whomper Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 (edited) Have you ever had a situation where your kid kept getting hit by another kid or was hitting another kid ? Im not talking big kids I am talking in the 4-7 range..What did you tell your kid ? How did you handle it ? I have a situation but I would like to see some responses first.. Edited September 28, 2007 by whomper Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cameltosis Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 You know whats funny, I have been a lurker on these boards for years but rarely post. But the thought of some kid hitting one of Whompers kids makes me angry. I dont hink I have ever had one interaction with Whomper. But it does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmarc117 Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 i would have them try to ignore and ask the culprit to please stop. if that doesnt work, then have them go to the proper adult authority. and if that doesnt work, they have my full authority to defend themselves in any way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puddy Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 At that age, I do NOT teach my kids to hit back. I've always told my kids to tell the adult in charge (parent, teacher, etc.) at the time. I remember when my daughter was in kindergarten. She supposedly hit this boy and his nose started bleeding while at recess. The boys mother tells Mrs. Puddy (they casually knew each other at the time) that she teaches her kids to hit back because they face enough ridicule because her kids are bi-racial. I wasn't sure what that had to do with teaching your 5 year-old to hit other kids though. Come to find out that she didn't hit him on purpose anyway. If that little f'er would have hit my daughter in retaliation, I would have had a real problem with the parents. Â Â Â And if it was my kid doing the hitting, I have a talk about why it's wrong to hit others. Â Â Â And just because daddy spanks you all the time doesn't mean it's the write way to punish people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geeteebee Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 Depends on where it happens. If it is at my house, then I talk to the kid, whether or not it is my child and let him know in no uncertain terms that this behavior will not be tolerated and what the consequences will be if it happens again. I also make the kid go apologize to the other child and in the apology make sure they say what they are apologizing for and that they won't do it again. If the other parent is present but did not see it, then I politely let them know what happened and that I handled it (since most parents prefer other parents not discipline their children without their consent) but that they may need to be on the lookout for that type of behavior. If it is at school/daycare and I don't see it happening and am just told about it by my child, then I talk with the teacher about it and let them know what you were told and that the teacher needs to be on watch for it. If it happens a second day, then I have a more aggressive conversation with the teacher letting them know that I would not accept this type of behavior and they need to protect the children from these types of actions. Beyond that, you have the option of going up the chain of command (principal, etc.), removing your child from that schol (not always practical) or kicking the other parent's ass in front of your child and letting your child know that this is how they need to handle the situation the next time they are hit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaP'N GRuNGe Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 Sounds like you need to buy them a gun to protect themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragon Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 Wow, what a great teaching opportunity. Â If the child is the hitter - explain to the child as if they were on the receiving end of the hitting. Asking how they would like it if they were the hittee, would they like to be hit everytime they did whatever it is that is causing them to hit, etc. Also explain what results may occur if the hittee, went to the teacher, hit back, gort hurt, etc. Ask why they are hitting. Ask what else they could do in lieu of hitting. Ask if they have been hit. Â As the Hitee - It is important for the child to understand that it is not only wrong to hit, but also wrong to allow themselves to be hit - they don't deserve to be hit! Emphasize what steps they should take, who the proper authorities are in the given situations, and how they should not keep quiet about it. Ask what they are doing that might be "causing" the hitting - but be careful not to impicate blame. Â Although there are no circumstances under which either should happen, explain that we all make mistakes and that we need to ask for / give forgiveness. But that it is not a mistake if it continually happens. Â JMO, but what do I know - I'm not good with kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChuckB Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh 0ne Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 I'd beat the sh*t out of 'em. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragon Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 I'd beat the sh*t out of 'em. Â Were you hit as a child? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted September 28, 2007 Author Share Posted September 28, 2007 (edited) My wife and I have always thought along the lines of what Puddy posted about telling the kids not to be the hitter and if they do get hit make sure they tell us immediately. My girls are 4 and 6 and they may hit each other once in a while but they never ever hit other kids. My problem is with the boy across the street who is the son of a couple that we are good friends with. He is 6. His parents are just about the same age as my wife and I and we have ben friends with them ever since they moved to our town..