theeohiostate Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 (edited) Looking for some advice for those that may have done so. Did it create more problems then it resolved? I thought educating kids would be enough , but it appears I may have been wrong. I have a very good feeling that our 2 teenagers may being puffing the dragon and thought about this. Help. Edited November 26, 2007 by theeohiostate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
detlef Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 (edited) I can think of few things that would cause your kids to hate you any more than randomly drug testing them. Not sure exactly what you mean by "puffing the dragon". If that actually means they are smoking opiates, then yes, you have a major problem on your hands. If you are talking about Josh Gordon (though I never heard that phrase used to describe smoking pot in the 15 or so years I spent smoking very, very frequently), then you are certainly going to do more harm than your kids could do get high from time to time. If you are teaching them right from wrong, they'll be able to keep it in perspective enough to get along and keep their heads straight despite the occasional joint. If you're not, then it doesn't matter anyway. Don't be the nazi dude in American Beauty. Actually, are you making a Peter, Paul, and Mary reference? Wow. Edited November 26, 2007 by detlef Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theeohiostate Posted November 26, 2007 Author Share Posted November 26, 2007 (edited) I can think of few things that would cause your kids to hate you any more than randomly drug testing them. Not sure exactly what you mean by "puffing the dragon". If that actually means they are smoking opiates, then yes, you have a major problem on your hands. If you are talking about Josh Gordon (though I never heard that phrase used to describe smoking pot in the 15 or so years I spent smoking very, very frequently), then you are certainly going to do more harm than your kids could do get high from time to time. If you are teaching them right from wrong, they'll be able to keep it in perspective enough to get along and keep their heads straight despite the occasional joint. If you're not, then it doesn't matter anyway. Don't be the nazi dude in American Beauty. Actually, are you making a Peter, Paul, and Mary reference? Wow. I meant smoking Josh Gordon of course. Puffing the Dragon is a term we used 15-20 years ago, may not have been universal, but that's what we called it. I don't know if it's a good idea not to confirm this . Should one act on suspicions alone or get confirmation. Obviously we think it's happening or I wouldn't even contemplate this. So, with a looming threat of disclosure and punishment overhanging their heads, you don't they it could help reverse the cycle ? Edited November 26, 2007 by theeohiostate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrTed46 Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 I meant smoking Josh Gordon of course. Puffing the Dragon is a term we used 15-20 years ago, may not have been universal, but that's what we called it. I don't know if it's a good idea not to confirm this . Should one act on suspicions alone or get confirmation. Obviously we think it's happening or I wouldn't even contemplate this. So, with a looming threat of disclosure and punishment overhanging their heads, you don't they it could help reverse the cycle ? How old are your kids? If your testing a 16 to 18 year old be prepared for hell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theeohiostate Posted November 26, 2007 Author Share Posted November 26, 2007 How old are your kids? If your testing a 16 to 18 year old be prepared for hell. 15 and 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 I don't know the right answer but I preach to my two older children all the time about the fact that a drug test for work is going to be a normal thing in this world if you want to work anywhere worth working. The cool thing is that we know a kid that did not get hired for a construction labor job because he could not pee clean. My 17 year old said that "all he did was smoke pot" and now she understands that even a little pot is in the system and can and will block you from a job. If I was going to pee test my kids I would lie about the reason. I would tell them that they had to have it done for medical insurance reasons or something like that. It is a very slipery slope and I will checking the opinions of the huddle here right along with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theeohiostate Posted November 26, 2007 Author Share Posted November 26, 2007 If I was going to pee test my kids I would lie about the reason. I would tell them that they had to have it done for medical insurance reasons or something like that. I had also been thinking of a way to "lie" about the reasonings. I was thinking of saying , we wanted to make sure they weren't driving or riding in vehicles with friends that smoke Josh Gordon. We would point out that 2nd hand smoke can be detected in the test, so that way we weren't directly accusing them of smoking , rather double checking to make sure they were being responsible with their friends and driving and such. