nuke'em ttg Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 by any chance does your wife have a very dark tan and Hugh rack that looks good in frosting........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skylive5 Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 Not sure I understand modern wedding protocol. Did the invitations state: "Wedding gift required for attendance." ? Or "Bring gift or stay home."? Been to a lot of weddings over the years and while we have always given gifts there were a lot of people in attendance that didn't. A wedding isn't like a birthday or Christmas... a gift isn't required. Or at least no one told us that one was. It's a shame that your new wife had a bummer of a wedding day because a family member didn't give her a gift. Should have been a great day and viewed as embarking on a great adventure instead of who gave what gift and who didn't. You send thank-you notes to those that did give something and you don't send anything to those that didn't. And if it is real important then just remember who didn't....but don't point it out to them or even bring it up....to anyone. Being newly married is going to bring enough to the table....one doesn't need to load on extra baggage. Congrats on your marriage. May you have many years of great times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polksalet Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 I wouldn't care at all. I would just be glad they were there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theprofessor Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 I rarely comment on these things, but this one really makes me scratch my head. I thought the entire purpose of inviting these people was to share in a special day. The gifts are not supposed to be mandatory, despite the fact that most people give them. Getting bent out of shape over it is rather shallow in my opinion. If all that matters is the money or material item, rather than the fact that they made the time to share in the moment and help you celebrate, then someone's priorities are in the wrong place. What's next, a cover charge? +1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caveman_Nick Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 Not sure I understand modern wedding protocol. Did the invitations state: "Wedding gift required for attendance." ? Or "Bring gift or stay home."? Been to a lot of weddings over the years and while we have always given gifts there were a lot of people in attendance that didn't. A wedding isn't like a birthday or Christmas... a gift isn't required. Or at least no one told us that one was. It's a shame that your new wife had a bummer of a wedding day because a family member didn't give her a gift. Should have been a great day and viewed as embarking on a great adventure instead of who gave what gift and who didn't. You send thank-you notes to those that did give something and you don't send anything to those that didn't. And if it is real important then just remember who didn't....but don't point it out to them or even bring it up....to anyone. Being newly married is going to bring enough to the table....one doesn't need to load on extra baggage. Congrats on your marriage. May you have many years of great times. I was going to post something very similar to this, but I will leave it as "Wisdom from the Ages" You should ask your wife "Did you invite people so you could get gifts"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Irish Doggy Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 One of my better friends specifically waits 6 months to give a gift. He likes to ask the couple if there was anything they really wanted but didn't get, and then get it for them (within reason - but he is a very generous gift giver)... Failing that, he just buys whatever is left on the registry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 Have any of the people saying it is OK not to bring a gift ever gone to a wedding without bringing a gift ? Although a wedding gift isnt required I have always seen it as something nice you may do for a couple that they can use in or towards their new home or something like that. I didnt scrutinize my wedding guests on if or what they gave but speaking for myself I couldnt imagine going to a wedding empty handed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caveman_Nick Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 Have any of the people saying it is OK not to bring a gift ever gone to a wedding without bringing a gift ? Although a wedding gift isnt required I have always seen it as something nice you may do for a couple that they can use in or towards their new home or something like that. I didnt scrutinize my wedding guests on if or what they gave but speaking for myself I couldnt imagine going to a wedding empty handed. I have never not brought a gift, even if I had to travel expensively. But I have the means to do so an it's not in my nature to not give a wedding gift. I have also been married and not received gifts from several guests. It happens. There is no lasting trauma. I never brought it up to anyone, and still have all of the people that attended the wedding in my life. Or....most of them, and none of those changes had anything to do with wedding gifts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wolf Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 (edited) Here's my read on this: Boat_hacked and the missus (congrats, by the way!) are probably of ther ilk who never show up at a wedding without a gift. That four guests (three of which were family) did not bring a gift is shocking to them, to say the least. Bottom line is, it is OK for her to be a shocked and maybe even a little bit hurt. However, the wedding is about two lives joining as one, not checking names