BiggieFries Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 (edited) Ok, here's the situation... My 2YO male Golden Retriever is not fixed. There is a VERY small female dog in the neighborhood that is also not fixed. She's been flashing her wares around my dog every chance she gets (her owner does not walk her on a leash, this is a separate issue for a different thread). I have a feeling that my dog is a bit horny and I have no idea what to do (keep the jokes to a minimum please)! How do I get my dog back under control? He's trying to hump everything in site. Shirts, shorts, pillows, limbs and more often than anything else, just humping air. This has only started since the small female dog has started throwing herself at my dog. I don't want to nip/tuck his "berries" so is there anything else I can do? Should I get him a girl for the evening? Should I start breeding him to get some of the poison out? Should I fly Cliaz down to "help"? A secondary question: We wouldn't mind breeding him but how does one go about this? Is there a doggie pimp out there to call to see where a dog in our situation can get some ass? If I can't find the answer at the huddle, then there is no answer. TIA, will answer yours. Edited December 23, 2007 by BiggieFries Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AtomicCEO Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 Sometimes you've just got to roll up your sleeves and get your hands dirty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azazello1313 Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 you would think an animal that can easily reach any spot it wants to with its own 8 inch tongue would not have this problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puddy Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 Given your resume. Doggie porn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugar Magnolia Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 Get him neutered!! You are going to be dealing with this every six months as long as there is an intact bitch in your neighborhood. Actually it is probably too late since he has "had the experience already" but it couldn't hurt. Only breed your Golden if you have had it's hips and elbows OFA cleared and certifed, and eyes cleared and certified by a board certified doggy opthomologist, and breed to a female whose owners have done the same. Otherwise you will possibly be passing on genetic disorders inherent to the Golden Retriever that can cripple a dog and blind a dog, and cost new puppy owners lots of money and emotional grief. Your dog can be a carrier and you don't even know it. These tests cost upwards of $1,000 which is why you pay a lot of money buying a purebred puppy from a responsible breeder. My friend bought a dog from a "backyard breeder" and the dog has hip and elbow dysplasia and at age five is barely able to walk a block and they chose not to have sugery which on all elbows and hips would have cost them $6,000. That's my opinion anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ursa Majoris Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 Get him neutered!! Actually it is probably too late since he has "had the experience already" but it couldn't hurt. That's easy for you to say when it's not your nuts that are for the chop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cliaz Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 I do know how you can keep his humping down to a small amount. Shopping List - -rubber glove -water bottle -winnie the pooh stuffed animal -96 pack of Crayola crayons -the 1st season of He-Man cartoon -a bag of BBQ pringles -dental floss -KY Steps - Take the Winnie the pooh stuffed animal and cut the butt hole open Take the water bottle and fill it with 100 degree water and over the lip of it with the glove Fill glove with crushed up pringles and KY and shove it in the butt of Winnie the Pooh Put on He-man cartoon and colour pictures of Orko banging a shemale hooker Then when you are hot and bothered start banging the winnie the pooh doll. When done, wrap the dental floss around your junk and let your dog lick the pringle/KY goo up Once he starts to poop out the next day he will need you to pull the floss out of his crack. That should solve your problem. Oh and video tape it so we can put it on line and make some money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chief Dick Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 (edited) I do know how you can keep his humping down to a small amount. Shopping List - -rubber glove -water bottle -winnie the pooh stuffed animal -96 pack of Crayola crayons -the 1st season of He-Man cartoon -a bag of BBQ pringles -dental floss -KY Steps - Take the Winnie the pooh stuffed animal and cut the butt hole open Take the water bottle and fill it with 100 degree water and over the lip of it with the glove Fill glove with crushed up pringles and KY and shove it in the butt of Winnie the Pooh Put on He-man cartoon and colour pictures of Orko banging a shemale hooker Then when you are hot and bothered start banging the winnie the pooh doll. When done, wrap the dental floss around your junk and let your dog lick the pringle/KY goo up Once he starts to poop out the next day he will need you to pull the floss out of his crack. That should solve your problem. Oh and video tape it so we can put it on line and make some money. You are one sick (the really bad word)er. Edited December 23, 2007 by Chief Dick Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugar Magnolia Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 That's easy for you to say when it's not your nuts that are for the chop. You guys are such babies. The male dogs it's a snip/snip and they are back to humping in a day or two. The female dogs have to have an entire hysterectomy removing the uterus and ovaries and extremely painful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atlanta Cracker Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 Get him neutered!! You are going to be dealing with this every six months as long as there is an intact bitch in your neighborhood. Actually it is probably too late since he has "had the experience already" but it couldn't hurt. That really is the only way to get it under control. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
