Anyone Who Has Lost A Loved One

[Donutrun Jellies]

Anyway, to the point of this, immediately after Dad died, I was surprised at how strong I was able to be.  I am an emotional guy, but I just felt some inner strength, because I had to be there for my family.  In the next month, it was tough, I really struggled and was having a very hard time. 

 

I talked to him out loud, but it just hurts, because I want to give him the good news.

 

1139102[/snapback]

 

 

 

My Dad died unexpectedly and suddenly at the start of my sophomore year in college. I experienced exactly what you speak of in the exerpt above. Looking back, twenty years later, it still happens occassionally. I teared up when my daughter battled back from a pair of horrible knee injuries and the death of her pitching coach to pitch her team to an undefeated state championship -- in part because she'd worked so hard and in part because her Grampa B wasn't there to see it. Now, she's headed to college on an academic scholarship and he'd have been so proud (he never got to go to college, but really valued education and saw to it that I went). I'd love to tell him over her exploits ... He never got to meet her or her jellilicious little sister, or Mrs. Jelly -- and that's my biggest regret. Still, I tell them stories of what a gentle man he was, the things that he could do, ways we were different and the same, the work we shared, the fun we had -- and try and let his legacy guide me and have an impact on them. I'll talk outloud occassionally (to either Dad or coach), when things are either reeeeally good or really bad ... I don't care if it is normal or not, it works for me ... here's hoping it works for you.

 

And after Pittsburgh slaps the living snot out of Cleveland, maybe writing another poem would help you feel better. Batch rhymes nicely with catch and Ward with scored, if those are any help -- I always look forward to your irrepressable homer silliness ...

 

Be well, fellow steeeeeler fan.

[Randall]

Wow, man. I wish I was that close to my father. He died last year of cancer and didn't really want any of us kids to see him before he died. He didn't want anyone to se him in a weakened state.

 

It sounds like you had a great relationship while he was still alive and that is what you should hold on to. You had what many of us never had.

[Piranha]

For the record Menudo, you have never

really pissed me off

 

In short, I would say the the feelings you are going through are perfectly normal, and being 31, (I'm 31 myself) you will live to be 80, and still go through

times that you miss your Dad more than others. You are one of the lucky ones to also have a strong family to support you.

 

I wish you the best of luck, and keep in mind that the older we all get, it seems like the more people we lose, that we have spent our lives with.

The sadness may never go away, but your strongest when your happy,

and when your happy, your Dad is happy. Remember that.

Edited November 13, 2005 by Piranha

[polksalet]

We will all be dead soon enough, don't sweat it.

[Puddy]

We will all be dead soon enough, don't sweat it.

 

1143808[/snapback]

 

 

 

 

Way to keep it real Polk.

[DisplacedMercs]

I'm the orginal "Angel of Death" (don't read this or you may die too). You will always miss your dad, but you may find you forget the pain of losing him and remember how much he means to you. When you can just smile when you experience something you know he would have liked ( without the pain), you have moved on. Till then, there always beer.

[major-tom]

Menudo, very sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing some of your memories with us. I lost my dad when I was 8 years old and really couldn't deal with it until I got much older. I still can remember the things we did together when I was a kid and reading some of your stories has brought some of those good memories back again.

[The Irish Doggy]

Don't let feeling sad make you feel bad about yourself. Its completly normal to feel this way. Its also normal to wonder if what you're feeling is normal.

 

Try not to second guess it. I have a little saying for these times : "It wouldn't hurt if I didn't care." I think of it as a reminder that the hurt is a sign something/someone means a lot to me... And caring is a good thing.

Edited November 13, 2005 by The Irish Doggy

[polksalet]

Don't sweat it dude. Death is the most natural thing in the world. Suck it up and get on with life as best you can and be glad you had a good father.

