here is an interesting legal question

[polksalet]

How can you keep an parent from contacting you? I have sent many letters and emails to no avail. I regularly receive emails and letters telling me what a pos I am. I even threatened a restraining order which only seemed to fuel the fire. DO I have the right in the US to tell someone to leave me alone? What can I do here?

[Ursa Majoris]

How can you keep an parent from contacting you? I have sent many letters and emails to no avail. I regularly receive emails and letters telling me what a pos I am. I even threatened a restraining order which only seemed to fuel the fire. DO I have the right in the US to tell someone to leave me alone? What can I do here?

Restraining orders can be set with no contact in any form a stipulation.

[millerx]

How can you keep an parent from contacting you? I have sent many letters and emails to no avail. I regularly receive emails and letters telling me what a pos I am. I even threatened a restraining order which only seemed to fuel the fire. DO I have the right in the US to tell someone to leave me alone? What can I do here?

and telling them to F*ck off doesn't work huh? Follow through with the restraining order, and when it fuels the fire, bingo!

[Big John]

Go "polksalet" on him.

 

Seriously, the restraining order would be the best option.

[Kid Cid]

I concur. Yes you do have the right to not be bothered or contacted by someone. That is specifically what restraining orders are designed to do.

[Bier Meister]

ok polk..... what did you do to them?

[matt770]

It's not uncommon for a wife to be found dead with an active restraining order against her crazy husband in her purse. That's not to say they can't be useful, but often they are more trouble than they are worth. Also they expire. My advice: ignore, ignore, ignore. Do not reward the contact with any reply whatsoever, as this encourages the harrasser to continue. You've already asked for no further contact, so there is nothing more to be said by you.

 

Filter emails to go directly to trash, or change your email address. Screen your calls, or change your number. It may take a while, months even...but eventually the person gives up and moves on.

[The Irish Doggy]

Filter emails to go directly to trash, or change your email address. Screen your calls, or change your number. It may take a while, months even...but eventually the person gives up and moves on.

 

 

Indeed. Emails straight to delete folder, called ID, throw letters away without reading... Don't put yourself in position to get annoyed/upset by this stuff.

 

But I'd get the restraining order too. If you do the above, I can see the possibility of someone trying to drop by and talk crap. No need to answer the door, just call the po-po. From what I hear, they are pretty responsive to calls where the caller mentions a restraining order and the offending person is on the front doorstep.

[Furd]

Its going to depend on local law, but in Michigan, if letters and email are the only contact of which you complain, the court will not likely issue a restraining or protective order.

[matt770]

Don't put yourself in position to get annoyed/upset by this stuff.

 

That's the key. You're taking control of the situation, not being affected by the communication attempts and thus not being tempted to reply. Telling the person not to contact you again is considered contact, and for the real crazies, this is a reward that encourages more harassment.

 

Being completely ignored might enrage them at first, so the harassment could spike for a while. It is crucial to resist the temptation to respond during this period, otherwise they may never learn. Has to be ZERO CONTACT, period.

 

I would only get a restraining order if there was trespassing and/or destruction of property involved, or being physically approached in public places. Even then, the police have to be there to witness it, otherwise you have to file charges and it's your word against theirs.

[Azazello1313]

Its going to depend on local law, but in Michigan, if letters and email are the only contact of which you complain, the court will not likely issue a restraining or protective order.

 

well, alternative to a restraining order, you could always leave a dead possum in a pot of boiling water on their stove.

[Dutch Oven]

Its going to depend on local law, but in Michigan, if letters and email are the only contact of which you complain, the court will not likely issue a restraining or protective order.

 

Same in Arkansas. I guess go with Az's possum idea.

[geeteebee]

well, alternative to a restraining order, you could always leave a dead possum in a pot of boiling water on their stove.

 

In east Texas though that's considered good manners so it may only exaserbate the problem.

[polksalet]

ok polk..... what did you do to them?

 

I was born and don't take kaka off of them. Therefore they have decided to persecute me in anyway that they can.

[polksalet]

Same in Arkansas. I guess go with Az's possum idea.

 

What if they live in Arkie and I live in Texas?

[Dutch Oven]

What if they live in Arkie and I live in Texas?

 

I don't know TX law on this, but speaking generally, most states require some threat of violence or danger to grant a restraining/no contact order.

[polksalet]

I don't know TX law on this, but speaking generally, most states require some threat of violence or danger to grant a restraining/no contact order.

 

I guess what I'm asking is, do I get the order locally (TX) or where they live (AR).

[matt770]

I guess what I'm asking is, do I get the order locally (TX) or where they live (AR).

 

Doesn't matter, it's unlikely to achieve the goal of ceasing their attempts to contact you. If it's just a volley in an ongoing battle and you want to piss them off further, then by all means...

[polksalet]

Doesn't matter, it's unlikely to achieve the goal of ceasing their attempts to contact you. If it's just a volley in an ongoing battle and you want to piss them off further, then by all means...

 

I told them 3 years to leave me alone. I was advised at the time if I would leave them alone that they would leave me alone. They send me stuff and I return it to sender. They put it in a new box and send it back. I have no desire to have a skirmish with them. What I really desire is no relationship and I feel that I should be entitled to that wish.

[Dutch Oven]

What are they sending you? This seems like a real odd deal.

