Furd Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Just impossible for me to give marriage advice to anyone ever...or answer questions about marriage. Same here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bpwallace49 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 (edited) And this is why I don't usually join in on these type of discussions. I never, ever, willingly sought reassurance from anyone other than my wife. Had no problem showing self-doubt to her either. She was the same with me. Talking about those topics with her was refreshing and always productive. It appears that there are few here that enjoy that kind of relationship with their wife...and that is alien to me. I couldn't imagine a life with someone that not only didn't have my back, but to whom I couldn't talk openly with about any subject any time. +1000 This whole thread is to me. edit: Even though my wife does not understand some of the accounting or political nature of my job, she always listens and provides support and helps me put it all in perspective. I do the same for her when she has something that worries her. We are very lucky in that sense. Edited January 25, 2011 by bpwallace49 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeeR Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Now, my situation is a bit different than most because I run two businesses. At any rate, especially in times like this, there are moments when I'm scared crapless about things. You hit a tough stretch, of which there have been more than normal given the fact that fewer people have money to spend. That tough stretch gets compounded by some unforeseen expense. Or some other thing looms. Whatever. Plenty of you likely know what I'm talking about. At any rate, you'd love to turn to your life partner and you certainly owe them some insight into what is happening in the business that you both are counting on. Here's the thing. Sometimes it is you that needs someone to tell you that it's all going to be OK. The problem is, basically every time you have these discussions, it is you who has to play that roll. Because they get all freaked out and start worrying more than you are. So, in your weakest moment, when you doubt yourself more than any other time and you honestly can't say whether or not this is going to be the big one. I mean, there's a very real track record for people failing at what you do. You can be good at what you do and maybe you are. But that doesn't mean your immune from failure, even catastrophic failure. At any rate: Here you are at that time when you're as frail as you get and, should you turn to your wife, it more than likely means that, rather than getting a shoulder to lean on, you have to actually suck it up and reassure them it's all going to work out. Bolding mine. Seems like the thread kinda veered away from this ie what I thought was the main point. Not that that's bad by any means, lot of good posts here, just IMO. Anyway sorry to hear. Have been in similar situation, although the specific circumstances totally different. But people fall in love/get into long-term relationships/married/etc for all kinds of reasons, and do so I think because the total package a person offers is appealing enough to the other that whatever other failings, real or perceived, the first one has are worth living with. I'm sure it's that way with you, so I'd just say be glad for the good stuff and accept that in this way she isn't quite how you'd like and find that comfort elsewhere if possible. g/l Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caveman_Nick Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 (edited) And this is why I don\'t usually join in on these type of discussions. I never, ever, willingly sought reassurance from anyone other than my wife. Had no problem showing self-doubt to her either. She was the same with me. Talking about those topics with her was refreshing and always productive. It appears that there are few here that enjoy that kind of relationship with their wife...and that is alien to me. I couldn\'t imagine a life with someone that not only didn\'t have my back, but to whom I couldn\'t talk openly with about any subject any time. That you had this kind of relationship with your wife is wonderful. It\'s also very much a matter of who you and she are as people and how you approach life. And in that way you were very lucky to have one another. Everyone\'s built differently. I take much of what I am as a man from my ability to make it through just about anything (that I have faced so far) on my own 2 feet and from my ability to prop up my loved ones around me. I feel lucky to be able to do that. Reiterating from before: These things are dependent on the type of people you are and the type of relationship and roles you have in your marriage. With respect to my wife, I don\'t mean to sound like she is some burden to me, either. She\'s a tremendous source of joy and very refreshing to be with. I love her deeply and dearly, and we mesh as husband and wife exceptionally well in almost all aspects of life. That also makes me a lucky man, just in a different way than you are. That\'s another subject for another thread I tried very hard to NOT say that there was something wrong with their marriage. I know that every situation is different. I know that every marriage is different. I was just responding to your statement. I just couldn\'t have lived in a marriage the way others do is all. Totally alien to me...other people\'s marriages. Just impossible for me to give marriage advice to anyone ever...or answer questions about marriage. This perspective is advice in and of itself, and people need to hear it. There\'s nothing wrong with saying the truth, my friend. Edited January 25, 2011 by Caveman_Nick Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perchoutofwater Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 I hope you were just making a joke, Perch. It definitely was. I know that Muck is a very good family man, and that you are a lady. I'm sorry if I offended you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SEC=UGA Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 It definitely was. I know that Muck is a very good family man, and that you are a lady. I'm sorry if I offended you. Soooo, Bunz; If Perch, Redrum, and I are the last three males on the earth... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrumjuice Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Soooo, Bunz; If Perch, Redrum, and I are the last three males on the earth... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SayItAintSoJoe Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Soooo, Bunz; If Perch, Redrum, and I are the last three males on the earth... I think she'll pick Puddy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ursa Majoris Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Soooo, Bunz; If Perch, Redrum, and I are the last three males on the earth... ......the species is already dead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimC Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Soooo, Bunz; If Perch, Redrum, and I are the last three males on the earth... All the women left die laughing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SEC=UGA Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 All the women left die laughing? Tim, look, Romo is on Sports Center... Adam's Apple... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smithjam Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 I had a similar situation. Years ago when I used to work in telecom I worked for a company that started having massive layoffs every few months. The dates that these layoffs would take place were well known so in the weeks leading up to a layoff announcement I was practically sick to my stomach every day. My wife worked but my income provided for about 75% to 80% of the household income. Together we had a nice income but like many people we were living check to check nonetheless. I knew that if my income was lost everything we had would be in jeopardy. Needless to say this situation kept me up many a night. The first time I went through this I told my wife about everything I was going through and sure enough she freaked out. Not only did she not give me that "everything is going to be alright" feeling that I most desperately needed but she too became consumed with worry and now we were both sick to our stomachs and experiencing sleepless nights leading up to the layoff announcement. Well the announcement came and went and I didn't get laid off. But I did decide that I wouldn't share those feelings with my wife anymore. I realized that she wasn't going to be able to fill that role that I was looking for and therefore I shouldn't burden her with it. I chose to instead talk to friends and family members about it whenever these layoffs came around. People that weren't so emotionally (and financially) connected to the situation. Sure enough they gave me that "shoulder to lean on" and I was able to get that "everything will be alright feeling". Now I'm not saying that I painted a rosy picture for my wife about the situation either. I always let her know that being laid off was a possibility. BTW, I could only dodge the bullet so many times and 2 years after the layoffs had started they got me. By then I was debt free (Dave Ramsey style), landed new work almost immediately, and we took the whole thing is stride. In other words everything was alright after all. ^ This.^ I seldom tell my wife about things like the possibility of layoff. She knows that it is a possibility but if I told her she'd just worry herself sick. When the hard times hit I was out of work for 16 months(worked here and there) but we made ends meet. Hang in there. You will do what you have to to make things work. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Square Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 It definitely was. I thought it was pretty obvious (and funny). Perch is a pain in the as$ with the constant political stuff, but he can crack a joke sometimes. Anyway, my on the topic (kinda). I think it works both ways and just kind of depends on how you normally talk to your wife. If you typically don't let her in on the details than I don't blame her for being panicked when you finally do tell her and the situation is serious. If you regularly open up to her about subjects (even in partial detail) than they might be better able to handle the bad times (as in they've seen you face troubles and overcome them before so they have a little more faith that everything is going to be ok). I don't tell my wife 100% of everything but I tell her far more than I hold back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteelBunz Posted January 26, 2011 Share Posted January 26, 2011 It definitely was. I know that Muck is a very good family man, and that you are a lady. I'm sorry if I offended you. Thank you. I knew you were joking, and I was going to say that some visitors around here might have gotten the wrong impression. But then I remembered the 'loafer and glasses' thread.....lol. Classic......my bad. Forgot that one......lol. Apologies to Det. This thread degenerated and that was never my intention. Carry on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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