loaf Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 so I'm posting this here in hopes I can get over it and move on. thanks for letting me rant... long story short, brother n fam fell on hard times and got foreclosed. he didn't let anyone know things were this bad because foreclosures don't happen for lack of two monthly payments... anyways yesterday was moving day. I get to the new house to find the Sis in law laying on the couch with a blanket on. First thought was ok...then bro and I go to pick up the uhaul...get to the old house. this is where it goes downhill. place was like they never got forclosed and were still living there. nothing packed. nothing. and no sign of the sister in law. I told bro that if he wasnt' bro, I'da been long gone. stuff were needed to move needed to have the sheet on top boxed up so we could move it. beds weren't torn down. nothing in boxes. 2 hours in and still no sil. I ask where is she. bro says she isn't coming. ? she blames him for the house loss. he's a goddam produce clerk and has been since 16. you knew what you were marrying 10 years ago. yet 10 years ago she didn't get a job, just lazier. and spendier. so she hasn't worked in 10 years, has brought nothing to the fam and is now blaming my brother for all their financial difficulties. So I ask if the house being in such a mess is her spite...no answer...gaddam bitch. and there was no sign of her at the new place when, after 7 hours of loading up just ONE uhaul, which should've taken 2 hours if things had been taken care of. Oh, and the bro just called that the wife was upset that we boxed up stuff that shouldn't have been boxed up. And I just called her. my hands are still shaking. she had the balls to say bro's done nothing for two months. even though he works 9 hours a day and has a half hour commute. she's upset that bro didn't do anything yesterday while she unpacked. even though we spent the whole day moving heavy ass furniture. I just hung up on her. bro says I cause any more strife and they're divorced. I say she's an anchor and needs to go. god I hate her right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SheikYerbuti Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 If I were you I'da just turned around and walked out. "Call me if you get your s**t together. I'll be leading my happy, productive life." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmarc117 Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 he needs to leave her, and like 5 years ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loaf Posted July 6, 2008 Author Share Posted July 6, 2008 can't do that to my brother, her on the other hand Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikesVikes Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 Wow, that sounds like a messy situation and it doesn't sound like it's going to improve anytime soon. You can change your address but sometimes it's more important to change your attitude. Ouch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pope Flick Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 Sorry to hear that loaf. I hope there aren't kids involved (I don't know). Tough spot - you've got to look out for your bro. But if the move is over, then I'd give them both space for a while. Sounds like she lacks any sense of self responsibility, although that's a difficult thing to drop on someone you haven't met. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ursa Majoris Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 Hope things get better, loaf, but they likely won't. Sounds like it's too far gone but maybe that's for the longer term good. Is this new house a trade down or a rental? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AtomicCEO Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 I think you're doing a good job keeping what you want to do separate from what you should do. Your brother needs help, not additional problems, so even though your anger at his wife is richly deserved, it isn't very helpful to his situation. Keep trying to keep it from being your strongest emotion. I think you're doing well considering. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bier Meister Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 what bs..... just keep being a good bro.. help him when he needs it... and do your best to stay out of their stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clubfoothead Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 Help your brother to the best of your ability and stay out of his marriage. They work it out and you are standing there with yer dick in yer hand the bad guy. They don't work it out he will know who was by his side the whole time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piratesownninjas Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 Your brother has some serious scene control issues. That chick needs to be put in her place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clubfoothead Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 Your brother has some serious scene control issues. That chick needs to be put in her place. easier said than done with some women. My wife once busted my face open with a toaster. At that point the options were beat the $hit out of her or go crash at a buddy's house. That was 8 years ago and I think I made the right decision not kicking her a$$. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piratesownninjas Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 easier said than done with some women. My wife once busted my face open with a toaster. At that point the options were beat the $hit out of her or go crash at a buddy's house. That was 8 years ago and I think I made the right decision not kicking her a$$. I'm not at all saying attack her, but cut her off from money and other things to get your point across. