buddahj Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 And the pimp hat, why do people always forget the freaking pimp hat?!?!?!?! Gotta have a "strong" pimp hand, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atlanta Cracker Posted June 19, 2010 Author Share Posted June 19, 2010 Many companies have HR departments that can try to help employees in tough personal situations, even if just to the extent of suggesting reputable counceling / debt consolidation organizations ... if you have such an HR department, your best bet might be to refer the employee to them ... up to her if she chooses to take advantage of any advice or aid they can offer. If you don't have such an HR department & truly want to "get involved", maybe you can do some research on local counceling / debt consolidation organizations and anonomously leave the info for your employee to review ... again, up to her if she follows thru. performance improvement plan that leads to termination if she does not improve her results. Thanks for the good ideas. Just trying to be a mentor here. I had people mentor me along the way though I was never quite so far gone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buddahj Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 Thanks for the good ideas. Just trying to be a mentor here. I had people mentor me along the way though I was never quite so far gone. I don't think mentoring requires you to help someone out in their personal life. I give you props for wanting to help...but I think it's only going to leave a bad taste in your mouth when it's over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scooby's Hubby Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 So in general if a person continually makes bad decisions that are detrimental to their health, finances, etc. has anyone ever had any success giving advice that actually was taken to heart or made any difference short of that person hitting absolute rock bottom? Rent is now 1 month past due. Next step is on the street with the child then losing the child. ...the next step is finding cheaper rent...I could understand the company advancing her a deposit for another place. Take yourself personally out of this situation. The next step is not that drastic. Beware: this 'in general' stuff is crap. you are thinking of her and not 'in general'. so don't lie to yourself. It seems like you are trying to give yourself an excuse to be her sugardaddy. And she wants a sugar daddy, she cannnot help that b/c of her past. She knows what she is doing. Don't be fooled. Think about your real intentions. If you are married, stay away. You are flirting with disaster, brother, even if you don't get physical, it looks real bad b/c your true intentions will be obvious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puddy Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 It seems like you are trying to give yourself an excuse to be her sugardaddy. And she wants a sugar daddy, she cannnot help that b/c of her past. She knows what she is doing. Don't be fooled. Think about your real intentions. If you are married, stay away. You are flirting with disaster, brother, even if you don't get physical, it looks real bad b/c your true intentions will be obvious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scooby's Hubby Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 I only say that, Puddy, b/c he starts with "she is very attractive...great personality"... I am merely giving a friendly warning to a situation that may not be all that it seems to him. I do not know how old Cracker is nor if he is happily married or what, nor is it any of my business. I am merely saying that her situation is not dire. She can get cheaper rent somewhere else and cut expenses. Being late on a few months rent will not put you out on the streets and if she can get a small advance from her next paycheck she can then bail on her old place and get a new one (kinda like the move for the Baltimore Colts). I would strongly encourage Cracker to distancing himself from evaluating how great looking she is (if he is married) and associating that with why he wants to help her. I mean, what does her being a knockout have to do with her financial situation or why bring that up if she is just a friend (unless he is going with the earlier suggested 'pimping her out' idea). LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SEC=UGA Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 I only say that, Puddy, b/c he starts with "she is very attractive...great personality"... I am merely giving a friendly warning to a situation that may not be all that it seems to him. I do not know how old Cracker is nor if he is happily married or what, nor is it any of my business. I am merely saying that her situation is not dire. She can get cheaper rent somewhere else and cut expenses. Being late on a few months rent will not put you out on the streets and if she can get a small advance from her next paycheck she can then bail on her old place and get a new one (kinda like the move for the Baltimore Colts). I would strongly encourage Cracker to distancing himself from evaluating how great looking she is (if he is married) and associating that with why he wants to help her. I mean, what does her being a knockout have to do with her financial situation or why bring that up if she is just a friend (unless he is going with the earlier suggested 'pimping her out' idea). LOL Whatever Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twiley Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 I don't think mentoring requires you to help someone out in their personal life. This. Stay away from giving her any money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scooby's Hubby Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Whatever