Question for the parents/coaches out there

[dmarc117]

So when the not-so-good-kid messes up a play, and the other team scores a goal, and his teammates shoot him dirty looks or worse, and this kid now doesn't want to play.....what should gee tell his son?

 

I think, even at this age, its easier to explain to his son that sometimes, the people who are better at things get perks/more playing time. Solid lesson for life...the better performers get more pay/more leeway, etc. If the conversation is presented the right way, it could positively prompt the boy to want to find out what he is good at (music, karate, whatever) and strive to excel at it.

 

Much easier conversation to have than trying to console a kid who now knows he is not very good and his friends/teammates have made fun of him.

 

 

or take the kids that shoot the dirty looks and bench them. teach them what its about to be on a team and be a team player. you win and lose together.

[i_am_the_swammi]

or take the kids that shoot the dirty looks and bench them. teach them what its about to be on a team and be a team player. you win and lose together.

 

good in theory, but try controlling a bunch of 6-7 year old's emotions when they just lost a game. Often, there are tears and yelling and crying. Even major league players have a tough time not throwing their hands up in disgust when something goes wrong, or someone makes an error behind a pitcher.

 

Worse, your solution would only single out the poor player even more as being the reason the other's got benched, however wrong that might be. In a 7-year old's eyes, he'd be the reason.

 

Have fun sending your kid to school the next day with that wieghing on them.

[CaptainHook]

I can tell some of you guys have never coached youth sports.

[Grits and Shins]

Upward sports is a nice introduction to the sport and both of my children started out playing Upward basketball. But keep in mind ... that is all that it is - an introduction to the sport. After 2 seasons in Upward basketball both of my kids were ready to play more competitively.

 

As for the bench time question - indeed a tough one. Having coached teams in the past (not football) it can be very difficult to find the right mixture of having fun, learning the game and trying to win. No matter what anybody says ... at the end of the day everybody wants to win and when you are winning you are having more fun. This is less of a factor for the very young, although the parents want their kids to win. Parents can be very difficult if you aren't winning and as a coach I felt a great deal of pressure to win - even when I had a great group of parents (maybe even more so).

 

I have also been where you are ... my son has played on teams where he was out of favor for whatever reason and sat the bench more than others. It is very hard as a parent when this happens and even more so when your child starts asking questions. My son was on a team once where the coaches boy was clearly the worst boy on the team but never sat an inning and batted lead off. Unfortunately for my son the coach's boy's primary position was the same as my son's. That was a very bad season for us. I finally approached the coach and not only did it do no good, it made matters worse. That coach was a baseball board member and black-balled my son the next season.

 

That was the last time I approached a baseball coach about play time. We just had to tell our son that some coaches have their own agendas that often do not include fair play and/or fun. We grit our teeth for that season and move on. Of course that was because my son was playing through the city we live in ... when we moved into select/classic baseball things are a little different.

[dmarc117]

good in theory, but try controlling a bunch of 6-7 year old's emotions when they just lost a game. Often, there are tears and yelling and crying. Even major league players have a tough time not throwing their hands up in disgust when something goes wrong, or someone makes an error behind a pitcher.

 

Worse, your solution would only single out the poor player even more as being the reason the other's got benched, however wrong that might be. In a 7-year old's eyes, he'd be the reason.

 

Have fun sending your kid to school the next day with that wieghing on them.

 

 

i hear ya. just one more thing they have to learn about our wonderful world!!!!

[Seahawks21]

Wow, some of you are awfully rough on 6-year olds. They are six. Six.

 

They should be concerned with having fun, period. If they have fun and like the sport, they will come back the next year, no matter how productive they are on the field. The coach needs to make a conscious effort to involve every six year old. Throw the kid a pass or two. Even if he doesn't catch them, it will give him a rush. They are six, and playing with the Y! I mean come on. Winning should not even be anywhere on the agenda. Work on fundamentals and teach the game, but far more important is to have fun! They are six!! Come on.

[isleseeya]

Wow, some of you are awfully rough on 6-year olds. They are six. Six.

 

They should be concerned with having fun, period. If they have fun and like the sport, they will come back the next year, no matter how productive they are on the field. The coach needs to make a conscious effort to involve every six year old. Throw the kid a pass or two. Even if he doesn't catch them, it will give him a rush. They are six, and playing with the Y! I mean come on. Winning should not even be anywhere on the agenda. Work on fundamentals and teach the game, but far more important is to have fun! They are six!! Come on.

 

i agree with this

[i_am_the_swammi]

i agree with this

 

+1

 

Sadly, what should be the case, and what is the case, are two very different things, and you have to adjust your parenting accordingly.

[dmarc117]

another problem i have with winning comes first is the late bloomers. kids get better and worse based on development, size, interest, etc. you have to play everyone the same amount of time when they are young. teach them the fundamentals. i played little league with many a kids that were studs, then couldnt make their high school team cause everyone caught up to them.

[Grits and Shins]

Wow, some of you are awfully rough on 6-year olds. They are six. Six.

