Retrograde assault Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And then the fight started..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big John Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 3 months ago Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoJoTheWebToedBoy Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY! !!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And then the fight started..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ursa Majoris Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 An old lady came home from the doctor's all scratched and bruised. Her husband said "What the hell happened to you?" "Well," she said, "I went to the doctor and the doctor said they needed a sample" "I said to the doctor "What do you mean?"" "And the doctor told me to go pee in a bottle so I told him to go $hit in his hat." "And that's how the fight started......." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retrograde assault Posted October 15, 2009 Author Share Posted October 15, 2009 3 months ago oh man, I got alzheimers! and thats how the fight started! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alchico Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 Son asked his mother the following question: "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?" The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure." The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father. "Dad why are wedding dresses white?" The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white." and that's how the fight started! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gbpfan1231 Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 A somewhat slow dude wandered into a house owned by Perch. That is how the fight started. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 A crusty old man walks into the local Catholic Church and says to the secretary, 'I would like to join this damn church.' The astonished woman replies, 'I beg your pardon, sir.. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?' 'Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!' 'I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church.' The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the pastor's study to inform him of her situation. The pastor agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language. They both return to her office and the pastor asks the old geezer. Sir, what seems to be the problem here?' 'There is no damn problem,' the man says. 'I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get rid of some of this damn money. ' 'I see,' said the pastor. 'And is this bitch giving you a hard time?' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocknrobn26 Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I Kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to Drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she Hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think that a person could go on Celebrating that long?' And then the fight started... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big John Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and IKept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to Drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she Hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think that a person could go on Celebrating that long?' And then the fight started... Every year with the GILF? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoJoTheWebToedBoy Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.' My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?' And that's how the fight started... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Holy Roller Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.' My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?' And that's how the fight started... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocknrobn26 Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 Every year with the GILF? Technically my wife is not a gilf. My ex-girlfriends..................... ..................... are!!!!! My own joke: The wife and I are going to a reunion. We get there and immediately an Ex-GF comes up to me and gives me a very wet and sloppy kiss plus a butt squeeze. My wife is not to pleased and says " I hope you enjoyed that!". I said............................... (Fill in the blanks) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retrograde assault Posted October 16, 2009 Author Share Posted October 16, 2009 Technically my wife is not a gilf.My ex-girlfriends..................... ..................... are!!!!! My own joke: The wife and I are going to a reunion. We get there and immediately an Ex-GF comes up to me and gives me a very wet and sloppy kiss plus a butt squeeze. My wife is not to pleased and says " I hope you enjoyed that!". I said............................... (Fill in the blanks) you said, "yeah, I kinda did!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AtomicCEO Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 (edited) Technically my wife is not a gilf.My ex-girlfriends..................... ..................... are!!!!! My own joke: The wife and I are going to a reunion. We get there and immediately an Ex-GF comes up to me and gives me a very wet and sloppy kiss plus a butt squeeze. My wife is not to pleased and says " I hope you enjoyed that!". I said............................... (Fill in the blanks) Honey, if I had wanted hot love from a beautiful woman, I wouldn't have married you! Edited October 16, 2009 by AtomicCEO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big John Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 Technically my wife is not a gilf.My ex-girlfriends..................... ..................... are!!!!! My own joke: The wife and I are going to a reunion. We get there and immediately an Ex-GF comes up to me and gives me a very wet and sloppy kiss plus a butt squeeze. My wife is not to pleased and says " I hope you enjoyed that!". I said............................... (Fill in the blanks) didn't school teach you two to use the proper spelling of "too"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azazello1313 Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and IKept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to Drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she Hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think that a person could go on Celebrating that long?' And then the fight started... I thought this was one of those "and then I kissed a mexican" jokes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FWmaker Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 Technically my wife is not a gilf.My ex-girlfriends..................... ..................... are!!!!! My own joke: The wife and I are going to a reunion. We get there and immediately an Ex-GF comes up to me and gives me a very wet and sloppy kiss plus a butt squeeze. My wife is not to pleased and says " I hope you enjoyed that!". I said............................... (Fill in the blanks) "listen, hon. You seem a bit under the weather. Let me call you a cab." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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