cliaz Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Rules of the South Rules of the South are as follows: 1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot. 2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked. 3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way. 4. They are cattle. That's why they smell to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it.. Don't like it? I-40 goes east and west, I-65 goes north and south. Pick one. 5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year. 6. So every person in the south waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept. 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time. 8. Yeah, we eat catfish &; crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop. 9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November. 10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age. 11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey. 12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! 13. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair. 14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch. 15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish. 16. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities, Universities, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come home for the holidays. 17. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best. 18. The south is the greatest!! If you are from the south you are part of some the best people in the USA!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big John Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Adapted from Texas rules Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cliaz Posted January 5, 2011 Author Share Posted January 5, 2011 Adapted from Texas rules Well, poo Sorry for the failed attempt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeeR Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 The South: it's not the heat, it's the stupidity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Double Agent Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Well, poo Sorry for the failed attempt Still a good read. And that is Texas in a nutshell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeeR Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Except for the deer part. That's PA, not TX. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Sacrebleu Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 RULES FOR ENTERING THE NORTH 1. Meh We don't have a massive chip on our shoulder mixed with a defiant inferiority complex tinged with phony nostalgia. Come on over. Do your thing. Whatever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimC Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 We simply wanted to leave. I would never visit anyone's house in the North. Everything is great until you want to head back home and they rape yer livestock and pillage yer wife. Disgusting people. Why can't New York and Boston just kill each other already? At least we'd have real baseball again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
detlef Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 RULES FOR ENTERING THE NORTH1. Meh We don't have a massive chip on our shoulder mixed with a defiant inferiority complex tinged with phony nostalgia. Come on over. Do your thing. Whatever. Well played. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FWmaker Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Question - how many Southerners can actually read Cliaz's post? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perchoutofwater Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Question - how many Southerners can actually read Cliaz's post? I can read it from 500 yards away through the Leupold on my x-bolt. I can give some new age northern aggressor a 3rd eye from 600 yard away, and that is on a bad day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FWmaker Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 (edited) I can read it from 500 yards away through the Leupold on my x-bolt. I can give some new age northern aggressor a 3rd eye from 600 yard away, and that is on a bad day. I think I'd better stay indoors and away from windows for a bit. Funny, I'm pro-gun and my wife is so anti-gun it's sickening (guess she's entitled to her opinion). Maybe she shouldn't get close (or w/in 600 yds on a bad day) to Perch. edited 'cause I can't type Edited January 6, 2011 by FWmaker Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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