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nuke'em ttg

I was so drunk

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i tried punting a pork loin, it was frozen :doh: how do ya not know that

 

continue stupid drunk stories :pop:

Edited by nuke'em ttg

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My university residence in my first year was right across the street from a bar and a church.

 

I proceeded to drink so much at said bar one Saturday night that I blacked out. Fast forward a few hours later and I am being kicked by the pastor of the church to get off the front lawn of the church because the service was starting soon. I couldn't really see or walk very well so I just walked across the street and passed out on the dorms front lawn.

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I don't remember. :unsure:

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Where to start :bash:

 

In Georgetown one night I hooked up with this chick that was living with the Mars family, she was best friends with their daughter. As I was driving her home she started giving me road head on the GW parkway, needless to say I get pulled over for swerving, crossing center line etc... As the cop is giving me the road test she comes running out of the car and tells the cop it is her fault as she was giving me head. Cop then says where are you guys going and she gives them the address, he knows exactly who lives there and says just drive safely and wait until we get there to finish :lol:

 

Fast forward to the Mars mansion, we get to where her room is and it is about 4AM at this point. We do the deed and I ask her where the bathroom is, she tells me and I am off to find it. Well I am gone for about 15 minutes trying to find it and she finally comes looking for me. She finds me wandering around trying to find it takes me to the bathroom and we proceed to go at it again in the shower doggy style. Need less to say she was very loud, her best friend walks in and just says "Becca, can you keep it down so my parents don't wake up" closes the door and goes back to bed.I go to leave in the morning and the parents and rest of the family are sitting down to breakfast as I just ease on down the road.

Edited by T_bone65

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Oh, god... where to start. :thinking:

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College days - just was wrapping up pledging my fraternity and it was big bro/little bro night.

 

I challenge my big brother to a drinking contest and line up 30 shots of tequila for us to take down between the two of us...I'm not a small guy but my big brother was 6'5" and 280.

 

I blacked out at some point

 

Came to in my apartment building, laying on the floor, half in and half out of the elevator with the doors closing on my ribs, hitting me, and then popping back open....in a pool of my own vomit.

 

I don't actually remember any of this, my helpful roommates took a ton of pictures before dragging me into our apartment.

 

My ribs were bruised for a week.

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College. San Francisco, California. A "boat dance" out on the bay. I was so drunk that: (1) I left the boat forgetting that I had brought my girl friend, whom I was living with at the time; and (2) had the balls to argue with the cops that the Federalist Papers gave the constitutional right to urinate in public.

 

I'm not sure how, but not only did I avoid getting arrested but that same girl still agreed to marry me a few months later.

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I mean really..this is like going up to bat in Old Yankee Stadium only to find out Gallagher is pitching me watermelons. Where on earth does one begin?????

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I mean really..this is like going up to bat in Old Yankee Stadium only to find out Gallagher is pitching me watermelons. Where on earth does one begin?????

 

I know. These freakin' amateurs have no earthly idea... I'm not proud of it, that's why I'm just not participating.

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College. San Francisco, California. A "boat dance" out on the bay. I was so drunk that: (1) I left the boat forgetting that I had brought my girl friend, whom I was living with at the time; and (2) had the balls to argue with the cops that the Federalist Papers gave the constitutional right to urinate in public.

 

I'm not sure how, but not only did I avoid getting arrested but that same girl still agreed to marry me a few months later.

 

As you undoubtably know the Federalist Papers do not give constitutional rights, they merely elaborate on what a few of the influential founders thought those rights meant. I'm guessing you were considering number XXVI pertainng to The Idea of Restraining the Legislative Authority in Regard to the Common Defence Considered. Probably a Hamiltonian notion.

 

Me, I once pee'd into a police car through a partially opened window. The cop inside got out and gave chase but was unable to catch me. My brother, watching from a bit of a distance, took advantage of his absence from his car to also relieve himself into it as well and to pull up a small shubbery and leave it on his windshield.