[Chief Dick]

One time he took a friend and me to Kentucky Fried Chicken's Drive-Thru for food.  I told him I wanted to Chicken Littles.  He then said, I would like to order Chicken McLittles.  I said "Dad, it's not McDonalds, there is no Mc"  Knowing I'm embarassed and pouncing on the situation he then says "I would also like a McThree Piece Meal, Some McMashed Potatoes, and three McCokes"  Dad never worried about making an A$$ out of himself.  As long as it make others laugh, which it made my best friend almost pi$$ himself.

 

 

1141756[/snapback]

 

 

 

 

Man, I just about spit my coke on the computer reading that.

 

I'll have to remember that when my son gets old enough to embarass.

 

[pork chop express]

Menudo, I feel your pain, my friend. I lost my Father last Christmas and it is'nt really any easier now. I can tell you that he is definitely looking out for you and watching over you now. I have faith that my Father is doing the same for me. It is a cold hard fact of life and I wish you the best.

[Sigalf03]

Menudo, I read your post right after you wrote it and have been meaning to respond but have been waiting till I had enough time/putting it off cause it is still hard to talk about, but here goes

 

My father was a wonderful man. He worked hard his entire life to make sure that his family was always taken care of. Still to this day when I meet his old friends or co-workers they always have go on and on about what a wonderful person he is. He would do things that most people would never think of. Now he had a good job and we were very comfortable in our lifestyle, but not rich by anymeans. Every moring before work he would go to this little diner by himself in the "gheto" of Topeka. He was always the only white person in there, except for the few times he took me with him on saturday morinings. When i asked him why he went there he would say "they have really good coffee" (which they don't at all). I have gone in there a couple of times since he has died and the old lady behind the counter tells me how wonderful he was and how much respect she had for him.

 

He was always joking, even when he was so sick he could barely get out of bed. Now my mom is a stay at home mom and has a serious case of OCD. The house was always perfect and eveything had its place, and i mean everything. My dad would get up early in the moring before her and move stuff around, little things like moving a plant a couple inches or moving the way her stupid dolls were posing. It drove her nuts but my father and I thought it was absolutley hilarious.

 

I lost my father exactly 1 week after my 18th birthday (im 25 now). He was diagnosed with cancer when i was about 13. At the time he was told he would have 1-2 years to live. My father was about the most determined person i have ever meet. When he was diagnosed I was obviously upset. At age 13 knowing that your father is most likely going to die soon is pretty devistating. He promised me that he would be with me long enough to help me grow into a man. He fought that cancer like it was attacking his whole family (and in a way it was). He went though treatment locally for a year and then transferred to the mayo clinic in omaha. That was really hard. Knowing that your father is deathly ill and living so far away from him was just really hard. After years of battleing cancer they had completely killed off the cancer. My dad was still really sick becaue of what all the chemo and radiation had done to his body but the cancer was gone. He was in and out of the hospital all the time and we never thought much about it. One weekend he went to the hosptial because he was feeling sick, like always. It was the weekend that I was running in the state cross country meet, which i had always wanted to do and finally qualified for. After the meet on saturday i went to the hospital to tell him about it and i will never forget the look of pride on his face. My dad went to every meet that he could. He would be sick as a dog and would refuse to stay at home and miss my meets if it was physically possible for him to be there. Now if you know anything about cross country its not the easiest sport to watch. There are basically points along the 3.1 mile course that spectators run from one to the other to watch the runners go by. To see my dad trying to get to all these points in the rain and sick as hell just made me want to cry. But as much as i tried i could never get him to stay home. The next day after church we got a phone call that he was not doing well and we needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible. When we go there he was gone. It was such a trying time in my life to try and handle my fathers death, become the man of the house and take care of my mom, while at the same time graduating high school and preparing to move out and go to college.

 

I went through a whole range of emotions that i still feel on occasion today. I was mad at him for leaving my mother and I (I also have two brothers that are much older). I was sad of course also. I was VERY jealous of my friends who still had there fathers and my brothers who got to have their dad for longer in their lives. I would find myself crying over almost anything that remotely reminded me of my father. Graduation was hard (both high school and college) Turning 21 and no being able to have a beer with my dad was tough. Knowing that my dad never got to meet my fiance is probably the hardest. Or knowing that he will miss our wedding and my children.