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrTed46 Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 15 and 16 Thats tough my friend. It's all up in the air how they are going to react. I dont wanna give advise as this is touchy ground but what I THINK I would do IF I WERE GOING to test them is if it does come back that they smoked I wouldnt get mad. I would tell them this is bad and give the whole speech and tell them this is just a warning. If it comes back a second time strict punishment will follow (stricter than what you would originally thought). This way you respect them enough to allow them to stop and make their own deicision. But again I dont know dude Wish I could be more help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theeohiostate Posted November 26, 2007 Author Share Posted November 26, 2007 (edited) Thats tough my friend. It's all up in the air how they are going to react. I dont wanna give advise as this is touchy ground but what I THINK I would do IF I WERE GOING to test them is if it does come back that they smoked I wouldnt get mad. I would tell them this is bad and give the whole speech and tell them this is just a warning. If it comes back a second time strict punishment will follow (stricter than what you would originally thought). This way you respect them enough to allow them to stop and make their own deicision. But again I dont know dude Wish I could be more help. That seems reasonable enough to me. I think one might test their child to confirm the use, but not act, just educate and give a firm warning. Wait a month or so then do it again, hoping that helps. Edited November 26, 2007 by theeohiostate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrTed46 Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 That seems reasonable enough to me. I think one might test their child to confirm the use, but not act, just educate and give a firm warning. Wait a month or so then do it again, hoping that helps. Not getting angry with them might be the best route and they might feel like your treating them with respect and as an adult. But also be clear that you wont be so understanding the 2nd time around. All kids are curious and such. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godtomsatan Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 Lying to your kids to try and catch them in a lie? Sounds to me like you're opening up another can of worms. What's wrong with having an honest discussion about the issue? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 That seems reasonable enough to me. I think one might test their child to confirm the use, but not act, just educate and give a firm warning. Wait a month or so then do it again, hoping that helps. Not to suggest that you didn't do it but education should be given all the time and often, IMO. I speak pretty openly about what I know about drugs, alcohol, and sex with the kids. I don't want them to find out things the hard way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trojanmojo Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 So I gather you've had the whole Josh Gordon=bad talk? Are they having problems in school with not showing up to class and/or getting bad grades? Are they disciplinary problems? A little back story would maybe help. Not a big fan of drug testing kids that age but can't say for sure without some frame of ref. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Cid Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 (edited) I can't think of any way to ruin your kids' trust in you than to give them a drug test. You will be doing way more harm than good. It sounds like you're already leaning in that direction though and I'm really sorry to hear that. I don't have kids so you may factor that into what I'm saying, but a real heart to heart with them with NO ACUSATIONS and NO RECRIMINATIONS may be the best course of action. Getting them to be open and honest with you won't happen if they know they'll get punished for what they say. Getting your kids to take a look at the reasons behind why they're smoking pot could help them in deciding to not do it going forward. The surest way of keeping them smoking is to get all judgemental and in their business about this. I know that it part of the parent's job to do this, but the problem is that it already didn't work. Continuing down that road can only make things worse, not better. TOS, I really hope things work out for you here. I can only imagine how tough this is going to be for you. Edited November 26, 2007 by Kid Cid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ill Nuts Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 Just wondering.........have you given them the "getting high every so often at a party is a world different than getting high all day every day" speech? Stress the fact that only long haired, smelly people that listen to awful awful bands like SCI and Moe get high all day every day. Do you want to be the type of person that listens to some god-awful 20 minute guitar solo? That got boring 15 minutes ago? IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 A lot of good points about the trust issues. I know that I talk to my kids about driving drunk all the time. I remind them that even one drink is too many when it comes to driving a car. I then follow that up with a call home to pick you up will never ever have any sort of repercussions. There will be no speech other than a "I am proud that you did the right thing" and I tell them all the time that I trust them to be honest and be aware of the situations that they put themselves into. I can't even begin to tell you the talks that I have with my 17 year old daughter about sex and boys but lets just say that I am very truthful. So much so that she tells my wife about our talks and then they often talk even more about it. Not talking is terrible. Shutting them down and causing a lose of trust sucks but it happens to even very good parents. Be very