Menudo Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 So, I'm 36 years old, and just found out that the name I thought was my heritage, isn't. My mom told me and my sister last night that my Grandfather was not my Dad's real father. My Dad, Grandfather & Grandmother have all died recently, and my mom said she couldn't hold this from us any longer. My Grandfather, whose last name is Attivo (My Last Name) adopted my dad when he was 5 years old, after living with and then marrying my Grandmother. My mom told me that she would ask my Dad if he wanted to know who his real father was, and he always answered that he knew who his Dad was, and that the guy who abandoned he & my grandfather was not his REAL father, so, he didn't care to know him. My dad didn't find out that my Grandfather wasn't his real Dad until he was in college and a family member let it slip. He did ask my Gram, and she just cried and never told him the truth. So, as this hit me, it really through me for a loop. It doesn't make me think any less of my Grandfather, in fact, it makes me respect him more. He was a great Father and great Grandfather. The fact that he wasn't really my Dad's father means nothing to me. I do feel bad for my Dad, as, deep down, this had to bother him. He had asked my Mom not to tell us kids, and she didn't. She still wonders if she should have told us, but, she felt we should know the truth. She said that she hopes my Dad wouldn't be upset with her. My mom had two incidents at her place of work. There was a woman whose maiden name was Peffer, who was friends with my Mom. They always commented about how much I looked like her kids when I was young. She told my Mom "You know how you always say how our kids look alike ? There is a reason for that, as Terry is my brother. We both have the same Dad." My mom told my Dad this, but, he had no interest in pursuing it. Another incident was a guy with the last name Wagner, who came in and when he found out my Grandmother's maiden name was Botteicher, he said, "I was once married to a Hilda Botteicher. She had a kid that some thought was mine, but, I know it wasn't' This was shocking to my mom. She once again told my Dad, and he didn't choose to pursue it. So, this morning I went down and talked to my other Grandmother, who went to school with my Dad's mom. She said that she is 99% sure that the real father is the Peffer guy. She said that my Gram was dating him at close to the time prior to Dad being born. She also believes that he was in the service and abandoned my Grandmother, who was pregnant with my Dad and traveling with him. Her brother had to come pick her up. She then met my Pap, who adopted my Dad, and we have a great family. Like I said, this through me for a loop, but, I have no anger. Now, I am just really curious about what my true heritage is on my father's side of the family. I've done some internet searches, but, haven't come up with anything. I actually wrote an e-mail to some friends I know who are part of the 'Peffer' family in round-about ways to see what I can find. I just have an odd feeling. I've thought my heritage was 'Attivo', which is almost 100% Italian, my entire life. Now, I need to try to find my real heritage. Very strange situation. Thanks for letting me vent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
untateve Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 I'm guessing you know this but... The man who adopted your father and raised him is his "real" father and your "real" grandfather. The man who sired your father and abandoned him and your grandmother is his biological father. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Menudo Posted April 23, 2011 Author Share Posted April 23, 2011 I'm guessing you know this but... The man who adopted your father and raised him is his "real" father and your "real" grandfather. The man who sired your father and abandoned him and your grandmother is his biological father. I agree 100% Just curious of my heritage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i_am_the_swammi Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 I agree 100% Just curious of my heritage. ...and any medical history within your family bloodlines. I was adopted at a young age, and contacted by my biological mother then I was in my late 20's. I have a wonderful relationship with my adopted family, and a full life with my own family, that I did not care to pursue a relationship with my biological mother at that point. I did, as a father of 4, have many questions about what illnesses or health concerns I and my kids might need to be aware of, which she was gracious enough to answer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avernus Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 I have a similar story with my grandfather as well, but I don't know what nationality he brought to the table....the assumption was Italian, but I was told no, even though my pop looked part Italian....and apparently my grandmother got around, but that doesn't matter as the man who adopted my father with his biological mother was a great man who was a fire fighter and a police officer apparently....he was always well intended... I just want to know if I'm part hispanic or whatever....I only know she didn't mess with a "black guy", but he definitely had a darker complexion than the rest of his family......that's the only thing that bugs me... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikesVikes Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 (edited) My mother in law never knew her real mom. She found out who her real mom was when she looked at the records at the courthouse. Her real mom denied it even on her deathbed. She was at the courthouse with her class from school. The other kids teased her about not knowing who her real mom was all the time so that was the day she was going to prove to all of them that she knew who her mom was. When she looked at the birth certificate, she was wrong and her classmates were right. Edited April 23, 2011 by MikesVikes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 This must have happened a lot more than we knew in the old days. My father was born in 1929. His mother was kicked to the curb with three boys of which my father was the oldest. They lived together for a little while until my fathers mother hooked up with her next husband. At that point my then 9 year old father was sent out into the world to be his own man. Now what confuses me today is that the brothers of my father all have the same last name as my dad. My fathers mother had the same last name when she died as it is on her grave stone. So that has me wondering if Miller is our last name? I mean wouldn't my grandmother have taken the last name of the man that she married when my father was nine? There was a ton of conflict on that side of my family and I never really knew any of them but I am aware of who they were. My grandmother lived in Florida and I never once saw her and my father never spoke of her. One Christmas when I was about 7 my father left on an airplane to bury that mother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
