whomper Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 (edited) The dutch oven I subjected my wife to last night after hot wings and guacemole was much worse than that. Honestly this may sound like no big deal to the rest of us but it must be serious enough for SB that he is in a real jam..You never know what really upsets people. This will blow over..In every marriage people should get passes. Sometimes your in the wrong and this isnt life threatning or infidelity so you look for a pass. It will blow over..Think back and im sure you can find something she did that upset you and you gave her a pass on it.. Edited February 7, 2006 by whomper Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetlips Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 You're absolutely correct. But as a woman, you are undoubtedly aware that Mrs. SB holds all the make-up sex cards. It's not up to Mr. SB when or if there will be make-up sex. And as I said earlier, if you're a woman you know that. 1310038[/snapback] But he holds all the cards about "how good" it can be...... That's what I'm talking about. After the fight..... Give it all ya got. Make it outstanding! duhhhhh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TDFFFreak Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Honestly this may sound like no big deal to the rest of us but it must be serious enough for SB that he is in a real jam..You never know what really upsets people. This will blow over..In every marriage people should get passes. Sometimes your in the wrong and this isnt life threatning or infidelity so you look for a pass. It will blow over..Think back and im sure you can find something she did that upset you and you gave her a pass on it.. 1310156[/snapback] Good info here. Be careful of the "throwing the past in her face" defense though-- that could make it worse. Try to talk about it without using past instances, but if needed to make a point do it in the kindest way possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ursa Majoris Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Some people like that little payback from Uncle Sam and treat it like a kinda piggy bank. Everybody knows you should go as close to even as possible, but still, $1,000 or so helps out with the groceries. Bear in mind that on a two week pay check schedule, that adds up to less than $25 a week, easily pissed away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AtomicCEO Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Does she remember that you guys got a free trip to Cincinatti because you told all of Minnesota how lucky you were to be with her? That's gotta get you some "get out of argument free" cards... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azazello1313 Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 The dutch oven I subjected my wife to last night after hot wings and guacemole was much worse than that. Honestly this may sound like no big deal to the rest of us but it must be serious enough for SB that he is in a real jam..You never know what really upsets people. 1310156[/snapback] good info here. if SB thinks he screwed up and she thinks he screwed up, it hardly matters whether me and big f'n dave think he really screwed up. i'm pretty hopeful it'll blow over though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
untateve Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Here's my take--No way should this issue, on its own, cause the end of a marriage. Respectfully, if she is considering ending a marriage over this, there are a few possibilities: --we don't have the whole picture. there is either something you're not telling us or something you are doing that you are completely unaware of --your wife has a serious problem or is looking for a reason to end the marriage. In either event, I recommend marital counseling. As a couple, you are both going to face worse situations and each of you will certainly commit worse transgressions than this. If this is potentially a deal breaker, something needs to be corrected in your marriage. Best of luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aqualung Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Good Luck Savage. I hope everything works out for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retrograde assault Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Be careful what counselor you pick if you go that route. My wife and I went to one about 12 years ago and he determined we should get a divorce. My wife and I are still married and doing great and he has since run off with another women and left his wife and kids behind. Those fu-ckers dont have all the answers, believe me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Czarina Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Leave it to most of the guys here to focus on the deed (change in withholding) rather than the perceived intent (not including her in decisions, "lying"). Maybe SB is overreacting to the level of anger she displayed. Maybe she was totally caught off guard at discovering that he made what she felt was a major decision without talking to her first. It's a trust issue way more than the money issue. And isn't it a little like finding out you got the jelly of the month club rather than the inground pool? (yes, yes, I get the financial sense of what he did...it's the lost expectations) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cliaz Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Not making light of your issue here at all dude and I haven't read the rest of the replies but let me make one comment: I had thought that you did something like get into the pocket of a loan shark/mob or something. Changing tax withholdings, that is no reason at all to be mad at someone. Maybe the lying about part but not that mad, ya know. Let me tell you, you didn't screw up. Wait until you've called out your wife's sister name in bed one new years eve and then hit me back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nuke'em ttg Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 is this a joke SB ???? are you about to bust out laughing at all of us ??????? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Sores Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Leave it to most of the guys here to focus on the deed (change in withholding) rather than the perceived intent (not including her in decisions, "lying"). Maybe SB is overreacting to the level of anger she displayed. Maybe she was totally caught off guard at discovering that he made what she felt was a major decision without talking to her first. It's a trust issue way more than the money issue. And isn't it a little like finding out you got the jelly of the month club rather than the inground pool? (yes, yes, I get the financial sense of what he did...it's the lost expectations) 1310446[/snapback] my obsession <---understood Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dukdown Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Ya, this has nothing to do about money, and everything to do with trust and control. You've got to re-build that, and yes, absolutely tell her that there is nothing more important to you than your relationship and your family and ask her advice on what she feels would be the best way to repair the situation, and that you are open to any of her suggestions. And then make sure you follow-through. That will be the most important part. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Down Goes Frazia Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 I didn't know that she had plans to spend our return. 1309842[/snapback] .... here was your first mistake. Seriously I hope things work out SB. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Savage Beatings Posted February 7, 2006 Author Share Posted February 7, 2006 Well, I took your advice... when my wife got home from work I smacked her around a little bit, then told her to shut up when she started whining about it... then I told her to get in her kitchen and make me some dinner pronto, but it wasn't very good so I threw it on the floor and told her to clean that chit up! Once she stopped crying, I told her that she owed me some make up sex. Problem solved. Ahem... for real though, she came home from work pretty late last night whcih is actually a good thing. She had a lot of time to think this through, and to cool off. I was in bed when she got home, and she slid in next to me and gave me a big hug. I asked her if that meant she still loved me or if it was a goodbye hug. Of course, it was the former. We talked about our situation now... like I thought, she was just really ticked that I made the move without her knowledge or input. That won't happen again. We'll be alright. Thanks for SOME of your advice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DKF Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Well, I took your advice... when my wife got home from work I smacked her around a little bit, then told her to shut up when she started whining about it... then I told her to get in her kitchen and make me some dinner pronto, but it wasn't very good so I threw it on the floor and told her to clean that chit up! Once she stopped crying, I told her that she owed me some make up sex. Problem solved.Ahem... for real though, she came home from work pretty late last night whcih is actually a good thing. She had a lot of time to think this through, and to cool off. I was in bed when she got home, and she slid in next to me and gave me a big hug. I asked her if that meant she still loved me or if it was a goodbye hug. Of course, it was the former. We talked about our situation now... like I thought, she was just really ticked that I made the move without her knowledge or input. That won't happen again. We'll be alright. Thanks for SOME of your advice! 1310682[/snapback] I did the same thing. The wife didn't like it one bit. Too bad. When she asked how much we were getting back, I explained what I did, why, said nothing from the Fed, but a little from the state, she can have that. She don't like it, but they are right its not about the cash its about power and control. I will not relinquish mine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thews40 Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 My first marriage started to go downhill when I wanted to buy a car. Long story, but I knew I could turn at least $1000 profit on it. She didn't want me to buy it, but I went ahead and bought it anyway. I turned it around in a week and made $1500... I even gave the profit to her to spend as she chose to. That wasn't the problem, the problem was that I did what I wanted knowing she didn't want me to, and even though it turned out like I had predicted, the damage was done. Your situation seems much more mild. Because you feel like you went behind her back, you need to reassure her that you feel bad about that. Apologize and shut up. Don't tell her why you did the tax thing... just say you're sorry and shut up. Say it as many times as she wants you to, listen, buy her flowers and shut up. Good luck with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 That wasn't the problem, the problem was that I did what I wanted knowing she didn't want me to, and even though it turned out like I had predicted, the damage was done. 1310716[/snapback] I run into this sometimes..My wife says that I do communicate but in the end I usually make the final decision. The term Pick your battles has a hugh impact on marriage IMO. I take a backseat sometimes on decisions im not thrilled about because you really do need to compromise . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
untateve Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 because you really do need to compromise . 1310733[/snapback] I am Lord King Ruler of all I peruse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caveman_Nick Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Your situation seems much more mild. Because you feel like you went behind her back, you need to reassure her that you feel bad about that. Apologize and shut up. Don't tell her why you did the tax thing... just say you're sorry and shut up. Say it as many times as she wants you to, listen, buy her flowers and shut up. Good luck with this. 1310716[/snapback] I can't understand this mentality. I agree that apologizing is a good idea. Once. The transgression is minor. How does making more of it in excessive apology help? Part of getting along is communication and compromise. part of it is also recognizing what are little issues and what are big issues. Whether you look at this as what was done financially or that what was done financially wasn't communicated, it's still minor. I'd treat it like that, and if my wife tried to make it into more I would simply ask what else was bothering her. Because this can't be that bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cliaz Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Well, I took your advice... when my wife got home from work I smacked her around a little bit, then told her to shut up when she started whining about it... then I told her to get in her kitchen and make me some dinner pronto, but it wasn't very good so I threw it on the floor and told her to clean that chit up! Once she stopped crying, I told her that she owed me some make up sex. Problem solved. 1310682[/snapback] FYI for future fights, after you throw the food on the floor and she bends over to clean it up, put your foot on her behind and push so she falls over, THEN kick her one. Works like a charm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thews40 Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 I can't understand this mentality. I agree that apologizing is a good idea. Once. The transgression is minor. How does making more of it in excessive apology help? Part of getting along is communication and compromise. part of it is also recognizing what are little issues and what are big issues. Whether you look at this as what was done financially or that what was done financially wasn't communicated, it's still minor. I'd treat it like that, and if my wife tried to make it into more I would simply ask what else was bothering her. Because this can't be that bad. 1310909[/snapback] Gotta pick your shots. The part that needs highlighting is when you feel you went behind her back. If you wanna play the be tough and set precedent route, then play your cards and hope for the best... the big D is one costly road. My only point rides on the going behind her back part. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azazello1313 Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 I can't understand this mentality. I agree that apologizing is a good idea. Once. The transgression is minor. How does making more of it in excessive apology help? Part of getting along is communication and compromise. part of it is also recognizing what are little issues and what are big issues. Whether you look at this as what was done financially or that what was done financially wasn't communicated, it's still minor. I'd treat it like that, and if my wife tried to make it into more I would simply ask what else was bothering her. Because this can't be that bad. 1310909[/snapback] well to some people, going behind their back on a minor issue is a BIG issue. i guess each couple is different as far as how much slack they give and expect when it comes to honesty, fidelity, etc. what works for some people doesnt work for others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimC Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 Was the make-up sex good? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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