you, I would move south.

[geeteebee]

While they are young I don't see any issue with it and the only issue I see with it as they grow up is if you have a son.

[chiefjay]

Go for it.

[The Wolf]

EDIT: maybe keep the newborn in your room for 6-12 months?

 

No doubt, the newborn would stay with us for at least 3 months; my daughter was in with us for 3 months before we moved her to the nursery, so a second child would be with us for at least 3 months.

 

Just thinking out loud here, suppose we had twins this time around? That would present a really bad situation for the living arrangements. The more I think about it, the more I agree with my wife; it's just too much of a gamble to take and there are too many unknown variables.

[wiegie]

I have two boys that share a tiny bedroom, and with bunk beds they do just fine. But I could see where a girl/boy situation could cause a problem in a few years though.

Our two young boys (3 and 1.5) also share a small bedroom and it is ok. I agree about the boy/girl thing though.

 

Why is your wife dead-set against it?

[MrTed46]

It won't cause a problem until they get older. When I was little I used to share a room with my sister then my parents bought a home and I got my own room. I was about 9 when I had my own room.

 

I wouldnt let that hold you back.

 

I actually have a 2 friends who live in NYC who share a room and they are brother and sister (the female is 26 and male is 24). They have so their entire lives and they are fine with it.

[The Wolf]

Why is your wife dead-set against it?

 

It's mainly because of the difference in age, different schedules, etc. She feels (as to I to an extent) that a newborn in with a say 3 1/2 to 4 year old (which is how old my daughter would be by then), would not be fair to the older child. She also has some issues with a buy and a girl in the same room.

 

i do see her points, and I respect them, but we're at a crossroads here and we're talking about major decisions that are affected (do we buy something and not have another child, do we remain paying rent and only have one child, or do we try this plan?)

[yo mama]

Of course, as soon as you embrace the idea of your new addition to the family sharing a room with your existing kid, that's when you'll have twins.

 

For the record, my boy/girl twins (now 4-1/2) share a room by choice. But twins share a unique bond, so my situation may not be particularly helpful for you. But I don't see any reason why sharing a room is a bad thing. I can't even envision it mattering until the oldest hits the "tween" years, if at all.

Edited December 2, 2008 by yo mama

[Double Agent]

My philosophy: do what you gotta do now...worry about the other stuff down the road.

[Azazello1313]

My philosophy: do what you gotta do now...worry about the other stuff down the road.

 

pretty much agree with this. I mean, if you guys conceive 6 months from now, you've got almost 2 years before this becomes an issue at all....and after that, I would say you have a couple more years before the older girl is to the point where the boy/girl stuff is an issue and it's maybe a little unfair to ask her to share a room. so even if the 2 BR setup might not work for you guys in 5 years, it sounds like you can probably make it work alright for the next 3 years or so minimum. to me that sounds like a better idea than straining yourselves financially to get into a 3 BR place that you may or may not even end up needing.

[The Wolf]

My philosophy: do what you gotta do now...worry about the other stuff down the road.

 

That's a great piece of advice DA...the one thing that my wife and I cannot control now is time...it keeps on marching forward. The longer we take to decide, the more time we lose...

[The Wolf]

pretty much agree with this. I mean, if you guys conceive 6 months from now, you've got almost 2 years before this becomes an issue at all....and after that, I would say you have a couple more years before the older girl is to the point where the boy/girl stuff is an issue and it's maybe a little unfair to ask her to share a room. so even if the 2 BR setup might not work for you guys in 5 years, it sounds like you can probably make it work alright for the next 3 years or so minimum. to me that sounds like a better idea than straining yourselves financially to get into a 3 BR place that you may or may not even end up needing.

 

Thanks, AZ...great info there.

[Savage Beatings]

It'll be fine. There are many families that share rooms. Not at all unfair to your 2-1/2 year old. That's just part of being a family for a many many people.

[montster]

The title is horribly worded, and I apologize for that. however, I am in need of your opinions here.

 

My wife and I are looking to buy a home. Considering that we want her home as a stay-at-home mother for our kids, the responsibility for our financial obligations falls on me. I am fine with it; that's how I want it.

 

We want to have another child but cannot do so where we reside (rental, 4th floor, no elevator), so we have to make a purchase to do this. Time is a factor here; I am 39 and my wife is 36. We cannot wait a few years to have another one, nor do we want to.

 

I cannot afford to support a 3-bedroom home, or a 3-bedroom co-op/condo. The cost (we live in the NY Metro area) is far too prohibitive for us to make the leap and hope I can handle it. I can afford a beautiful 2 bedroom co-op on Long Island, well manicured, brand new kitchen and bathroom...it's a great place at a very affordable price. Both bedrooms are very large, so space is not a concern.