 

Menudo it will get easier, but it will never go away, and it shouldn't. There are still days where the most insignificant thing will remind me of him and i will feel like crying (its rare that i actually cry anymore, but it still happens). But the frequency of things have gotten much farther apart. I still miss my dad and always will, but positive things did come out of it. My mother and I became much closer, since we pretty much went through it alone. The relationships of my friends and their dads got much better. Still to this day some of my closest friends say that they would not have the relationships with their parents that they have now if it was not for what my father meant to me and what i went through. And i would not give up the time i spent with my father for anything.

 

Sorry i got to writting and realized i wrote half a book! I don't know if any of this helps or not but it always makes me feel good to talk about my dad and have found it helps to hear what others have gone through.

 

Hang in there Menudo. It will probably get harder before it gets better, but it will get better. The day you can think about your father and smile more often then cry is the day that you begin to move forward. If you ever need to talk pm me, ive got plenty more to say and am a pretty good listener.

[ChuckB]

Menudo, I read your post right after you wrote it and have been meaning to respond but have been waiting till I had enough time/putting it off cause it is still hard to talk about, but here goes

 

My father was a wonderful man.  He worked hard his entire life to make sure that his family was always taken care of.  Still to this day when I meet his old friends or co-workers they always have go on and on about what a wonderful person he is.  He would do things that most people would never think of.  Now he had a good job and we were very comfortable in our lifestyle, but not rich by anymeans.  Every moring before work he would go to this little diner by himself in the "gheto" of Topeka.  He was always the only white person in there, except for the few times he took me with him on saturday morinings.  When i asked him why he went there he would say "they have really good coffee" (which they don't at all).  I have gone in there a couple of times since he has died and the old lady behind the counter tells me how wonderful he was and how much respect she had for him. 

 

He was always joking, even when he was so sick he could barely get out of bed.  Now my mom is a stay at home mom and has a serious case of OCD.  The house was always perfect and eveything had its place, and i mean everything.  My dad would get up early in the moring before her and move stuff around, little things like moving a plant a couple inches or moving the way her stupid dolls were posing.  It drove her nuts but my father and I thought it was absolutley hilarious. 

 

I lost my father exactly 1 week after my 18th birthday (im 25 now).  He was diagnosed with cancer when i was about 13.  At the time he was told he would have 1-2 years to live.  My father was about the most determined person i have ever meet.  When he was diagnosed I was obviously upset.  At age 13 knowing that your father is most likely going to die soon is pretty devistating.  He promised me that he would be with me long enough to help me grow into a man.  He fought that cancer like it was attacking his whole family (and in a way it was).  He went though treatment locally for a year and then transferred to the mayo clinic in omaha.  That was really hard.  Knowing that your father is deathly ill and living so far away from him was just really hard.  After years of battleing cancer they had completely killed off the cancer.  My dad was still really sick becaue of what all the chemo and radiation had done to his body but the cancer was gone.  He was in and out of the hospital all the time and we never thought much about it.  One weekend he went to the hosptial because he was feeling sick, like always.  It was the weekend that I was running in the state cross country meet, which i had always wanted to do and finally qualified for.  After the meet on saturday i went to the hospital to tell him about it and i will never forget the look of pride on his face.  My dad went to every meet that he could.  He would be sick as a dog and would refuse to stay at home and miss my meets if it was physically possible for him to be there.  Now if you know anything about cross country its not the easiest sport to watch.  There are basically points along the 3.1 mile course that spectators run from one to the other to watch the runners go by.  To see my dad trying to get to all these points in the rain and sick as hell just made me want to cry.  But as much as i tried i could never get him to stay home.  The next day after church we got a phone call that he was not doing well and we needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible.  When we go there he was gone.  It was such a trying time in my life to try and handle my fathers death, become the man of the house and take care of my mom, while at the same time graduating high school and preparing to move out and go to college. 

