I am an atheist

[frenzal rhomb]

After being raised christian/lutheran - I have finally committed and gone all in that I just dont believe. My wife, who is puerto rican and catholic, seems to feel that I need to keep this deeply secretive especially around her family. So at the risk of getting ostracized from the huddle communityand my own personal community, what are the repurcussions of coming out as a blasphemist in a christian US??

[Ursa Majoris]

After being raised christian/lutheran - I have finally committed and gone all in that I just dont believe. My wife, who is puerto rican and catholic, seems to feel that I need to keep this deeply secretive especially around her family. So at the risk of getting ostracized from the huddle communityand my own personal community, what are the repurcussions of coming out as a blasphemist in a christian US??

An atheist is not a blasphemist, IMO. All you need to do is not discuss religion at all around those that would be offended. Why "come out" at all?

[frenzal rhomb]

An atheist is not a blasphemist, IMO. All you need to do is not discuss religion at all around those that would be offended. Why "come out" at all?

Well I agree - I wont flout it in the face of society - but being married to a woman with a devout catholic family is difficult - especially aroud the religious holidays. However I dont want to BS them and say that God is great god is good thank you for this food amen either - I guess Im just asking the general public here is how horrifacally will I be looked upon as an atheist in a christial society

 

Will it be - whatever no big deal or is it a case of I will be ostrasiczed from the community

 

do people really care that much ??

[Ursa Majoris]

Will it be - whatever no big deal or is it a case of I will be ostrasiczed from the community

 

do people really care that much ??

You could well be ostracized by some. And, yes, some people care to the near-exclusion of all else.

[SheikYerbuti]

if you love your wife, keep your mouth shut.

 

if you want a divorce, just get one.

 

From the OP I'm getting the sense that his wife is ok with this. Sounds like she's more worried about her family's reaction.

[MikesVikes]

What made you come to that conclusion? It seems like you've been raised to believe in God and now that you are a grown up, you decided it's all BS. Sometimes people use religion as a way to break ties with their family. Many teenagers rebel against their parents this way.

 

But if you're asking if there's any repurcussions down the road with your family, I say yes there will be. It isn't something that you have to talk about though.

[frenzal rhomb]

I got that.

 

There's no value in discussing it with the family. If they're hardcore, it will only create problems. Then who does the wife choose?

 

And lying about how great god is won't send you to hell, since, ya know, it doesn't exist. Just lie.

My wife is way ok with this. I think she almost agees with me - I mean cmon - te red sea just parted, Lot goyt turned into a pillar of salt, etc - I mean are we really buying this? Science has explained away way too many biblical miracles -

[SheikYerbuti]

There's no value in discussing it with the family. If they're hardcore, it will only create problems. Then who does the wife choose?

 

Don't know about his or your situation, but I'm 99% sure my wife, if forced to make this kind of choice, would choose me.

 

And lying about how great god is won't send you to hell, since, ya know, it doesn't exist. Just lie.

 

This above all: to thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.

[Chavez]

Well I agree - I wont flout it in the face of society - but being married to a woman with a devout catholic family is difficult - especially aroud the religious holidays. However I dont want to BS them and say that God is great god is good thank you for this food amen either - I guess Im just asking the general public here is how horrifacally will I be looked upon as an atheist in a christial society

Dunno where you live.

 

No reason for much of anyone to know about it, really. When people say "grace" it's a good time to take a look and decide what order you are going to eat your food in or something. If you aren't outright lying, and they choose to believe you are a Christian (which, to be semantically correct, "Christian" and "atheist" aren't the only options either), and you feel it's better just to let them believe a harmless misconception....well, who's to judge?

 

I qualify myself as an agnostic, and there'd be a LOOOONG stretch of dominoes to fall before I'd fall under the "Christian" definition. If I DID see evidence that suggested God existed, I still don't believe I'd have much use for ANY sort of organized religion. If there IS a God, I don't see anything resembling the active God of the Abrahamic traditions. And if I felt there WAS a God like that of the Abrahamic religions, I'd still have to believe that Jesus was his only begotten son, and the only path to salvation is through accepting him as such, to qualify as a "Christian."

 

I also think (but could be wrong) that one can believe Jesus WAS the son of God and be a Muslim.

[frenzal rhomb]

Dunno where you live.

 

I qualify myself as an agnostic

 

I'm all in - Cmon man, you know better ?!?

[Chavez]

But if you're asking if there's any repurcussions down the road with your family, I say yes there will be. It isn't something that you have to talk about though.

 

Eh, I guess. My family doesn't seem to be very religious one way or the other, so my beliefs are no big deal - or at least they've never come up in conversation.

 

My in-laws are a bit more vocal about belief; when my m-i-l found out we had no intentions of baptizing my daughter she said if she got the chance, she'd take her to be baptized first chance she got. My wife asked me what I thought and I am basically of the "why would I care?" camp.

[Chavez]

Dunno where you live.

 

I qualify myself as an agnostic

 

I'm all in - Cmon man, you know better ?!?

 

Uh, what?

[SheikYerbuti]

here's the point... if you love your wife, why put her in that situation?!

 

Conversely, if you love your wife, why tangle her up in a lie?

