Question about drinking

[rajncajn]

Again,  background info... I have a deep family history of alcoholism. I've spoken about it before,  so I won't go into that detail again other than to say that I had a really bad situation (which i will also not go into) that happened to me in my early twenties that scared me enough to keep me straight for good.

The result of my situation and the realization that I was quickly headed down that dark road left me completely sober for about two years. Once I did start to drink again I set a few rules for myself that I've always followed to keep me away from going down that path. Some of them may sound silly or trivial, but you would be surprised how often it made a difference. 

1. Understand your limits and pace yourself. One benefit I have is that I am always aware of my state,  regardless of my ability to function. One curse I have is I don't forget my stupidity when I have been overly intoxicated. There's been one time in my entire life that I have been so drunk that I "blacked out" for extended periods of time and it will never happen again. 

2. Never drink alone.

3. Never drink before noon

4. Don't buy alcohol just to have it in the house. It's not a staple,  don't treat it like one.

5. Never drink to escape - this one has always been, and still is,  the hardest. It can be something as simple as escaping an argument with the wife or a financial situation. Drinking when I'm upset is off limits, but it's also the time when I most crave having a drink. 

Now that I've thoroughly rambled, I'll get to my question:

As I get older I have more of my friends that are getting sober. There have been a few here that have struggled with drinking and I am happy for them that they recognize that they have a problem and they are trying to work it out. That said, does it bother you, if you are a drinker,  talking about drinking or alcohol around them?

Case in point, I've posted a few times about different craft beers or wines that I've enjoyed. I already wouldnt drink around someone who is a recovering alcoholic, but I've also worried over how hyping up a beer or talking about drinking on say FB or here might make someone who is trying to stay sober feel. Am I overreacting for feeling a bit self conscious about it or is it better to err on the side of caution when you know someone who is trying to stsy sober will likely be reading what you post?

[stevegrab]

First an answer to the question. I think you're overreacting a bit based on your own past experience. I don't have many friends that are recovering alcoholics, but have some friends who don't drink much, or far less than I do. (1-2 a day on average). 

One of my brothers had a roommate who was a recovering alcoholic. Any beer in the fridge was in a drawer out of site, and any booze was in the cabinet or something. I admired that, but we didn't avoid having a drink around the guy and he didn't seem to mind. 

My parents didn't drink a lot, but came from a European culture, where drinking didn't have of the stigmas it does in America. (Kids drink a small amount at home, and that kind of thing.) Alcohol of some kind was almost always in the house. Its the same way for me and many of my siblings, beer in the fridge and some booze somewhere. Maybe wine for some. My sister and her husband hardly drink, and two of my brothers don't drink much at all now due to some health issues. 

I've often heard that "don't drink alone" line, well then I'd rarely drink since most of my evenings are spent alone, weekends I may be with others more often, but some of that activity (motorcycle riding and church) don't include alcohol. I have a beer or two (or shots) in the evening. On a weekend I may have a few more, Sunday football is usually a 6 pack. 

[skylive5]

"As I get older I have more of my friends that are getting sober. There have been a few here that have struggled with drinking and I am happy for them that they recognize that they have a problem and they are trying to work it out. That said, does it bother you, if you are a drinker,  talking about drinking or alcohol around them?"

 

Some have no problem around talk about beer/booze. Others do. Maybe you should ask and then you would know where you stand.

Everybody is different.

 

[rajncajn]

Yeah, my family always had liquor wine and beer in the house. Liquor was typically only for weekends or family gatherings,  but we were always well-stocked. I started sneaking it when I was in elementary school and was full-on drinking by 8th grade. My high school years were pretty much what most people's college years were like. Heavy drinking and parties every weekend, sometimes multiple days of drunkenness.

Now, I drink,  but I don't buy just to have it when I want it. If I want something then I'll go buy a 6 pack or a bottle of wine. Every now and again, usually in the colder months, I'll go buy a bottle of whiskey.

[rajncajn]

3 hours ago, skylive5 said:

Some have no problem around talk about beer/booze. Others do. Maybe you should ask and then you would know where you stand.

Everybody is different.

Definitely agree and sometimes it just matters what stage they're in. 

[loaf]

I am a recovering alcoholic, as many of you know. I don't have a problem with being around people who talk about or while they are drinking. I will tell you lots of folks ask me if them ordering a drink would bother me. So like Sky offered, ask first.

[Trojanmojo]

If I knew I was around a recovering alcoholic I may or may not refrain from imbibing...Just depends on if it would bother them. I'd ask first. For me, I do drink alone a good amound because my wife and kids don't drink.  That said, it's not to escape but more to relax or just enjoy a beer or two. To me football and beer go together like PB &J.  I do keep some wine and woodford reserve bourbon in the house but that woodford has sat unopened for about a year b/c I only really ever drink bourbon with my friends in the office. LOL. TDLR; I try to be considerate of my friends and won't drink in front of them if it bothers them.

[rajncajn]

3 hours ago, loaf said:

I am a recovering alcoholic, as many of you know. I don't have a problem with being around people who talk about or while they are drinking. I will tell you lots of folks ask me if them ordering a drink would bother me. So like Sky offered, ask first.

I thought about you when I posted this thread. I don't think I remember you talking about it much here,  but I knew from your posts on FB that you'd stopped. There's been a few times where I'd found a new brew or something like that and came here or on FB to share. Then I had a bit of awareness after another friend mentioned that he was trying to stop and I felt a bit like an inconsiderate ass. I know he didn't really have a problem with it and I didn't think that you would either. Regardless, I thought that out of respect for anyone who may be quietly struggling, it would be better not to flaunt what I'm drinking. 

