Kids hitting other kids

[Dragon]

Time outs are for tree huggers and commies.

:ducks:

 

[Azazello1313]

probably worth talking to the folks one more time and letting them know how significant a problem this is in your eyes, and that if it doesn't stop immediately then you will no longer allow their kids to be around your kids under any circumstance. it sounds like they're still blowing the whole thing off like it's no big deal, and maybe you haven't totally gotten it across that it IS a big deal.

[Hat Trick]

well, don't hide the reason. say point blank that your son hits our daughter and we can't allow that to happen! they need to know why you are distancing.

 

+1, it may help the situation more than you think it might hurt it

[T-Scorp]

I dont feel like you are being judgemental at all..Deep down I think I know you and abwf are right and avoiding these people is the move..We always kind of thought he would grow out of it and we could be good friends with these people that we like but with the Moms inability to discipline her kid its just not going to work..This kid was in pre K with my oldest daughter and he actually hit the teacher..When they told his mother she said.."There is 2 sides to every story"..Thanks for your perspective on it Dragon ..Its much appreciated..Same with every other point of view..the reason I didnt give the story until later in the thread was I wanted to see initial reactions and see a few stories of your experiences..The mom is noticing we are distancing..She stopped my wife at school the other day and kept asking if she was mad at her..Its sad that this kid never turned the corner..

 

 

 

Whomp, she gave your wife the perfect reason to discuss the issue.

 

"We are not going to allow our child to be placed in a dangerous situation, and because you allow your son to hit my daughter we will no longer be associating with you."

 

If you have a good relationship with them they will understand and it is then up to them to make sure their son stops hitting. Rest assured, if they continue to allow and defend his behavior he is going to hit the wrong person and is either going to get the beating of a life time or there will be a HUGH lawsuit.

 

Yes your child needs to learn to defend herself, but as Dragon said earlier, you need to stop putting her in the dangeraous environment.

[whomper]

To that I would add, "as hard as you can."

I think you've done all the right things and doing this a while ago would probably have solved the problem already though it was worth trying other measures. Once the little brat gets a taste of a bloody nose provided by a girl he'll certainly stop. Oh, and I would tell the sMother (in front of the brat) the next time you are together that you have authorized this action - just so they are all very aware what's about to happen. Heck, that conversation alone may prevent it.

 

 

Its so funny you should say this because it is exactly what I told my wife..95% of the time the hitting happens when I am not there..I told my wife if it happens when I am there I was going to say to my kid right in front of the mother" did you punch him in the nose like I told you to?" This would surely draw a comment from the mother to which i would say well since you have done nothing after repeated attempts of bringing this to your attention what would you expect us to do ?

[Atlanta Cracker]

+1, it may help the situation more than you think it might hurt it

 

Sounds like they've tried that. I guess one more time can't hurt especially pointing out you are now to the point of authorizing force from your daughter should he hit her again. Really, it's just kids being kids and testing boundaries. Since the mother obviously isn't providing any, your daughter can and it won't create any long term harm for anyone.

[whomper]

Sounds like they've tried that. I guess one more time can't hurt especially pointing out you are now to the point of authorizing force from your daughter should he hit her again. Really, it's just kids being kids and testing boundaries. Since the mother obviously isn't providing any, your daughter can and it won't create any long term harm for anyone.

 

 

My wife thought I was going over board when I was actually teaching her how and where to strike in the living room the other night

[CaP'N GRuNGe]

Reminds me of the King of the Hill episode where Bobby goes to a woman's self defense class and learns to protect himself by kicking bullies in the nads. He does it to Hank a couple of times too, but then Peggy comes after him and he's screwed.

[gilthorp]

I'd ask "The Dad" if he values the relationship he has with you to get a handle on his kid and the next time his son pops my daughter, he will no longer have a relationship. If he claims ignorance or puts it on the wife, I'd call BS and tell him to man up.

 

Never would I tell my child that it's OK to hit someone else unless it was a last resort. It's not your problem that your daughter gets hit by this kid, it's "The Mom" and "The Dad"'s fault.

 

Also, I'd have no problem, if I witnessed it over and over again, to get to eye level with this kid and in no uncertain terms tell this kid that if he does it again he's going to have a serious issue with you.

 

I've already broken two "neighbor" type relationships by telling someone's kid my opinion about their actions. Sucks to be me, huh?

