NAUgrad Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 I have to agree with Detlef. This man has gone 3 months without sex and/or masturbation and you expect him to be gracious and courteous. We're lucky he wasn't dry-humping the podium he was standing in front of drooling on the microphone trying to tongue his Mom when she kissed him. Imagine going from a dozen super-hawt 18-year olds wearing tight little black minidresses and sharp red lipstick with zero inhibitions and willing to fulfill your every sexual desire no matter how perverse for the change in your pocket. What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, Tiger Woods. He could've read the Empancipation Proclamation and you could see the shame and lost stare in his eyes. The only person I know that hasn't gone at least 3 months without hot, rabid, inhumane, pure nastiness sex from their pick of hundreds of woman dressed like Egyptian slaves is I Like Soup. That's why I hate him so. WOW that was awesome! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonorator Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 I have to agree with Detlef. This man has gone 3 months without sex and/or masturbation and you expect him to be gracious and courteous. We're lucky he wasn't dry-humping the podium he was standing in front of drooling on the microphone trying to tongue his Mom when she kissed him. Imagine going from a dozen super-hawt 18-year olds wearing tight little black minidresses and sharp red lipstick with zero inhibitions and willing to fulfill your every sexual desire no matter how perverse for the change in your pocket. What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, Tiger Woods. He could've read the Empancipation Proclamation and you could see the shame and lost stare in his eyes. The only person I know that hasn't gone at least 3 months without hot, rabid, inhumane, pure nastiness sex from their pick of hundreds of woman dressed like Egyptian slaves is I Like Soup. That's why I hate him so. post of the year ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Holy Roller Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 post of the year ... Concur! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SEC=UGA Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 I don't think I've commented on this tiger woods thing, but I'll tell you guys exactly what i told my wife... I think Tiger Woods is a man of EXTREME self control, he slept with what, 11 women that weren't his wife since he was married. Let's look at the numbers. EVERYONE in the WORLD knows who Tiger Woods is. In the US there are 152mm females, of that I am ceratin that at least 25% of them would sleep w. tiger woods, that makes roughly 38,000,000 women that Tiger could shack up with. Now, we know it is unrealistic that he will encounter all of these 38mm women, so lets make it simple. Every day Tiger woods runs into at least 3 women that would sleep with him. He has been Married for 3 years, that means that since he has been married he has had the opportunity to sleep with 3,285 women!!!!! And he only slept with 11. THus he has probably turned down 3,274 hookups, he only cheats .0034% of the time. This is a damn good average. And it isn't like all of these are ugly sknks throwing it at him, these are probably high quality females we are talking about and he has slept with less than one-third of one percent of them. Tiger is not a Cheater, hell, he deserves a medal for his self control. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeeR Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 Watching his statement on ESPN.com Sounds very contrived to me. Well duh. I agree though ie so what if he's a POS? This is different than a truckload of other pro ball players how? Does anyone even care about any of that role model crap anymore? Besides it's not his fault, it was because of the environment he grew up in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
montster Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 from the onion: http://www.theonion.com/content/news/tiger...onion_rss_daily Tiger Woods Announces Return To Sex PONTE VEDRA BEACH, FL—In an announcement highly anticipated by sex fans around the world, Tiger Woods told a small gathering of reporters, family, and lovers Friday that the most dominant fornicator on the planet would soon return to sex. "Not being able to get out there and have sex has really been tough on me," Woods said. "I've missed it. I love when I wore my first dressing with all my heart." Woods said that during his brief time away from sex, he couldn't stop thinking about one day resuming his daily regimen of sexual intercourse with random women who look vaguely like his wife, only skankier. "When I am out there having sex, I am in complete control," said Woods, an acknowledged master of the long game who claims he is only truly at peace when he is between the legs of a woman. "It's just me and my thoughts. And a high-end escort. And the lounge dancer. And sometimes [caddie] Stevie. And probably some stewardess I just met." "I'm so into it that I usually just block out all the cameras," Woods added. Saying that when I wore my first dressing is his "calling and [his] one true passion," Woods spoke of how he has always adored the sight of a neatly trimmed mound, the smell of fresh stank early in the morning when the labia glisten with dewy juices, and the feel of a perfect impact with a woman's vagina. "That sensation just flows right up the shaft, through my hands, and quavers up and down my spine," Woods said. "Ever since I was 16, I've loved that feeling. It's like new every time." "To be honest, I'd do this for free," Woods added. "I'm the luckiest guy in the world." During his announcement, Woods released an aggressive touring schedule that reaffirmed his commitment to sex. He is slated to take part in a three-day lovemaking session in March at the Clarion Hotel in Orlando, and confirmed that he would join a foursome at the Doral Resort and Spa in Miami as a tune-up for his first major when I wore my first dressfest in Augusta, GA. In addition, Woods said he will not renege on his annual stop in Dubai, and said he looked forward to boning a prostitute on the roof of this year's venue, the Burj Al Arab Hotel. The 34-year-old sexual superstar said he is "far from satisfied" by his previous erotic achievements and that he expects to return to sex even stronger than before. However, Woods admitted he may not be in top form at first. "I'll probably be a little rusty," Woods said. "But once I swing the old cock around a few times and get it in the first couple holes, I'm confident that I'll still be able to drive it as deep as I always have." "There will be times when I get into some thick muff, and I'll have to set my jaw and hack my way through it," Woods continued. "Just keep my head down and hit that with all the force I can muster. I welcome the challenge." Woods believes that his long game, which relies on innate strength and stamina, has probably suffered the least from his hiatus, but that his finesse, iron control, and deft touch around the hole are aspects of his game that may be slow to come back. "I just have to take my time, visualize the line, and read the grain and the slope of the vulva correctly," Woods said. "It's really all mental at that point." Reaction to Woods' announcement has been generally positive. Many of his closest friends, including Mark O'Mera, said that Woods' return would undoubtedly be great for sex, and that, selfishly, he loves to watch Woods out there doing his thing. Woods' fans have also been supportive. "I'm so glad Tiger is coming back," said 27-year-old Florida resident and cocktail waitress Brandi Hughes. "He's the best." Woods concluded his press conference by saying that he is looking forward to chasing Jack Nicklaus' record of when I wore my first dressing 18 major babes at one time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Double Agent Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 I don't think I've commented on this tiger woods thing, but I'll tell you guys exactly what i told my wife... I think Tiger Woods is a man of EXTREME self control, he slept with what, 11 women that weren't his wife since he was married. Let's look at the numbers. The number is probably in the hundreds. I'll never believe he only slept with 11. One of the chicks was missing a tooth. He has no control. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikesVikes Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 Tiger is a dude that holds press conferences if he wins on the tour or places 87th. He always tells how he feels or what he was thinking while on the course and usually makes a tournament champion pointless to talk to even when he finishes in 87th place. So now Tiger when I wore my first dresss a few blondes and hides out for half a year. Today he comes out and speaks to a few selected members of the media and answers no questions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SEC=UGA Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 The number is probably in the hundreds. I'll never believe he only slept with 11. One of the chicks was missing a tooth. He has no control. So, one chick is a dental chair away from being a hottie And with all the publicity and money being made by the chicks that have come out, why wouldn't the others follow suit? So, let's say the average guy has 3 women other than his wife come on to them per year, at Tiger's rate of control it would be roughly 100 years before a man would cheat. Adultery happens at an alarmingly higher rate than that in society at large. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
detlef Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 I don't think I've commented on this tiger woods thing, but I'll tell you guys exactly what i told my wife... I think Tiger Woods is a man of EXTREME self control, he slept with what, 11 women that weren't his wife since he was married. Let's look at the numbers. EVERYONE in the WORLD knows who Tiger Woods is. In the US there are 152mm females, of that I am ceratin that at least 25% of them would sleep w. tiger woods, that makes roughly 38,000,000 women that Tiger could shack up with. Now, we know it is unrealistic that he will encounter all of these 38mm women, so lets make it simple. Every day Tiger woods runs into at least 3 women that would sleep with him. He has been Married for 3 years, that means that since he has been married he has had the opportunity to sleep with 3,285 women!!!!! And he only slept with 11. THus he has probably turned down 3,274 hookups, he only cheats .0034% of the time. This is a damn good average. And it isn't like all of these are ugly sknks throwing it at him, these are probably high quality females we are talking about and he has slept with less than one-third of one percent of them. Tiger is not a Cheater, hell, he deserves a medal for his self control. Muck turns down that much quality in a week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
