My Sitch....

[rocknrobn26]

First of all you have NOTHING to be embarrassed about! Keep your chin up Jax. you are a good man and everyone her knows that! You are obviously a man of great character for sticking by your S.O. through these tough times. As far as what to do relationship wise I really do not know what to say. You are the only one that knows how you feel about her. I will pray for her and hopefully she will get better. I will also pray for you. If you need anything let me know Bro.

 

 

Not germane to JF specifically, just a side note.......these boards never cease to amaze me. If this isn't the best community on the Internet, I'd like to know what is.

 

to you all.

 

Amen to both of these comments.

 

Jax, I don't have any advice, except to say follow your best instincts. I hope that all turns out well and may the resolution and your happiness happen soon. Both of you will be my prayers. May God favor you both.

rr26

[twiley]

Now, go get yourself a ticket to Vegas for WCOFF, go on a H8Tank love boat cruise, break coffee tables, hump lamps, drink with fellow Huddlers, walk in traffic sideways, hook up with 6 foot tall he-shes in the Hooters elevator, ogle chicks, etc. and start life anew!

Good info here.

[I Like Soup]

Amen to both of these comments.

 

Jax, I don't have any advice, except to say follow your best instincts. I hope that all turns out well and may the resolution and your happiness happen soon. Both of you will be my prayers. May God favor you both.

rr26

Sorry, it doesn't seem to be doing much, unfortunately.

[Thews40]

Jax, this tears me apart reading it. FWIW, it’s a testament to your character and your love for this woman that’s kept you in it this long. You’ve obviously placed her above you in your life and tried everything possible to save her from herself… you can’t. She needs to hit rock bottom and have no options in order for her to save herself. If she does that, then and only then can your life find normality with her. This is a decision you have to make right now, and you can find solace in the sacrifices you made for her already… you’re not abandoning her, but rather not enabling her to continue down the path of self destruction. You need to look after you now and walk away… you are only in control of you, and you can’t fix this.

 

My advice would be to set some short-term goals and find solace in them. Place the focus on you and make a plan to completely distance yourself from her 100%. You can leave it with the sentiment that if she gets her act together to call you then, but only then. Short term goals that have worked for me in the past.

 

1) Quit smoking. This isn’t that hard to do if you just stop doing it. Know that in three days your body will be free of the chemical dependency. You’ve done this before, so just keep in mind how cool it is to have the thought of having a cigarette not even cross your mind all day. Your body will feel better, and the extra cost of maintaining a habit that will ultimately kill you is past you.

2) Exercise every day. I don’t mean some days, but every single day. The alone time you spend making yourself feel better releases endorphins that make all the other problems come into focus.

3) Set a target on some goal. Getting something out of hock, a new place to live… whatever it is. Once you get it, the little things start to happen.

 

Good luck with all of this, and find great solace in all you tried to do so far. Love can tear you to pieces, but you have to know when the last straw has been reached. IMO, her only chance is to save herself, so you have to let her go. If she comes back fixed, then it’s her own resolve that made it happen. You need this to happen to have any future. The old “there’s other fish in the sea” line is hard to grasp when you’re truly in love, but don’t start there, start with you… whatever happens next is out of your control… remember that.

[whoopazz]

Wow, well said Thews.

[TDFFFreak]

Jax, this tears me apart reading it. FWIW, it’s a testament to your character and your love for this woman that’s kept you in it this long. You’ve obviously placed her above you in your life and tried everything possible to save her from herself… you can’t. She needs to hit rock bottom and have no options in order for her to save herself. If she does that, then and only then can your life find normality with her. This is a decision you have to make right now, and you can find solace in the sacrifices you made for her already… you’re not abandoning her, but rather not enabling her to continue down the path of self destruction. You need to look after you now and walk away… you are only in control of you, and you can’t fix this.

 

My advice would be to set some short-term goals and find solace in them. Place the focus on you and make a plan to completely distance yourself from her 100%. You can leave it with the sentiment that if she gets her act together to call you then, but only then. Short term goals that have worked for me in the past.

 

1) Quit smoking. This isn’t that hard to do if you just stop doing it. Know that in three days your body will be free of the chemical dependency. You’ve done this before, so just keep in mind how cool it is to have the thought of having a cigarette not even cross your mind all day. Your body will feel better, and the extra cost of maintaining a habit that will ultimately kill you is past you.

2) Exercise every day. I don’t mean some days, but every single day. The alone time you spend making yourself feel better releases endorphins that make all the other problems come into focus.

3) Set a target on some goal. Getting something out of hock, a new place to live… whatever it is. Once you get it, the little things start to happen.

 

Good luck with all of this, and find great solace in all you tried to do so far. Love can tear you to pieces, but you have to know when the last straw has been reached. IMO, her only chance is to save herself, so you have to let her go. If she comes back fixed, then it’s her own resolve that made it happen. You need this to happen to have any future. The old “there’s other fish in the sea” line is hard to grasp when you’re truly in love, but don’t start there, start with you… whatever happens next is out of your control… remember that.

