alexgaddis Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 So my brother is a 35 year old guy...here's the story... he started dating a 17 year old when he was 29...they had a very volatile relationship for about 5 years...they are both immature for their ages...anyways, they had a falling out when she turned 22 when he found out she cheated on him many times with a couple guys and a couple girls...then she goes on myspace and claims she now realizes she is a lesbian and moves in with a butchy looking "girl"...long story short, the lesbian "girl" cheats on her and now that appears to just have been a phase... my brother tried dating her again after all this but knew it wouldn't work without counseling...so I go to lunch today with him and he tells me they are going to get counseling and make it work again... ...oh, and just to show how committed they are to this, they are getting married in 2 weeks... What the hell am I supposed to do, he isn't planning on telling anyone for at least 6 months...I know my mother would have a heart attack if she found this out...do I try to talk him out of this terrible decision or let him make his own mistakes... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puddy Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 no. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh 0ne Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 Is he your older or younger brother? What kind of relationship do you guys have? If you're in a position where he'll listen to you, try and talk some sense into him. If you're not, you'd be wasting your time. Can we got some pics of the lesbians, that would help us help you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tford Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 The guy inside me says "Keep the bi chick and try to get the three-way angle" But the bro in me says "Talk to him and let him know you think he is making a mistake" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimC Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 Buy a very, very, very inexpensive wedding gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cliaz Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 you don't do a d@mn thing. If he is still with her and refuses to acknowledge the problems they had then it's just waste time and energy on your part. You can't force a horse to drink. Got to let him figure things out for himself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PantherDave Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 That sounds like a train wreck waiting to happen-chit tell'em to call Jerry Springer and make a few bucks. In all honesty it sounds like you should tell him NO, but in the end a grown man has to make his own way in the world, and behind every great man is usually a great women-does she fit the bill????? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twiley Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 No matter how much you try and talk him out of it he'll still go through with it. He's an adult, let him suffer the consequences of his own mistakes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexgaddis Posted March 13, 2007 Author Share Posted March 13, 2007 he is my older brother....we have a very good relationship, he considers me his best friend... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xMRogers Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 considering this isn't some online poker buddy, but your brother, yes you tell him "NO" and if that doesn't work, you make up big f'n signs saying "you are crazy" / "why don't you just burn $20,000 and kick yourself in the nuts 40 times if you want that much pain" / "she's a lesbian...no, wait...she's just f'n nuts" and hang them at the wedding this "grown man needs to make his own mistakes" bullcrap is fine for deciding whether to blow his 10% bonus on a corvette - it's not fine for your brother to ruin his life for some period of time and you not say a word about it In saying all that, the fact he was willing to dive back into this mess tells me you won't get through Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaP'N GRuNGe Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 Thews is your brother?!?!? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh 0ne Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 he is my older brother....we have a very good relationship, he considers me his best friend... Then it might be worth a shot, but it's all in how you deliver it. If he gets defensive, you're done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ziachild007 Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 The guy inside me says "Keep the bi chick and try to get the three-way angle" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PantherDave Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 considering this isn't some online poker buddy, but your brother, yes you tell him "NO" and if that doesn't work, you make up big f'n signs saying "you are crazy" / "why don't you just burn $20,000 and kick yourself in the nuts 40 times if you want that much pain" / "she's a lesbian...no, wait...she's just f'n nuts" and hang them at the wedding this "grown man needs to make his own mistakes" bullcrap is fine for deciding whether to blow his 10% bonus on a corvette - it's not fine for your brother to ruin his life for some period of time and you not say a word about it In saying all that, the fact he was willing to dive back into this mess tells me you won't get through Bingo-What he is doing is called "reinforcement", which means-He's already made up his mind and needs "positive" reinforcement, which is why he wants to keep your mother outta the loop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexgaddis Posted March 13, 2007 Author Share Posted March 13, 2007 Bingo-What he is doing is called "reinforcement", which means-He's already made up his mind and needs "positive" reinforcement, which is why he wants to keep your mother outta the loop. yes, you should see whenever I bring up a point he already has an answer...he also "knows" it will work out... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vicky Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 I've been in the situation a few times where I had to tell a good friend that they were making a HUGE, and in one case, extremely dangerous, mistake by being with the wrong person. Whenever you're in that situation, the big fear is that once you say your peace, that friend or family member will no longer want anything to do with you because you're now 'the enemy that's against the relationship', right? It's a hell of a struggle. But if you love them, you pretty much have to say SOMEthing. It's not interfering, it's just being honest. And if your relationship is solid, they will know that you'll still be there for them when they make their mistakes and they won't lash out at you for saying how you feel. In one of the cases, I was prepared to tell my friend if they had gone through with planning the wedding that I had no intention of going. Luckily it never came to that because it wasn't a conversation I was looking forward to. Good luck!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cameltosis Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 Damn this is tough. It has been my experience people dont listen to reason in situations like this. If you can find a way to express your concerns without bashing her or his feelings for her than you may have a chance. But if this is done too directly you may end up pissing him off and damaging your relationship with him. However, I dont know your relationship with him. My bro is in a relationship with a girl I am not too fond of. Not nearly as bad as the relationship your bro is in, but not good none the less. I have decided to take the non confrontational route and be happy for him since he seems to be happy. I dont know if its right either, but time will tell. Good luck either way. Blood is blood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PantherDave Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 I've been in the situation a few times where I had to tell a good friend that they were making a HUGE, and in one case, extremely dangerous, mistake by being with the wrong person. Whenever you're in that situation, the big fear is that once you say your peace, that friend or family member will no longer want anything to do with you because you're now 'the enemy that's against the relationship', right? It's a hell of a struggle. But if you love them, you pretty much have to say SOMEthing. It's not interfering, it's just being honest. And if your relationship is solid, they will know that you'll still be there for them when they make their mistakes and they won't lash out at you for saying how you feel. In one of the cases, I was prepared to tell my friend if they had gone through with planning the wedding that I had no intention of going. Luckily it never came to that because it wasn't a conversation I was looking forward to. Good luck!! Hey rook...it's HUGH around here Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sam Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 I would certainly say something to him. Try to convince him to at least hold off on the wedding until they give it some time...and hopefully in time he'll see for himself what a nut job she is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puddy Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 I need some help with my brother too but I can't come here for advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirty Sanchez Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 Tell him to get a prenup! This marriage won't last. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twiley Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 this "grown man needs to make his own mistakes" bullcrap is fine for deciding whether to blow his 10% bonus on a corvette - it's not fine for your brother to ruin his life for some period of time and you not say a word about it Although I applaud your altruistic approach, it's easier said than done. He's obviously made numerous mistakes with this girl already and will continue to make more. I'm not saying it's a bad idea to confront him but it may be trifling and frivolous. Like Hugh said, if he gets defensive...stop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexgaddis Posted March 13, 2007 Author Share Posted March 13, 2007 Tell him to get a prenup! This marriage won't last. neither of them have anything... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexgaddis Posted March 13, 2007 Author Share Posted March 13, 2007 Although I applaud your altruistic approach, it's easier said than done. He's obviously made numerous mistakes with this girl already and will continue to make more. I'm not saying it's a bad idea to confront him but it may be trifling and frivolous. Like Hugh said, if he gets defensive...stop. Well I have already seen that he won't listen to reason...not in this case...not at all...he HAS made up his mind, this is the girl he has always known he wanted to marry and now she wants him too again (at least for now that is)...I know I cannot stop it or do anything to prevent it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twiley Posted March 13, 2007 Share Posted March 13, 2007 Well I have already seen that he won't listen to reason...not in this case...not at all...he HAS made up his mind, this is the girl he has always known he wanted to marry and now she wants him too again (at least for now that is)...I know I cannot stop it or do anything to prevent it... Rock and a hard place brother. I feel for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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