[Atlanta Cracker]

My wife thought I was going over board when I was actually teaching her how and where to strike in the living room the other night

 

I remember my dad teaching me the same thing when I was in first grade and getting bullied around on the playground. It worked too!! And like he told me, if it's to the point that you must defend yourself, don't do it half-arsed.

 

(granted my dad didn't really follow the diplomatic, ehaust all other options first approach )

 

Imagine how empowering it will be for your daughter to learn at 4 years old that boys can't push her around and there is something SHE can do about it. Trust me, no matter how bad her aim is, the kid will be shocked and think twice before hitting her the next time.

[dmarc117]

well, don't hide the reason. say point blank that your son hits our daughter and we can't allow that to happen! they need to know why you are distancing.

 

 

+111111111111111

[Azazello1313]

Its so funny you should say this because it is exactly what I told my wife..95% of the time the hitting happens when I am not there..I told my wife if it happens when I am there I was going to say to my kid right in front of the mother" did you punch him in the nose like I told you to?" This would surely draw a comment from the mother to which i would say well since you have done nothing after repeated attempts of bringing this to your attention what would you expect us to do ?

 

that seems like a pretty passive-aggressive-douchey way of you getting your point across to the kid's parents. is there any reason not to just talk to them directly, clearly and honestly about this problem?

[Hat Trick]

Whomp, i forgot all about this story.

 

When my wife was little there was a neighbor boy who used to pick on her and her little brother, all the time. My mother and father in laws got to a point like you where they'd had enough, what did they do you might ask?

 

They went and bought her a pair of steel toes cowboy boots. She put them on fresh out of the box and went outside cause all the kids were playing, the bully pushed her brother to the ground a short while later, she walked up and told him that they weren't taking anymore flack from him and she kicked him right in the shin. He never messed with either of them ever again.

 

That's another subtle way of handling it. Then you can look at the mother and say.......how hard did she kick you son?

[whoopazz]

My I like Savages approach. Scold the little bassturd sternly in front of his parents next time. The mother will likely get PO'd and that might be it, but your daughter is too young to understand when it is and isn't appropriate to react with violence. Might start off school popping all those little guys in the grill every time they look at her wrong

[Savage Beatings]

Reminds me of the King of the Hill episode where Bobby goes to a woman's self defense class and learns to protect himself by kicking bullies in the nads. He does it to Hank a couple of times too, but then Peggy comes after him and he's screwed.

 

THAT'S MY PURSE!

 

[Big Country]

This is clearly a case of WWSMD?

[Dragon]

Imagine how empowering it will be for your daughter to learn at 4 years old that boys can't push her around and there is something SHE can do about it. Trust me, no matter how bad her aim is, the kid will be shocked and think twice before hitting her the next time.

 

Imagine how important it will be to your daughter when she recognizes that her Dad loves her so much, that he will do all that he can do to keep her out of harm's way, not place her in harm's way with a retaliatory gameplan.

 

Imagine how valuable it will be in another couple of years for your daughter to know how to handle a situation like this that will not result in escalating the danger she is in.

 

Imagine how empowered your daughter will be 20+ years from now when she knows that a possible solution to domestic violence is to avoid the situations whenever possible, not re-enter the situation and respond in kind.

 

Don't mean to be a downer to all the "fun talk" of how cool it would be to have a 4 year old girl beat up a 6 year old boy, but I've been through it before and it doesn't always work out like you plan. BTW Whomp, if you speak to the other child in a threatening tone or context, you can be taken to court in NJ - trust me on this one.

Edited September 28, 2007 by Dragon

[whomper]

that seems like a pretty passive-aggressive-douchey way of you getting your point across to the kid's parents. is there any reason not to just talk to them directly, clearly and honestly about this problem?

 

 

Like I said it almost always happens when I am not there and my wife tells the mother that it needs to stop and he shouldnt be hitting anyone nevermind little girls and its like talking to a brick wall..When I talk about it with the father he agrees with me but he handed in his balls many moons ago..Plus I am a passive aggressive dousch bag that really wants to see this kid get punched ..Seriously though you and others that have said it are right..They need to be made fully aware of how serious this is to us..She tries to play it off as kids being kids but it cant go on anymore.

[Codwagon]

My wife thought I was going over board when I was actually teaching her how and where to strike in the living room the other night

 

 

I don't have a problem with this in theory. But do you have a plan of action if the azzhole punches your daughter back in the face?

[untateve]

probably worth talking to the folks one more time and letting them know how significant a problem this is in your eyes, and that if it doesn't stop immediately then you will no longer allow their kids to be around your kids under any circumstance. it sounds like they're still blowing the whole thing off like it's no big deal, and maybe you haven't totally gotten it across that it IS a big deal.