well...if you were cracker is that how you would explain this to your wife? "she is very attractive and needs my help" whatever you LOL. To me it sounds like cracker wants to be her personal hero...that should piss his wife off, if he is married. Try to defend cracker to his wife and see how successful you are. I know what Scooby would do to me if I tried to pull that crap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SEC=UGA Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 well...if you were cracker is that how you would explain this to your wife? "she is very attractive and needs my help" whatever you LOL. To me it sounds like cracker wants to be her personal hero...that should piss his wife off, if he is married. Try to defend cracker to his wife and see how successful you are. I know what Scooby would do to me if I tried to pull that crap. Probably, yes. Cracker if you need me to defend you to your wife, just let me know. I have gotten my ass outta a lot worse situations than could arise from you telling your wife that this screw up you work with is hot and you want her to stay at the house with you for a few months. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i_am_the_swammi Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 Just trying to be a mentor here. I had people mentor me along the way though I was never quite so far gone. Pretty freakin noble of you, AC, and you seem to genuinely want to help this woman and her child..shouldn't matter one bit if she is good looking not. If you have never given your wife one reason to mis-trust you, I can't imagine for one minute she'd start now. I think your intentions are solid. on the other hand, advice such as this might be better suited for those that are shady, which I don't think you are: Think about your real intentions. If you are married, stay away. You are flirting with disaster, brother, even if you don't get physical, it looks real bad b/c your true intentions will be obvious. SH, just because someone is good looking doesn't mean AC wants to bang her. Intersting your advice stems from that type of thought-process, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scooby's Hubby Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 (edited) Probably, yes. Cracker if you need me to defend you to your wife, just let me know. I have gotten my ass outta a lot worse situations than could arise from you telling your wife that this screw up you work with is hot and you want her to stay at the house with you for a few months. LOL...hey, maybe that works. you never know, cracker's wife coulda been waiting for a hot little third party...if so then my advice is to stock up on batteries. Edited June 22, 2010 by Scooby's Hubby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Cid Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 I'm going to back SH on this one. Appearances are very often more important than reality, especially when dealing with one's spouse. Now, SH perhaps could have put it more eloquently but the point is, there is the potential for big time disaster if Ms AC sees things differently from the reality or if AC's intentions are not as pure as the driven snow. Bottom line is that no good will come from you stepping in at a personal level AC. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scooby's Hubby Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 I'm going to back SH on this one. Appearances are very often more important than reality, especially when dealing with one's spouse. Now, SH perhaps could have put it more eloquently but the point is, there is the potential for big time disaster if Ms AC sees things differently from the reality or if AC's intentions are not as pure as the driven snow. Bottom line is that no good will come from you stepping in at a personal level AC. yeah, I am not good at expressing tone in my typing. i need to practice being more eloquent. Sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matt770 Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 It's a fact of life that we are drawn to people who are attractive. Even if his intentions are honorable (and I never assumed otherwise), her looks are probably a factor in his wanting to help her. If she was a fat pig, he may have posted about this annoying woman at the office who isn't getting the job done and keeps whining about her personal life. Either way, in my opinion, the correct course is to mentor/coach from a work perspective only, as other posters have said. If she can't manage her personal life and it affects her job, then she may not be a good fit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darin3 Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 I'd cut her off from the company helping financially, except for what she earns in paychecks, of course. But I would recommend some free credit counseling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rajncajn Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 well...if you were cracker is that how you would explain this to your wife? "she is very attractive and needs my help" whatever you LOL. To me it sounds like cracker wants to be her personal hero...that should piss his wife off, if he is married. Try to defend cracker to his wife and see how successful you are. I know what Scooby would do to me if I tried to pull that crap. I'm pretty sure he was just listing that as what she has going for her. Typically you think of someone who is attractive with a great personality as someone who could do well for themselves, but to the contrary she has made all the wrong decisions. Knowing AC, I know he is a very genuine person who is all about helping people and I'm pretty certain his wife sees him in that light as well. In a similar situation I don't think my wife would have a problem with me using "attractive" in the context it's being used. I would give her credit enough that she would understand that I am not attracted to her in that sense, but just describing the situation. Actually. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azazello1313 Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 this thread really is useless without pics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SEC=UGA Posted June 22, 2010 Share Posted June 22, 2010 this thread really is useless without pics. Pocs http://www.abc.net.au/reslib/200709/r175931_669234.jpg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atlanta Cracker Posted June 23, 2010 Author Share Posted June 23, 2010 Wow this kind of skittered out to left field while I was unable to check in I mentioned her looks and personality because to a large degree I think that is how she has gotten by to this point. There are no romantic issues and my wife knows her and we often discuss how she's screwing up a good opportunity. There is no financial involvement on my part either so don't sweat that. I mentioned "in general" because I have seen other people go down this path and like all of you are saying it rarely ends well. That's why I asked if anyone had ever had any success with a person such as this. I appreciate everyone's concern on my behalf and candid responses can often lead you to see things differently so no harm there. If you thought of this person as a sister, what type of advice would you give? Her main issue right now seems to be controlling her spending so my advice to her since I posted this thread was to cut up all her credit and debit cards and set a weekly withdrawal of cash at the bank to cover all misc. expenses. She's done that and followed through for a week and seems to be making some progress. Immaturity is another issue that only time can really help I guess. Any other ideas are welcome. Oh, and FWIW I am a financial advisor and it is not at all out of line or frowned upon for me to help other coworkers - with advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i_am_the_swammi Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Wow this kind of skittered out to left field while I was unable to check in I mentioned her looks and personality because to a large degree I think that is how she has gotten by to this point. There are no romantic issues and my wife knows her and we often discuss how she's screwing up a good opportunity. Nice, AC...and glad to hear you can be candid with your wife when discussing a co-worker who happens to be a good-looking women, and have a business-only relationship with that person....and have your wife be OK with it. Its pretty apparent that some here don't trust themselves the same way, and offer advice as such. As I said before, I think its great you are helping her every way you can....she sounds like a decent person that you actually want to help, who just needs some direction from someone she trusts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puddy Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Wow this kind of skittered out to left field while I was unable to check in I mentioned her looks and personality because to a large degree I think that is how she has gotten by to this point. There are no romantic issues and my wife knows her and we often discuss how she's screwing up a good opportunity. There is no financial involvement on my part either so don't sweat that. I mentioned "in general" because I have seen other people go down this path and like all of you are saying it rarely ends well. That's why I asked if anyone had ever had any success with a person such as this. I appreciate everyone's concern on my behalf and candid responses can often lead you to see things differently so no harm there. If you thought of this person as a sister, what type of advice would you give? Her main issue right now seems to be controlling her spending so my advice to her since I posted this thread was to cut up all her credit and debit cards and set a weekly withdrawal of cash at the bank to cover all misc. expenses. She's done that and followed through for a week and seems to be making some progress. Immaturity is another issue that only time can really help I guess. Any other ideas are welcome. Oh, and FWIW I am a financial advisor and it is not at all out of line or frowned upon for me to help other coworkers - with advice. Okay...this adds a little perspective. I'm guessing an advisor like yourself is too advanced to help her. If you want to spend a few bucks that can help someone like her with apparently no financial background...buy her the Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover stuff. It's simple and effective if she will use it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Savage Beatings Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Have you tried giving her large sums of money in exchange for Happy-Time Mouthy FunTM? TM - This phrase is the intellectual property of AtomicCEO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riffraff Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Buy her The Wealthy Barber and go over each chapter with her as she completes them. Personal financial responsibility in an easy to understand story telling format. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matt770 Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 If you thought of this person as a sister, what type of advice would you give? Keep her away from this guy? Have you tried giving her large sums of money in exchange for Happy-Time Mouthy FunTM? TM - This phrase is the intellectual property of AtomicCEO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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