 

They should be concerned with having fun, period. If they have fun and like the sport, they will come back the next year, no matter how productive they are on the field. The coach needs to make a conscious effort to involve every six year old. Throw the kid a pass or two. Even if he doesn't catch them, it will give him a rush. They are six, and playing with the Y! I mean come on. Winning should not even be anywhere on the agenda. Work on fundamentals and teach the game, but far more important is to have fun! They are six!! Come on.

 

Good luck getting all the parents on the same page as this ...

[untateve]

Just as a preface--I have coached youth soccer since around 1988 or so. I have coached ultra-competitive teams as well as recreational teams. I have 'coached' kids as young as 4 and as old as 15-16. I have coached boys' teams, girls' teams and co-ed teams. I have been a coach when I didn't have children and I coach both of my boys' teams (recreational soccer).

 

So when the not-so-good-kid messes up a play, and the other team scores a goal, and his teammates shoot him dirty looks or worse, and this kid now doesn't want to play.....what should gee tell his son? A good coach would never let it happen that a single player is responsible for a goal being scored. To my knowledge, football, soccer, etc is a team sport. I begin my first practice by telling the team that everyone here is going to make plenty of mistakes. I point out that no one wants to be yelled at for messing up, so that when a team mate makes a mistake, go and help him, let him know that it's okay--so long as he is trying his best.

 

I think, even at this age, its easier to explain to his son that sometimes, the people who are better at things get perks/more playing time. Solid lesson for life...the better performers get more pay/more leeway, etc. If the conversation is presented the right way, it could positively prompt the boy to want to find out what he is good at (music, karate, whatever) and strive to excel at it. There are children who are not very good at something initially but have a love for it. "You're six years old but it is clear you will always suck at football and not get much playing time. Let's see if we can find something you're good at."

 

Much easier conversation to have than trying to console a kid who now knows he is not very good and his friends/teammates have made fun of him. This is why I coach my own children. There are too many adults who share this view. How a coach could create a team mentality where this happens is beyond me.

 

 

good in theory, but try controlling a bunch of 6-7 year old's emotions when they just lost a game. Often, there are tears and yelling and crying. Even major league players have a tough time not throwing their hands up in disgust when something goes wrong, or someone makes an error behind a pitcher. Have you really coached 6-7 year olds? I would bet a large amount of money that most kids that age cannot provide you an accurate score after their game and many would not know if they have won or lost. It is the adults who are upset after a loss, not 6-7 year old kids. Kids that age are more focused on what the after-game snack is.

 

Worse, your solution would only single out the poor player even more as being the reason the other's got benched, however wrong that might be. In a 7-year old's eyes, he'd be the reason.

 

Have fun sending your kid to school the next day with that wieghing on them. I am certain you have limited to zero experience coaching 6-7 year old children.

 

Youth sports are fkd up by the adults involved.

[i_am_the_swammi]

Youth sports are fkd up by the adults involved.

 

Unta, maybe you missed my points completely. I am not agreeing at all with how things are....just pointing out how they are.

 

To your point about coaching sports:

 

I have coached my 10-year old son's 5-6 year old soccer teams, his 7-8 year old flag-football teams, and his 6-thru-9 baseball teams.

I have coached my 7-year-old daughter's 5-7year old soccer teams.

I have coached my 6-year olds's t-ball team, and his soccer team.

 

In all cases I was either a head coach or assistant. Prior to last January, I was a work-at-home dad, which afforded me the time to do all these things.

 

Much of what you write is correct about how things should be in an ideal world, but reality is it doesn't always happen that way. We all coach our kids that its all about the team, that no one is to blame, that we win and lose together....until someone makes a mistake. All it takes is one other kid to display frustration (which is natural for a 6-year-old to be unable to keep his emotions in check).

 

You are completely wrong about 7-year olds not knowing "what the score is" and "not caring if they won or lost". They understand parents are rooting for them to do well. They hear the cheers when they succeed. They hear the silence when they do not. They see the other team celebrating when they score. They see the other team celebrating when they win.They aren't dumb. They get the rush when they do well...you can see it in their faces, and they an see it in the faces of their proud parents.

 

But FWIW, my coaching style is exactly the same as yours. I teach my kids exactly the same thing you do. My point was, some coaches are like the one gee described, and I offered my take on how to deal with it. This particular coach has fostered an enviorment where winning is important, and he is likely passing that mantra onto his players (especially the ones playing a lot). If thats the case, then why should gee put his son in harm's way by insisting he play more, and possibly subject him to ridicule from his teammates that have been playing an entire season 'to win"?

 

At this point, I'm not sure there is much to gain by gee getting involved.

 

Not sure why that was a reason to attack me as 'someone who has never coached kids before"?

[Seahawks21]

Good luck getting all the parents on the same page as this ...

When I coached young kids, the first thing I did was call the parents. I explained my philosophy, so even if they disagree with my tactics, they knew where I was coming from and what to expect. I had a couple parents that pulled their kids off of my teams, and almost every single time the kid would come back a week or two later because he heard at school how much fun we were all having. You're right though, I did have a couple just awful parents. I got punched square in the nose for subbing for a kid once. We were up 28-0, and I put in our backup quarterback at halftime. The starting QB's father hit me because I was costing his 8-year old's stats! He actually said, "you're taking stats away from my kid!". Unbelievable.

