Brentastic Posted October 12, 2023 Share Posted October 12, 2023 Has anyone here tried the online path for filing for divorce? Unfortunately after 21 years together, my wife and I are getting divorced. Neither of us want this to cost thousands and I'm pretty sure we're amicable enough to do this without lawyers. There are tons of websites offering these services but I would love the experience of someone who has gone the online route before just registering on a random website. I'm open to any and all advice/tips on how to finalize my divorce in the cheapest, most efficient way. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irish Posted October 13, 2023 Share Posted October 13, 2023 First of all, sorry you're going through this. Even if it's amicable, it's still no walk in the park. I've been there and it wasn't amicable. In my area there is no-sign divorces for $399. Seems more of a gimmick, not sure. Plus it seems both of you want to sign. Have you considered just using a mediator to put everything together in a session, to then bring before a judge? Key questions- are there kids involved? Are there many assets to be figured out, investment/retirement portfolios, pensions, inheritance, property/ies, etc? The more things/complications you have, the more important it is that you do this right or you'll pay for it later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brentastic Posted October 17, 2023 Author Share Posted October 17, 2023 Yeah it sux fa sho. Kids - yes. Assets - yes. Home - yes. Gonna be a nightmare. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irish Posted October 17, 2023 Share Posted October 17, 2023 5 hours ago, Brentastic said: Yeah it sux fa sho. Kids - yes. Assets - yes. Home - yes. Gonna be a nightmare. You definitely need to get a mediator at minimum, especially if it's amicable. It'll be cheaper than both of you getting lawyers. But you'll need to hash out all the the important stuff, so down the line everything goes as smooth as possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chief Dick Posted October 19, 2023 Share Posted October 19, 2023 Years ago when I got divorced we printed off forms from the internet. Had to fill them out and “present” them to the judge. But we had no kids or property to worry about. Just divvied up the assets and moved on. If I had kids and property I would absolutely get a lawyer. Not to mention any retirement funds and all money. All of that is fair game. No way I am doing this on the cheap. Just because you both get a lawyer doesn’t mean it has to get nasty. You just have to protect yourself legally here. Remember, there may be people down the road (inlaws, future spouses, friends, etc) that can get into the ear of your current spouse. And sorry you are going through this Brent. It just sucks all the way around. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1fastdoc Posted November 5, 2023 Share Posted November 5, 2023 If your state has it, look at collaborative divorce. If both parties are amicable and want the same outcome, assuming kids and decent assets, it can be faster and cheaper. Plus collaborative attorneys tend to work with each other because in the end it is usually pretty predictable. That said, if one party is not motivated, it can really drag on and get just as expensive as a litiginous divorce. And no matter how good the relationship, trust your attorney, not your soon to be ex (or her attorney). I've seen some amicable relationships get very ugly when money, kids, property, etc are on the line. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FinishTheDrill Posted November 10, 2023 Share Posted November 10, 2023 On 10/17/2023 at 2:36 PM, Brentastic said: Yeah it sux fa sho. Kids - yes. Assets - yes. Home - yes. Gonna be a nightmare. That does not sound like it will be amicable on the other side. At least not initially. A good lawyer is insurance. Do you buy insurance? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FinishTheDrill Posted November 10, 2023 Share Posted November 10, 2023 On 11/5/2023 at 1:40 PM, 1fastdoc said: And no matter how good the relationship, trust your attorney, not your soon to be ex (or her attorney). I've seen some amicable relationships get very ugly when money, kids, property, etc are on the line. ^ this I havent lived it, but I have seen it several times. And once people are dealing with it, those around them live it too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1fastdoc Posted November 13, 2023 Share Posted November 13, 2023 One more thing, protect yourself legally. A friend of mine got into an argument with his ex before their divorce. He's a very laid back guy and was literally Mr Mom. He left, she called the cops and showed them bruises, claming he beat her. Despite raising the kids while his Pulmonologist wife worked 100 hours per week he lost custody. When he agreed to give up any claim to alimony, they stated that it was a sign he reformed and he got custody back. Fast forward, he has the kids because she has no time for them. He's an amazing dad. He's remarried to a great, intelligent woman. His ex makes 7 figures, he gets nothing. Those two were together for over 20 years. My ex would persist in arguing with me despite my efforts to get away from her. It is state dependent but moving out can be problematic. However, if you find yourself in a situation that she could manipulate, you need to get away from it. This is where a lawyer can save you a lot of problems in the future. I know people who divorced without attorneys and in every single case, one person pretty much walked over the other. If it's not clear. Get an attorney, ideally a female. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brentastic Posted November 15, 2023 Author Share Posted November 15, 2023 I appreciate all the replies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anonymouse Posted December 28, 2023 Share Posted December 28, 2023 On 11/15/2023 at 11:48 AM, Brentastic said: I appreciate all the replies. I just read this thread. I'm also going through a divorce. How are you and your kids handling it? You're a good dude and hope all is going as well as can be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brentastic Posted December 28, 2023 Author Share Posted December 28, 2023 3 hours ago, Anonymouse said: I just read this thread. I'm also going through a divorce. How are you and your kids handling it? You're a good dude and hope all is going as well as can be. Thanks brother. Sorry to hear you're going through the same thing. It sucks for sure. It's very tricky because me and my son want to desperately mover out of Chicago (I call it Chicammunism) and my wife wants to stay here. We've agreed to joint custody which means I'm basically stuck here for a few more years until my daughter is 18. This city sucks and is waaaayyyy too expensive so I'm really struggling with it. Other than that, at this point, I can't wait to get away from this untcay. She's not the same person I married, that's for sure. