Kid Cid Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 I got one... One time I was checking out some pron on the internet and came across this fine asian girl doing her thing with another fine asian woman, so I knew my wife would be back any minute from the store which means I had to act fast. Everything slowed down for me, got the jamba juice rag (every guy has one.) did my business and just as she put her key into the front door I finished, when sprinting out of the computer room holding my shorts up with my left hand, threw the rag into the laundry, slid on the sink matt and dove for the couch. I landed on my stomach covering up the fact I have my shorts unbuttoned and a woody, grab the remove and flick on the TV before she could make it into the living room It was a "Whoa" moment if I've ever seen one. See, there's you're problem right there. I slow down and when the wife opens the door, point it directly st her and ask if she want's to join. I have a 73% success rate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cre8tiff Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 See, there's you're problem right there. I slow down and when the wife opens the door, point it directly st her and ask if she want's to join. I have a 73% success rate. In marriages? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skins Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 (edited) I have had some very successful and very unsuccessful encounters with bar ceiling fans when doing bar launches off them to break up fights back when I worked in bars. Some Matrix, some Dumb and Dumber. Edited December 8, 2006 by skins Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Savage Beatings Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 I actually have some amazing reflexes, and pretty much at least once a week I freak out my wife by being able to accidentally drop my keys (or something like that) and catch them before they hit the ground. This last week I was carrying my son in one hand, holding his bottle in another, walking down the stairs... my son threw his pacifier, and I reached out and caught it with my hand with the bottle in it. Didn't even break stride. When I was a kid about 10 years old, I remember getting into a big fight with a friend of mine. He road off on his bike, and as he turned the corner of our street I whipped a rock at him... hit the poor kid right in the head and knocked him off his bike! I know, that's terrible... but it was a good 50 yards and a once-in-a-lifetime shot! OK, last night I had a big glass Guinness pint full of ice water on my bedside table. My 2 year old went to grab it and it flew up into the air dumping water and ice all over the place. While being drenched, I was able to reach out and grab the glass about an inch before it hit the ground and shattered. My wife, looked at me and said, "How the hell do you do that?" My deadpan reply... "I'm Batman." Cracking up now, she says, "Oh my God... you ARE Batman!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Red Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 I'm about 13 and flying down the sidewalk on my bike. As I begin to roll past the neighbors big Winnebego, I realize I am WAY to close to it and the handle bars or peddle may hit the back corner. Just after realizing this, I find myself standing on the ground in front of the bike with my arms behind me still holding the handle bars. The peddle had hit the Winnebego and caused it to stop dead. I guess I had figured out what was about to happen, stood up out of the seat and flipped over the front of the bike without letting go. I always wondered how far I'd have flew if I'd have let go at the height of the flip. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irish Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 Too many to recount. But in a way, such as when I was assigned the catcher position, the batted or kicked ball would frequently find its way to my face. You're a catcher? I would've never guessed that about you. Anywho.. I once threw a football about 40 yds toward my friend who was walking and didn't know it was coming. It was a perfect lead pass as it somehow wedged itself between his stomach and his swinging left arm. Another time I was swinging from my chin up bar after working out a little and my sister was sitting directly across from me about 3 feet. As she went to stick out her arms to hit my legs, I swung out my legs to kick her arms. Well she flew back over the railing and somehow with her back now facing the railing grabbed it with one hand and then dropped herself onto the flight of stairs just beneath her and walked back up. Thinking of others... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexgaddis Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 I was shot at several times and was able to dodge all the bullets cause I could see them all flying slowly towards me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irish Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 (edited) I was able to hit a man with my truck, leave the scene of the accident and get off scot-free. My wife was like who are you... Johnnie Cochran?!?!? Edited March 13, 2007 by irish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexgaddis Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 I was able to hit a man with my truck, leave the scene of the accident and get off scot-free. see? this is why i like him... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darin3 Posted March 13, 2007 Author Share Posted March 13, 2007 (edited) Thinking of others... How 'bout the time you nearly missed that bicyclist in your truck. Wait, nevermind. Edit: Oops, guess I should read all posts in a thread before posting smart-azz comments. Edited March 13, 2007 by darin3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irish Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 How 'bout the time you nearly missed that bicyclist in your truck. Wait, nevermind. Edit: Oops, guess I should read all posts in a thread before posting smart-azz comments. Very true, especially if someone's already beaten you to it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darin3 Posted March 13, 2007 Author Share Posted March 13, 2007 Very true, especially if someone's already beaten you to it. Uh, that's what I meant. Are you letting students type for you again? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Had a great one on Sunday . I was shaking a drink in my right hand when one of the other bartenders walked behind me to get to our service bar area. While he was walking he knocked a wine glass off of the back bar. While still shaking a drink in my right hand , I caught the wine glass in my left about 2 feet from the floor. I was so happy that 2 guests saw it because nobody would have believed it. Both guests were shocked at the catch Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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