Cats

[SEC=UGA]

I love animals, most of them any way. But over my years of life I have really come to hate cats. Maybe it is because I'm allergic to them. They get around me and my eyes swell up, I have a little trouble breathing and at times will break out in hives. This was especially true when I was younger and from there my distaste for these animals just grew.

 

Let's look at the domestic cat as a whole, they are bitchy, independent, vicious, little bastards that diaper dirt inside and make ones whole living area smell like a wild west out house, hardly what I would call a good pet or companion. People supply these little Penny Laneers with a litter box, but they don’t always use it. They then proceed to mark their territory by spraying your couch and carpet, your curtains and walls, they are disgusting little diaper dirts. They jump on counters and tables where food is served and the pathetic ass owners just look at them with adoration.

 

In college, I lived in a little diaper dirt hole apartment, the fat chick that lived next to me had 9 cats, 9 of the little bastards in a 700 SF apartment!! I am convinced that she never cleaned the litter box and doubt that they had one. From all of the pissing and spraying and pooping, my apartment smelled like a freaking kennel. I could hear those things at night fighting with one another, it was utter hell. The worst part about it is that at times she would let them out and not all of them made it back in prior to her closing her self in for the night. I would go out in the morning and there would be sandy paw prints on my car, tracking from the front hood all the way to the trunk. One morning I got into my car, cranked it up, turned on the AC and a plume of acrid stench filled the cabin… I got out of the car and could see where one of her little darlings had either pissed or sprayed into the air intake vents near the windshield, it took about three months to get that damn smell out of my car.

 

I spoke to the neighbor about the dilemma of the stench emanating from her diaper dirt hole and about my concerns over her cats walking on and spraying my car. She looked at me as if I was Penny Laneing crazy and told me there was nothing she could do about it. I told her that she might could try keeping them in the house and cleaning out their litterbox. To no avail.

 

Finally one morning I went out there and there were about three of them lounging on my car, I ran them off. That night I put some cat food in a bowl in the back seat of the car and left the sunroof open… caught two of those bastards. I drove them out about 25 miles onto a dirt road and dropped them off. After about a week the neighbor came over asking if I had seen two of her cats around. I shook my head and said I hadn’t seen them in a week, she went back into the house crying. Freaking cow.

 

We had a neighbor move in not too long ago, from what I can tell they have three cats. I was outside the other day, a cardinal had landed on the ground and was getting a drink out of the creek. One of this little bastards jumped outta the bushes and nailed that cardinal, I wish to god I had the .45 on me, I woulda plugged that bastard right in the head. I have started to notice that there are not as many birds around my house as there once was and that really pisses me off.

 

When I was growing up, we had a cat lady that lived behind us. She was a raving bitch of a divorcee. Having lived next to her I can understand why her husband left her ass but can’t explain why he may have married her. Anyway, so, she had these cats, they would jump over our fence (now, this was a large piece of land so we had the 5 foot wire fences with posts every 10 feet, cats can get through, cows and dogs can’t) Well, she had lived there for about 2 months and one of her cats had managed to get about 70 yards into our field. We had an old yeller, pound dog that hated cats and he was fast. He saw that cat and took off after it and caught it and slung it about 20 feet into the air, successfully breaking its neck in the process. So, I take this cat carcass to the neighbor to apologize. She opens the door, I explain what happened, she looks at me (I was around 12 at the time), she says “you need to control you Penny Laneing dog” and slams the door in my face, so I leave the cat on her porch.

 

About 4 or 5 months later one of her other cats meets the same fate as the previous one. She wasn’t home, so I take the carcass to her porch and leave a note. The following Sunday my dad and I were in the car listening to one of those Sunday morning law show on AM 750 WSB here in the ATL. A familiar voice with a familiar name calls in and begins to opine about the neighbors vicious dog killing her cats. Host asks two questions, were the cats on your or their property and do they have a fence, she hangs up in disgust when he tells her that if she loves her cats to keep them inside. We did get a letter from an attorney and never heard back after our response. Bubba, my dog, did end up killing about 4 more of her cats over the course of his life, the subsequent ones got thrown into the creek.

