Savage Beatings Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Have you ever screwed up so badly, that it cost you a relationship with a girlfriend/boyfriend or a spouse? I screwed something up, pretty big. I didn't mean any harm by it, but I know I was wrong. My wife is seriously ticked off with me today, to the point where I'm actually afraid of losing her. I don't want to get into the details too much, but it has to do with finances. I've just been kind of zoning out here at work today, feeling sick to my stomach. I have no idea what to do about this situation either. I feel like all I can do is sit back and wait for her to decide if she wants to stay with me. Anybody here ever been in that kind of spot before? What do you do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azazello1313 Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 don't tell me you made a big bet on the hawks.. :doah: just take whatever she wants to dish out as humbly as you can, and pray for the best. sorry, bro Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caveman_Nick Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Have you ever screwed up so badly, that it cost you a relationship with a girlfriend/boyfriend or a spouse? I screwed something up, pretty big. I didn't mean any harm by it, but I know I was wrong. My wife is seriously ticked off with me today, to the point where I'm actually afraid of losing her. I don't want to get into the details too much, but it has to do with finances. I've just been kind of zoning out here at work today, feeling sick to my stomach. I have no idea what to do about this situation either. I feel like all I can do is sit back and wait for her to decide if she wants to stay with me. Anybody here ever been in that kind of spot before? What do you do? 1309782[/snapback] Not in a marriage. Just remember one thing. When you get married you vow to stay together through thick and thin. I believe that when I took those vows that they were more than words. First do what you can to rectify the mistake, second do what you can do to make sure you won't make it again, and third make sure she knows you love her. Actually, you might want to do step 3 first...and last. Tell her what you're going to do and why. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twiley Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Have you ever screwed up so badly, that it cost you a relationship with a girlfriend/boyfriend or a spouse? I screwed something up, pretty big. I didn't mean any harm by it, but I know I was wrong. My wife is seriously ticked off with me today, to the point where I'm actually afraid of losing her. I don't want to get into the details too much, but it has to do with finances. I've just been kind of zoning out here at work today, feeling sick to my stomach. I have no idea what to do about this situation either. I feel like all I can do is sit back and wait for her to decide if she wants to stay with me. Anybody here ever been in that kind of spot before? What do you do? 1309782[/snapback] Whoa. I've done some crap in my day and the best thing I can recommend for a situation like this is sucking up your pride and apologize like your life (or marriage) depends on it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big F'n Dave Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 If it is indeed that serious, then I would schedule an appointment with a therapist or marriage counselor immediately. There are plenty of people who've trained for years to hel couples rectify situations like this. Or, you could seek advice from a bunch of dorks on a fantasy football message board. Your call. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AtomicCEO Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 You're obviously on the right track. Serious problem emerge when someone doesn't admit that they were wrong or don't think it's important. That's obviously not the case. How much jewelry can you afford? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonorator Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 complete and total honesty. don't be more honest with us in here than you are with her in the real world. lay out your heart and hope for the best. if it is gambling related, or compulsive behavior related, and it is going to put you in financial distress, then you need some counseling as well so it doesn't happen again. if this is the case, tell her you will do this gladly to save the relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Savage Beatings Posted February 6, 2006 Author Share Posted February 6, 2006 don't tell me you made a big bet on the hawks.. :doah: just take whatever she wants to dish out as humbly as you can, and pray for the best. sorry, bro 1309795[/snapback] Well, as stupid as I have been, I cannot even fathom the lack of IQ that it would require to have placed a big bet on the Hawks. :ducks: No, but seriously, I have tried to apologize to her and reassure her that things will be fine for us, and that I have already changed the financial situation to be the best that it can be. But isn't it interesting that this ex-seminarian didn't even yet think to pray about this... thanks Az, seriously I appreciate that suggestion and I will definitely do just that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azazello1313 Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 But isn't it interesting that this ex-seminarian didn't even yet think to pray about this... thanks Az, seriously I appreciate that suggestion and I will definitely do just that. 1309826[/snapback] you won't be alone. we've all seen you post about how much you dig her. i really hope everything works out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Savage Beatings Posted February 6, 2006 Author Share Posted February 6, 2006 Just to stop the speculation, basically I went behind her back and changed my withholdings on my paycheck so that we would come closer to even on our tax returns. She was expecting, and planning for a big return. I knew that there wouldn't be one, but wasn't honest with her about it. So, it's not as if we are out any money... we've had it all along instead of giving it to the government as a type of savings account... but it's the part where I didn't tell her about it that has her very very upset with me. I wasn't even really intentionally trying to keep it from her. I didn't know that she had plans to spend our return. I was just going to surprise her by showing how efficient we could be by not withholding so much. Yep... not a good surprise as it turns out. I feel horrible about it. And yes, I've told her as much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big F'n Dave Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 So, she's gonna divorce you over not getting a big tax refund? Wow! Hardcore! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonorator Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Just to stop the speculation, basically I went behind her back and changed my withholdings on my paycheck so that we would come closer to even on our tax returns. She was expecting, and planning for a big return. I knew that there wouldn't be one, but wasn't honest with her about it. So, it's not as if we are out any money... we've had it all along instead of giving it to the government as a type of savings account... but it's the part where I didn't tell her about it that has her very very upset with me. I wasn't even really intentionally trying to keep it from her. I didn't know that she had plans to spend our return. I was just going to surprise her by showing how efficient we could be by not withholding so much. Yep... not a good surprise as it turns out. I feel horrible about it. And yes, I've told her as much. 1309842[/snapback] um, this should not jeopardize a relationship. actually what you did was smart. instead of having the gov hold your money, you get it sooner. be sure to remind her that you were acting in a way to improve your financial situation. (i thought you blew the family fortune on the ponies ...) since you didn't know she had plans for the return, you had no way of knowing she would react this way. was she talking about this prior to now? do you always make financial decisions jointly? there could be an issue of her thinking that you duped her or avoided telling her about the change, but since it is the right thing to do and you didn't know she had plans for the money, i don't see how you are that far in the wrong. anyway, find out what it was she wanted and then talk about how to buy it if it is that important. if it is some big luxury item and you can't afford it, then there is another discussion that needs to happen about managing money wisely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azazello1313 Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 aww, shucks...that shouldn't be too hard to smooth over. whatever she was planning to spend the dough on...go ahead and buy it, put it on financing that you can pay off over the next year with the money you're NOT witholding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caveman_Nick Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Just to stop the speculation, basically I went behind her back and changed my withholdings on my paycheck so that we would come closer to even on our tax returns. She was expecting, and planning for a big return. I knew that there wouldn't be one, but wasn't honest with her about it. So, it's not as if we are out any money... we've had it all along instead of giving it to the government as a type of savings account... but it's the part where I didn't tell her about it that has her very very upset with me. I wasn't even really intentionally trying to keep it from her. I didn't know that she had plans to spend our return. I was just going to surprise her by showing how efficient we could be by not withholding so much. Yep... not a good surprise as it turns out. I feel horrible about it. And yes, I've told her as much. 1309842[/snapback] She should get over it. In the grand scheme of bad things husbands do, that doesn't even register. Any financial consultant will tell you that what you did is the right thing to do. You can't control that she had some grand scheme for the money, and it also sounds like she is as guilty for having 'spent' that money before you even had it. Good God, man, I thought you had done something wrong. For something like that I would apologize for the miscommunication, but if my wife wanted to make an elephant out of it I would explain some facts of life to her. Then again (and I am not trying to snub you or anyone here), There is no question that I wear the pants in my marriage. Everyone's relationship is different. I just can't imagine fearing to lose my wife over what is a trivial issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twiley Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 (edited) Just to stop the speculation, basically I went behind her back and changed my withholdings on my paycheck so that we would come closer to even on our tax returns. She was expecting, and planning for a big return. I knew that there wouldn't be one, but wasn't honest with her about it. So, it's not as if we are out any money... we've had it all along instead of giving it to the government as a type of savings account... but it's the part where I didn't tell her about it that has her very very upset with me. I wasn't even really intentionally trying to keep it from her. I didn't know that she had plans to spend our return. I was just going to surprise her by showing how efficient we could be by not withholding so much. Yep... not a good surprise as it turns out. I feel horrible about it. And yes, I've told her as much. 1309842[/snapback] She's so mad at you that she might leave you because of this? It's an honest mistake on your half. This is hardly worth a fight IMO. It's not like you cheated on her with another woman or gave her an STD that you caught from a stripper. I think you need to apologize but remind her that things like this are trivial in comparison to other fights that end marriages. UNLESS, there's more to this story than your letting onto. Edited February 6, 2006 by twiley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Savage Beatings Posted February 6, 2006 Author Share Posted February 6, 2006 So, she's gonna divorce you over not getting a big tax refund? Wow! Hardcore! 