Hat Trick Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 So I was "fixed" years ago when the wife wanted me to get it done. At the time I and the doc told her it was permanent and there was no going back, well unless you wanted to pay out the whazoo for the procedure. The cost has come down some, but not much since I had it done. So now with all our friends having their lat children and ours past all the toddler years and problems, she wants one.....and badly. I keep hammering away at my points to her. Money, puts of retiring longer, and many many more reasons. Some of the reasons I have are selfish I will admit, but I really have been trying my hardest to convince her it just isn't what I want. It is starting to cause some minor ripples. I love her, my two boys and my new pup to death. I pretty much raised both of them during the day for most of the time due to the flexible schedule I had at work when they were babies, and that time was priceless, but I am over all that now. I am finally for the mnost part comfortable with my kids being outside playing with the neighbor kids without me having to watch every single step. I have heard of this breaking up marriages and the like. I could go on and on really. Has anyone had the procedure done? If you had it done, were you able to concieve? How much did it cost you? (if that's not to invasive) Is this a battle I should fight, or just one in the line of many that I should just let go? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramhock Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 I stopped reading after "wife wanted". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gonkis Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Wow. I feel for you. I have not had the V in the first place, but my wife wants another (to add to the 4 we have). It simply doesn't make sense and usually the pining disappears after she babysits a nephew and realizes the work that went into the first 4. Wish I had more words for you, but good luck. Maybe adopt? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
untateve Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 before I decided whether or not to get un-fixed, I'd be dam sure I want another child. If this is becoming a big area of contention, you and your wife might consider seeing a marriage counselor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hat Trick Posted June 26, 2008 Author Share Posted June 26, 2008 before I decided whether or not to get un-fixed, I'd be dam sure I want another child. If this is becoming a big area of contention, you and your wife might consider seeing a marriage counselor. something to think about, thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perchoutofwater Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 I wish I could convince my wife to have another kid. Or at least do what leads to having kids. Anyway if the reversal doesn't work, I know of a good sperm bank here that has plenty of fresh sperm that can be deposited at a very low cost, and possibly free if your wife is good looking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fatman Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 before I decided whether or not to get un-fixed, I'd be dam sure I want another child. If this is becoming a big area of contention, you and your wife might consider seeing a marriage counselor. Good info here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ursa Majoris Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Maybe adopt? That's what I was thinking too. Otherwise, heed the wise words of Untateve. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Holy Roller Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 I wish I could convince my wife to have another kid. Or at least do what leads to having kids. Anyway if the reversal doesn't work, I know of a good sperm bank here that has plenty of fresh sperm that can be deposited at a very low cost, and possibly free if your wife is good looking. She could even get paid to do this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocknrobn26 Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 (edited) We wanted to have another child, but it couldn't happen. My wife was probably upset more than I, but you take what nature throws at you/wife and you live w/ it. Adoption was not an option either of us were willing to do. We were able to retire early, provide her w/ an excellent education (all paid by us), show her a good part of this country (also paying and helping pay for her first 2 Europe trips), Selfish??? Nothing wrong w/ being selfish for the right reasons. None of us has an unlimited amount of cash, time, or resources. If we did we'd own this site! A few questions to discuss: Will we have enough $$$$$$$ for ALL our kids' education? When do I/we want to retire? Vacations? Cars? (for all) How old will we be when our last child is 21 years old? Are we approaching/in those dangerous years for child bearing? For the wife: Are you just wanting another child to feel "IN"? (That one needs to be re-worded) Nothing wrong w/ Unta's sugg, but as an old timer, I'd try to work things out together first. It worked for us, and as many will attest to, the road is rocky and well traveled, but if you TALK it's amazing how couples find the smoother route. Edited June 26, 2008 by rocknrobn26 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chargerz Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 As far as the medical questions you posed, I can say I see a fair number of women who ask about vasectomy reversals for their partners. The operation is not major in terms of postoperative discomfort. Pregnancy rates afterward average about 50%. The cost varies greatly, but you'll probably spend upwards of $5000 to have a reversal done. Here's a good website summary on the subject. I hope this information helps make your decision a little easier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiefjay Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 I'm with ya HT. If you don't want to, don't. I've had my chillen and quite frankly I am done wiht teh newborn part of my life. When I see one I admire it for it's cuteness, may even hold it but after that I give it back. Just make sure you want to do this. If it was the other way around do you think she'd go along with your desire for another child? I don't know that answer but it's a legit question. Good Luck, sounds stressful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DemonKnight Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 Tell her to hold her horses, you'll have grandkids before you know it. It sounds liek you really dont want another kid (and I dont blame you) I think it would be a bad move if you're not really into the idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
muck Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 In addition to possibly talking to a marriage counselor, do you guys know any older couples who's marriages you admire that would be willing to spend some time with you discussing this issue? Especially if they love you guys enough to ask really hard questions (in a loving way) and make sure that you (or your wife) give an answer... Muckette and I have had great success with this approach to resolving things, especially tough issues that may be otherwise very difficult to discuss openly and frankly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