(About 6 years) The mom is massively over protective and babies these kids beyond belief..These kids truly are developing problems because of how bad the mother babies them . The daughter is an emotional wreck. Shes about 9..Cries over every single thing imaginable. I honestly dont remember the last time I was with them that she didnt break down crying over something..The son is plain and simple "The Devil". God forgive me because he is just a kid but I honestly genuinely dislike this kid. He is a whiny little screachy voiced crybaby . He never ever shares and he is very quick to hit..He seems to zero in on my 4 year old..Every single time we are together he ends up whacking her..I have taught her to tell me or my wife or the kids parents if anyone ever hits them..The problem is when either my daughter or my wife and I address it with his mother she immediately defends him and never truly reprimands him..She says things like "Angelia how hard did he hit you? " My wife says to her it doesnt matter how hard he hit her its just the fact that he did and hes 2 years older then her and hes a boy. Â I know a lot of you are going to suggest that we stop hanging out with them and believe me we have seriously cut back big time the amount of time we spend with them but its really not that simple. Although the mom does a bad job with this situation my wife and I really like this couple . A few years back my wife had some health issues that laid her up for a little while and this woman cooked me dinner every night for a month..The Dad is a really great guy but he gets totally dominated by the wife..Its complete ownership..He actually agrees with us that she babies them but is pretty much powerless ..Now my wife is the most non violent person you will ever come across..She has tremendous patience and never likes to see anything get physical..The other day my wife took my next door neighbor who is this awesome adorable 4 year old girl over to the neighbors with the hitting kids house for his birthday party..So its my wife and 2 daughters and the little girl next door..I think it was the weekend we were at WCOFF..anyway this kid not only takes his usual swing at my kid he pops the 4 year old next door..That was it for me and believe it or not for my wife too..We have now instructed my kids to punch this kid directly in the nose the next time he lays a hand on her..We are saddly trying to not even hang with them that much anymore but the kids are in activities together and the dad pops by our house with his kids when he sees us in the front yard with them so as much as we try and distance ourselves we always end up around them. My 6 year old will never hit him..Its just her way ..No matter what I cant see her doing it..My 4 year old is tough as nails and now that she has the green light I think shes gonna nail him if the opportunity comes up..I know it sounds barbaric and irresponsible but I am tired of my kid getting popped to be honest with you . We told them they are never to hit any other kids and they fully understand and we also told them not to strike first.. Edited September 28, 2007 by whomper Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
H8tank Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 If I was in your situation whomp, and I saw that little bassturd hit my girl, I would scream the ever livin schit at him and put the fear of DEATH into his vision of the future if it ever happened again. Â If his parents don't like it, they can F0K off and raise their little punk however they want away from me. Just cuase its not your kid, does NOT mean you can't scare the little schit to death. Â My best bud has a rotten f@gy punk like that, 7 years old, I hate that kid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puddy Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 Were you hit as a child? Have you seen that bumpy bald head of his? Of course he was. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonorator Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 its a whole different dynamic with a boy hitting a girl. that just shouldn't happen and this is worthy of a major intervention with the parents. i have boys and they get in skirmishes all the time, but its not a big deal because they are boys ... it's what they do. this kid needs to learn that hitting girls is way off the charts in the bad behavior category and his parents should be stepping up to be sure this message is loud and clear. Â until i found out it was boy/girl, i was going to refer you to the andy griffith where he help opie confront a bully. that was damn good tv right there sir. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Savage Beatings Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 (edited) You could try this... since the parents of the Devil won't take control of the situation, you obviously need to. The next time it happens, go up to the kid and look him straight in the eye and without quite yelling, but being incredibly stern so that he knows you are totally serious, say, "Devil, I don't EVER want you to hit my daughter again! Do you understand me?" Make sure that your face looks angry and that you enunciate every syllable... but again don't quite yell at him. Â It will probably scare the crap out of him since no adult talks to him this way. But I bet you that doing that alone will be enough to get him to back off for good. He will probably be frightened of you from then on, but that is a small price to pay for protecting your 4 year old daughter. Â Doing so, will probably also not so subtly let your friends know how much this upsets you, so that they can hopefully take a cue from you on preventing this in the future. Either that or the kids Smother I mean Mother will get offended and not want to hang out anymore... in which case F her for not respecting your kids' safety. Edited September 28, 2007 by Savage Beatings Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ABearWithFurniture Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 Man, I'd put a stop to this relationship in a heartbeat. I don't care how well you know the family, they need to learn that ANY type of hitting will not be tolerated. If it takes no interaction so be it...sounds like that mom needs some serious intervention. Also, and the main thing is, your own kids need to know that you will not allow this to happen to them, or anyone else, under any circumstances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmarc117 Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 i almost pulled the mama grizzly once with a kid hitting my son. i dont agree at all with never hitting. granted you dont want your kid to be a mad man, but if it comes to defending him/her self, they need to know that they can. and know how to as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragon Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 I'm probably in the minority here, but I dont think this is the way to handle the situation. I understand that it is a boy hitting a girl and that