 

I mean seriously, why the Penny Lane would any right minded person own cats. Aren't cats typically the minions of witches, transvestite emperors, homosexuals, fat chicks, and insecure chicks with low self esteem? Why would you want to have these red flags raised about you if you were a sane person. I mean, if I hear a woman talking about her cats I’m either thinking “dyke” or “boy I bet she’s a real freaking winner”. I hear some dude talking about the funny thing his cat did I’m thinking “homo” or “dude grow a pair and tell your insecure bitch of a wife to get rid of that Penny Laneing cat” or “poor bastard is never gonna get laid”. Seriously, other than a cock sucking man monster truck aficionado, who would own a cat? Further, what kind of demented sadist would want to unleash that havoc on nature? Cats kill everything and anything that is smaller than them almost indiscriminately.

 

We need a new push, a new cause, the eradication of the domestic cat. This world would be a much better place.

[driveby]

I like kittens. Cats not so much.

 

Most are like furniture. Why have them around?

[cre8tiff]

I thought you were professing your adoration for the Broadway musical.

[SEC=UGA]

I thought you were professing your adoration for the Broadway musical.

 

I'm betting you own a cat?

Edited May 26, 2010 by SEC=UGA

[matt770]

I too despise cats. Didn't always, in fact I had several when I was a kid. I've previously posted about my issues in this neighborhood with the feral cats and the crazy cat-hoarding lady who harassed me for a year because I was trapping them and taking them to the SPCA. I've resorted to covering all of my mulched beds with chicken wire to keep the little bastards from crapping there, and I put up a fence in the back yard. Both have helped a lot.

[Big John]

I'm betting you own a cat?

Or eats them

[skylive5]

I mean seriously, why the Penny Lane would any right minded person own cats. Aren't cats typically the minions of witches, transvestite emperors, homosexuals, fat chicks, and insecure chicks with low self esteem? Why would you want to have these red flags raised about you if you were a sane person. I mean, if I hear a woman talking about her cats I’m either thinking “dyke” or “boy I bet she’s a real freaking winner”. I hear some dude talking about the funny thing his cat did I’m thinking “homo” or “dude grow a pair and tell your insecure bitch of a wife to get rid of that Penny Laneing cat” or “poor bastard is never gonna get laid”. Seriously, other than a cock sucking man monster truck aficionado, who would own a cat? Further, what kind of demented sadist would want to unleash that havoc on nature? Cats kill everything and anything that is smaller than them almost indiscriminately.

 

I, nor any of the people I know that own cats, are any of those things you mention in your bigoted tirade.

 

I know this lady that has around 14 or 15 cats. Some of them are of a size that they have been known to kill dogs. I wonder if I can talk her into moving in next door to you.

 

Maybe we should be talking about eradicating the domestic southerner. That would make the world a better place for sure.

[Big John]

I too despise cats. Didn't always, in fact I had several when I was a kid. I've previously posted about my issues in this neighborhood with the feral cats and the crazy cat-hoarding lady who harassed me for a year because I was trapping them and taking them to the SPCA. I've resorted to covering all of my mulched beds with chicken wire to keep the little bastards from crapping there, and I put up a fence in the back yard. Both have helped a lot.

here

[rajncajn]

I, nor any of the people I know that own cats, are any of those things you mention in your bigoted tirade.

 

I know this lady that has around 14 or 15 cats. Some of them are of a size that they have been known to kill dogs. I wonder if I can talk her into moving in next door to you.

 

Maybe we should be talking about eradicating the domestic southerner. That would make the world a better place for sure.

 

SEC, are you familiar with Skip Morrow?

[Hugh 0ne]

I'm allergic to cats.

[Hugh 0ne]

I, nor any of the people I know that own cats, are any of those things you mention in your bigoted tirade.

 

I know this lady that has around 14 or 15 cats. Some of them are of a size that they have been known to kill dogs. I wonder if I can talk her into moving in next door to you.

 

Maybe we should be talking about eradicating the domestic southerner. That would make the world a better place for sure.

 

Now you've done it, you've gone and aggravated one of the old-timers.

[whomper]

I like kittens. Cats not so much.