 

Here's our dilemna...if we buy this place, our daughter (now 2 1/2) will eventually share a room with a newborn (if we are fortunate enough to conceive again)...my wife is set against it, and, although I am not a huge fan of it either (what if we have a boy? Is it fair to my toddler to have a newborn in the same room with her?), it beats staying where we are, continuing to pay rent, and not having another child or making this move and still not having another child.

 

Thoughts?

 

just curious, where on long island?

 

i agree with what others stated. you could remedy the regret of a smaller house easier than you could the regret of not having another child.

[Jimmy Neutron]

I think young kids typically do pretty well together - same gender or mixed.

[SuperCharger]

Check your state laws regarding siblings of the opposite sex sharing bedrooms. I believe it becomes illegal at a certain age in some states.

[yo mama]

Check your state laws regarding siblings of the opposite sex sharing bedrooms. I believe it becomes illegal at a certain age in some states.

And mandatory in others.

[westvirginia]

My philosophy: do what you gotta do now...worry about the other stuff down the road.

 

+1 - have the child.

 

pretty much agree with this. I mean, if you guys conceive 6 months from now, you've got almost 2 years before this becomes an issue at all....and after that, I would say you have a couple more years before the older girl is to the point where the boy/girl stuff is an issue and it's maybe a little unfair to ask her to share a room. so even if the 2 BR setup might not work for you guys in 5 years, it sounds like you can probably make it work alright for the next 3 years or so minimum. to me that sounds like a better idea than straining yourselves financially to get into a 3 BR place that you may or may not even end up needing.

 

Good advice here.

 

i agree with what others stated. you could remedy the regret of a smaller house easier than you could the regret of not having another child.

 

+1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000

 

I think young kids typically do pretty well together - same gender or mixed.

 

 

This is what we've found. Both of mine are girls, and we've found that getting them outside to play is a sure fire way to eliminate "cabin fever" or "getting on each others nerves" type things. (they're 8 and 6, btw).

 

I think as a rule, we coddle and worry too much about kids today.

[westvirginia]

Check your state laws regarding siblings of the opposite sex sharing bedrooms. I believe it becomes illegal at a certain age in some states.

 

 

Seriously? Did not know that...

[AtomicCEO]

So, my two kids are 3 and 5 months, and they share a room without problems.

 

The baby slept in our room in a bassinet until he was sleeping for 5 hour stretches. Now both kids go to bed at 7:30. The little one wakes up around 2am for a bottle, and my wife gets him. The 3 year old doesn't usually wake up, or goes right back to sleep and doesn't remember it in the morning. Then they both sleep until 6:30 or so.

 

We have friends with kids that have their own bedrooms, and they begged to share a room... so I'm not worried about it until they are much older.

[pig devilz]

Wolf, no disrespect but, if my parents hesitated and thought the way you are, I probably

would not have been born.

I never had my own room growing up. Shared a double bed with a brother 1 1/2 yrs older and another

brother had a single bed in the same room.....then, there was a divider in the room, and on the other side

of the divider, about 4ft high, a sister had her 'room' and bed. So there were 4 of us, the youngest 4, all in one

large room. Older siblings got their own rooms.

 

Family of 8 kids, we all now have our own families and a bunch more kids. Total family at last count

is 65, I think. lol

 

Go for it man! It's sounds like thats what your heart wants to do. If you don't, you may regret it later.

 

If you want a larger family, then put that first and trust that you and your wife will provide for them

as need be.

 

Edit....had to add this. Some of my best childhood memories are from that room...the laughing to tears

as we all laid awake in the dark, making fart noises, tellin jokes, piss'n off my dad/mom so they had to yell

up the steps, throw'n chit at each other in the dark....lol and on and on........

Edited December 3, 2008 by pig devilz

[kpholmes]

My brother and I shared a room until I was 13 and he was 10. We had our moments where we would rough house and thrash the place, but ultimately I think it contributed to us being so close now.

 

We had a family friend who went through a pretty rough divorce and ended up with a small two bedroom house. She has a girl and a boy that are about 3-4 years apart. They ended up sharing the room until the daughter was entering her sophomore year of high school, and by then they'd saved enough money to move into a bigger house.

I spent a lot of time over there, and while there were squabbles here and there over sharing space and such, it was never a monumental issue. It got easier as the daughter got older too; when she was 10-12 or so, she was mature enough for her mom to explain financial hardships to her. After that she felt bad about arguing over it in the past, and kind of embraced it as "doing her part" to help the family.

 

Keep in mind, there's only a 50% chance you'll even be faced with this situation. If it turns out to be a girl, I don't think it's even worth discussing - kids share rooms all the time growing up.

 

Put it this way... would your daughter rather grow up having a brother/sister, or her own room?

 

While I'm not quite at a point in my life where I'm considering having kids, I think I would much rather regret having to put two kids in the same room, then not having a second kid.

 

Good luck.