Front Row Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It’s PC Magazine’s 2007 editors’ choice for best webmail-award-winning letter. Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants. Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse’? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call ‘an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.’ Isn’t the human body amazing? As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer’s monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants… Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.’ Are you f—— kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.For the love of G-d, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong’, or are you just picking on us? Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to takemy maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullpoopy. And that’s a promise I will keep. Always. . . Best, [Name Witheld] Austin , TX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonorator Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
millerx Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 (edited) He should respond with "as the old saying goes, never trust anything that bleeds for one week straight every month and LIVES"... then he should invest in a personal flack jacket. Edited May 29, 2008 by millerx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmarc117 Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 a guy wrote that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McBoog Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Remember, she was on her period when she wrote that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cliaz Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 I can't stand the whole argument of "Periods are miserable, we are bloated, moody, etc.". My wife pulls that crap all the time. Mrs. Cliaz: Try wearing a tampon or pad for a week and tell me how uncomfortable you feel. Me: Oh yea, try lugging around a c0ck and a set of hairy balls in 90 degree temp. with 90% humidity for three months and then we can talk about uncomfortable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McBoog Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Nothing on Snopes. Must be true! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
millerx Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 I can't stand the whole argument of "Periods are miserable, we are bloated, moody, etc.". My wife pulls that crap all the time. Mrs. Cliaz: Try wearing a tampon or pad for a week and tell me how uncomfortable you feel. Me: Oh yea, try lugging around a c0ck and a set of hairy balls in 90 degree temp. with 90% humidity for three months and then we can talk about uncomfortable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cliaz Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Nothing on Snopes. Must be true! About my balls? No, its true, they are hairy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
detlef Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 a guy wrote that That would be my guess. Sure reads like a guy wrote it and the exaggeration of how crazy women get on their periods would seem to fit as well. I mean, seriously, maybe I've just been really, really lucky with girlfriends and my wife but I've simply never experienced the crazed bitch phenomenon that seems to be associated with women and periods. Every once in a while, my wife will get just a bit more worked up about something than I'd expect her to and then two days later she's bleeding and I think, "Right, that's what was up". However, I'm not talking about throwing things at me because I left the toilet seat up, simply acting oddly emotional about something she's usually chill about. Absolutely nothing major at all. Same goes with girlfriends I've had. Really never a big deal at all. I mean, I understand it's way more fun to pretend that otherwise sane women turn into absolute lunatics once a month, but I just don't have anything real to base that on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonorator Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Nothing on Snopes. Must be true! it's true. i should know. oh, and it's Procter, not Proctor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SheikYerbuti Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 About my balls? No, its true, they are hairy. link? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
detlef Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Though this does remind me of the absolute, lamest bumper sticker I ever saw. "PMS, a woman's excuse to act once a month the way men act everyday" Something like that. I remember thinking. Oh that makes perfect sense. That's why men and women get along so great when she's on her period because for that one special time of the month, she's finally the highly sensitive and emotional being that we men are everyday. Finally she's willing to let loose and cry. Finally she's willing to let go and say what's really on her mind. Something we men do every day. F'ing idiot. I mean, if women want to talk crap about men, it's not like we don't give them stuff to work with but men are like women on PMS? Seriously? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McBoog Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 About my balls? No, its true, they are hairy. Perfect timing brah! Shaka Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikesVikes Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Paging Big John Which Huddlers live in Austin, Texas? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big John Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Paging Big John Which Huddlers live in Austin, Texas? darin3, ABWF, rbmcdonald, 10g_DBA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peepinmofo Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 I can't stand the whole argument of "Periods are miserable, we are bloated, moody, etc.". My wife pulls that crap all the time. Mrs. Cliaz: Try wearing a tampon or pad for a week and tell me how uncomfortable you feel. Me: Oh yea, try lugging around a c0ck and a set of hairy balls in 90 degree temp. with 90% humidity for three months and then we can talk about uncomfortable. Come down to Florida dude... Its more like 8 months!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Easy n Dirty Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 You know why they call it PMS, don't you? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Front Row Posted May 29, 2008 Author Share Posted May 29, 2008 Nothing on Snopes. Must be true! I new somebody would Snope it . Even if it is fake , it was still worth a chuckle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darin3 Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 darin3, ABWF, rbmcdonald, 10g_DBA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ABearWithFurniture Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 (edited) I think it's the water here... Pretty damn funny some of the comments on that rant page this came from... Comment by 1oldleg My pappy sed “Never trust an animal that can bleed for 5 days a month and not die.” Then ma kilt him. Edited May 29, 2008 by ABearWithFurniture Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ABearWithFurniture Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 Oh man, this is some good stuff... From Mrs. M-ITT, er, something like that... Q. How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don’t even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn’t be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they’ve been in the SAME DAMN CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME DAMN SPOT!!!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN. WHY??? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT’S A WONDER WE HAVEN’T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! THE HOUSE!!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS…….. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darin3 Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 Oh man, this is some good stuff... From Mrs. M-ITT, er, something like that... Q. How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don’t even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn’t be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they’ve been in the SAME DAMN CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME DAMN SPOT!!!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN. WHY??? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT’S A WONDER WE HAVEN’T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! THE HOUSE!!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS…….. Honey, is that you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chargerz Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 "Aunt Flo" I gotta start using that one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebellab Posted May 30, 2008 Share Posted May 30, 2008 "Aunt Flo" I gotta start using that one! You mean to tell me you look at Baginas all day and you hadn't hear that one. I say that and the wife slugs me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.