 

I went through a whole range of emotions that i still feel on occasion today.  I was mad at him for leaving my mother and I (I also have two brothers that are much older).  I was sad of course also.  I was VERY jealous of my friends who still had there fathers and my brothers who got to have their dad for longer in their lives.  I would find myself crying over almost anything that remotely reminded me of my father.  Graduation was hard (both high school and college)  Turning 21 and no being able to have a beer with my dad was tough.  Knowing that my dad never got to meet my fiance is probably the hardest.  Or knowing that he will miss our wedding and my children. 

 

Menudo it will get easier, but it will never go away, and it shouldn't.  There are still days where the most insignificant thing will remind me of him and i will feel like crying (its rare that i actually cry anymore, but it still happens).  But the frequency of things have gotten much farther apart.  I still miss my dad and always will, but positive things did come out of it.  My mother and I became much closer, since we pretty much went through it alone.  The relationships of my friends and their dads got much better.  Still to this day some of my closest friends say that they would not have the relationships with their parents that they have now if it was not for what my father meant to me and what i went through.  And i would not give up the time i spent with my father for anything. 

 

Sorry i got to writting and realized i wrote half a book!  I don't know if any of this helps or not but it always makes me feel good to talk about my dad and have found it helps to hear what others have gone through. 

 

Hang in there Menudo.  It will probably get harder before it gets better, but it will get better.  The day you can think about your father and smile more often then cry is the day that you begin to move forward.  If you ever need to talk pm me, ive got plenty more to say and am a pretty good listener.

 

1148622[/snapback]

 

 

 

 

Great post Sig And Menudo I hope todays a good one for you, and I'll be lookin forward to takin your money this weekend at poker

[MojoMan]

Menudo, I read your post right after you wrote it and have been meaning to respond but have been waiting till I had enough time/putting it off cause it is still hard to talk about, but here goes

 

My father was a wonderful man.  He worked hard his entire life to make sure that his family was always taken care of.  Still to this day when I meet his old friends or co-workers they always have go on and on about what a wonderful person he is.  He would do things that most people would never think of.  Now he had a good job and we were very comfortable in our lifestyle, but not rich by anymeans.  Every moring before work he would go to this little diner by himself in the "gheto" of Topeka.  He was always the only white person in there, except for the few times he took me with him on saturday morinings.  When i asked him why he went there he would say "they have really good coffee" (which they don't at all).  I have gone in there a couple of times since he has died and the old lady behind the counter tells me how wonderful he was and how much respect she had for him. 

 

He was always joking, even when he was so sick he could barely get out of bed.  Now my mom is a stay at home mom and has a serious case of OCD.  The house was always perfect and eveything had its place, and i mean everything.  My dad would get up early in the moring before her and move stuff around, little things like moving a plant a couple inches or moving the way her stupid dolls were posing.  It drove her nuts but my father and I thought it was absolutley hilarious. 

 

I lost my father exactly 1 week after my 18th birthday (im 25 now).  He was diagnosed with cancer when i was about 13.  At the time he was told he would have 1-2 years to live.  My father was about the most determined person i have ever meet.  When he was diagnosed I was obviously upset.  At age 13 knowing that your father is most likely going to die soon is pretty devistating.  He promised me that he would be with me long enough to help me grow into a man.  He fought that cancer like it was attacking his whole family (and in a way it was).  He went though treatment locally for a year and then transferred to the mayo clinic in omaha.  That was really hard.  Knowing that your father is deathly ill and living so far away from him was just really hard.  After years of battleing cancer they had completely killed off the cancer.  My dad was still really sick becaue of what all the chemo and radiation had done to his body but the cancer was gone.  He was in and out of the hospital all the time and we never thought much about it.  One weekend he went to the hosptial because he was feeling sick, like always.  It was the weekend that I was running in the state cross country meet, which i had always wanted to do and finally qualified for.  After the meet on saturday i went to the hospital to tell him about it and i will never forget the look of pride on his face.  My dad went to every meet that he could.  He would be sick as a dog and would refuse to stay at home and miss my meets if it was physically possible for him to be there.  Now if you know anything about cross country its not the easiest sport to watch.  There are basically points along the 3.1 mile course that spectators run from one to the other to watch the runners go by.  To see my dad trying to get to all these points in the rain and sick as hell just made me want to cry.  But as much as i tried i could never get him to stay home.  The next day after church we got a phone call that he was not doing well and we needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible.  When we go there he was gone.  It was such a trying time in my life to try and handle my fathers death, become the man of the house and take care of my mom, while at the same time graduating high school and preparing to move out and go to college. 