 

 

 

Its not that i dont like cats but there is truth to this. Kittens are playful and pay attention to you, cats after a certain age seem to not give you the time of day. But i tell you what, that coarse tongue on my nuts..There is no duplicating that babay

[driveby]

I, nor any of the people I know that own cats, are any of those things you mention in your bigoted tirade.

 

I know this lady that has around 14 or 15 cats. Some of them are of a size that they have been known to kill dogs. I wonder if I can talk her into moving in next door to you.

 

Maybe we should be talking about eradicating the domestic southerner. That would make the world a better place for sure.

meow!

[SEC=UGA]

I, nor any of the people I know that own cats, are any of those things you mention in your bigoted tirade.

I know this lady that has around 14 or 15 cats. Some of them are of a size that they have been known to kill dogs. I wonder if I can talk her into moving in next door to you.

 

Maybe we should be talking about eradicating the domestic southerner. That would make the world a better place for sure.

 

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

 

They tried that eradication thing back in the 1860's didn't work out too well for either side.

[cre8tiff]

Or eats them

 

Yup, John's right. I ate it. Used one of Detlef's Asian noodle recipes.

[darin3]

[Big John]

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

 

They tried that eradication thing back in the 1860's didn't work out too well for either side.

That was tried in Australia.

[Big John]

RIP Blackjack.

[tazinib1]

[ljbrun]

Personally I like cats. However, I don't have any right now.

I love animals, most of them any way. But over my years of life I have really come to hate cats. Maybe it is because I'm allergic to them. They get around me and my eyes swell up, I have a little trouble breathing and at times will break out in hives. This was especially true when I was younger and from there my distaste for these animals just grew. Unfortunate, but not really the cat's fault.

 

Let's look at the domestic cat as a whole, they are bitchy, independent, vicious, little bastards that diaper dirt inside and make ones whole living area smell like a wild west out house, hardly what I would call a good pet or companion. People supply these little Penny Laneers with a litter box, but they don’t always use it. They then proceed to mark their territory by spraying your couch and carpet, your curtains and walls, they are disgusting little diaper dirts. They jump on counters and tables where food is served and the pathetic ass owners just look at them with adoration. Being independent and vicious are 2 of their attributes I like . I've only had outdoor cats, so unless one of them was sick I never had the (spraying) problems you describe. I never allowed them to jump on dining tables and such, but you have to be consistent for them to learn. Again, outdoor cats, so litter box got minimal use and was emptied frequently.

 

In college, I lived in a little diaper dirt hole apartment, the fat chick that lived next to me had 9 cats, 9 of the little bastards in a 700 SF apartment!! I am convinced that she never cleaned the litter box and doubt that they had one. From all of the pissing and spraying and pooping, my apartment smelled like a freaking kennel. I could hear those things at night fighting with one another, it was utter hell. The worst part about it is that at times she would let them out and not all of them made it back in prior to her closing her self in for the night. I would go out in the morning and there would be sandy paw prints on my car, tracking from the front hood all the way to the trunk. One morning I got into my car, cranked it up, turned on the AC and a plume of acrid stench filled the cabin… I got out of the car and could see where one of her little darlings had either pissed or sprayed into the air intake vents near the windshield, it took about three months to get that damn smell out of my car. The chick next door had problems. I think you should have called animal control. Sorry, can't get that excited about paw prints. The event with your car sounds like a bummer, yet a unique and oddly funny story nevertheless.

 

I spoke to the neighbor about the dilemma of the stench emanating from her diaper dirt hole and about my concerns over her cats walking on and spraying my car. She looked at me as if I was Penny Laneing crazy and told me there was nothing she could do about it. I told her that she might could try keeping them in the house and cleaning out their litterbox. To no avail.

 

Finally one morning I went out there and there were about three of them lounging on my car, I ran them off. That night I put some cat food in a bowl in the back seat of the car and left the sunroof open… caught two of those bastards. I drove them out about 25 miles onto a dirt road and dropped them off. After about a week the neighbor came over asking if I had seen two of her cats around. I shook my head and said I hadn’t seen them in a week, she went back into the house crying. Freaking cow. Really? Again, I think animal control would have been a better option.