1309852[/snapback] It's more about her not knowing, than the money. um, this should not jeopardize a relationship. actually what you did was smart. instead of having the gov hold your money, you get it sooner. be sure to remind her that you were acting in a way to improve your financial situation. (i thought you blew the family fortune on the ponies ...) since you didn't know she had plans for the return, you had no way of knowing she would react this way. was she talking about this prior to now? do you always make financial decisions jointly? there could be an issue of her thinking that you duped her or avoided telling her about the change, but since it is the right thing to do and you didn't know she had plans for the money, i don't see how you are that far in the wrong. anyway, find out what it was she wanted and then talk about how to buy it if it is that important. if it is some big luxury item and you can't afford it, then there is another discussion that needs to happen about managing money wisely. 1309864[/snapback] The truth is that we do need to have a good long discussion about our finances, and hopefully this will all smooth over and we'll end up better for it. But right now she feels betrayed, and like she can't trust me. I hope to prove her wrong! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caveman_Nick Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 The truth is that we do need to have a good long discussion about our finances, and hopefully this will all smooth over and we'll end up better for it. But right now she feels betrayed, and like she can't trust me. I hope to prove her wrong! 1309879[/snapback] It's not my business, but that's really ridiculous. Really. It's not like you 'took' the money. You did the financially smart thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
H8tank Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 wt_f? Slam that bish and teach her a little econ 101. And whatever she wants, get it either same as cash or a 0% cc. Dude, this is really petty. I am ashamed it is so simple. I figured you buttfingered some boys in seminary and got sued, and the judgement was gonna make you sell your house and everything. But this? PUHLEESE! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonorator Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 It's more about her not knowing, than the money.The truth is that we do need to have a good long discussion about our finances, and hopefully this will all smooth over and we'll end up better for it. But right now she feels betrayed, and like she can't trust me. I hope to prove her wrong! 1309879[/snapback] tell her she's lucky to have a husband doing smart financial moves behind her back ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azazello1313 Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 She should get over it. In the grand scheme of bad things husbands do, that doesn't even register. Any financial consultant will tell you that what you did is the right thing to do. You can't control that she had some grand scheme for the money, and it also sounds like she is as guilty for having 'spent' that money before you even had it. Good God, man, I thought you had done something wrong. For something like that I would apologize for the miscommunication, but if my wife wanted to make an elephant out of it I would explain some facts of life to her. Then again (and I am not trying to snub you or anyone here), There is no question that I wear the pants in my marriage. Everyone's relationship is different. I just can't imagine fearing to lose my wife over what is a trivial issue. 1309875[/snapback] well...i agree it's hard to see this as a potential dealbreaker for the marriage; but at the same time, a lack of complete honesty and communication can be a big issue, even if it's over essentially a trifling matter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TDFFFreak Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 If it is indeed that serious, then I would schedule an appointment with a therapist or marriage counselor immediately. There are plenty of people who've trained for years to hel couples rectify situations like this. Or, you could seek advice from a bunch of dorks on a fantasy football message board. Your call. 1309814[/snapback] Obviously I like this response. Wondering what the nature of the "crime" was? I know financial, but did you violate a major trust, blow all of the money, etc.? I'm sure you are making sure she knows that you are sorry, but a grand gesture outside of therapy will probably be needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caveman_Nick Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 well...i agree it's hard to see this as a potential dealbreaker for the marriage; but at the same time, a lack of complete honesty and communication can be a big issue, even if it's over essentially a trifling matter. 1309886[/snapback] Sounds to me like a 2 way lack of communication and honesty. And not an enormous one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azazello1313 Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 I figured you buttfingered some boys in seminary and got sued, and the judgement was gonna make you sell your house and everything. But this? PUHLEESE! 1309883[/snapback] trying......not....to....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big F'n Dave Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 ...but at the same time, a lack of complete honesty and communication can be a big issue... 1309886[/snapback] So says single-boy. Come talk to me about that whole "complete honesty and communication" thing after 10 years of marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nuke'em ttg Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 man i'd dump her azz if i found out she were that materialistic,loose the skirt you've done nothing wrong, is aunt flow in town or is she really pissed about something else, like maybe she needs the money to pay off some of the debt she's pissed away over the year. stay positive and cheer up!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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