untateve Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 I never knew my paternal grandfather as my father never met his father (at least as he can remember). My maternal grandfather was a piece of schilt whom I never saw again after the age of 12-13. I don't even know when he died, although he must surely be dead at this point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonorator Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 your real last name is bradshaw ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nuke'em ttg Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 your real last name is bradshaw ... this makes the most sense...do you have a nude room by any chance? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big John Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 your real last name is bradshaw ... I was thinking a Mexican name. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puddy Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 I was thinking a Mexican name. Menudo was a Puerto Rican band. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big John Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 Menudo was a Puerto Rican band. and a Mexican soup, but was referring to a MH picture. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunday Couch Potatoe Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 My dad was also adopted and also never has had any want or desire to contact his biological parents. I was always curious but never acted upon it and probably never will. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brentastic Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 I'm just pissed that your 'real' name is Peffer instead of Attivo. I like Attivo a lot more. Marc Peffer doesn't have the same ring to it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Menudo Posted April 24, 2011 Author Share Posted April 24, 2011 I'm just pissed that your 'real' name is Peffer instead of Attivo. I like Attivo a lot more. Marc Peffer doesn't have the same ring to it. I'm a Peffer, you're a Peffer, wouldn't you like to be a Peffer to. Don't worry, the name won't change. I'm proud to carry my REAL Grandfather's last name. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugar Magnolia Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 I have a similar story with my grandfather as well, but I don't know what nationality he brought to the table....the assumption was Italian, but I was told no, even though my pop looked part Italian....and apparently my grandmother got around, but that doesn't matter as the man who adopted my father with his biological mother was a great man who was a fire fighter and a police officer apparently....he was always well intended... I just want to know if I'm part hispanic or whatever....I only know she didn't mess with a "black guy", but he definitely had a darker complexion than the rest of his family......that's the only thing that bugs me... Would you have a problem if she did "mess with a black guy"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avernus Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 Would you have a problem if she did "mess with a black guy"? nope, but when I mention that he had a darker complexion...the 1st thing people ask if he was black....every time.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bpwallace49 Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 nope, but when I mention that he had a darker complexion...the 1st thing people ask if he was black....every time.... was a m00slim from the middle east? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avernus Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 was a m00slim from the middle east? allahu akbar Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azazello1313 Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 have a similar story. my dad's biological dad (who apparently shares both his and my first and middle names) bailed when he was a baby (him and my granny were in high school at the time). my grandfather, pops to me, married granny and adopted my dad when he was a toddler. my dad took his name. I found this all out sometime in my late teens, a few years after pops had died. my dad has no interest at all in finding his biological dad. I've done some halfhearted research, didn't find any great leads, didn't go any further. I know enough about the guy I could probably find him or his family if I wanted to...his name, approximate age (he'd be about 75 now). I know he was apparently a good athlete, and at least part native american. I'd probably sooner do that thing where you can map out your DNA and it tells you all kinds of stuff about your ancestry, than I would try to find the guy. I certainly don't have anything to say to the guy, and if my dad doesn't Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Menudo Posted April 24, 2011 Author Share Posted April 24, 2011 have a similar story. my dad's biological dad (who apparently shares both his and my first and middle names) bailed when he was a baby (him and my granny were in high school at the time). my grandfather, pops to me, married granny and adopted my dad when he was a toddler. my dad took his name. I found this all out sometime in my late teens, a few years after pops had died. my dad has no interest at all in finding his biological dad. I've done some halfhearted research, didn't find any great leads, didn't go any further. I know enough about the guy I could probably find him or his family if I wanted to...his name, approximate age (he'd be about 75 now). I know he was apparently a good athlete, and at least part native american. I'd probably sooner do that thing where you can map out your DNA and it tells you all kinds of stuff about your ancestry, than I would try to find the guy. I certainly don't have anything to say to the guy, and if my dad doesn't That is very similar to my situation. Like you, I would have no interest in getting to know my biological Grandfather either, though my Mom thinks he is deceased now. I just want to know for curiousity sake what my real heritage on my Dad's side is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikesVikes Posted April 24, 2011 Share Posted April 24, 2011 I'm a Peffer, you're a Peffer, wouldn't you like to be a Peffer to. Don't worry, the name won't change. I'm proud to carry my REAL Grandfather's last name. My co-worker has a similar name. But she has three f's in her name. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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