Momisms

[rocknrobn26]

I remember all of them...

 

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

 

2. My mother taught me RELIGION

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

 

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

 

4. My mother taught me LOGIC

"Because I said so, that's why."

 

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

 

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident"

 

7. My mother taught me IRONY

"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

 

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

 

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISTS

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

 

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

 

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

 

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY

"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"

 

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

 

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION

"Stop acting like your father!"

 

15. My mother taught me about ENVY

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

 

16.. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION

"Just wait until we get home."

 

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING

"You are going to get it when you get home!"

 

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

 

19. My mother taught me ESP

"Put your sweater on. Don't you think I know when you are cold?"

 

20. My mother taught me HUMOR

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

 

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

 

22. My mother taught me GENETICS

"You're just like your father."

 

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

 

24. My mother taught me WISDOM

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

 

And my favorite:

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!!

[Scooby]

I like this!

[Gonkis]

I am sure we could all fill books with those. My faves from my dear mother..

 

"Go take a long walk off a short peer."

 

"Go play in traffic."

 

"Go fly a kite."

 

My brother and I would start tearing the house up and immediately be sent outside. We were never told to stop "rough housing" just sent outside to do it.

[loaf]

[rocknrobn26]

I am sure we could all fill books with those. My faves from my dear mother..

 

"Go take a long walk off a short peer."

 

"Go play in traffic."

 

"Go fly a kite."

 

My brother and I would start tearing the house up and immediately be sent outside. We were never told to stop "rough housing" just sent outside to do it.

 

Choice #1.

My real favorite is not really a Momism, but here it goes:

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-b*tc*."

-- Jack Nicholson

[BeeR]

Bill Cosby had some of the best, many of them in his "Himself" stand up. Classic classic stuff. Much of it far too un-PC now though...

 

Dana Carvey did a great bit on this too in that "squatting monkeys" video.

[Skippy]

All good and all things that I am sure have been said to me. A few that my Dad used to say when I had no clue:

 

Go play on the yellow line.

 

Don't let your meat loaf.

 

He would tell my sisters to "keep your legs crossed".

[buddahj]

Good stuff...

[Bier Meister]

 

i thought you were going to list momoisms

 

[detlef]

According to my wife, my mother in law, RIP, had a mouth like a sailor. Something she was embarrassed as hell about in her later years. Well, at least embarrassed to know that her SIL knew about it. At any rate, she had like a dozen phrases Diana attributes to her saying again and again when she and her sister were kids.

 

Among them:

 

"I wouldn't wear that dress to a <<poopy>> fight"

 

"Christ, that guy probably has muscles in his <<poopy>>"

 

"Go wish in one hand and <<poopy>> in the other and see which fills up fastest"

 

I'm spacing out on the litany of others but there were a ton of them.

[yo mama]

i thought you were going to list momoisms

Me too. Guess I'll follow you out.

[Big John]

Me too. Guess I'll follow you out.

Or a yomamaism?

[Retrograde assault]

The best part of you ran down your daddy's leg.