gbpfan1231 Posted April 22, 2006 Share Posted April 22, 2006 Did you hear about the cannibal that passed his uncle in the woods? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Holy Roller Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 Speaking of cannibals.... Why don't cannibals eat circus clowns? Taste funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retrograde assault Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 Why did God invent women? Because sheep can't cook. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spain Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 Why did God invent women?Because sheep can't cook. 1432914[/snapback] Word! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocknrobn26 Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 Joe was teeing off from the back tees. On his downswing, he suddenly realized that his wife, Mary, was about to tee off from the red tees, directly in his path. Unable to stop his down swing he nailed the ball, hit Mary directly in the right temple, killing her instantly. A few days later Joe received a call from the coroner concerning her autopsy. "Joe, your wife seems to have died from blunt force trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and struck her in the temple. Is that correct?" "Yes sir," Joe replied, "that's correct." "Well, Joe, I also found a large bruise on Mary's right hip. Do you know anything about that?" "Yes sir," Joe said, "That would have been my mulligan." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big John Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 Joe was teeing off from the back tees. On his downswing, he suddenly realized that his wife, Mary, was about to tee off from the red tees, directly in his path. Unable to stop his down swing he nailed the ball, hit Mary directly in the right temple, killing her instantly. A few days later Joe received a call from the coroner concerning her autopsy. "Joe, your wife seems to have died from blunt force trauma to the head. You said you hit a golf ball and struck her in the temple. Is that correct?" "Yes sir," Joe replied, "that's correct." "Well, Joe, I also found a large bruise on Mary's right hip. Do you know anything about that?" "Yes sir," Joe said, "That would have been my mulligan." 1434419[/snapback] How could he "suddenly realize" that she was there if he took a mulligan on the first shot? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irish Posted April 24, 2006 Author Share Posted April 24, 2006 (edited) How could he "suddenly realize" that she was there if he took a mulligan on the first shot? 1434428[/snapback] On his first shot he hit her in the head and killed her. So instead of tending to her as if should've, his golf game meant too much, he left her there and took a second shot, the mulligan, and hahahaha hit her again in the hip. I'm gathering that was the joke. The joke is now funnier because it needed explaining. Sort of a kick a dog while they're down idea, I'm assuming? Edited April 24, 2006 by irish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelap1 Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 On his first shot he hit her in the head and killed her. So instead of tending to her as if should've, his golf game meant too much, he left her there and took a second shot, the mulligan, and hahahaha hit her again in the hip. I'm gathering that was the joke. The joke is now funnier because it needed explaining. Sort of a kick a dog while they're down idea, I'm assuming? 1434842[/snapback] No, no, I think you've got it wrong. His first shot hit her in the hip, and only wounded her. Hence the need for the mulligan - He needed to finish the job... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocknrobn26 Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 C'mon guys, Irish is right.....a mulligan is a second shot! :doah: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelap1 Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 C'mon guys, Irish is right.....a mulligan is a second shot! :doah: 1435002[/snapback] Ok, guess I'm a slow then... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocknrobn26 Posted April 24, 2006 Share Posted April 24, 2006 (edited) Ok, guess I'm a slow then... 1435028[/snapback] Plus it's my joke!!!! I have control over it.........if nothing else in my life! Edit for: Where you at in Chi?? We gots that get together w/ Darin Weds. Edited April 24, 2006 by rocknrobn26 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelap1 Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 Where you at in Chi?? We gots that get together w/ Darin Weds. 1435038[/snapback] I saw that. And I'm really close to you guys too - I live in Des Plaines and work in Hoffman Estates and had thought about trying to join you guys for a beer. Unfortunately, I'm working 9am - 9pm all week this week and won't be able to do anything until after that. Looks like you guys have set plans for around 5:30ish, so I don't think I would be able to attend. How late are you guys planning on staying out Wednesday? It sure would be fun to meet some of you guys sometime though - especially you ex-Cicero folks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Squeegiebo Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 His first shot hit her in the hip, and only wounded her. Hence the need for the mulligan - He needed to finish the job... 1434943[/snapback] I thought this too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelap1 Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 And so as not to hijack irish's thread, here's a joke, and a political one at that! George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are flying on Air Force One. The President looks at the Vice President, chuckles, and says, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out the window right now and make somebody very happy." The Vice President shrugs and says, "Well, I could throw 10 $100 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy." Not to be outdone, the Secretary of Defense says, "Of course, then, I could throw 100 $10 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy." The pilot rolls his eyes and says to his co-pilot, "Such arrogant azzes back there. Hell, I could throw the three of them out the window and make 6 billion people unbelievably happy." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yo mama Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 And so as not to hijack irish's thread, here's a joke, and a political one at that! George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are flying on Air Force One. The President looks at the Vice President, chuckles, and says, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out the window right now and make somebody very happy." The Vice President shrugs and says, "Well, I could throw 10 $100 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy." Not to be outdone, the Secretary of Defense says, "Of course, then, I could throw 100 $10 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy." The pilot rolls his eyes and says to his co-pilot, "Such arrogant azzes back there. Hell, I could throw the three of them out the window and make 6 billion people unbelievably happy." 1435162[/snapback] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adrenaline Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Super Bowl Seat A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, a man comes down and asked the man if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. "No", he said, "the seat is empty". "This is incredible", said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl , the biggest sport event in the world, and not use it ?" Somberly, the man says, "Well... the seat actually belongs to me. I was supposed to come here with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we have not been together since we got married in 1967." "Oh I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else - a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The man shakes his head, "No. They're all at her funeral." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irish Posted May 2, 2006 Author Share Posted May 2, 2006 FBI Job Opening The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists: two men, and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. . Kill Her!!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. "This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair." MORAL: Women are evil. Don't mess with them Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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