The Irish Doggy Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Three of my favorites teachers in elementary school were men. As someone who's worked with sexually abused kids, I'm quite aware of what goes on and it's an even more complicated picture than the stats in this thread would indicate. Sorry for your loss Scooby. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Double Agent Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 I had a male teacher for 5th grade, and he remains one of the biggest positive influences on my life to this day. The guy is absolutely revered in my hometown community. When he retired, students from their teenage years up to their mid-30's (like me) came to his retirement get-together at the elementary school. There are bad apples - regardless of gender - in every bushel. Completely agree. I was talking more about little kids. I don't think I'd want a man that I didn't know extremely well watching my 5 and 2 year old. And it has nothing to do with men being more likely to commit these crimes. It has to do with why would a man want to make a career as a daycare teacher. It just sends up a red flag to me. Schwarzenegger was a helluva kindergarten teacher FWIW. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 So sorry to hear that scoob. This site is made up of mostly men , some women , and Hugh One. I am sure the men on here were sickened by the original link and equally sickened by the man you referred to in regards to your sister which is why people, including myself, reacted the way we did to your comment. The personal story you shared certainly explains that your point of view was coming from a place of deep hurt and puts into perspective your feelings on the subject. I wont debate the topic anymore. I will just offer my most heartfelt sympathy to you and your family for what was endured. God bless your sister and your family . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i_am_the_swammi Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 So sorry to hear that scoob. I am sure the men on here were sickened by the original link and equally sickened by the man you referred to in regards to your sister which is why people, including myself, reacted the way we did to your comment. The personal story you shared certainly explains that your point of view was coming from a place of deep hurt and puts into perspective your feelings on the subject. I wont debate the topic anymore. I will just offer my most heartfelt sympathy to you and your family for what was endured. God bless your sister and your family . +1. While your sis could never overcome what must have been an unthinkable impact on her childhood, I am hoping that you can somehow come to terms with what appears to be an issue that you still carry with you today. As you can tell from many of the responses from people here who you know (I hope) like you and have your best interests in mind....its affecting your perception of likely-innocent people. Don't let your little one carry it, too. This site is made up of mostly men , some women , and Hugh One. This made me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteelBunz Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Scoob...I sort of had an inkling that your reaction had something to do with the circumstances around your sister's life. I'm so sorry to hear it. Unta can probably articulate this thought better, but bear with me a minute. As human beings, our opinions and actions are colored and shaped by the actions we grew up around and the slivers of life we've been directly involved in. It's much harder to see the overall picture, dial it back and not make sweeping, generalized assumptions, especially if one slice was particularly traumatic. We tend to swing hard in the opposite direction and dig in. When really, extremes in either direction can turn out badly. You said he was a teenage boy. To you that transitioned to all teenage boys....to all boys.....to all male elementary teachers....to all men around young girls. Pretty extreme....yes? I know you are trying to err on the side of caution for your children. Just be careful that you aren't creating as many problems as you are trying to prevent. I don't discount your feelings....they are your feelings. I don't have kids, but I was one once. And I have a plethora of nieces and nephews that have confided in me growing up. Nothing wrong with the Momma Bear/protective parenting. Just remember that part of growing up is also learning to confront and react to unpleasantness in the world. Learning how to trust your instincts and put all the information your parents imparted into practice. How to make their own GOOD decisions. Growing up I always knew my parents loved me...but trust was the big buzzword in my house. My mother had a hard time sometimes just trusting me to do the right things. It was a bit tough to deal with because I never gave her any cause NOT to trust me. You just get tired of seeing her cruise the school parking lot, trying to catch you doing something wrong on your lunch hour....getting panicky when you walk in 2 minutes past your curfew....calling the house of a party you went to, just to check and see if you're there. Pretty soon.....you just stop doing anything with friends because it's just easier than seeing her all worked up and worried. To me, that would be the toughest thing as a parent. Just being able to let go of the control a little at a time as they are growing up. Just my opinion. Take care of yourself, Scoob. You still have a lot of hurt and anger around all your sister went through. All YOU have gone through. I'm sure you are doing this, but you need to find a way to deal with it for yourself. Talking it out with a professional. Maybe find a way to quit beating yourself and/or your parents up for not catching it sooner. It went on a fairly long time. Obviously some signs were missed along the way. You can't go back 20 years and correct it. But you have to find a way to deal with it now...in the present. For your own peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonorator Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 perfectly said bunz. great advice ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bpwallace49 Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Scoob I am so sorry to hear of the abuse and pain your sister had to endure. Based on that very personal experience I cna see how that would color your assumptions about males around younger girls. Unfortunatly I am sure that will result in a lot of good people being unfairly judged based on their gender, all becasue of one demented scumbag in your past. Prayers sent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chavez Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Completely agree. I was talking more about little kids. I don't think I'd want a man that I didn't know extremely well watching my 5 and 2 year old. And it has nothing to do with men being more likely to commit these crimes. It has to do with why would a man want to make a career as a daycare teacher. It just sends up a red flag to me. Why wouldn't he? Men can like being around kids as much as women. A good friend of mine is single/childless, and he's probably better with my kids than I am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Double Agent Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Men can like being around kids as much as women. They most certainly can. Never said otherwise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chavez Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 They most certainly can. Never said otherwise. ...so what's the red flag, then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Double Agent Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 ...so what's the red flag, then? Let's say you have small children and you're interviewing for a nanny position. You've got two people equally qualified. Both 25. One is a woman and one is a man. Are you saying you wouldn't have any reservations about hiring the guy? And because I know it will be asked: No, she's not hot. But he is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matt770 Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Let's say you have small children and you're interviewing for a nanny position. You've got two people equally qualified. Both 25. One is a woman and one is a man. Are you saying you wouldn't have any reservations about hiring the guy? I would hire the man, because all women are emotionally unstable and all men are level-headed and rational. Kids that age need stability and structure. With a woman, you never know what you're going to get on any given day, especially if it's that time of the month. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chavez Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Let's say you have small children and you're interviewing for a nanny position. You've got two people equally qualified. Both 25. One is a woman and one is a man. Are you saying you wouldn't have any reservations about hiring the guy? So maybe I do. I fail to see how MY flawed and hysteria-based reaction means that there is anything "wrong" with the guy, or with his career choice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Double Agent Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 So maybe I do. I fail to see how MY flawed and hysteria-based reaction means that there is anything "wrong" with the guy, or with his career choice. Is it because he's hot? Whether right or wrong we all have instincts and inclinations that hopefully help protect our kids. Just because I wouldn't let a man be my kids' nanny doesn't mean he's a pedophile. I also don't want them hanging out with priests, clowns, or midgets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chavez Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Whether right or wrong we all have instincts and inclinations that hopefully help protect our kids. Just because I wouldn't let a man be my kids' nanny doesn't mean he's a pedophile. I also don't want them hanging out with priests, clowns, or midgets. My point is that you should realize this is strictly due to bias on your part, especially since you haven't been able to say what the "red flag" is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Double Agent Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 My point is that you should realize this is strictly due to bias on your part, especially since you haven't been able to say what the "red flag" is. It's completely subjective. If I implied otherwise I didn't mean to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Codwagon Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 FACT: any man who willingly places himself in a room with 25 k-age kids on a full time basis is either a mo, a ped, or a moped. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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