Hardrocker Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 Lay down the law now or forever hold your PIECE. Now that is funny, I dont care who you are..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skilly Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 That's the point, she's not doing it to piss me off, nor is she doing it to cause trouble. This is the girl I will be with forever, I wouldn't give her up for anything (ok, maybe a NY Giants Super Bowl win, but that's different) I feel she's doing it to make that night more special. And I also feel she's doing it to feel like she is "eracing" her sin of allready having done "it" before being married. Those of you that have said "Go elsewhere"....That's not an option here, I am not that kinda guy. BM If this is the reason, then it's not a good one. She will be building up these unrealistic expectations of your wedding day (and night) that will never be able to be met. I can only forsee months of frustration and resentment ahead if you decide to go this route. Either way, I wish you and your girl the best of luck, and I hope everything works out for you (except for that Giants winning the Super Bowl thing.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Misfit Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 I hate it when spain is the voice of reason. Look: Women are not from Venus. They are not weird creatures with strange emotions that no man can ever hope to understand. You do not make them happy by simply saying "Yes, dear" to every whim that crosses their minds. There is no need to fear them. You need to take them down off the pedestal. We know that people who sign virginity pledges are more likely to have extramarital sex. If anyone believes that any type of Christian woman is more protective of her "virtue" for "spiritual" reasons than non-Christain women -- well, they just haven't dated many Christians. Her reasons for wanting this may be several, but they have nothing to do with making the wedding night feel more "special." If that's the case, you've also missed the boat, dude, since you have engaged her in this sin for the past five years -- she may wipe her slate clean in her head, but that will never apply to you, sinner. If she becomes a virgin in her head, you're no longer good enough for her. If she wants a traditional "Christian marriage," then you're expected to be the head of the family -- hardly something you can claim to be if you agree to go dry for a year just to appease her. I'd give you odds she either is seriously doubting her feelings for you or there's another guy out there she's interested in -- or she was even seeing someone else, but the guilt of that led her to want to give up all sex for a year until she is married. (If that's the reason, you're in trouble there, too: There is nothing magical about marriage that will take away her desire of sex with people besides you. She'll learn that soon enough.) Normal, healthy women do not just give up a sexually monogamous relationship all of a sudden with a man they love. They ain't wired that way. Something else is going on. At the very least, she is showing signs of either being psycho or wanting to set the ground rules now that she wears the pants in the family, for lack of a better metaphor. Do not, under any circumstance, read this as a romantic notion that you must agree to in order to make her happy. Take her off her pedestal. If she can get you to agree to no sex for a year, giving up football to spend time with her mom will be a piece of cake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avernus Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 I hate it when spain is the voice of reason. Look: Women are not from Venus. They are not weird creatures with strange emotions that no man can ever hope to understand. You do not make them happy by simply saying "Yes, dear" to every whim that crosses their minds. There is no need to fear them. You need to take them down off the pedestal. We know that people who sign virginity pledges are more likely to have extramarital sex. If anyone believes that any type of Christian woman is more protective of her "virtue" for "spiritual" reasons than non-Christain women -- well, they just haven't dated many Christians. Her reasons for wanting this may be several, but they have nothing to do with making the wedding night feel more "special." If that's the case, you've also missed the boat, dude, since you have engaged her in this sin for the past five years -- she may wipe her slate clean in her head, but that will never apply to you, sinner. If she becomes a virgin in her head, you're no longer good enough for her. If she wants a traditional "Christian marriage," then you're expected to be the head of the family -- hardly something you can claim to be if you agree to go dry for a year just to appease her. I'd give you odds she either is seriously doubting her feelings for you or there's another guy out there she's interested in -- or she was even seeing someone else, but the guilt of that led her to want to give up all sex for a year until she is married. (If that's the reason, you're in trouble there, too: There is nothing magical about marriage that will take away her desire of sex with people besides you. She'll learn that soon enough.) Normal, healthy women do not just give up a sexually monogamous relationship all of a sudden with a man they love. They ain't wired that way. Something else is going on. At the very least, she is showing signs of either being psycho or wanting to set the ground rules now that she wears the pants in the family, for lack of a better metaphor. Do not, under any circumstance, read this as a romantic notion that you must agree to in order to make her happy. Take her off her pedestal. If she can get you to agree to no sex for a year, giving up football to spend time with her mom will be a piece of cake. pretty much what I said...but he broke it down to the 3rd degree lol.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azazello1313 Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 We know that people who sign virginity pledges are more likely to have extramarital sex. just curious, but where do "we" know this from? your advice seems completely bush to me. but hey, i guess you're the relationship expert. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avernus Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 just curious, but where do "we" know this from? your advice seems completely bush to me. but hey, i guess you're the relationship expert. no, I concur with him....females aren't "wired" like that...they don't just cut off sex to make something more special.... and even if she wanted to....she'd cave within a month... if she can deliberately go without sex for a month with ample opportunities, then something is wrong... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chavez Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 (edited) My fiance' and I have been together for over 5 years, we are getting married next May! We have....well you know......done "it" many, many times...... Now this week, we have started our Pre Cana classes to get married in the Catholic church. And out of nowhere, after two classes, my fiance' wants to wait 47 more weeks until our wedding night to do "it" again. Ah, them silly Catholics... ...well, Mike, unless you're a complete dud in the sack (in which case I doubt you'd have her marrying you), don't sweat it - she'll crack. Edited July 4, 2006 by Chavez Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chavez Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 Not to play arm chair psychologist but the fact that she doesn't want to sleep with you for a year says there is something wrong to me. I can see going a month but the fact that she's willing to pass on 47 weeks of one of man's (and womens) most enjoyable activity does not sound good. I would go with the diagnosis of "religion makes people do stupid things for stupid reasons" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chavez Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 I believe there have been several studies recently that indicate that married people have sex more often than single people. Guys that want their wives to be ready to go at the drop of a hat need to meet their other needs. Treat 'em like your queen and sex goddess and odds are she'll rock your world. In the world of Chavez, there is a strong correlation between giving flowers and receiving fellatio from the Mrs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chavez Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 You'e looking at it all wrong. Think positive, dude. Its not 47 weeks, its 11 months. See, 11 isn't as big as a 47. Think of it as a tour of duty. Your duty done, you get veteran benefits for life. Heck, by that logic, just think of it as less than a year, a tenth of a decade, 1/100th of a century, and not even a blip as far as millennia go. Don't you feel better now? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chavez Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 just curious, but where do "we" know this from? your advice seems completely bush to me. but hey, i guess you're the relationship expert. I recall the study coming out showing that some reasonably large % of teens signing "virginity pledges" broke them within a year (I wanna say 50, but whatever). I didn't see anything about it leading to extramarital sex. I think the virginity pledge thing is like going on a diet, personally - when you consciously attempt to deny yourself something, it becomes that much more enticing. As opposed to those religious or non-religious people who just don't believe in casual sex or sex outside of serious relationships (or are just "asexual" in a way) - they just don't put this hard-and-fast barrier in their way, they just trust their own judgement and beliefs to lead them on the proper course. Anyway, that's an off-topic digresssion. I will give future-Mrs-BigMike the benefit of the doubt as far as something "being wrong" and go with the theory that she is trying to do what her heart tells her is best for both her and BigMike. And the church tells us that the flesh is weak, so she'll crack and fail. What's important is that BigMike NOT gloat over her giving in and assure her that she's a good person and a good Catholic and that it's the attempt and intentions that make the sacrifice important. As far as the state of the relationship, it's been FIVE YEARS, ya knobs. Crazy she-dogs can't hide for that long, crazy she-dog would have revealed herself LONG ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimmy Neutron Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 In the world of Chavez, there is a strong correlation between giving flowers and receiving fellatio from the Mrs. True - fine chocolates, surprise gifts and lingerie work too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NSab Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 I bet you she'll break before you do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spain Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 I bet you she'll break before you do. Will he be in the room when she does? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yo mama Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 (edited) Sounds like garbage to me. (And, FWIW, my wife and I went through the same Catholic pre-wedding classes, so I know what you guys are going through). Granted, you can't force her to change her mind, nor should you have to. But ultimatums like this - ones that relate to the most fundamental aspects of your relationship - should not be taken lightly. If she's going to bust out a 100 megaton warhead like this, BEFORE you have even made a life-long commitment to each other, it'd better be for a freakin' fantastic reason. If she can't articulate such a reason to your (objective and unselfish) satatisfaction, then you've got to seriously wonder how frequently, and with what manner of discretion, she may do the same for the remainder of your years together. Ultimatums are destructive to a relationship of equals. It'd be one thing if you liked the idea, or there was some negotiated concessions on her part (use your imagination here), but it sounds like she's giving you the ol' "take it or leave it" bargainning tactic. If that's the case, don't be too quick to discard the idea of leaving it. Edited July 6, 2006 by yo mama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hardrocker Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 Mike You know her better than anyone here....ok that probably sounds different than it did in my head...I wouldnt want it for me and my wife...and I am sure you wouldnt choose it either. That said, its kind of a nice gesture, offer, and if you accept it as such, who knows, maybe you can both grow from the experience. When my wife and I got married we went through all of the same training, and were asked a lot of questions since we had both been married (no kids) before. Its been almost 9 years and 4 kids later and we can both recite some of the stuff we went through off the top of our heads. It was great in helping us put down a strong foundation. I say give her the benefit of the doubt, at least enough to talk it through. You said it yourself...you are going to spend the rest of your life with her. You need to trust her. Of course, If I were you I would also hope and pray that she cant live without you and this whole thing "blows" over in about a week. Either way, congrats, and good luck Hardrocker Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perchoutofwater Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 My wife tried to pull the same sh!t on me. It lasted for about 3 or 4 weeks, and then we were at it agian like rabbits. Here's a secret, if you are good in bed, she will want it almost as much as you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
max Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 I think you should support your wife in this. Granted it sucks for you but she will never forget how you supported her wishes. I doubt she will last that long without giving in anyways. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiegie Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 Convince her that it is only a sin if she gets pleasure from it--then point out how bad you are in bed and say that she has nothing to worry about. (on a slightly more serious note, tell her that you are perfectly willing to respect her wishes with respect to intercourse itself but then use the "only a sin if you get pleasure from it" angle to convince her to engage in non-intercourse sexual activities from which you get pleasure) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I Like Soup Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 Has she given in yet? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperBalla Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 (edited) Tell her because of her decision...you decided to become an eunuch to please yer spaghetti god. Bow down sinner...and worship my meat balls. Wow...this is sik chit here. Edited July 6, 2006 by SuperBalla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loyalboyd Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 She's just getting you used to being married. VERY VERY TRUE STATEMENT! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loyalboyd Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 My wife tried to pull the same sh!t on me. It lasted for about 3 or 4 weeks, and then we were at it agian like rabbits. Here's a secret, if you are good in bed, she will want it almost as much as you. Even more True. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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