 

I went through a whole range of emotions that i still feel on occasion today.  I was mad at him for leaving my mother and I (I also have two brothers that are much older).  I was sad of course also.  I was VERY jealous of my friends who still had there fathers and my brothers who got to have their dad for longer in their lives.  I would find myself crying over almost anything that remotely reminded me of my father.  Graduation was hard (both high school and college)  Turning 21 and no being able to have a beer with my dad was tough.  Knowing that my dad never got to meet my fiance is probably the hardest.  Or knowing that he will miss our wedding and my children. 

 

Menudo it will get easier, but it will never go away, and it shouldn't.  There are still days where the most insignificant thing will remind me of him and i will feel like crying (its rare that i actually cry anymore, but it still happens).  But the frequency of things have gotten much farther apart.  I still miss my dad and always will, but positive things did come out of it.  My mother and I became much closer, since we pretty much went through it alone.  The relationships of my friends and their dads got much better.  Still to this day some of my closest friends say that they would not have the relationships with their parents that they have now if it was not for what my father meant to me and what i went through.  And i would not give up the time i spent with my father for anything. 

 

Sorry i got to writting and realized i wrote half a book!  I don't know if any of this helps or not but it always makes me feel good to talk about my dad and have found it helps to hear what others have gone through. 

 

Hang in there Menudo.  It will probably get harder before it gets better, but it will get better.  The day you can think about your father and smile more often then cry is the day that you begin to move forward.  If you ever need to talk pm me, ive got plenty more to say and am a pretty good listener.

 

1148622[/snapback]

 

 

 

 

Sig,

 

Very touching post. I'm usually pretty unemotional (but not as "bad" as Polky). I have to admit that I got choked up reading your post.

 

 

I'm sure your Dad is proud looking down at you.

[Menudo]

Menudo, I read your post right after you wrote it and have been meaning to respond but have been waiting till I had enough time/putting it off cause it is still hard to talk about, but here goes

 

My father was a wonderful man.  He worked hard his entire life to make sure that his family was always taken care of.  Still to this day when I meet his old friends or co-workers they always have go on and on about what a wonderful person he is.  He would do things that most people would never think of.  Now he had a good job and we were very comfortable in our lifestyle, but not rich by anymeans.  Every moring before work he would go to this little diner by himself in the "gheto" of Topeka.  He was always the only white person in there, except for the few times he took me with him on saturday morinings.  When i asked him why he went there he would say "they have really good coffee" (which they don't at all).  I have gone in there a couple of times since he has died and the old lady behind the counter tells me how wonderful he was and how much respect she had for him. 

 

He was always joking, even when he was so sick he could barely get out of bed.  Now my mom is a stay at home mom and has a serious case of OCD.  The house was always perfect and eveything had its place, and i mean everything.  My dad would get up early in the moring before her and move stuff around, little things like moving a plant a couple inches or moving the way her stupid dolls were posing.  It drove her nuts but my father and I thought it was absolutley hilarious. 

 