 

I agree with Az--only I would have this conversation with the parents with my daughter present. Here's the reason: Children who are at the age of your children are egocentric in their thinking. They really cannot adequately take on the perspective of others. They see the world through only their eyes. By way of example, everyone has heard the story of parents getting divorced and for some inexplicable reason, the child blames himself for the divorce. That is egocentric thinking. It's kind of like, in the child's view good things happen because of them and bad things happen because of them.

 

If your daughter keeps telling you and your wife that this boy is hitting her and you keep putting her in a position to get hit by this boy, you run the risk that on some level, she is going to think that she must be doing something wrong or why would mommy and daddy keep letting/making this happen? (Kids who are physically abused almost always have low self-esteem for this exact reason.)

 

I would tell these parents, with my daughter there, that if they cannot control their son, we can no longer interact because it is not acceptable that my daughter is getting hurt by your son every time we are together. By doing this, you are not only teaching your daughter how to avoid fighting, but more importantly, showing her that she is worthy of being respected and cared for.

Edited September 28, 2007 by untateve

[untateve]

And if you really want to teach your daughter to defend herself, sign her up for karate classes or some other martial arts class. This will give her a feeling of confidence in these situations and sometimes just exuding confidence will keep bullies away. In addtion, a good class will teach that aggression should be a last resort. Blitz, I'm sure, could speak more to this.

[whomper]

I don't have a problem with this in theory. But do you have a plan of action if the azzhole punches your daughter back in the face?

 

 

This kid is a little Rosie O'Donnell..He has always been a hitter ..I know a lot of kids hit when they are really small and they usually grow out of it..This kid never did..If she hit him which dont think it will get to he will cry like a bitch..and we will be right there for the break up of th scuffle..We are always right in the next room..It usually happens in the family room where the toys are..We let them play while we are in the other room..

[Hugh B Tool]

Tell them to stop and immediately tell the person in charge at the time, then teach your kid the "sleeper" hold and how to utilize it. Next time it happens, you contact said person on charge and tell them this must stop. If it happens another time give permission for your child to enter sandman on the perp.. One can only turn ones cheek and follow proper PC manors for only so long until one must take other options into their own hands. My daughter is an expert at this and many pressure point holds which stops the hitting etc. rather quickly. She also knows to use these as a last ditch effort to stop physicality. It has only happened twice, first time in 2nd grade. Teacher to Hugh : "and whom taught her this?" Hugh :" why me of course and only after talking with you the first time" Teacher to Hugh: "And you told her it was okay to do this?" Hugh: "Only if it happened again and her teacher did nothing about it". Teacher to Hugh: "This can't be allowed in this school" Hugh: "You are right, and with my two documented cases of hitting being basically unpunished by the same person in charge each time, I don't think the school board would dissaprove of me giving my daughter a way to protect herself"

.

She also did not get bullied for many years because kids remembered she could disfuse voilence very quickly and effectively. She thanks me to this day and is so non violent it makes me proud.

[Atlanta Cracker]

This kid is a little Rosie O'Donnell..He has always been a hitter ..I know a lot of kids hit when they are really small and they usually grow out of it..This kid never did..If she hit him which dont think it will get to he will cry like a bitch..and we will be right there for the break up of th scuffle..We are always right in the next room..It usually happens in the family room where the toys are..We let them play while we are in the other room..

 

The other alternative, when you aren't around, is make it clear that your wife must be in the same room as the children.

 

 

The kid is just doing it because he can get away with it. One punch and it's over.

[Atlanta Cracker]

Imagine how important it will be to your daughter when she recognizes that her Dad loves her so much, that he will do all that he can do to keep her out of harm's way, not place her in harm's way with a retaliatory gameplan.

 

 

The thing is, dad won't always be able to keep her out of harms way and sometimes she needs to know how to retaliate. I'm not by any means suggesting this should be the standard way of dealing with things and it sounds like Whomp has a good feel that his daughter is clear on that too but sometimes you have to dispense with the diplomacy and take action.

 

A simple punch of this brat ends all the problems, the parents can be friends and hang out again, and there is no need for endless debate or discussion.

 

My son is 2 so this issue hasn't arisen yet and he isn't allowed to hit. Timeout works great for him and he has never been spanked. I do, fully expcet to teach him one day when to defend himself and this would be one of those cases where it would be time.