off on a gift list. I am sure she knows this and is just reacting to what is simply a hurtful situation. Quick story: I got married in October, 2005. There is a friend of ours that has been to several family weddings and not once brought a gift. We knew this going in and invited him anyway. Not only did he not bring a gift, he did not show. Such is life. We had three others who did not bring gifts. Oh well. Our wedding was a blast and our honeymoon rocked and we've never discussed it since. You two will probably come to the same realization. By the way...we got a message from the caterer a few days after the wedding...an envelope for us was found in the ladies' room. It is possible that gifts get lost, you know. Edited January 24, 2008 by The Wolf Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 (edited) I have never not brought a gift, even if I had to travel expensively. But I have the means to do so an it's not in my nature to not give a wedding gift. I have also been married and not received gifts from several guests. It happens. There is no lasting trauma. I never brought it up to anyone, and still have all of the people that attended the wedding in my life. Or....most of them, and none of those changes had anything to do with wedding gifts. I wouldnt shut anyone out of my life or have bad blood either . It wouldnt be lasting trauma but I would have to say if the guest had the means to give a gift I would find it peculiar as to why they didnt. I wouldnt lose sleep over it and neither would my wife. We had a few people not give us gifts right off the bat yet still sent them thank you cards and never questioned them. My friend that didnt give us a gift met up with me one day and handed me a gift and said sorry it was a little late but this is for your wedding. I thanked him and never even mentioned that we noticed because we truly were not upset. We have gone over wedding gifts in the past here and I guess it is very different depending on where you are at in the country as far as what you give. As far as I have seen here in nj/ny the woman gets gifts from a registry at her shower and its 98% monetary on the wedding day. That is how it has been for every single wedding I have been involved in. If I had to do my wedding over again knowing certain people werent going to give me a gift I would still invite them because I agree with you guys about the main reason we are all there. I also stand by my belief that financial hardship is the only reason i could see not to give a gift to someone on their wedding day Edited January 24, 2008 by whomper Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimC Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 Can I get a refund when you f'ers get a divorce? :oldrolleyes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Cid Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 I rarely comment on these things, but this one really makes me scratch my head. I thought the entire purpose of inviting these people was to share in a special day. The gifts are not supposed to be mandatory, despite the fact that most people give them. Getting bent out of shape over it is rather shallow in my opinion. If all that matters is the money or material item, rather than the fact that they made the time to share in the moment and help you celebrate, then someone's priorities are in the wrong place. What's next, a cover charge? This completely nails it. If you invited people to your wedding for the gift then you invited them for the wrong reasons IMO. Send a note thanking them for attending and sharing in your day if you must say anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiegie Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 We had a few people not give us gifts right off the bat yet still sent them thank you cards and never questioned them. What exactly did you thank them for? For coming to your wedding? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 (edited) What exactly did you thank them for? For coming to your wedding? Yes Whomper Yes Wiegies next post Well isnt that the whole point of having them there more so then a gift? Edited January 24, 2008 by whomper Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiegie Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 YesWiegies next post Well isnt that the whole point of having them there more so then a gift? now now... I was just checking to make sure (and I wanted to make it clear to boat-hacked that you didn't write "Thanks... for nothing!"). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Savage Beatings Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 People that don't give you gifts are horrible human beings. Call them up and yell at them and then never allow them to darken your lives with their hateful presence again. No presents = no presence. My advice is to begin the phone call with, "Just who the F do you think you are?" Then string together a vulgar tirade of insults and degradation. Although my personal preference in situations like this is to try to mimic Indiana Jones in teh Last Crusade when he tried to pretend he was a Scottish Lord and then when the old guy at the castle called him on it he replied in a Scottish accent, "How dare ye?" But that's just me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azazello1313 Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 i would not send a "thank you" card in that instance, because it just seems like more of a "f*ck you" card. i guess this whole thing just comes down to your philosophy regarding gifts. if a "gift" is something you owe or are owed, then it is not a gift, it is a quid pro quo. a gift is only truly a gift if it is freely given, without coercion or expectation, and if it is warmly received as such. truly, it is better to give than to