detlef Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 Is this a battle I should fight, or just one in the line of many that I should just let go? I think you're sort of trivializing the situation a bit by thinking of it along these lines. We all know what you're talking about when you refer to "just letting go", but in reality that comes to what color you decide to paint the dining room or whether certain in-laws should be invited to stay with you rather than getting a hotel. That sort of thing. Things that ultimately not all that important so they're not worth getting into some knock down over. For obvious reasons, this is a bit more important than that and you have a ton of logic on your side. And before you guys start in with the "Since when did logic have anything to do with anything" schtick, this is not a girlfriend, this is your life partner. Somebody who you need to be able to trust with critical situations. You need to stand firm here. You need to calmly remind her that you did not take the decision to get snipped lightly and all the reasons why you did are still valid today. What she is asking you to do is an expensive procedure that apparently has a marginal success rate, but more importantly, that she's asking you to undergo another journey down a path that, while you cherished the first time, is not one that you are up for again. She absolutely needs to respect that. Of course, I don't know Mrs. HT personally and am sure is a woman whom you're more than happy to have chosen to be your wife. However, for me this would be a litmus test and any person incapable of respecting my needs in this regard, especially in light of the fact that they are in line with a decision that we both made together before isn't somebody worth making the sacrifice you're being asked to make. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cunning Runt Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 At this stage in your life and considering you really don't want another - is it worth to undergo the procedure and expense for no better than a 50/50 chance? If it were guaranteed you could conceive that would be a whole 'nother issue, but it isn't. I don;t know you or your wife, but given the info you've provided, it does sound like she's wants to be "in" with the other folks you mentioned by having another little one around. I've had a vasectomy and there is no way I'd have it undone for a 50/50 shot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonorator Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 You need to stand firm here. You need to calmly remind her that you did not take the decision to get snipped lightly and all the reasons why you did are still valid today. What she is asking you to do is an expensive procedure that apparently has a marginal success rate, but more importantly, that she's asking you to undergo another journey down a path that, while you cherished the first time, is not one that you are up for again. She absolutely needs to respect that. Of course, I don't know Mrs. HT personally and am sure is a woman whom you're more than happy to have chosen to be your wife. However, for me this would be a litmus test and any person incapable of respecting my needs in this regard, especially in light of the fact that they are in line with a decision that we both made together before isn't somebody worth making the sacrifice you're being asked to make. agreed. seriously, there are many kids out there now who could use a good home either via foster parenting or ultimately adoption. if you decide to spend the time and energy to raise another child, why not go this route and help those most in need? for her to have you attempt to reverse a supposedly permanent procedure based on a mutual agreement for the future that you both made is not fair or respectful to you. why go through that, and then the ups and downs of trying to conceive when if your desire is to commit more energy and time to the raising of a child, you could do that right away and avoid the mess. and hat, if you don't want to go down this road again at all, you need to decide how important that is to you vs. the overall happiness of your marriage. given the road you have traveled, i don't think it's fair that she has put you in this situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hat Trick Posted June 27, 2008 Author Share Posted June 27, 2008 (edited) I wish I could convince my wife to have another kid. Or at least do what leads to having kids. Anyway if the reversal doesn't work, I know of a good sperm bank here that has plenty of fresh sperm that can be deposited at a very low cost, and possibly free if your wife is good looking. Yeah, she must be hitting that age cause she wants it all the time I'll tell her about you Some day if I ever do mystery huddler, I'm sure there will be plenty of requests for side pics of her Hatwoobs. Edited June 27, 2008 by Hat Trick Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hat Trick Posted June 27, 2008 Author Share Posted June 27, 2008 We wanted to have another child, but it couldn't happen. My wife was probably upset more than I, but you take what nature throws at you/wife and you live w/ it. Adoption was not an option either of us were willing to do. We were able to retire early, provide her w/ an excellent education (all paid by us), show her a good part of this country (also paying and helping pay for her first 2 Europe trips), Selfish??? Nothing wrong w/ being selfish for the right reasons. None of us has an unlimited amount of cash, time, or resources. If we did we'd own this site! A few questions to discuss: Will we have enough $$$$$$$ for ALL our kids' education? When do I/we want to retire? Vacations? Cars? (for all) How old will we be when our last child is 21 years old? Are we approaching/in those dangerous years for child bearing? For the wife: Are you just wanting another child to feel "IN"? (That one needs to be re-worded) Nothing wrong w/ Unta's sugg, but as an old timer, I'd try to work things out together first. It worked for us, and as many will attest to, the road is rocky and well traveled, but if you TALK it's amazing how couples find the smoother route. These are all the things I have brought up as well as others, thanks for the response As far as the medical questions you posed, I can say I see a fair number of women who ask about vasectomy reversals for their partners. The operation is not major in terms of postoperative discomfort. Pregnancy rates afterward average about 50%. The cost varies greatly, but you'll probably spend upwards of $5000 to have a reversal done. Here's a good website summary on the subject. I hope this information helps make your decision a little easier. Thank you sir, I will check out the link I'm with ya HT. If you don't want to, don't. I've had my chillen and quite frankly I am done wiht teh newborn part of my life. When I see one I admire it for it's