Chargerz Posted May 17, 2007 Share Posted May 17, 2007 A woman went to the doctor's office, where she was seen by a young, new doctor. After about 4 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out, screaming as she ran down the hall. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room. The doctor marched down the hallway to where the first doctor was and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Wilson is 59 years old, has four grown children, and seven grandchildren, and you told her she's pregnant??" The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chester Posted May 17, 2007 Share Posted May 17, 2007 Don't know how I can beat that one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vicky Posted May 17, 2007 Share Posted May 17, 2007 A knock on the door A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door. When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10." Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexgaddis Posted May 17, 2007 Share Posted May 17, 2007 A knock on the door A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door. When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10." Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked." Is there nothing funnier than Bible humor... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chargerz Posted May 17, 2007 Author Share Posted May 17, 2007 Is there nothing funnier than Bible humor... Obviously obstetrics humor..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Holy Roller Posted May 17, 2007 Share Posted May 17, 2007 From my students: Why didn't they play cards on Noah's Ark? Because Noah sat on the deck. Did you know the first baseball game is mentioned in Genesis? In the big inning... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thews40 Posted May 18, 2007 Share Posted May 18, 2007 What does Snoop Dog use to wash his white clothes with? Clorox Bleotch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Controller Posted May 18, 2007 Share Posted May 18, 2007 Guy goes to confession. Guy: "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been about 2 years since my last confession." Priest: "Bless you, my son. What do you have to confess." Guy: "I'm worried, Father, that you are going to kick me out of the Church." Priest: "Fear not, my son, and unburden yourself and accept God's forgiveness." Guy: "Well, OK. You see, my wife was bending over to pick up some canned food and when I saw her bend over, there was lust in my heart and I could not resist the temptation. The flesh is weak, and I must confess that I did have sex with her." Priest: "You have not sinned! Your marriage is blessed in the eyes of God. The bible says "Be fruitful..and multiply. Why would you think that we would kick you out of the Church for making love to your wife?" Guy: "Well, they sure kicked us out of Kroger's" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaxfactor Posted May 18, 2007 Share Posted May 18, 2007 Here's one for ya Doc! What's good on a pie that's not good on a Rosie O'Donnell? Crust Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big John Posted May 18, 2007 Share Posted May 18, 2007 Mother: "....and son, what do you call God?" Son: "His name is Andy" Mother: "And how do you know that?" Son: At church, we sing "Andy will raise us up." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SheikYerbuti Posted May 18, 2007 Share Posted May 18, 2007 Guy's driving down the street, sees a sign that says "Talking Dog For Sale". He's too curious, so he pulls over. He knocks on the door. A man answers and says "You here for the talking dog? He's in the next room". The guy goes into the next room to find a dog. "Hi boy" he says. The dog says "Hi there, my name is Rex. Let me tell you a little about myself. I recently worked at the airport sniffing out drugs in the customs department. Before that I worked in the French Alps rescuing avalance victims. That was after I did a few years helping blind people get around." The guy was speachless. He tells the dog to hang on for a second and goes back to the owner. "That dog is AMAZING. He told me about the rescue work, and the drug busts and how he was a seeing eye dog! Why in the world would you want to sell that dog??" The owner says "That dog's a freaking liar. He's never worked a day in his life". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DemonKnight Posted May 18, 2007 Share Posted May 18, 2007 Here's one for ya Doc! What's good on a pie that's not good on a Rosie O'Donnell? Crust Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cameltosis Posted May 18, 2007 Share Posted May 18, 2007 What does Snoop Dog use to wash his white clothes with? Clorox Bleotch. why does snoop dogg carry an umbrella? fo' drizzle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Country Posted May 18, 2007 Share Posted May 18, 2007 Mother: "....and son, what do you call God?" Son: "His name is Andy" And you shall all worship me and regale me with hymns of praise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Holy Roller Posted May 18, 2007 Share Posted May 18, 2007 My Mexican gardner went to his first baseball game. When he came home I asked him if the St Louis fans were nice to him? He replied, "They were great! Before the game started everyone stood up and asked, 'Jose can you see?'" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Holy Roller Posted May 18, 2007 Share Posted May 18, 2007 An airliner crossing the Atlantic was struck by lightning and one of the engines blew out. The plane began losing altitude when the pilot announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, we need to lighten our weight. Please throw out everything you can!" All the luggage, some seats, cushions, anything loose was thrown out. The plane continued to lose altitude when the pilot announced, "I hate to ask this but can we get any volunteers to jump and save the rest of us? You will be immortalized." Everyone looked around and finally an Englishman went to the door and said, "God Save the Queen!" and he lept. Everyone cheered but the plane still was losing altitude. A Frenchman went to the door, calmly announced, "Viva la France!" and jumped. More applause but the plane continued to struggle to stay aloft. Finally a hugh Texan went to the door, looked around and said, "Remember the Alamo!", grabbed two Mexicans and threw them out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chargerz Posted May 18, 2007 Author Share Posted May 18, 2007 An airliner crossing the Atlantic was struck by lightning and one of the engines blew out. The plane began losing altitude when the pilot announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, we need to lighten our weight. Please throw out everything you can!" All the luggage, some seats, cushions, anything loose was thrown out. The plane continued to lose altitude when the pilot announced, "I hate to ask this but can we get any volunteers to jump and save the rest of us? You will be immortalized." Everyone looked around and finally an Englishman went to the door and said, "God Save the Queen!" and he lept. Everyone cheered but the plane still was losing altitude. A Frenchman went to the door, calmly announced, "Viva la France!" and jumped. More applause but the plane continued to struggle to stay aloft. Finally a hugh Texan went to the door, looked around and said, "Remember the Alamo!", grabbed two Mexicans and threw them out. Very good!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thews40 Posted May 18, 2007 Share Posted May 18, 2007 Ugly woman enters Wallmart with her two kids. The greeter at the door says, “Those are beautiful children… are they twins?” The woman replies, “They’re 6 and 9. Are you blind or stupid?” The greeter responds, “Neither… I just couldn’t believe you got laid twice.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocknrobn26 Posted May 18, 2007 Share Posted May 18, 2007 Not a joke but a true story.... In college Mrs. RR worked as a cashier in a drug store. This little old man walked in holding a match box and asked to see a pharmacist. Mrs. RR directed him to the pharmacy. He went there, showed the contents of the match box to the pharmacist, went register with a prescription, paid and left. All the employees there were dying to find out what was in the match box. The pharmacist said it was LICE from his wife's coochie! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cre8tiff Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 why does snoop dogg carry an umbrella? fo' drizzle Snoop jokes! I love it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Holy Roller Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 Ugly woman enters Wallmart with her two kids. The greeter at the door says, “Those are beautiful children… are they twins?” The woman replies, “They’re 6 and 9. Are you blind or stupid?” The greeter responds, “Neither… I just couldn’t believe you got laid twice.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geeteebee Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 Not a joke but a true story.... In college Mrs. RR worked as a cashier in a drug store. This little old man walked in holding a match box and asked to see a pharmacist. Mrs. RR directed him to the pharmacy. He went there, showed the contents of the match box to the pharmacist, went register with a prescription, paid and left. All the employees there were dying to find out what was in the match box. The pharmacist said it was LICE from his wife's coochie! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackass Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 these are the worst collection of jokes i've ever seen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thews40 Posted May 19, 2007 Share Posted May 19, 2007 these are the worst collection of jokes i've ever seen. bring it bleotch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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