wiegie Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 Heard this one today from a bartender friend of mine. There is a "regular" (call him Bill) who comes into the bar she works at from about 3:00-5:00 pretty regularly before he goes to work at his job as a parking lot attendant. The other day, while the guy was drinking his drink another guy came into the bar and sees Bill sitting down at the other side of the bar and he tells the bartender that he wants to buy Bill a drink. The bartender says "sure" and the guy asks what Bill is drinking. The bartender says bourbon and soda, the man says great and pays her for the drink and tells her to tell Bill "cheers". So the bartender brings Bill the drink. Bill asks who sent him the drink and the bartender turns to point down to the other man at the end of the bar, but when they look the man is gone. Bill enjoys his drink and then heads off to work. When he arrived at work, he was greeted by his boss who tells him: (1) I hope you enjoyed the drink and (2) you are fired. (I'd feel sorry for Bill, but my friend says that he is pretty much of an a-hole anyway.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 This story confuses me. Bill was at the bar so chances are he was going to drink whether the mystery man bought him a beer or not. Is there a penguin somehow intertwined in this story ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cameltosis Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 This story confuses me. Bill was at the bar so chances are he was going to drink whether the mystery man bought him a beer or not. Is there a penguin somehow intertwined in this story ? i think its becuase his boss thinks he caught the ghey. not the drinking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twiley Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 This story confuses me. Bill was at the bar so chances are he was going to drink whether the mystery man bought him a beer or not. Is there a penguin somehow intertwined in this story ? Hey!!! Leave my small tuxedo friends out of this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evil_gop_liars Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 These two strings walk up to a bar. The first string walks in and orders and the bartender throws him out and yells "I don't serve strings in this bar. The other string ruffs himself up on the street and curls up and orders. The bartender shouts, "Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?" The string says "Yeah." The bartender says, "aren't you a string?" The string says, "No, I'm a frayed knot..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
westvirginia Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 These two strings walk up to a bar. The first string walks in and orders and the bartender throws him out and yells "I don't serve strings in this bar. The other string ruffs himself up on the street and curls up and orders. The bartender shouts, "Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?"The string says "Yeah." The bartender says, "aren't you a string?" The string says, "No, I'm a frayed knot..." And with this you just removed all lingering doubt about your intelligence, as I am about to... A skeleton walks into a bar. He tells the bartender, "I'd like a beer and a mop". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gbpfan1231 Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 Three dudes walked into a bar and the 4th one ducked Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeeR Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 cue the "2 tents" joke. :barf: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skippy Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?" The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evil_gop_liars Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 A man walks into a dentist office and tell the dentist: "You have to help me. I think I am a moth!" The dentist says: "Good Lord, Man You don't need me. You need a psychiatrist." The man says: "I know but your light was on. " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocknrobn26 Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Big Fingers! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocknrobn26 Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 More.... A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We have a drink here named after you." The grasshopper says, "Bob? Guy walks into a bar and says, "Drinks for everyone, and barkeep, pour one for yourself too." Everyone thanks him and, a few minutes later, he buys another round for everyone including the bartender. He orders a third round and the barkeep says, "Sure, but please pay for the first two rounds before I pour the third." The generous guy says, "Money? I don't have any money." The bartender kicks the crap out of him and throws him into the street. A few minutes later he comes back in and says, "Barkeep, drinks for everyone. But not for you. you get nasty when you're drunk." A kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender figures that a kangaroo probably isn't very economically aware, and charges him $50. The marsupial orders a beer next time, and is charged $60. Finally, the bartender's curiosity gets the better of him. He casually remarks, "You know, we don't get too many kangaroos in here." The kangaroo replies, "At these prices, no wonder." A duck waddles into a bar and hops on a stool. The bartender snarls, "What'll you have?" The duck says, "Got any grapes?" The bartender spits and says "We don't have grapes here, we serve drinks, now get out!" The duck hops off the stool and waddles out. The next day, the same duck waddles into the same bar, hops on a stool, looks the bartender in the eye and asks, "Got any grapes?" The bartender, irritated, says, "I told you yesterday we don't serve grapes here, we serve drinks, now GET OUT!" The duck hops off the stool and waddles out. The next day, the same duck waddles into the same bar and hops on a stool, looks at the bartender, and asks, "Got any grapes?" The bartender, infuriated, pounds his fist on the bar and yells at the duck, "I told you two times we don't serve grapes here, we serve drinks! If you ask me that ONE MORE TIME I'm going to nail your beak to the bar! NOW GET OUT!" With that, the duck shrugged, hopped off the stool and waddled out. The next day, the same duck waddled into the same bar, hopped on a stool, looked the bartender in the eye and asked, "Got any nails?" The bartender, puzzled, said no. The duck then looked him square in the eye and said, "Got any grapes?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chavez Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 (edited) Guy walks into a bar and orders 6 shots...."Of what?" the bartender asks. The guy says "the nastiest tasting stuff you got" Bartender shrugs and pours 'em. The guy starts knocking them down. "So what are you celebrating?" the bartender asks. The guys says "My first bl0w j0b." "Well hey! I'll give you another on the house!" says the barkeep. "Nah," says the guy, "if these 6 don't kill the taste nothing will." Edited September 12, 2009 by Chavez Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AtomicCEO Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 A guy walks into a bar and there's a sign that says "Grilled Cheese $5, Handjobs $10". A really hot bartender walks up and asks him what he'll have. He asks, "are you the one that gives out the handjobs? "Why yes I am," she replies slyly. "Well then wash your hands before making me a grilled cheese sandwich." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 A black guy and 2 white guys are sitting at a bar and one of the white guys says to the black guy "I bet if we go to the roof of this bar and I jump off the wind is strong enough that it will blow me right back up to the roof." The black guys says no way lets go up and see. So the 3 men go to the roof and the white guys stands on the edge and jumps. Swoooosshhh the wind blows him right back to the top. The black guy is stunned . He says do that one more time. The wihite guy says no problem and jumps off the roof again. Swoooosh . The wind blows him right back up to the roof again. He then tells the black guy to try it. The black guy says sure why not and jumps off the roof. Splattttt right to the ground he falls and splats. The other white guy that was on the roof looks at the white guy that was jumping off the roof and says . "You really do hate black people dont you superman" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big John Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 A black guy and 2 white guys are sitting at a bar and one of the white guys says to the black guy "I bet if we go to the roof of this bar and I jump off the wind is strong enough that it will blow me right back up to the roof." The black guys says no way lets go up and see. So the 3 men go to the roof and the white guys stands on the edge and jumps. Swoooosshhh the wind blows him right back to the top. The black guy is stunned . He says do that one more time. The wihite guy says no problem and jumps off the roof again. Swoooosh . The wind blows him right back up to the roof again. He then tells the black guy to try it. The black guy says sure why not and jumps off the roof. Splattttt right to the ground he falls and splats. The other white guy that was on the roof looks at the white guy that was jumping off the roof and says . "You really do hate black people dont you superman" So you met Superman? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chavez Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 So you met Superman? You think Superman hangs out with greasy wop dagos? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramhock Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 How'd the Pollock break his leg whilst raking leaves? He fell outta the tree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
giggity Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? Same time next month?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chavez Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 What do you call two lesbians in a canoe? Fur traders What do you call two lesbians in a closet? Licker cabinet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big John Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 What do you call two lesbians in a canoe? Fur traders What do you call two lesbians in a closet? Licker cabinet Where do they live - Dykesville, WI. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.