I have a feeling that some around here will disagree with this statement.

 

(otherwise, your post is good advice)

[Big John]

I have a feeling that some around here will disagree with this statement.

 

(otherwise, your post is good advice)

Thews is on the way on doing this himself.

[Ursa Majoris]

Thews is on the way on doing this himself.

For the 32nd time this year

[Thews40]

For the 32nd time this year

I have issues.

[Savage Beatings]

Hey Jax... first of all, I will absolutely remember your S.O. (and you) in my prayers. I believe that prayers work... strength of spirit is what you both need... clairty of mind... a measure of peace... these are the fruits of our prayers that you can expect to enjoy soon.

 

I guess my advice is this... love is at the top of most of our lists of the things that motivate us to do what we do. But sometimes love just isn't enough. It sounds like over the last 10 years, even as much as you two have loved each other, you have found that you might not be good for each other. In some way, whether directly or indirectly, whether consciously or subconsciously, you have been enabling her addictions, and she has been draining the joy out of your life by causing more stress than most guys go through,

 

I know that successful relationships are often measured by how people stay together through the worst times in their lives... but 10 years later you two seem to have gotten worse for each other. Maybe its just not a good fit. Regardless of how much you both might be in love.

 

I could be way off base. II'm only going off of what you've written here for us to digest. But at least consider the possibility that the most loving thing that the two of you could do for each other might actually be to break up.

[Bier Meister]

my best to you...hang in there

[Chavez]

My advice would be to set some short-term goals and find solace in them. Place the focus on you and make a plan to completely distance yourself from her 100%. You can leave it with the sentiment that if she gets her act together to call you then, but only then. Short term goals that have worked for me in the past.

 

1) Quit smoking. This isn’t that hard to do if you just stop doing it. Know that in three days your body will be free of the chemical dependency. You’ve done this before, so just keep in mind how cool it is to have the thought of having a cigarette not even cross your mind all day. Your body will feel better, and the extra cost of maintaining a habit that will ultimately kill you is past you.

2) Exercise every day. I don’t mean some days, but every single day. The alone time you spend making yourself feel better releases endorphins that make all the other problems come into focus.

3) Set a target on some goal. Getting something out of hock, a new place to live… whatever it is. Once you get it, the little things start to happen.

 

 

I've had major issues with Thews in the past (and no doubt will in the future), but this is good stuff.

 

Perhaps foolishly, I believe exercise can be a panacea to a LOT of things. At the very least, it's an hour or so where you're thinking only about how godhelpmeifIdoONEmoresetIthinkI'lldie and not the other problems. It relieves stress. And after a few weeks, you see small but tanglible results.

 

Small goals are the best - if you take care of the little stuff, the big stuff will take care of itself in many instances.

[HowboutthemCowboys]

lots of good advice that here that I can't top. Good luck Jax. Go with your gut.

[jaxfactor]

Just wanted to thank everyone once again for the tremendous response I got from my depressing thread. And to those of you who went the extra mile to pray or PM me, very much appreciated. I stayed single for all of my younger years and enjoyed it. That's what I'm trying to tell myself. Yes, laundry sucks but I've done it before and maybe I'll get my work clothes done in a timely manner now as she wasn't doing anything to afford her being here. Going to hire a maid(hopefully a hot one) to clean this house that's been forsaken for so long.

I have one long day tomorrow to go through. Her mom is bringing her here to spend the night(Sunday) and get most if not all of her things and then they will leave Monday morning. It's hard to cut ties with someone completely because I know and love her mom. Her family became my family so that's very tough as well. I have talked to her mom and told her basically what I'm going to say. Hopefully the finality of it will make her want to get completely well. Mom knows I will leave the door open. But I told her that I'm telling S.O. that it's closed. That will mean finality. Her mom was crying because she knows what a standup guy I am to have gone through this for as long as I have. The stress of it will put me in the grave if I continue and I have to move on to save my own ass. I have always been a selfless person(thanks, mom) and probably will still be that way, but will be very weary and cautious in the future.

 

THANKS AGAIN HUDDLERS. YOU ALL ARE THE BOMB!!!!!

 

jax

[Chavez]

Going to hire a maid(hopefully a hot one) to clean this house that's been forsaken for so long.

 

Best bet - hire an illegal and tell her you'll "take care of her" if she, um, takes care of you sufficiently.

 

Then blame her for misunderstanding that you merely meant you'd give her a nice gratuity for doing a good job cleaning.

 

I have one long day tomorrow to go through. Her mom is bringing her here to spend the night(Sunday) and get most if not all of her things and then they will leave Monday morning. It's hard to cut ties with someone completely because I know and love her mom. Her family became my family so that's very tough as well. I have talked to her mom and told her basically what I'm going to say. Hopefully the finality of it will make her want to get completely well. Mom knows I will leave the door open. But I told her that I'm telling S.O. that it's closed. That will mean finality. Her mom was crying because she knows what a standup guy I am to have gone through this for as long as I have.

Best of luck, man.

[wiegie]

Best of luck, man.

absolutely!