I lost my father exactly 1 week after my 18th birthday (im 25 now).  He was diagnosed with cancer when i was about 13.  At the time he was told he would have 1-2 years to live.  My father was about the most determined person i have ever meet.  When he was diagnosed I was obviously upset.  At age 13 knowing that your father is most likely going to die soon is pretty devistating.  He promised me that he would be with me long enough to help me grow into a man.  He fought that cancer like it was attacking his whole family (and in a way it was).  He went though treatment locally for a year and then transferred to the mayo clinic in omaha.  That was really hard.  Knowing that your father is deathly ill and living so far away from him was just really hard.  After years of battleing cancer they had completely killed off the cancer.  My dad was still really sick becaue of what all the chemo and radiation had done to his body but the cancer was gone.  He was in and out of the hospital all the time and we never thought much about it.  One weekend he went to the hosptial because he was feeling sick, like always.  It was the weekend that I was running in the state cross country meet, which i had always wanted to do and finally qualified for.  After the meet on saturday i went to the hospital to tell him about it and i will never forget the look of pride on his face.  My dad went to every meet that he could.  He would be sick as a dog and would refuse to stay at home and miss my meets if it was physically possible for him to be there.  Now if you know anything about cross country its not the easiest sport to watch.  There are basically points along the 3.1 mile course that spectators run from one to the other to watch the runners go by.  To see my dad trying to get to all these points in the rain and sick as hell just made me want to cry.  But as much as i tried i could never get him to stay home.  The next day after church we got a phone call that he was not doing well and we needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible.  When we go there he was gone.  It was such a trying time in my life to try and handle my fathers death, become the man of the house and take care of my mom, while at the same time graduating high school and preparing to move out and go to college. 

 

I went through a whole range of emotions that i still feel on occasion today.  I was mad at him for leaving my mother and I (I also have two brothers that are much older).  I was sad of course also.  I was VERY jealous of my friends who still had there fathers and my brothers who got to have their dad for longer in their lives.  I would find myself crying over almost anything that remotely reminded me of my father.  Graduation was hard (both high school and college)  Turning 21 and no being able to have a beer with my dad was tough.  Knowing that my dad never got to meet my fiance is probably the hardest.  Or knowing that he will miss our wedding and my children. 

 

Menudo it will get easier, but it will never go away, and it shouldn't.  There are still days where the most insignificant thing will remind me of him and i will feel like crying (its rare that i actually cry anymore, but it still happens).  But the frequency of things have gotten much farther apart.  I still miss my dad and always will, but positive things did come out of it.  My mother and I became much closer, since we pretty much went through it alone.  The relationships of my friends and their dads got much better.  Still to this day some of my closest friends say that they would not have the relationships with their parents that they have now if it was not for what my father meant to me and what i went through.  And i would not give up the time i spent with my father for anything. 

 

Sorry i got to writting and realized i wrote half a book!  I don't know if any of this helps or not but it always makes me feel good to talk about my dad and have found it helps to hear what others have gone through. 

 

Hang in there Menudo.  It will probably get harder before it gets better, but it will get better.  The day you can think about your father and smile more often then cry is the day that you begin to move forward.  If you ever need to talk pm me, ive got plenty more to say and am a pretty good listener.

1148622[/snapback]

 

Thanks for the reply. It feels good to hear other's experiences. Your Dad sounds like a great man.

[whomper]

Menudo, I read your post right after you wrote it and have been meaning to respond but have been waiting till I had enough time/putting it off cause it is still hard to talk about, but here goes

 

My father was a wonderful man.  He worked hard his entire life to make sure that his family was always taken care of.  Still to this day when I meet his old friends or co-workers they always have go on and on about what a wonderful person he is.  He would do things that most people would never think of.  Now he had a good job and we were very comfortable in our lifestyle, but not rich by anymeans.  Every moring before work he would go to this little diner by himself in the "gheto" of Topeka.  He was always the only white person in there, except for the few times he took me with him on saturday morinings.  When i asked him why he went there he would say "they have really good coffee" (which they don't at all).  I have gone in there a couple of times since he has died and the old lady behind the counter tells me how wonderful he was and how much respect she had for him. 

 

He was always joking, even when he was so sick he could barely get out of bed.  Now my mom is a stay at home mom and has a serious case of OCD.  The house was always perfect and eveything had its place, and i mean everything.  My dad would get up early in the moring before her and move stuff around, little things like moving a plant a couple inches or moving the way her stupid dolls were posing.  It drove her nuts but my father and I thought it was absolutley hilarious. 