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tbimm Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 Time for your Bro to get things straight with the wife. He needs to sit her down and introduce her to reality! If that means he loses her then so be it. Just be there for him when he needs you as that is really all you can do for him until he takes control of the situation. A very good Huddle friend of mine helped me a while back to understand that I am not qualified to help every situation. I think this is solid info for you right now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zooty Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 I'm not at all saying attack her, but cut her off from money and other things to get your point across. Note to self- PON is single Loaf- Good luck to you and your brother Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clubfoothead Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 Hope things get better for your little brother. I've got to go get some luch ready before the toasters start flying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loaf Posted July 6, 2008 Author Share Posted July 6, 2008 kids are involved, 7 and 4 she called my brother and bitched him out for me reeming her out, although I didn't really even get into half of what was going through my mind. She told him that even though we spent 7 hours yesterday while she was absent, that she's done more than that. If she has, it wasn't apparent to my eyes. I also told him that 7 hours throughout the week doesn't feel the same as 7 STRAIGHT hours in the 90 degree heat...you deserved to have a seat while she unpacked our packing of things she shoulda packed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tbimm Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 kids are involved, 7 and 4she called my brother and bitched him out for me reeming her out, although I didn't really even get into half of what was going through my mind. She told him that even though we spent 7 hours yesterday while she was absent, that she's done more than that. If she has, it wasn't apparent to my eyes. I also told him that 7 hours throughout the week doesn't feel the same as 7 STRAIGHT hours in the 90 degree heat...you deserved to have a seat while she unpacked our packing of things she shoulda packed Sounds to me like a heavy dose of marriage counseling is needed for them if they are to survive this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loaf Posted July 6, 2008 Author Share Posted July 6, 2008 they are in or have been to counseling. can't remember which. I called her back after hanging up on her and went to voice mail (go figure). Anyways, I left a voice mail and said I've heard too many past tenses and want to hear more present and future tenses. And if you need help packing up the rest of the house, give a call. Nothing yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 I know you would like to kick her in the cu... However, he is your brother and he should be what is on your mind. You didn't pick her, he did. He is in a spot that is not going to get better over night and you aren't going to be able to make her see anything. Your best bet is maybe just sort of let her know that she is a total ass-hole in a sort of quite way but not in a way that your brother is going to have to here about it and keep doing what you can for your brother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Front Row Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 That really sux loaf , gotta tell your bro to keep his chin up & find a silver lining. Maybe this experience will make the kids stronger as they mature? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chavez Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 Well, it looks like there's plenty of blame to go around on both sides, loaf. Yeah, your brother's wife is being a real rag - and whether it is or isn't solely your bro's fault for the financial situation, what's done is done and pointing fingers right now isn't going to improve a damn thing. I'd say that's something you can tell her without coming off as "interfering." You may want to lay that line on your bro too, and hope it give him some spine. IMO your bro shares some blame for not having sh*t together when you went there to move; if his wife wasn't getting stuff done, he should've known it and taken care of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoJoTheWebToedBoy Posted July 6, 2008 Share Posted July 6, 2008 Loaf, you need to back away from the situation. Offer all the support you can, but do not get in-between your brother and his family. It may be your brother, but it is not your issue. Your brother is a grown man, and needs to figure it out on his own. If you get too deeply involved, no matter how it turns out, in their eyes, it will be your fault (at least for a while). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
westvirginia Posted July 7, 2008 Share Posted July 7, 2008 Man, oh man. Loaf, I'm sure you're at the point where the top of your head is about to explode. But Atomic, Clubby and Jojo have given you good advice. Help your brother, even sitting down and talking with him about it/her. But if you go at her, you'll be blamed whatever happens. It's just a rotten situation all the way around man. Sounds like you did the right thing, just backing out and making her call you if she wants some help. Praying for you man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
untateve Posted July 7, 2008 Share Posted July 7, 2008 You always get more mad at someone who hurts someone you care about. Years ago, my brother had a fiance (I still thank whatever greater force that may exist that they never got married.) I still refer to her as Satan. However, I f'd up. I would say things like, "I hope you guys get divorced before you have children." I kept urging him to dump her. It didn't help matters and it may have helped keep them together longer. Who knows? Bottom line, your brother is an adult and he can make his own decisions. Be there to support him. That's what brothers are for. I know this may be hard, I'd recommend calling his wife and apologizing. Make something up and tell her you took it out on her. You're brother will appreciate this more than you know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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