Cunning Runt Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 I am surprised she had to ask. As the man and father you have a responsibility to take care of your brood. I take REAL offense to this. I never once missed a child support payment... ever. Even at great hardship during the early years following the divorce. When I had to live in a one bedroom sh-thole so I could make that payment. When we were driving older cars while my ex was buying a new convertible spontaneously. I bent over backwards to make sure he felt every bit at home at my house as he did at hers. He's never never wanted for anything and is now getting a free ride to Purdue - in large part because I'm "taking care of my brood". Don't you dare talk to me like you know me. I'm one of the good guys and women like my ex are exactly what's wrong with the system. It's not about what's fair. It's about the money with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big John Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 I take REAL offense to this. I never once missed a child support payment... ever. Even at great hardship during the early years following the divorce. When I had to live in a one bedroom sh-thole so I could make that payment. When we were driving older cars while my ex was buying a new convertible spontaneously. I bent over backwards to make sure he felt every bit at home at my house as he did at hers. He's never never wanted for anything and is now getting a free ride to Purdue - in large part because I'm "taking care of my brood". Don't you dare talk to me like you know me. I'm one of the good guys and women like my ex are exactly what's wrong with the system. It's not about what's fair. It's about the money with her. Alias on a trip Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cunning Runt Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 Alias on a trip Caught one, 'cause I'm fired up right now. Have been all day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperBalla Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 My parents didn't pay for my college, so I joined the Army at 17. Sounds like she is missing a key ingrediant in life called... reality. I hope things work out. Sounds like you are a solid Dad, I wouldn't budge...sounds like you just want to raise him right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chavez Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 I've never heard of having to pay child support until 21. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chavez Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 I am surprised she had to ask. As the man and father you have a responsibility to take care of your brood. ...when he's not molesting them.[/scooby] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Holy Roller Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Great - now my mistress is part of this. Thanks for nothing Bier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ditkaless Wonders Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 (edited) This is a fight I'm williing to have. I've actually wanted this fight for 15 years. I've stepped up to the plate time and time again and feel I've stepped up to the plate yet again by agreeing to pay for half his college - in addition to the $100k plus tax free I've given her over the years - in addition to him having everything he could want at my house (his own room which I spent thousands to build in the basement, TV, video game system/games, clothes, shoes, all of it). I always wanted him to feel at home here and not at "dad's house for the weekend". I am just plain fed up by her f'ng greed and I welcome the fight. I don't think it'll get there once she realizes I'm serious.But if it does, there are many things I would look forward to saying. The Court will not be interested in what you have to say. The fact that she is a torturous, money grubbing cunt with control issues is not relevant to whether or not you paid child support according to the written decree, any modifications of which decree must be approved by the court. Pay as ordered, or better yet go to court to modify your payment schedule in one term only, that the payment now be made directly to your son. Tell the court that you believe it is in the child's best interest, he having reached the age of majority and going to school, to have the money paid directly to him. He will learn to handle money and will appreciate more the contribution his father has made all these years to his support. Your wife will not really have a counter argument. This move takes her out of the equation, and is sanctioned by the Court. Edited August 30, 2011 by Ditkaless Wonders Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SEC=UGA Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 The Court will not be interested in what you have to say. The fact that she is a torturous, money grubbing cunt with control issues is not relevant to whether or not you paid child support according to the written decree, any modifications of which decree must be approved by the court. Pay as ordered, or better yet go to court to modify your payment schedule in one term only, that the payment now be made directly to your son. Tell the court that you believe it is in the child's best interest, he having reached the age of majority and going to school, to have the money paid directly to him. He will learn to handle money and will appreciate more the contribution his father has made all these years to his support. Your wife will not really have a counter argument. This move takes her out of the equation, and is sanctioned by the Court. Or, just go out, purchase an ice pick and... nevermind, I've said too much already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh 0ne Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Don't you dare talk to me like you know me. Fishing trip or not, you came to an anonymous message board and posted some pretty personal information. I think you can expect