this has changed the perception of the problem. Whomp, you are responsible for protecting your daughter, and also for raising and teaching your daughter. Â Protecting your daughter - If you have spoken to the parents of this child and there has been no improvement, you need to not allow this punk near your daughter again, plain and simple. In the long run, it doens't matter what type of strain this may put on your friendship with the couple - this is your daughter we're talking about. It sounds like your daughter is in harm's way every time she is with this kid, and having her hit him back won't alleviate that danger, it may only make things worse. Â Teaching your daughter - Every child must learn that self-defense may be required in certain situations, but IMO this not one of those situations. YOU are repeatedly allowing your daughter to be placed in this situation. Kids are smart and it may only be a matter of time before she sees the mixed message of "Hitting is wrong unless you are in danger and you should avoid those situations whenever possible, now go play with bratboy, which is one of those situations you should avoid." Â I'm not trying to come off high and mighty or judgemental (and I apologize if I am). I'm just trying to offer another perspective from a fellow parent. I feel for you and your wife in this situation - Been there before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted September 28, 2007 Author Share Posted September 28, 2007 I'm probably in the minority here, but I dont think this is the way to handle the situation. I understand that it is a boy hitting a girl and that this has changed the perception of the problem. Whomp, you are responsible for protecting your daughter, and also for raising and teaching your daughter. Protecting your daughter - If you have spoken to the parents of this child and there has been no improvement, you need to not allow this punk near your daughter again, plain and simple. In the long run, it doens't matter what type of strain this may put on your friendship with the couple - this is your daughter we're talking about. It sounds like your daughter is in harm's way every time she is with this kid, and having her hit him back won't alleviate that danger, it may only make things worse.  Teaching your daughter - Every child must learn that self-defense may be required in certain situations, but IMO this not one of those situations. YOU are repeatedly allowing your daughter to be placed in this situation. Kids are smart and it may only be a matter of time before she sees the mixed message of "Hitting is wrong unless you are in danger and you should avoid those situations whenever possible, now go play with bratboy, which is one of those situations you should avoid."  I'm not trying to come off high and mighty or judgemental (and I apologize if I am). I'm just trying to offer another perspective from a fellow parent. I feel for you and your wife in this situation - Been there before.    I dont feel like you are being judgemental at all..Deep down I think I know you and abwf are right and avoiding these people is the move..We always kind of thought he would grow out of it and we could be good friends with these people that we like but with the Moms inability to discipline her kid its just not going to work..This kid was in pre K with my oldest daughter and he actually hit the teacher..When they told his mother she said.."There is 2 sides to every story"..Thanks for your perspective on it Dragon ..Its much appreciated..Same with every other point of view..the reason I didnt give the story until later in the thread was I wanted to see initial reactions and see a few stories of your experiences..The mom is noticing we are distancing..She stopped my wife at school the other day and kept asking if she was mad at her..Its sad that this kid never turned the corner.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragon Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 Thanks for understanding where I was coming from and what my intentions are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonorator Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 The mom is noticing we are distancing..She stopped my wife at school the other day and kept asking if she was mad at her..Its sad that this kid never turned the corner.. Â well, don't hide the reason. say point blank that your son hits our daughter and we can't allow that to happen! they need to know why you are distancing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atlanta Cracker Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 We have now instructed my kids to punch this kid directly in the nose the next time he lays a hand on her.. Â To that I would add, "as hard as you can." Â Â I think you've done all the right things and doing this a while ago would probably have solved the problem already though it was worth trying other measures. Once the little brat gets a taste of a bloody nose provided by a girl he'll certainly stop. Oh, and I would tell the sMother (in front of the brat) the next time you are together that you have authorized this action - just so they are all very aware what's about to happen. Heck, that conversation alone may prevent it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh 0ne Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 Were you hit as a child? Â I was kidding. Trying to teach your kids not to hit by beating the sh*t out of them was my subtle attempt at hughmor. Â And I was hit as a child, but never beaten. I got the occasional well deserved smack. Nothing wrong with that imo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragon Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 I was kidding. Trying to teach your kids not to hit by beating the sh*t out of them was my subtle attempt at hughmor. And I was hit as a child, but never beaten. I got the occasional well deserved smack. Nothing wrong with that imo.  I knew (or at least REALLY hoped) you were kidding - as was I in my response to you!  And I absolutely agree with you - "Time Outs" don't work worth a spit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh 0ne Posted September 28, 2007 Share Posted September 28, 2007 I knew (or at least REALLY hoped) you were kidding - as was I in my response to you! Â And I absolutely agree with you - "Time Outs" don't work worth a spit. Â Time outs are for tree huggers and commies. Â Â :ducks: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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