careful and think long and hard about what you do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perchoutofwater Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 They are your kids, and you know them better than we do, and how they will react if tested. I wouldn't have any problems testing my kids, but that is just me. The way I look at it, they are living under my roof, they are driving my cars, and effect my insurance, so I have a right to know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGrunt Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 15 and 16 I'd try talking to your kids about first, because going straight to testing them might provide an impression that you don't trust them. That would be very bad. I was about 15 or so when I first tried pot, and when my parents had a gut feeling that I was doing so they didn't resort to random drug tests. Instead, they straight up asked me about it and reminded me of the direction I'd be going in if I were to consider continuing using Josh Gordon. So... get to know your kids friends' parents and form your opinion from there. Try being supportive in your kids decisions, but let them know where you stand with certain social activities that kids can get into. If your kids continue to hang out with a crowd that you don't like, then don't be afraid to tell them "no" when they ask you to spend the night at this friends house -- especially if after calling their friends' parents you suspect they are not helping the situation. Bottom line: don't distrust your kids, it'll pay off in the long run. And don't be the over-protective parent that drug tests their kid because it might only cause other trust issues down the road. Just stay informed with what your kids are doing outside of school, and make sure you support them in area's that promote positive influences. Remember, you are on your kids side, and continuing to talk to them about good morals/values in life are you best option. Now might be a good time to ask them about alcohol too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theeohiostate Posted November 26, 2007 Author Share Posted November 26, 2007 Lying to your kids to try and catch them in a lie? Sounds to me like you're opening up another can of worms. What's wrong with having an honest discussion about the issue? Your assuming they'll come clean, which we've already tried. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theeohiostate Posted November 26, 2007 Author Share Posted November 26, 2007 So I gather you've had the whole Josh Gordon=bad talk? Are they having problems in school with not showing up to class and/or getting bad grades? Are they disciplinary problems? A little back story would maybe help. Not a big fan of drug testing kids that age but can't say for sure without some frame of ref. My wife found a bag of Josh Gordon by our mailbox this morning , they denied it was theirs and didn't accuse any of their friends either........so....................... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godtomsatan Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 My wife found a bag of Josh Gordon by our mailbox this morning , they denied it was theirs and didn't accuse any of their friends either........so....................... Sounds like you and the wife have a relaxing weekend ahead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perchoutofwater Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 My wife found a bag of Josh Gordon by our mailbox this morning , they denied it was theirs and didn't accuse any of their friends either........so....................... Is it quality stuff, or ditch Josh Gordon? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theeohiostate Posted November 26, 2007 Author Share Posted November 26, 2007 They are your kids, and you know them better than we do, and how they will react if tested. I wouldn't have any problems testing my kids, but that is just me. The way I look at it, they are living under my roof, they are driving my cars, and effect my insurance, so I have a right to know. Your a hardliner like myself, but my wife wants to be more diplomatic. Good points from everyone. I have talk extensively with them about sex, drugs etc. The problem is, with most kids, it goes in one ear and out the other, they have no idea I use to be young . As far as the trust issue, I need to be able to trust them, regardless of their feelings towards me, this is their life I'm responsible for and I don't think most kids have a clue about their future or what effects they can have on it now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theeohiostate Posted November 26, 2007 Author Share Posted November 26, 2007 Is it quality stuff, or ditch Josh Gordon? It's chit ! Not the good stuff we were growing years ago.............and before I'm asked. YES, I threw it away, so I won't be mailing it out for a sample testing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
godtomsatan Posted November 26, 2007 Share Posted November 26, 2007 Good points from everyone. I have talk extensively with them about sex, drugs etc. The problem is, with most kids, it goes in one ear and out the other, they have no idea I use to be young . As far as the trust issue, I need to be able to trust them, regardless of their feelings towards me, this is their life I'm responsible for and I don't think most kids have a clue about their future or what effects they can have on it now. Were you as stupid as your parents thought you were as a teenager? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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