that not every one is going to agree with you. I hope for the best outcome for your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Cid Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 I've said some pretty stupid sh1t in my time, but if someone logged in under an alias to give him a hard time, well, that's pretty fooked up, even by my 'standards' and they should get a little vacation. Who set you up as the Huddle police? Not your call to make and I'm pretty sure your 'standards' are not the 'standards' of this place. BJ outed the alias as such so that CR won't continue to be fired up over that one. No harm no foul. I would leave this one alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Irish Doggy Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 I've said some pretty stupid sh1t in my time, but if someone logged in under an alias to give him a hard time, well, that's pretty fooked up, even by my 'standards' and they should get a little vacation. Oh, get over yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Irish Doggy Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Hope this doesn't end badly for you CR, but it may be worth a trip to the attorney just to be sure you are protected here. Not that I ever had to deal with this, but I always hear about the men getting screwed more often than not (except the deadbeats of course). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twiley Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 I hope you have your current agreement with her in writing somewhere. I'm pretty sure that even after he turns 21, if she can show that you did not pay child support for 3 years, that she could totally screw you out of more money even after you just spent 3 years paying for half of his college expenses. Given the turn this has taken, I would be VERY careful about how you proceed. Yeah, you need to be real careful with this. She can drag you to court and make you pay for everything if you're not careful. I'd start hiding money now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twiley Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 (edited) I've never heard of having to pay child support until 21. I'm not sure about certain states but when I was younger as long as I went to college my dad had to continue paying child support until I was 21. Could have been a special agreement, I just know he had to pay his share. Edited August 30, 2011 by twiley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dutch Oven Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 The Court will not be interested in what you have to say. The fact that she is a torturous, money grubbing cunt with control issues is not relevant to whether or not you paid child support according to the written decree, any modifications of which decree must be approved by the court. Pay as ordered, or better yet go to court to modify your payment schedule in one term only, that the payment now be made directly to your son. Tell the court that you believe it is in the child's best interest, he having reached the age of majority and going to school, to have the money paid directly to him. He will learn to handle money and will appreciate more the contribution his father has made all these years to his support. Your wife will not really have a counter argument. This move takes her out of the equation, and is sanctioned by the Court. This. If yuo're not paying as ordered, it will look like you're not paying at all and appear as an arrearage instead. If your ex if the biatch you say she is, she won't give you credit for what you have done and you'll still be responsible for support payments. At least that's the way it is here. I would call a lawyer to make sure you CYA. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caveman_Nick Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 I've said some pretty stupid sh1t in my time, but if someone logged in under an alias to give him a hard time, well, that's pretty fooked up, even by my 'standards' and they should get a little vacation. I'll bet you won "Most Popular" in your HS yearbook. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paulzale Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 Let me get this straight. She gave him some extra money while dropping him off at Purdue, now wants you to give her half of that extra? I'd tell her that you will just go ahead and give him $100 directly so you and her are even! I do think it has more to do with her son leaving the nest, than getting a couple of bucks out of you. Be careful about the whole tuition in lieu of child support and definitely speak to a lawyer on this one. I think you maybe opening yourself up on that. Also, why is it that guys that pay their share need to protect themselves, but the deadbeats just walk around buying smokes and booze without a care in the world. Oh, if you need me to slip the kid some beer money, I'll be up there this weekend for the first home game Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Square Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 They're well off and she leads a very nice lifestyle. She's used to spoiling my son terribly. He's never worked. Had a car given to him. He's getting a college education given to him. You get the drift. For my part, I believe one of the things he needs to learn at college is how to make do on less. Get a job for his spending money. Poor kid. He's going to have to learn how to work one of these days. That's gonna hurt when he doesn't realize that money doesn't just gravitate to him because he feels entitled to a certain lifestyle. Wish him the best though. On topic, I vote with those in favor of getting the agreement amended. The kid is no longer a minor so you should be able to give the money to him or pay for his portion of school. Not sure if the wife was using your check as her own slush fund or what, but she sounds like a B. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