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I will play.

 

My best friend and I polished off a litre bottle of Jim Beam while walking around my home town. Stopped at a friends house and smoked a bunch of herb then set off on a mission to get home. Along the way I fell face first, no hands out, nothing just face first. My buddy who out weighed me by 40 or so pounds got us to the local grocery store where he sat me down outside so he could go in to get some gum. I vaguely remember him patting me on the top of my head like a dog telling me to stay here. Don't leave just stay and I will be right back.

So that's where the total blackout started. His thinking was that if we chewed gum there was no way anybody would know that we had been drinking.

So my buddy picks me up and walks me back to my house almost a mile from where we were. He opens the door and pushes me inside where I promptly fell in a heap at the bottom of the stairs. He turned tail and took off so as not to have to explain anything to my parents. My folks got me up to my room and into bed where I immediately started spewing the evenings contents all over myself and my bed. My Dad tossed me in a cold shower while I continued throwing up. At some point my Mom felt sorry for me and got me back into bed. Dad went to sleep feeling no such empathy for my dumb ass.

As for my friend? He got all the way home and almost to his room safely if not for the flight of stairs he had to go down to get there. Fell all the way down the stairs waking the whole house in the process.

 

I woke the next morning with my face all scabbed up and dried puke all over me. No blankets no pillows. Just me laying in barf.

 

That was my first drink.

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I will play.

 

My best friend and I polished off a litre bottle of Jim Beam while walking around my home town. Stopped at a friends house and smoked a bunch of herb then set off on a mission to get home. Along the way I fell face first, no hands out, nothing just face first. My buddy who out weighed me by 40 or so pounds got us to the local grocery store where he sat me down outside so he could go in to get some gum. I vaguely remember him patting me on the top of my head like a dog telling me to stay here. Don't leave just stay and I will be right back.

So that's where the total blackout started. His thinking was that if we chewed gum there was no way anybody would know that we had been drinking.

So my buddy picks me up and walks me back to my house almost a mile from where we were. He opens the door and pushes me inside where I promptly fell in a heap at the bottom of the stairs. He turned tail and took off so as not to have to explain anything to my parents. My folks got me up to my room and into bed where I immediately started spewing the evenings contents all over myself and my bed. My Dad tossed me in a cold shower while I continued throwing up. At some point my Mom felt sorry for me and got me back into bed. Dad went to sleep feeling no such empathy for my dumb ass.

As for my friend? He got all the way home and almost to his room safely if not for the flight of stairs he had to go down to get there. Fell all the way down the stairs waking the whole house in the process.

 

I woke the next morning with my face all scabbed up and dried puke all over me. No blankets no pillows. Just me laying in barf.

 

That was my first drink.

 

I blame your dad. He should have known not to put you to bed. He should have known to throw your sorry butt into the bathtub with the showerhead running. Your puking was pretty much a forgone conclusion if that was the first time you got so blitzed.

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I blame your dad. He should have known not to put you to bed. He should have known to throw your sorry butt into the bathtub with the showerhead running. Your puking was pretty much a forgone conclusion if that was the first time you got so blitzed.

That was the first time I ever drank alcohol period.

Also the first time for herb.

Edited by tbimm

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I mean really..this is like going up to bat in Old Yankee Stadium only to find out Gallagher is pitching me watermelons. Where on earth does one begin?????

 

TIMEOUT

Taz, i challenge you to stop drinkin for yer family then for yerself :)

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All I can say (as I don't remember) is that acid, quaaludes, pot, and whiskey don't play well together...

 

 

The quaaludes should have been replaced with Marlboros and you would have been fine.

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All I can say (as I don't remember) is that acid, quaaludes, pot, and whiskey don't play well together...

 

Don't get me started on LSD stories.

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+739

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TIMEOUT

Taz, i challenge you to stop drinkin for yer family then for yerself :)

 

 

:huh:

 

I've been sober over 100 days now.

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