receive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimC Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 People that don't give you gifts are horrible human beings. Call them up and yell at them and then never allow them to darken your lives with their hateful presence again. No presents = no presence. My advice is to begin the phone call with, "Just who the F do you think you are?" Then string together a vulgar tirade of insults and degradation. Although my personal preference in situations like this is to try to mimic Indiana Jones in teh Last Crusade when he tried to pretend he was a Scottish Lord and then when the old guy at the castle called him on it he replied in a Scottish accent, "How dare ye?" But that's just me. I would say I never liked either of you and I was just there for the free food and booze, to have sex with your future wife minutes before she got married and maybe pick up her drunk sister in hopes of a 3-way. Have a nice day and when you get divorced, I hope she takes 50% and gives you the crabs I gave her. There's yer present. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 i would not send a "thank you" card in that instance, because it just seems like more of a "f*ck you" card. i guess this whole thing just comes down to your philosophy regarding gifts. if a "gift" is something you owe or are owed, then it is not a gift, it is a quid pro quo. a gift is only truly a gift if it is freely given, without coercion or expectation, and if it is warmly received as such. truly, it is better to give than to receive. Well in our cards we said thank you for spending our special day with us and we meant it. If the person on the receiving end truly feels a gift isnt required then they wouldnt be offended by this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiegie Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 i would not send a "thank you" card in that instance, because it just seems like more of a "f*ck you" card. I think how the card would come across would be a function of how it was worded. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiegie Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 Well in our cards we said thank you for spending our special day with us and we meant it. If the person on the receiving end truly feels a gift isnt required then they wouldnt be offended by this. What if they had planned to send you a gift, but then just forgot to do it (or ran into some other unexpected difficulty in getting the present to you?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 (edited) What if they had planned to send you a gift, but then just forgot to do it (or ran into some other unexpected difficulty in getting the present to you?) I am not sure what your question is ? We sent everyone a thank you card for being at our wedding and sharing in the experience with us whether we had a gift from them or not. We didnt send a different version to the people that gave gifts Edited January 24, 2008 by whomper Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 (edited) I am not sure what your question is ? We sent everyone a thank you card for being at our wedding and sharing in the experience with us whether we had a gift from them or not. We didnt send a different version to the people that gave gifts side note..Have you ever notcied the groom rarely looks good in the thank you card pic and the wife looks like a knockout ? Choosing the thank you card pic is one of the first losses you suffer as a new husband. Edited January 24, 2008 by whomper Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nhoops Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 Exactly. There's no kosher way to say "where's my gift?" Just file it away for future reference. Simmer down, champ. Wedding etiquette says people have up to a year after the wedding to send gifts. Agree with the above and some others. But also like Whomp said if you are scaffing down free food and booze then I'd feel a little cheap not bringing something, but that is how we roll. Most of our friends had to travel for our wedding so you consider travel, hotel, tux retal/dress cost (for wedding party) and other wedding expenses and it adds up, especially for those just out of college or if you've been to a few weddings in the year. Granted they could have said no, but we would rather have had them there then not come because they couldn't afford a gift. I had a friend who went to 5 destination weddings in 1 year, yikes. Plus they may have bought shower gifts and spent $$ on the bachelor/bachelorette party. Our friends even through us an engagement party so we kind of understood when some couldn't/didn't and haven't given us a gift. Everybody's situation is different. Karma's a b*tch so we haven't held a grudge and given wedding/shower/baby shower gifts to those who may have forgot about us. It all depends what you are able to afford. At the time I was hurt a little more than my wife because it was my friends. But I do agree that some type of aknowledgement goes along way. A card the day of or soon after knows they were thinking of you at least. In a few months/years it won't matter. Enjoy this time and remember, don't sweat the petty stuff.......pet the sweaty stuff.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azazello1313 Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 if someone is expecting to use the up-to-one-year rule, and they get a "thank you" card for showing up, that is going to seem like you are assuming they are a cheapskate. the up-to-one-year rule is, IMO, exactly why you DON'T send a thank you card for no gift. it's calling attention to something they either just haven't done yet, or possibly something they feel guilty about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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