westvirginia Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 CR, all the people telling you to go see a lawyer are right on - you need to get this nailed down or she will be in a position to fu(k you good. In general, it's been my experience that wimmens like to hold the grudge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caveman_Nick Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 I agree with the general sentiment that you should: Pay way the court obligated you to. If you want to make more money available after that, that's your prerogative, and I applaud you for that. My old boss used to say "There's only one pile of money". Whether you are paying the CS plus some extra to make up the difference between that and what you would be paying for college OR just paying for half the college, it's all the same money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azazello1313 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 she probably views the "extra" as cash he needed for getting settled in and whatnot. she views it as a legitimate cost which you agreed to pay half of, you view it as her giving him extra spending money above what was agreed to and expecting you to match. is this couple hundred bucks or whatever really worth going to the mattresses over? here's what I think I would do. I'd pay it, then I'd tell her you want to have a discussuion where you line-item his education costs one by one as far as what you are agreeing to split, including the $200/month "allowance". everything you both agree on gets added. calmly point out that you expect him to cover a lot of his own bases as far as day to day stuff with that $200, and that it's not just beer money. and then if she wants to give him more money to cover whatever it is she thinks he needs to cover, that is on her completely. she doesn't get to make any more unilateral decisions adding on to the split amount, any new items added to that nut must be a matter of complete agreement between the two of you beforehand, or it doesn't get added. I wouldn't fight over the money that's already been spent, but this is where you hold firm going forward. if she doesn't like that arrangement, you go back to making the same old monthly child support payments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azazello1313 Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 I've said some pretty stupid sh1t in my time, but if someone logged in under an alias to give him a hard time, well, that's pretty fooked up, even by my 'standards' and they should get a little vacation. huh, I was under the impression that your 'standards' for whining to the mods were actually, well, rather low. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cunning Runt Posted August 30, 2011 Author Share Posted August 30, 2011 she probably views the "extra" as cash he needed for getting settled in and whatnot. she views it as a legitimate cost which you agreed to pay half of, you view it as her giving him extra spending money above what was agreed to and expecting you to match. is this couple hundred bucks or whatever really worth going to the mattresses over? here's what I think I would do. I'd pay it, then I'd tell her you want to have a discussuion where you line-item his education costs one by one as far as what you are agreeing to split, including the $200/month "allowance". everything you both agree on gets added. calmly point out that you expect him to cover a lot of his own bases as far as day to day stuff with that $200, and that it's not just beer money. and then if she wants to give him more money to cover whatever it is she thinks he needs to cover, that is on her completely. she doesn't get to make any more unilateral decisions adding on to the split amount, any new items added to that nut must be a matter of complete agreement between the two of you beforehand, or it doesn't get added. I wouldn't fight over the money that's already been spent, but this is where you hold firm going forward. if she doesn't like that arrangement, you go back to making the same old monthly child support payments. I believe it's going to be something akin to this course of action right here. I do not believe she'll raise make a legal issue out of the support. Deep down, she knows I've been a stand up dad and always did my share, and then some. I honestly think it just grates on her that I'm not on board with her "giving" approach and that she's not getting a check every month. She'll get over it. Maybe I'm putting myself at risk, but I don't think so. Just minutes ago, I looked at my Wells Fargo billpay and I saw my account had automatically sent her the monthly check that I thought I had stopped as of last month. I emailed her and said, "I sent you my half for the books already and you're in luck, my billpay sent you another support check." She responded by saying " I can shred it or send it back". We truly have gotten along very, very well for several years. Her husband, the guy she cheated on me with, plays basketball in our group of guys and in some fantasy football leagues. We jointly had a graduation party for our son. We all sit together when our son has an event. There truly have been no problems and people all the time tell me how surprised they are at our relationship. But I'm done with support. Unless a court tells me otherwise, I'm done. It won't get that far though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twiley Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 We truly have gotten along very, very well for several years. Her husband, the guy she cheated on me with, plays basketball in our group of guys and in some fantasy football leagues. We jointly had a graduation party for our son. We all sit together when our son has an event. There truly have been no problems and people all the time tell me how surprised they are at our relationship. You're a better man than I. I'd kill that guy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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