cuteness, may even hold it but after that I give it back. Just make sure you want to do this. If it was the other way around do you think she'd go along with your desire for another child? I don't know that answer but it's a legit question. Good Luck, sounds stressful. Yeah, I am the same way with all the new borns around. It is VERY stressful, especially when the topic has been going on for months non stop. In addition to possibly talking to a marriage counselor, do you guys know any older couples who's marriages you admire that would be willing to spend some time with you discussing this issue? Especially if they love you guys enough to ask really hard questions (in a loving way) and make sure that you (or your wife) give an answer... Muckette and I have had great success with this approach to resolving things, especially tough issues that may be otherwise very difficult to discuss openly and frankly. appreciate the advice sir, will think a little bit about this idea Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hat Trick Posted June 27, 2008 Author Share Posted June 27, 2008 I think you're sort of trivializing the situation a bit by thinking of it along these lines. We all know what you're talking about when you refer to "just letting go", but in reality that comes to what color you decide to paint the dining room or whether certain in-laws should be invited to stay with you rather than getting a hotel. That sort of thing. Things that ultimately not all that important so they're not worth getting into some knock down over. For obvious reasons, this is a bit more important than that and you have a ton of logic on your side. And before you guys start in with the "Since when did logic have anything to do with anything" schtick, this is not a girlfriend, this is your life partner. Somebody who you need to be able to trust with critical situations. You need to stand firm here. You need to calmly remind her that you did not take the decision to get snipped lightly and all the reasons why you did are still valid today. What she is asking you to do is an expensive procedure that apparently has a marginal success rate, but more importantly, that she's asking you to undergo another journey down a path that, while you cherished the first time, is not one that you are up for again. She absolutely needs to respect that. Of course, I don't know Mrs. HT personally and am sure is a woman whom you're more than happy to have chosen to be your wife. However, for me this would be a litmus test and any person incapable of respecting my needs in this regard, especially in light of the fact that they are in line with a decision that we both made together before isn't somebody worth making the sacrifice you're being asked to make. well yeah, its a very serious topic for me, appreciate the advice At this stage in your life and considering you really don't want another - is it worth to undergo the procedure and expense for no better than a 50/50 chance? If it were guaranteed you could conceive that would be a whole 'nother issue, but it isn't. I don;t know you or your wife, but given the info you've provided, it does sound like she's wants to be "in" with the other folks you mentioned by having another little one around. I've had a vasectomy and there is no way I'd have it undone for a 50/50 shot. We have a meeting with the vasectomy doc on Tuesday, a day after her visit to the OBGYN to talk about everything from the medical aspect and probablities and such, thanks for responding agreed. seriously, there are many kids out there now who could use a good home either via foster parenting or ultimately adoption. if you decide to spend the time and energy to raise another child, why not go this route and help those most in need? for her to have you attempt to reverse a supposedly permanent procedure based on a mutual agreement for the future that you both made is not fair or respectful to you. why go through that, and then the ups and downs of trying to conceive when if your desire is to commit more energy and time to the raising of a child, you could do that right away and avoid the mess. and hat, if you don't want to go down this road again at all, you need to decide how important that is to you vs. the overall happiness of your marriage. given the road you have traveled, i don't think it's fair that she has put you in this situation. I think its alrught for her to feel the way she does, but given the circumstance, she's making it difficult on me and that's definitely not fair Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atlanta Cracker Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 Is there any way to "pretend" to get it reversed? You go in, hang out a while, come home and get to relax a couple of days. Then you get regular sex for a few years without having to worry about another kid... It's amazing how women work when they get their minds set on something and it never seems to get set on just being happy with the status quo... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hat Trick Posted June 27, 2008 Author Share Posted June 27, 2008 Is there any way to "pretend" to get it reversed? You go in, hang out a while, come home and get to relax a couple of days. Then you get regular sex for a few years without having to worry about another kid... Ha ha, I wish, she'll want to be present. It has been nice the last 4 years not having to worry about another one coming along It's amazing how women work when they get their minds set on something and it never seems to get set on just being happy with the status quo... You're not kidding brother! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T-Scorp Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 Hat, Just went through something similar with my wife. I had the big V after our 3rd child was 6 months old. (he is now 4) Went though the talk with the Dr about this not being a temp fix and should be considered permanant. Last year she gets on the , my baby is now grown up and I need an infant phase. She discussed the reversal and then adoption. I sat her down and had a true heart to heart about my feelings on both. I also went through our budget and pointed out the cost involved and the things we would have to give up. I pointed out how she would have to cut way back on spending for herself and the other 3 kids. Our house would become even smaller with the 4th child and we could not afford to move into something bigger or remodel ours. In the end I told her I would be willing to have a 4th child but she needed to then be willing to live below our current standard of living (which is not extravagant but is comfortable). In the end I think she decided that she wasn't really wanting a 4th child but was just missing the kids really needing her. She has since participated in a triathlon (got her body back in great shape and now does not want to even think about being prego), is going back for her masters (she teaches special ed) and is joined a couple of book and card clubs. Her life is now too busy to think about raising another infant. Good Luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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