 

I lost my father exactly 1 week after my 18th birthday (im 25 now).  He was diagnosed with cancer when i was about 13.  At the time he was told he would have 1-2 years to live.  My father was about the most determined person i have ever meet.  When he was diagnosed I was obviously upset.  At age 13 knowing that your father is most likely going to die soon is pretty devistating.  He promised me that he would be with me long enough to help me grow into a man.  He fought that cancer like it was attacking his whole family (and in a way it was).  He went though treatment locally for a year and then transferred to the mayo clinic in omaha.  That was really hard.  Knowing that your father is deathly ill and living so far away from him was just really hard.  After years of battleing cancer they had completely killed off the cancer.  My dad was still really sick becaue of what all the chemo and radiation had done to his body but the cancer was gone.  He was in and out of the hospital all the time and we never thought much about it.  One weekend he went to the hosptial because he was feeling sick, like always.  It was the weekend that I was running in the state cross country meet, which i had always wanted to do and finally qualified for.  After the meet on saturday i went to the hospital to tell him about it and i will never forget the look of pride on his face.  My dad went to every meet that he could.  He would be sick as a dog and would refuse to stay at home and miss my meets if it was physically possible for him to be there.  Now if you know anything about cross country its not the easiest sport to watch.  There are basically points along the 3.1 mile course that spectators run from one to the other to watch the runners go by.  To see my dad trying to get to all these points in the rain and sick as hell just made me want to cry.  But as much as i tried i could never get him to stay home.  The next day after church we got a phone call that he was not doing well and we needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible.  When we go there he was gone.  It was such a trying time in my life to try and handle my fathers death, become the man of the house and take care of my mom, while at the same time graduating high school and preparing to move out and go to college. 

 

I went through a whole range of emotions that i still feel on occasion today.  I was mad at him for leaving my mother and I (I also have two brothers that are much older).  I was sad of course also.  I was VERY jealous of my friends who still had there fathers and my brothers who got to have their dad for longer in their lives.  I would find myself crying over almost anything that remotely reminded me of my father.  Graduation was hard (both high school and college)  Turning 21 and no being able to have a beer with my dad was tough.  Knowing that my dad never got to meet my fiance is probably the hardest.  Or knowing that he will miss our wedding and my children. 

 

Menudo it will get easier, but it will never go away, and it shouldn't.  There are still days where the most insignificant thing will remind me of him and i will feel like crying (its rare that i actually cry anymore, but it still happens).  But the frequency of things have gotten much farther apart.  I still miss my dad and always will, but positive things did come out of it.  My mother and I became much closer, since we pretty much went through it alone.  The relationships of my friends and their dads got much better.  Still to this day some of my closest friends say that they would not have the relationships with their parents that they have now if it was not for what my father meant to me and what i went through.  And i would not give up the time i spent with my father for anything. 

 

Sorry i got to writting and realized i wrote half a book!  I don't know if any of this helps or not but it always makes me feel good to talk about my dad and have found it helps to hear what others have gone through. 

 

Hang in there Menudo.  It will probably get harder before it gets better, but it will get better.  The day you can think about your father and smile more often then cry is the day that you begin to move forward.  If you ever need to talk pm me, ive got plenty more to say and am a pretty good listener.

 

1148622[/snapback]

 

 

 

 

Thanks for sharing. That was a great post

[Menudo]

Wow, where to start.......  My Dad, like everyone wasn't perfect.  He went through a bad time with drinking when I was young, and sometimes he got a little tough on me in my sports efforts.  I'll start with the sports thing.  Though he was sometimes tough one me, it was because of the fact that he knew I loved sports and how badly I wanted to do well.  He went above and beyond the efforts of most fathers with their sons.  He was a teacher, but I remember him coming home from work and taking me to the ballfield and pitching to me, hitting me fly balls, grounders, etc. for as long as I wanted to stay.  For football, he would take me outside anytime I wanted to throw the football around.  He was also a football coach, so he had a lot of insight for me.  In wrestling, he actually paid an old State champion to work out and help me when I was young.  I can't say it was pushing me, because it was me who wanted it so bad.  He only ever gave me a hard time if he saw a lack of effort in me, not when I didn't succeed.  Despite not having a lot of natural athletic ability, I was my high school's football MVP, and wrestling MVP twice.  I was nominated for the county award for both wrestling and football MVP, coming in 2nd in both my Senior Year.  I'm honestly not saying this stuff to brag.  I wasn't all that fast, all that strong, and I couldn't jump through the roof or anything, but I succeeded, and turned down an opportunity to wrestle D1 at Pitt to play football at DIII Lebanon Valley where I was a 4-year letterwinner and captain.  The reason I bring this up, is that I would have never come close to even that minimal success if it wasn't for the effort my Dad put in with me growing up.

