The boy next door...

[SEC=UGA]

Thats the thing, though. You say it differently.

 

"You know, Bill...my son Mikey was telling me that sometimes your boy Steve really gets in Mikey's personal space and he finds it really uncomfortable. I'm not talking about typical kid wrestling, just situations where they're walking around or talking or whatever and Steve will get all close to Mikey and he'll be a bit wiereded out by it. I'm not sure if Mikey has a big 'personal space' or not, but would you mind talking to Steve about personal boundaries and the need to respect other peoples space? I know this is a bit of an unusual conversation I'm having with you and asking you to have with your son, but Mikey has come to us a little worked up and I promised him that I'd talk to you about it. Do you think you can talk to Steve and let me know when you do? Thanks."

 

And tell him to quit asking to see my son's penis

[dmarc117]

do you want the kid to stop kissing your boy or do you want him to not be gay?

[westvirginia]

You kinda have to do something, imo, or you have to tell your son why you aren't in a way that he understands it's important to you. I'd have the conversation with the other Dad, just not mention anything about the ghey. "Hey, my son has told me that your boy will occasionally try to kiss him and it weirds my son out. Would you mind talking to your son to try and put a stop to it? I know with kids this age the personal boundaries thing can be tough but my boy has made a hugh point of it and is really uncomfortable." From there you just see how he responds. Like I said, IMO, you HAVE to say something, or you make your son understand why you aren't. It goes to trust with your son.

[TimC]

And tell him to quit asking to see my son's penis

 

You can tell these people aren't from the South. The conversation would've lasted 5 seconds and been "Tell yer little Bubba to stop trying to kiss up on my boy or he'll turn into a queer. Now pass me a Busch Light."

[billay]

Based on some of these responses I'm assuming your son has attempted to deal with the situation and had no success? I think the first step is giving your son the opportunity to speak up for himself, particularly in a situation where he is dealing with a contemporary. Kids aren't stupid, if your son tells the other kid to stop, with appropriate levels of assertiveness, I would imagine the other child will adjust his behavior.

[Ursa Majoris]

I am thinking it's more a psychological/behavioral issue than an expression of his "sexuality".

+1 with the caveat that there is a lot of evidence to say gays are born not made. Aren't there cases on record of heterosexually active kids before the age of 10?

[millerx]

Based on some of these responses I'm assuming your son has attempted to deal with the situation and had no success? I think the first step is giving your son the opportunity to speak up for himself, particularly in a situation where he is dealing with a contemporary. Kids aren't stupid, if your son tells the other kid to stop, with appropriate levels of assertiveness, I would imagine the other child will adjust his behavior.

Bingo.

 

Let him stand up for himself, even encourage him to do so if necessary. This could be a great example for him assert himself and be self reliant instead of having to turn to an authority to do everything for him.

[Scooby's Hubby]

Very touchy subject. Put yourself in his shoes and imagine your neighbor coming to you and telling you that he thinks your son may be gay because he keeps trying to kiss his son. I would imagine that could make for an extremely difficult situation and a strained relationship between you and your neighbor. Especially if you were already friends with your neighbor before this started happening.

i know it is touchy but i am willing to bet they may have seen this already and kinda know. laugh about it a little and have tact when bringing this to their attention.

[mrip]

Just tell him that his son is regularly trying to kiss your son and it makes him uncomfortable enough to tell you about it. Don't need to say anything about being gay.

[rajncajn]

i know it is touchy but i am willing to bet they may have seen this already and kinda know. laugh about it a little and have tact when bringing this to their attention.

I think you'd be very surprised at how blind some parents can be to issues their kids may have and easily things can turn defensive when you're bringing up a difficult subject like this.

[Jackass]

I think you'd be very surprised at how blind some parents can be to issues their kids may have and easily things can turn defensive when you're bringing up a difficult subject like this.

 

Too bad for them. The parents need to know what's going on. If i was the parent, i'd want to know my kid was doing this.

[matt770]

I've heard that homosexual behavior is often exhibited in kids, so who knows. If I had a kid doing that I would hope I could do something to steer him the right way, but I think often it's ingrained in DNA and there is nothing you can do. I don't think the boy was acting out sexually because kids that age don't understand sex, but his choosing a boy to kiss instead of a girl is not insignificant, IMO.

 

When I was in the first grade I had a crush on a girl and kissed her on the cheek one day at school. She freaked out and a teacher saw it and told my mom, but nothing came of it. She asked me a bunch of questions but I think she just thought it was cute. It was no anomoly though, I was obsessed with girls when most of my friends were more into sports and video games. I don't know if anything could have been done to shift my focus toward healthier stuff but I mention it because I think that early incident definitely foreshadowed a lot of later behavior.

[NSab]

I think Homosexuals are definitely born that way. I am not a shrink, but i would tell my son to avoid him .

[Cunning Runt]

Thats the thing, though. You say it differently.

 

"You know, Bill...my son Mikey was telling me that sometimes your boy Steve really gets in Mikey's personal space and he finds it really uncomfortable. I'm not talking about typical kid wrestling, just situations where they're walking around or talking or whatever and Steve will get all close to Mikey and he'll be a bit wiereded out by it. I'm not sure if Mikey has a big 'personal space' or not, but would you mind talking to Steve about personal boundaries and the need to respect other peoples space? I know this is a bit of an unusual conversation I'm having with you and asking you to have with your son, but Mikey has come to us a little worked up and I promised him that I'd talk to you about it. Do you think you can talk to Steve and let me know when you do? Thanks."

 

No - as a parent, you do not get involved other than telling your own child how to respond.

 

Which to me, should be your child telling the other boy simply to "stop, I don't like it when you do that" and to push the boy away (not violently). If something as easy as that doesn't solve it, I'd be really surprised.

[muck]

No - as a parent, you do not get involved other than telling your own child how to respond.

 

Which to me, should be your child telling the other boy simply to "stop, I don't like it when you do that" and to push the boy away (not violently). If something as easy as that doesn't solve it, I'd be really surprised.

 

I'm sorry ... I thought it went without saying that step one was to instruct my son how to behave when ANYONE does something to him or around him that he does not like or feel comfortable with our think is some how wrong.

 

However ... the son asked the dad to help (or at least that's how I read the original post). And, if my son asks for my help on something that he's genuinely all knotted up over after he's tried to resolve the situation, and I'm in a position to help, and I do nothing ... what does that tell my son? It tells him that I think keeping nice with the neighbors is more important than my relationship with him. After all it's about prioritizing relationships ... and no neighbor is more important than my son.

 

Besides, my point was that while you DO address your neighbor, you DO NOT address the neighbor with, "Hey, how's your ghey son doing? You know he tries to kiss my hetero son on the mouth and it is really freaking him out. Why don't you go get some counselling or medicine for your son so he'll start acting normal and quit trying to french my son?"

 

PS -- I ain't no hand-holder ... my kids know how to stick up for themselves. But, you know, dad's are dad's for a reason. Don't be a mamby-pamby dad that soft-pedals hard issues your kids deal with. Sometimes, "buck up kid" just isn't enough.