Edited September 7, 2023 by rajncajn

[stevegrab]

15 hours ago, Trojanmojo said:

If I knew I was around a recovering alcoholic I may or may not refrain from imbibing...Just depends on if it would bother them. I'd ask first. For me, I do drink alone a good amound because my wife and kids don't drink.  That said, it's not to escape but more to relax or just enjoy a beer or two. To me football and beer go together like PB &J.  I do keep some wine and woodford reserve bourbon in the house but that woodford has sat unopened for about a year b/c I only really ever drink bourbon with my friends in the office. LOL. TDLR; I try to be considerate of my friends and won't drink in front of them if it bothers them.

Beer and sports, same thing if I'm watching some racing (motorcycles, Indy Car, sports cars) a beer just goes with it, whether on TV or in person. 

[rajncajn]

On 9/7/2023 at 10:11 AM, stevegrab said:

Beer and sports, same thing if I'm watching some racing (motorcycles, Indy Car, sports cars) a beer just goes with it, whether on TV or in person. 

Same here though, oddly enough, I haven't had a drink in weeks. For me it's also this time of year where I'm wanting the seasonal stuff and the heavier beers like stouts and Oktoberfests. 

[stevegrab]

11 hours ago, rajncajn said:

Same here though, oddly enough, I haven't had a drink in weeks. For me it's also this time of year where I'm wanting the seasonal stuff and the heavier beers like stouts and Oktoberfests. 

Saw your pictures of fishing, and again that's something that I know goes with the activity, at least for many. I had one friend tell me about a vacation where his buddies would regularly drink a 12 or case each during the day fishing, and he was more a beer once a week guy. Said it felt more like a drinking game than fishing. (They were all 60s or older, and it sounded like some of the group never grew up from their frat days.)

[rajncajn]

1 hour ago, stevegrab said:

Saw your pictures of fishing, and again that's something that I know goes with the activity, at least for many. I had one friend tell me about a vacation where his buddies would regularly drink a 12 or case each during the day fishing, and he was more a beer once a week guy. Said it felt more like a drinking game than fishing. (They were all 60s or older, and it sounded like some of the group never grew up from their frat days.)

For me, alcohol and boats are a really bad mix. Just way too much that you need to keep your head about you for. I might drink when we are just going to hang out on the islands, but in general I dont like drinking on the boat. I don't like drinking when I fish either, mostly because having to piss every 30 minutes takes my line out of the water, but also not looking to mix boating and drinking.

[stevegrab]

1 hour ago, rajncajn said:

For me, alcohol and boats are a really bad mix. Just way too much that you need to keep your head about you for. I might drink when we are just going to hang out on the islands, but in general I dont like drinking on the boat. I don't like drinking when I fish either, mostly because having to piss every 30 minutes takes my line out of the water, but also not looking to mix boating and drinking.

I hear you. For some in the biker community drinking is part of riding, not for me or anbody I ride with. I attend some races on my bike, there for 6-8 hours walking in the sun etc. I may have a beer or two, along with food and many other non-alc beverages to stay hydrated. 

Back home, or at the hotel during an event, many of us will enjoy a few beverages. 

[S_bone]

recently had a health scare, been sober bout a month i think, not enough data ta comment but i really wouldn't want someone ta not enjoy drinkin cause i'm there. Gonna see my son this month in Mexico, wonder what my brain decides their🙄

[irish]

10 hours ago, S_bone said:

recently had a health scare, been sober bout a month i think, not enough data ta comment but i really wouldn't want someone ta not enjoy drinkin cause i'm there. Gonna see my son this month in Mexico, wonder what my brain decides their🙄

Oh boy!  How serious was the health scare?

[FinishTheDrill]

On 9/6/2023 at 7:15 PM, Trojanmojo said:

If I knew I was around a recovering alcoholic I may or may not refrain from imbibing...Just depends on if it would bother them.

... and on their expectations.   

 

[whomper]

I started drinking a fair amount more than usual during the lockdowns .  Ill also pop a few shots here and there when I am bartending but I dont let that get out of hand because I have to drive home , so I usually stop a good 3 hours before I have to leave . We entertain a lot so I usually have a fair amount of booze in the house . I work 65 hours a week , so when I am home and if I am just chilling , I like to unwind with a cocktail . I can probably kick it back a notch 

[rajncajn]

50 minutes ago, whomper said:

I started drinking a fair amount more than usual during the lockdowns .  Ill also pop a few shots here and there when I am bartending but I dont let that get out of hand because I have to drive home , so I usually stop a good 3 hours before I have to leave . We entertain a lot so I usually have a fair amount of booze in the house . I work 65 hours a week , so when I am home and if I am just chilling , I like to unwind with a cocktail . I can probably kick it back a notch 

I think the difference for me now vs when I was younger is that I don't need it like I used to. I may want a drink or two to just relax or help me get some enjoyment out of a tough job or loosen me up while socializing, but I don't need it and the difference is very clear. I can just as easily relax with a cup of tea as I can with a glass of scotch or a beer. I can also have nothing at all without really giving it a second thought.

This past Sunday working on the wife's car, I had one beer in the fridge and bought another 6 pack. I drank 4 of them over the course of the day and my FIL drank one. I thought about drinking the other two last night during the game, but I had tea instead.

[S_bone]

On 10/1/2023 at 10:10 AM, S_bone said:

recently had a health scare, been sober bout a month i think, not enough data ta comment but i really wouldn't want someone ta not enjoy drinkin cause i'm there. Gonna see my son this month in Mexico, wonder what my brain decides their🙄

had 2 beers, didn't finish either, bought some rum yesterday, go figure