westvirginia Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 Muck turns down that much quality in a week. From hot disciples of Warren Buffet no less... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
detlef Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 From hot disciples of Warren Buffet no less... That's what I'm saying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buddahj Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 I have to agree with Detlef. This man has gone 3 months without sex and/or masturbation and you expect him to be gracious and courteous. We're lucky he wasn't dry-humping the podium he was standing in front of drooling on the microphone trying to tongue his Mom when she kissed him. Imagine going from a dozen super-hawt 18-year olds wearing tight little black minidresses and sharp red lipstick with zero inhibitions and willing to fulfill your every sexual desire no matter how perverse for the change in your pocket. What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, Tiger Woods. He could've read the Empancipation Proclamation and you could see the shame and lost stare in his eyes. The only person I know that hasn't gone at least 3 months without hot, rabid, inhumane, pure nastiness sex from their pick of hundreds of woman dressed like Egyptian slaves is I Like Soup. That's why I hate him so. Funniest thing I read in a long time. Keep up the good work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocknrobn26 Posted February 20, 2010 Share Posted February 20, 2010 I admit....I had sex w/ Tiger. Question: Should I get a lawyer? (I feel dirty) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorcher Posted February 20, 2010 Share Posted February 20, 2010 Professionally he is revered and makes millions for shooting into tight holes. Why is it a big deal if he does the same thing in his personal life? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteelBunz Posted February 20, 2010 Share Posted February 20, 2010 I admit....I had sex w/ Tiger. Question: Should I get a lawyer? (I feel dirty) Getting a lawyer isn't going to make you feel...cleaner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocknrobn26 Posted February 20, 2010 Share Posted February 20, 2010 Getting a lawyer isn't going to make you feel...cleaner. Anyone have holy water available? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chargerz Posted February 20, 2010 Share Posted February 20, 2010 I admit....I had sex w/ Tiger. Question: Should I get a lawyer? (I feel dirty) Only if there's a love-child involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RWWB75 Posted February 20, 2010 Share Posted February 20, 2010 I watched his apology online in the morning at work and sometimes I thought he was sincere and other times I wasn't so sure. He should have spoke from the heart and not paper but not everyone is a "good speaker" I guess. The one thing I really did agree with him on is the media does need to stop following his kids around. They have nothing to do with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikesVikes Posted February 20, 2010 Share Posted February 20, 2010 I admit....I had sex w/ Tiger. Question: Should I get a lawyer? (I feel dirty) You should cry about being wronged by Tiger and then write a book about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikesVikes Posted February 20, 2010 Share Posted February 20, 2010 Professionally he is revered and makes millions for shooting into tight holes. Why is it a big deal if he does the same thing in his personal life? Not sure if he aimed for the tightest ones. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tazinib1 Posted February 20, 2010 Share Posted February 20, 2010 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackass Posted February 20, 2010 Share Posted February 20, 2010 this is some funny sheet (onion). http://www.theonion.com/content/news/tiger...unces_return_to Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big John Posted February 20, 2010 Share Posted February 20, 2010 this is some funny sheet (onion). http://www.theonion.com/content/news/tiger...unces_return_to Look at post #56 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chief Dick Posted February 21, 2010 Share Posted February 21, 2010 I admit....I had sex w/ Tiger. Question: Should I get a lawyer? (I feel dirty) You had sex with this? You need a proctologist and a Herpetoligist. And more scotch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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