[Savage Beatings]

I told them 3 years to leave me alone. I was advised at the time if I would leave them alone that they would leave me alone. They send me stuff and I return it to sender. They put it in a new box and send it back. I have no desire to have a skirmish with them. What I really desire is no relationship and I feel that I should be entitled to that wish.

 

See you can't mark anything return to sender, because that is a reaction, and they want a reaction. You have to just throw away anything from them without opening it... or if it is not clear who a letter or package is from, then as soon as you realize it is from them you have to just toss it. Resist all temptations to react. You have to ignore everything until it stops.

[matt770]

I told them 3 years to leave me alone. I was advised at the time if I would leave them alone that they would leave me alone. They send me stuff and I return it to sender. They put it in a new box and send it back. I have no desire to have a skirmish with them. What I really desire is no relationship and I feel that I should be entitled to that wish.

 

Returning to sender lets them know you got it and were annoyed enough to go to the trouble to send it back. You're rewarding the behavior. Just ignore them. Throw the letters and packages in the trash unopened. If they call, don't answer the phone. Filter their emails to go directly to trash.

 

In Maryland if you apply for a protective/restraining order, the Sheriff attempts to serve the defendant with a summons to come to court and respond. If they are served and don't show up, the order is granted. I would imagine the process is similar elsewhere. I wouldn't think a court anywhere would grant the order without giving the other party a chance to respond. Given your circumstances, I don't know that a court would even grant a hearing, as your parents are not threatening you with violence. If the court did entertain this, I assume they would mail the summons to the sheriff where your parents live so they could be served. So then you are not only dealing with annoying letters and e-mails, but you will potentially have to see them in person, in a courtroom, and put your dirty laundry before a judge.

 

Now assuming you get the protective order, what have you accomplished? If your parents do not respect boundaries enough to leave you alone as you've asked, are they going to obey a piece of paper from another state? Even if they do, when the order expires and they start up again, are you going to go through all of it again? You have now put yourself through more stress and aggravation than the original problem, some mail that can be thrown away.

 

To answer your original question, legally, yes, you have a right to be left alone. Unfortunately the laws are difficult to enforce, and the burden of proof is on the victim. The legal hoops you have to jump through can be as much of a pain in the ass as the actual harassment. That's why I say you are better off employing your own practical solution which is ignoring the behavior. Unfortunately this means having to deal with the unpleasantness of receiving more harassing mail. This requires some discipline and coping on your part, to toss it unopened and to minimize the stress it causes. That is probably not an easy thing to do, and given the issue is with your parents, maybe some counseling is in order.

[polksalet]

What are they sending you? This seems like a real odd deal.

 

Letters about what a pos I am, or letters about how bad they miss me and the kids, or random gifts. Its way past odd, its plum weird.

[polksalet]

Returning to sender lets them know you got it and were annoyed enough to go to the trouble to send it back. You're rewarding the behavior. Just ignore them. Throw the letters and packages in the trash unopened. If they call, don't answer the phone. Filter their emails to go directly to trash.

 

In Maryland if you apply for a protective/restraining order, the Sheriff attempts to serve the defendant with a summons to come to court and respond. If they are served and don't show up, the order is granted. I would imagine the process is similar elsewhere. I wouldn't think a court anywhere would grant the order without giving the other party a chance to respond. Given your circumstances, I don't know that a court would even grant a hearing, as your parents are not threatening you with violence. If the court did entertain this, I assume they would mail the summons to the sheriff where your parents live so they could be served. So then you are not only dealing with annoying letters and e-mails, but you will potentially have to see them in person, in a courtroom, and put your dirty laundry before a judge.

 

Now assuming you get the protective order, what have you accomplished? If your parents do not respect boundaries enough to leave you alone as you've asked, are they going to obey a piece of paper from another state? Even if they do, when the order expires and they start up again, are you going to go through all of it again? You have now put yourself through more stress and aggravation than the original problem, some mail that can be thrown away.

 

To answer your original question, legally, yes, you have a right to be left alone. Unfortunately the laws are difficult to enforce, and the burden of proof is on the victim. The legal hoops you have to jump through can be as much of a pain in the ass as the actual harassment. That's why I say you are better off employing your own practical solution which is ignoring the behavior. Unfortunately this means having to deal with the unpleasantness of receiving more harassing mail. This requires some discipline and coping on your part, to toss it unopened and to minimize the stress it causes. That is probably not an easy thing to do, and given the issue is with your parents, maybe some counseling is in order.

 

One of the perks to having an undergrad in psych is ready access to an armada of shrinks. I've talked to at least half a dozen licensed counselors and all believe I am in the right and that the parent is a nutbag. The parent began accusing me of some pretty horrendous things. I don't know if said parent believes these things or was just trying to damage me but I elected to stop participating in a relationship with this person. I told them that if they would go to a hlaf hour counseling session I would talk to them but that has been over 2.5 years ago. They have continued slandering me to the point that one side of my family will no longer speak to me because of these wild tales. I have given up and only want them to leave me alone as I believe that only harm can come from me continuing this relationship.

[I Like Soup]

Letters about what a pos I am, or letters about how bad they miss me and the kids, or random gifts. Its way past odd, its plum weird.

 

Yeah, but you have to open the letters in the first place, right? You have to open the emails, right? I don't get it, just ignore them like has been suggested.

 

It reminds me of friends that get phone calls from people they don't want to get stuck in a conversation with, etc. Don't answer the phone you moran. It is there for your use, don't be a slave to it.

 

So I guess I'm saying, don't open or read mail/email, you only empower them...moran.