untateve Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 Ok, here's the situation... My 2YO male Golden Retriever is not fixed. There is a VERY small female dog in the neighborhood that is also not fixed. She's been flashing her wares around my dog every chance she gets (her owner does not walk her on a leash, this is a separate issue for a different thread). I have a feeling that my dog is a bit horny and I have no idea what to do (keep the jokes to a minimum please)! How do I get my dog back under control? He's trying to hump everything in site. Shirts, shorts, pillows, limbs and more often than anything else, just humping air. This has only started since the small female dog has started throwing herself at my dog. I don't want to nip/tuck his "berries" so is there anything else I can do? Should I get him a girl for the evening? Should I start breeding him to get some of the poison out? Should I fly Cliaz down to "help"? A secondary question: We wouldn't mind breeding him but how does one go about this? Is there a doggie pimp out there to call to see where a dog in our situation can get some ass? If I can't find the answer at the huddle, then there is no answer. TIA, will answer yours. My last evaluation for 2007 was evaluating a man who had been arrested for animal cruelty (he is 23). His mother walked in on him and he was humping his mother's dog. HIs mother called the police. I'm thinking that perhaps your dog and this gentleman could make a love connection. Of course, your dog will need to wait until he gets out of jail. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 Get him neutered!! You are going to be dealing with this every six months as long as there is an intact bitch in your neighborhood. Actually it is probably too late since he has "had the experience already" but it couldn't hurt. Only breed your Golden if you have had it's hips and elbows OFA cleared and certifed, and eyes cleared and certified by a board certified doggy opthomologist, and breed to a female whose owners have done the same. Otherwise you will possibly be passing on genetic disorders inherent to the Golden Retriever that can cripple a dog and blind a dog, and cost new puppy owners lots of money and emotional grief. Your dog can be a carrier and you don't even know it. These tests cost upwards of $1,000 which is why you pay a lot of money buying a purebred puppy from a responsible breeder. My friend bought a dog from a "backyard breeder" and the dog has hip and elbow dysplasia and at age five is barely able to walk a block and they chose not to have sugery which on all elbows and hips would have cost them $6,000. That's my opinion anyway. I miss squeegie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimC Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 (edited) You guys are such babies. The male dogs it's a snip/snip and they are back to humping in a day or two. The female dogs have to have an entire hysterectomy removing the uterus and ovaries and extremely painful. I have sister black labs and they didn't seem to be in any pain when they had it done (waaaay back in 1995). They spent the night at the vets and came home and healed quickly wth no side effects. Of course, this should be the new glare icon if you come around either with a knife around their booty again. Bottom line is, get that dog fixed for yours and his sake, or you'd better take care of bizness yerself. You rub that dog's belly the right way and you'll have a friend for life, Biggie. Edited December 23, 2007 by TimC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azazello1313 Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 My last evaluation for 2007 was evaluating a man who had been arrested for animal cruelty (he is 23). His mother walked in on him and he was humping his mother's dog. bow-chicka-wow-wow Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BiggieFries Posted December 23, 2007 Author Share Posted December 23, 2007 Should I fly Cliaz down to "help"? I do know how you can keep his humping down to a small amount. Shopping List - -rubber glove -water bottle -winnie the pooh stuffed animal -96 pack of Crayola crayons -the 1st season of He-Man cartoon -a bag of BBQ pringles -dental floss -KY Steps - Take the Winnie the pooh stuffed animal and cut the butt hole open Take the water bottle and fill it with 100 degree water and over the lip of it with the glove Fill glove with crushed up pringles and KY and shove it in the butt of Winnie the Pooh Put on He-man cartoon and colour pictures of Orko banging a shemale hooker Then when you are hot and bothered start banging the winnie the pooh doll. When done, wrap the dental floss around your junk and let your dog lick the pringle/KY goo up Once he starts to poop out the next day he will need you to pull the floss out of his crack. That should solve your problem. Oh and video tape it so we can put it on line and make some money. Ahem... Let me know where to send the plane ticket. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MuddyPaws Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 Only breed your Golden if you have had it's hips and elbows OFA cleared and certifed, and eyes cleared and certified by a board certified doggy opthomologist, and breed to a female whose owners have done the same. Otherwise you will possibly be passing on genetic disorders inherent to the Golden Retriever that can cripple a dog and blind a dog, and cost new puppy owners lots of money and emotional grief. Your dog can be a carrier and you don't even know it. These tests cost upwards of $1,000 which is why you pay a lot of money buying a purebred puppy from a responsible breeder. My friend bought a dog from a "backyard breeder" and the dog has hip and elbow dysplasia and at age five is barely able to walk a block and they chose not to have sugery which on all elbows and hips would have cost them $6,000. That's my opinion anyway. +1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polksalet Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 Sounds like he has some Mississippi in him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sundaynfl Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 You need to teach him how to rub one out, this dog can...: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puddy Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 You need to teach him how to rub one out, this dog can...: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
montster Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 Of course, your dog will need to wait until he gets out of jail. wow, they lock up dogs now? what'd he do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yukon Cornelius Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 has the dog been hanging with polk's son?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Holy Roller Posted December 24, 2007 Share Posted December 24, 2007 Get him neutered!! You are going to be dealing with this every six months as long as there is an intact bitch in your neighborhood. Actually it is probably too late since he has "had the experience already" but it couldn't hurt. Only breed your Golden if you have had it's hips and elbows OFA cleared and certifed, and eyes cleared and certified by a board certified doggy opthomologist, and breed to a female whose owners have done the same. Otherwise you will possibly be passing on genetic disorders inherent to the Golden Retriever that can cripple a dog and blind a dog, and cost new puppy owners lots of money and emotional grief. Your dog can be a carrier and you don't even know it. These tests cost upwards of $1,000 which is why you pay a lot of money buying a purebred puppy from a responsible breeder. My friend bought a dog from a "backyard breeder" and the dog has hip and elbow dysplasia and at age five is barely able to walk a block and they chose not to have sugery which on all elbows and hips would have cost them $6,000. That's my opinion anyway. The only sure solution. But you go for Cliazs' I'll put up $5 for the fare. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BiggieFries Posted December 24, 2007 Author Share Posted December 24, 2007 The only sure solution. But you go for Cliazs' I'll put up $5 for the fare. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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