[Yukon Cornelius]

Youth sports are fkd up by the adults involved.

yup

[chiefjay]

Hot button topic.

 

I've done a fair amount of coaching and I've seen a lot of things in terms of coaching and parents.

 

Coached 9/10 baseball a few years back and we probably had the best team but every team had 15 players which made it difficult because there were rules to playing time, what positions they played, etc... I adhered to that. In some games my best players had to sit two innings because of the number of players and only 10 could play in the field each inning and not to mention everyone bats. We did good, ended up 3rd, losing one playoff game. Not all kids adhered to the rules, same kids played OF all game, just switched positions. Supposed to play at least an inning in the infield.

 

I was at a 7 year old hockey game last night and everything was on display there, parents, coaches, grand parents etc... amazing how completive some sports can be and how non competive others can be.

 

I will say also that my 8 year olds travel hockey team has too equal playing time in my opinion, parents want to win but will complain when their kid doesn't play as much as others. It's a delicate balance for sure. It's funny that everyone is usually happy when their team is winning but when they lose a few in a row the gloves are off.

 

My suggestion as a few others have stated. with 2 games left just let it go for now and explain to him if he wants more playing time and touches he'll need to practice a bit more and of course as he is the old kid on the team he naturally will get more playing time as there will be younger kids that follow.

 

Kids sports are crazy and no sports are exempt from the craziness.

Edited November 6, 2009 by chiefjay

[untateve]

At the end of the first practice of every team I coach, I have a parent meeting. I go over my philosophy, plans and expectations. I also give the parents a letter summarizing everything:

 

October 2009

Dear U-14 Soccer Parents,

 

Welcome to Stuart Youth Soccer 2009-2010. The purpose of this note is to introduce myself and my coaching philosophy.

 

I began coaching soccer in 1985. I have coached children as young as four and as old as 15-16. I have coached boys teams, girls teams, and co-ed teams. I have coached recreational teams as well as traveling teams (top level, experienced players). As a coach, I have taken youth soccer teams to tournaments all over the country. I have also participated in a 40-hour soccer coaching licensing course (D-license). Finally, at one time, I was certified as a youth soccer referee.

 

My overall coaching philosophy is very simple. I want the children to have a great time while learning the game of soccer. I like to coach during practice and let the children play during the game. You will find that during the soccer game, I am much more quiet than I am during the practice. I provide less direction during the games because I want the children to learn to think for themselves on the field.

 

The expectations for the parents are simple. Have your child on time for practice and arrive 20 minutes prior to game time. During games, please cheer for the players, have fun, and enjoy. Please avoid giving directions to the players. You may inadvertently be telling your child to do something that is completely different from what I have been coaching them to do and you would be taking away their chance to learn to think for themselves.

 

Although rare, sometimes parents on other teams do not behave as appropriately as they should. Please—should this happen, ignore the parent. Really. Say nothing. Nothing will be accomplished by engaging the parent. Our children learn how to respond to others from us. In the world of youth sports, few things are as sad as parents fighting on the field. If a real problem does develop, please let me deal with it.

 

Try to miss as few games as possible. If your soccer player misses a game, it really does impact the entire team. If you will miss a practice or a game, please let me know so I can plan accordingly.

 

I am not always available to contact you (my job sometimes interferes with soccer) if weather could potentially cancel a practice or a game. There is a hotline number (xxx-xxxx) that SYSC staff will try and update regarding field availability. If you do not hear from me, plan to be at the game.

 

A few words about referees are necessary. Here is my promise to you: The referees will definitely make some bad calls against our team. Definitely. It will happen. They try their best and that is all we should ask. Please, do not yell at a referee, question his/her calls, or seek to otherwise intimidate or embarrass a referee. In a perfect world, the only time you will talk to a referee will be after a game, thanking him/her for their effort.

 

As for the children, I want them to learn to function as a team, try their best, learn soccer, and mostly, have as much fun as possible. You may notice that nowhere in this letter have I written about winning and losing. I strongly believe that youth soccer should not focus on wins and losses. The focus should be on the points listed in the above paragraphs. That is not to say we will not compete. Whenever there are two teams on the field, competition naturally takes place, as well it should. I will always be satisfied with a team of children playing good soccer and having fun. Win or lose, I am certain that you will see significant improvement in the team from the beginning of the season to the end of the season.

 

Finally, I am always happy to discuss soccer with you. Really. I like to talk soccer. If you have any questions about the team, the strategy, why I’m doing what I’m doing, or anything else, please feel free to approach me. I really enjoy talking about soccer.

 

Have fun,

 

 

 

Steve Edney [H: xxx-xxxx, C: xxx-xxx]

[Big John]

At the end of the first practice of every team I coach, I have a parent meeting. I go over my philosophy, plans and expectations. I also give the parents a letter summarizing everything:

 

C: xxx-xxx

A special one from another country that uses only 6 digits?