[Chavez]

Conversely, if you love your wife, why tangle her up in a lie?

I really think that unless someone EXPLICITLY states that they aren't Christian, most Christians in the US just assume others are Christian as well. No reason to correct an unsaid assumption, IMO, if it makes things smoother.

 

Obviously, if this family likes to have religious dick-measuring contests, that is a much different situation.

[detlef]

There's a big difference between confronting them about their faith and simply not keeping your lack thereof a secret. I'm not sure why the default needs to be that those who don't believe must pretend to in order to keep the peace. Obviously I've both made my lack of faith open news as well as confronted religion here but this is an on-line forum. I certainly don't think it's too much of your wife to ask that you not constantly challenge her family about their faith. I do, however, think it's too much of her to ask for you to hide your beliefs. If it comes up, you can say you don't believe but would rather not get into a debate with them about it. If they press, it's on them, not you.

 

If your in-laws are good people, they'll accept you for the man you've shown yourself to be, not based on whether or not you believe the same stories about how the world happened to be that they do. If your wife is a good person, she'll side with you in the event that her family lacks the moral compass to not ostracize you because you don't believe in their god.

Edited June 13, 2010 by detlef

[Perchoutofwater]

I seriously doubt anyone would care, though if you do proclaim yourself an atheist and your in-laws are as religious as you say they are, get ready for a full court press. One of my best friends is an atheist, and we have just agreed not to talk about religion, I've agreed not to try to convert him, and he has agreed not to try to convince me that my beliefs are wrong or make fun of them. For the most part I don't know the religious convictions or lack there of of most of my friends or associates.

[Ursa Majoris]

One of my best friends is an atheist, and we have just agreed not to talk about religion, I've agreed not to try to convert him, and he has agreed not to try to convince me that my beliefs are wrong or make fun of them.

My best buddy is a died in the wool Republican. We argue all the time and have fun doing it (he is always wrong ) but religion goes a lot deeper than mere politics for large numbers of people, so I think your pact is sensible if you want to stay friends.

[Big John]

Dunno where you live.

Allentown, PA

[Chavez]

Allentown, PA

I guess I was thinking more along the lines of "the community values where you live" - if you live in a left-leaning area like NYC, Austin TX, etc etc, being an atheist is probably not even worth mentioning.

 

If you live in some small, conservative community where everyone has to know everyone else's business, not going to church might be more of an issue. Though I can't imagine it would be a truly significant issue in America today.

 

All I know about Allentown is that Billy Joel wrote an OK song about it.

[Chavez]

Blasphemy! Sacrilege!

Is it sacrilege to suggest Billy Joel wrote an OK song, or to deny that "Allentown" is such genius it justifies the existence of the universe up to that point?

[Chavez]

I was just trying to fit in.

...but Billy Joel believes in YOU!

[Riffraff]

...but Billy Joel believes in YOU!

But he didn't start the fire.

[tosberg34]

I guess I was thinking more along the lines of "the community values where you live" - if you live in a left-leaning area like NYC, Austin TX, etc etc, being an atheist is probably not even worth mentioning.

 

If you live in some small, conservative community where everyone has to know everyone else's business, not going to church might be more of an issue. Though I can't imagine it would be a truly significant issue in America today.

 

All I know about Allentown is that Billy Joel wrote an OK song about it.

 

Is anyone else besides me thinking of Footloose right now?

 

Maybe you can explain to your wife's relatives thru dance! Sweeeet!

[SEC=UGA]

I don't think that there is any issue with being an atheist, unless you want to be confrontational about it. Then, that is a you problem, not the problem of those that believe in a god. If that want to engage in debate w. you about it, that is one thing, but if you just come out and tell people that you care about that you are an atheist and that if they have a problem with it that they can F-off, again that is an issue.

 

I think the best way to handle it is to simply not bring it up unless the context of the conversation requires such. Also, I am far from a christian, so when other people pray, I sit there quietly and see how funny some of them look with their heads bowed and eyes clinched shut like they are deeply concentrating. Also, i use this as a moment of silence and reflection and an opportunity to have some time to myself.

 

Now, something that you said earlier kinda struck me, you specifically pulled instances out of the old testament as a reason that you don't believe in a god. Maybe you should do some checking around and look at what other religions have to offer. I'm not going to be one to sit here and state emphatically that you believe in a god, but I have a feeling that yu may, but you simply don't subscribe to the stories put forth in the bible as such. Incidentally, which is my stance... I thought for quite a while that I was an atheist, but discovered that most of my beliefs just don't fit into the christian "mold". I do believe in a god and interestingly enough, I find that my moral/ethical code is much aligned with judeo-christian morality, but I still don't subscribe nor believe in the holy trinity or the stories put forth in the bible.

 

I guess the best way for me to put it is like this... If you want people to be tolerant of your beliefs as an atheist, be tolerant of their beliefs as religious believers.

[buddahj]

Why should it matter what your beliefs or lack of beliefs are? Some people just need something/anything to beleive in. I would consider myself a lot less religious than I was 15-20 years ago. Life has a way of jading you. Don't get me wrong, I still believe in the big man upstairs, I just do it in my own way. I just wonder if you're ever in a life/death experience (and I hope you never are)...would you change you mind???