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brentastic Posted December 28, 2023 Author Share Posted December 28, 2023 Do all high schools have gender neutral bathrooms nowadays, or just the overly liberal cities. There's almost nothing I like about Chicago anymore except being very bike friendly as I love riding my bike around. Other than that, it's pretty awful here. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevegrab Posted December 29, 2023 Share Posted December 29, 2023 20 hours ago, Brentastic said: Do all high schools have gender neutral bathrooms nowadays, or just the overly liberal cities. There's almost nothing I like about Chicago anymore except being very bike friendly as I love riding my bike around. Other than that, it's pretty awful here. I doubt it is all, and would probably only be done in those that have been rebuilt or remodeled recently. I was recently eating somewhere newer and that was all they had, two unisex bathrooms. One benefit, since they were single toilet locked door types, if one was busy you could use the other one, no matter your sex. This article says it is more like 1/4 and even that may be high. https://www.latimes.com/california/newsletter/2022-03-07/8-to-3-template-8-to-3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anonymouse Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 a few weeks ago, I told my soon-to-be-ex-wife that I would like to not speak to her ever again, unless it's specifically and exclusively about our kids. She would just randomly complain to me about whatever eventho we've been separated for over a year. I didn't realize until just now how much happier I've been over the past few weeks. I didn't realize just how toxic she is. I do NOT recommend or encourage divorce if you have kids, but if you must go through divorce, realize that you'll eventually be happy. One of the most significant demographic for suicide is recently separated men. It's okay to talk about your feelings, especially if you wind up in a dark hole and can't see the light. (a few years ago, my neighbors got divorced and he killed himself ) If you do have kids -and- must get divorced, maybe have your kids build a relationship with a therapist BEFORE you tell them you're getting divorced. If anyone is going through this and you need to talk, you can PM me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anonymouse Posted January 25 Share Posted January 25 On 11/12/2023 at 8:05 PM, 1fastdoc said: One more thing, protect yourself legally. A friend of mine got into an argument with his ex before their divorce. He's a very laid back guy and was literally Mr Mom. He left, she called the cops and showed them bruises, claming he beat her. Despite raising the kids while his Pulmonologist wife worked 100 hours per week he lost custody. When he agreed to give up any claim to alimony, they stated that it was a sign he reformed and he got custody back. Fast forward, he has the kids because she has no time for them. He's an amazing dad. He's remarried to a great, intelligent woman. His ex makes 7 figures, he gets nothing. Those two were together for over 20 years. My ex would persist in arguing with me despite my efforts to get away from her. It is state dependent but moving out can be problematic. However, if you find yourself in a situation that she could manipulate, you need to get away from it. This is where a lawyer can save you a lot of problems in the future. I know people who divorced without attorneys and in every single case, one person pretty much walked over the other. If it's not clear. Get an attorney, ideally a female. You can lose legal rights if you move out of your house too soon to get away from your ex-wife. However, I joined a divorced dad group last year and heard horror stories of guys who refused to give up any legal rights, remained in the marital home, and had false DV (domestic violence) charges filed against them and that was way worse than the legal consequences of having just left. I know these DVs were false because it was eventually proven and two of the men now have 100% custody of their kids. Please consult an attorney as to the best course of action. I am not an attorney. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gilthorp Posted January 28 Share Posted January 28 Sounds nasty...100% All of it. The entirety-from family to kids, to mental anguish, and cost. Courts still favor the women. I won't. I am the only person in my circle. My bro (3rd wife), one BIL (2nd wife), another BIL (once divorced-won't marry again), and SIL (2nd husband). I have hopes that my patience will win. There is something to be said about "for better or worse". It has nothing to do with religion or God. I still know my spouse is a good human. The alternative is a nightmare in so many ways. We may have our on line differences...but good luck to you. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rajncajn Posted January 28 Share Posted January 28 3 hours ago, gilthorp said: Sounds nasty...100% All of it. The entirety-from family to kids, to mental anguish, and cost. Courts still favor the women. I won't. I am the only person in my circle. My bro (3rd wife), one BIL (2nd wife), another BIL (once divorced-won't marry again), and SIL (2nd husband). I have hopes that my patience will win. There is something to be said about "for better or worse". It has nothing to do with religion or God. I still know my spouse is a good human. The alternative is a nightmare in so many ways. We may have our on line differences...but good luck to you. Very well said. Hope everything works out as smoothly as possible Brent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chief Dick Posted February 7 Share Posted February 7 2 hours ago, irish said: Captain Big John Obvious (CBJO) came to the rescue in, as you mentioned, a creepy way. I’m pretty sure Big John has met them in person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brentastic Posted February 12 Author Share Posted February 12 Thanks, fellas. No progress, still same situation. We're both just living as is and neither of us is doing anything proactive towards filing for divorce. Still don't like it but at least I see the kids daily under this current situation. Special shoutout to @gilthorpbecause he and I have never got along so for him to come in here and be kind... mad props dude. I appreciate it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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