 

More importantly than sports, my Dad love to laugh and make other people laugh and be happy, especially his family.  He was a riot.  Everyone knew he was a riot.  Here are a few examples that come to my head:

 

A week before he died, he had a sugar attack while I was home.  Sugar attacks are scary, I though he was dying.  My mom got a misread on his sugar, so we immediately though he was dying and called 911.  It turned out it was his sugar, but the paremedics wanted him to go to the hospital for "observation" because his blood pressure was low.  He flatly refused going to the hospital and despite efforts from my sister, mother, and father-in-law, no one could get through to him.  It was up to me.  I asked him, "If something happens to you, would you really want your family to feel at fault because we didn't make you go to the hospital."  He listened to me and decided to go.  As it turns out, he never came back home again.      However, someone asked  what day it was, and I mistakingly said Sunday, when it was actually Monday.  My Dad called the paremedic over and said he would like his son to go in for observation because he didn't even know what day it was.

 

One time he took a friend and me to Kentucky Fried Chicken's Drive-Thru for food.  I told him I wanted to Chicken Littles.  He then said, I would like to order Chicken McLittles.  I said "Dad, it's not McDonalds, there is no Mc"  Knowing I'm embarassed and pouncing on the situation he then says "I would also like a McThree Piece Meal, Some McMashed Potatoes, and three McCokes"  Dad never worried about making an A$$ out of himself.  As long as it make others laugh, which it made my best friend almost pi$$ himself.

 

My Dad always laughed at people who got upset for no reason.  One time he mistaking went down a one way street, it was more like an alley.  Some lowlife comes out cursing "You are going the wrong F$@$#ng way !!! "  My Dad knowing full well the situation, rolls down his window and says "Sir, there is no way that you know where I am going, so your statement is ridiculous"  The guy then gets more angry "This is a One Way street A$$HOLE !!!"  to which my Dad replied "Sir, as you can see, I am only going one way"

 

Those are just a couple of examples that come to mind of his humor.  He and I shared the same sense of humor and love to laugh.  He was also a phanatical Steeler, Pirate, and Penn State fan.  It is kind of funny, some people think it is pathetic for people to take sports so seriously, but sports was a bond that my Father and I had that could never be taken away.  WHEN the Steeelrs win the Super Bowl, I know I will cry my eyes out, because I always wanted my Dad and I to see it happen together, hugging, jumping, and drinking.

 

Most importantly, my father taugh me that family is the most important thing in one's life.  He made it clear that there was NOTHING he wouldn't do for his family.  He went to heaven knowing how much his family loved him, and us in turn having no doubt how much he loved us.

 

Sorry for the rant, but you asked, and it actually feels good to type out these memories.

 

Edit:  Wow, sorry about all the typos, spelling and grammar errors.  There are too many for my lazy a$$ to even go back and fix.

 

1141756[/snapback]

 

 

 

 

Like I said in a couple of my other posts, reading this stuff makes me feel better, but this line popped out at me......

 

WHEN the Steeelrs win the Super Bowl, I know I will cry my eyes out, because I always wanted my Dad and I to see it happen together, hugging, jumping, and drinking.

 

One game from a reality, and I can't even imagine the emotions I will feel if it happens. 2:30 in the morning, and I have to get up at 5:30, so I need to go to bed. Though these posts were made a long time ago, thanks, they made me feel better as I was having a rough night tonight.

[Front Row]

Hang in there Menudo. This song makes me smile when I think of passed loved ones.

lyrics