 

We had a neighbor move in not too long ago, from what I can tell they have three cats. I was outside the other day, a cardinal had landed on the ground and was getting a drink out of the creek. One of this little bastards jumped outta the bushes and nailed that cardinal, I wish to god I had the .45 on me, I woulda plugged that bastard right in the head. I have started to notice that there are not as many birds around my house as there once was and that really pisses me off. Yep, probably not as many disease carrying rodents either. Frankly I enjoy watching them hunt.

 

When I was growing up, we had a cat lady that lived behind us. She was a raving bitch of a divorcee. Having lived next to her I can understand why her husband left her ass but can’t explain why he may have married her. Anyway, so, she had these cats, they would jump over our fence (now, this was a large piece of land so we had the 5 foot wire fences with posts every 10 feet, cats can get through, cows and dogs can’t) Well, she had lived there for about 2 months and one of her cats had managed to get about 70 yards into our field. We had an old yeller, pound dog that hated cats and he was fast. He saw that cat and took off after it and caught it and slung it about 20 feet into the air, successfully breaking its neck in the process. So, I take this cat carcass to the neighbor to apologize. She opens the door, I explain what happened, she looks at me (I was around 12 at the time), she says “you need to control you Penny Laneing dog” and slams the door in my face, so I leave the cat on her porch.

 

About 4 or 5 months later one of her other cats meets the same fate as the previous one. She wasn’t home, so I take the carcass to her porch and leave a note. The following Sunday my dad and I were in the car listening to one of those Sunday morning law show on AM 750 WSB here in the ATL. A familiar voice with a familiar name calls in and begins to opine about the neighbors vicious dog killing her cats. Host asks two questions, were the cats on your or their property and do they have a fence, she hangs up in disgust when he tells her that if she loves her cats to keep them inside. We did get a letter from an attorney and never heard back after our response. Bubba, my dog, did end up killing about 4 more of her cats over the course of his life, the subsequent ones got thrown into the creek. Sad for the owner, but not a big deal to me. That (KIA by dogs, owls, coyotes etc.) is often the fate of outdoor cats. Cats kill birds, dogs kill cats, quarterbacks kill dogs. Circle of life.

I mean seriously, why the Penny Lane would any right minded person own cats. Aren't cats typically the minions of witches, transvestite emperors, homosexuals, fat chicks, and insecure chicks with low self esteem? Why would you want to have these red flags raised about you if you were a sane person. I mean, if I hear a woman talking about her cats I’m either thinking “dyke” or “boy I bet she’s a real freaking winner”. I hear some dude talking about the funny thing his cat did I’m thinking “homo” or “dude grow a pair and tell your insecure bitch of a wife to get rid of that Penny Laneing cat” or “poor bastard is never gonna get laid”. Seriously, other than a cock sucking man monster truck aficionado, who would own a cat? Further, what kind of demented sadist would want to unleash that havoc on nature? Cats kill everything and anything that is smaller than them almost indiscriminately.

 

We need a new push, a new cause, the eradication of the domestic cat. This world would be a much better place. IPersonally, I'd like to get rid of all those little dogs that bark constantly, but to each his own... Oh, and uh, I'd like world peace.

[Azazello1313]

I mean seriously, why the Penny Lane would any right minded person own cats. Aren't cats typically the minions of witches, transvestite emperors, homosexuals, fat chicks, and insecure chicks with low self esteem?

 

and ursa. add that all up though and you've got a pretty decent sized demographic.

[Ursa Majoris]

I drove them out about 25 miles onto a dirt road and dropped them off.

You are a c**t.

[whomper]

You are a c**t.

 

 

Cat only has 3 letters

[SEC=UGA]

You are a c**t.

 

They'll be fine, there was a lot of wildlife and some farm houses out there for them to pillage. At least I didn't do any harm to the little f'ers.

[Azazello1313]

I don't really like or dislike cats. they are cool to watch, especially if they are stalking or hunting. I guess in some ways maybe they make decent pets, but dogs are so completely superior in every way possible I just don't have any desire at all to ever own one again. unless I lived somewhere where I needed one as a mouser or something.