Big fight brewing

[driveby]

Send a graduation announcement to the guy who was the best man at my wedding and his wife. We really don't keep in touch that much, maybe 2 or 3 calls a year, christmas cards that sort of thing.

 

Get a message from him Wed night. He said he got the announcement, wants to come for the ceremony and need to talk to me. (He lives in Louisianna, his parents live in Houston)

 

Called him back last night and he told me a) his wife of 25+ years is leaving him and moving out this weekend, and b ) he's coming to Houston to attend my sons graduation ceremony.

 

Here's the problem. When I told my wife she told me I need to come up with a way to tell my newly single friend that we want to keep this a close family event and she doesn't want me spending time with him boozing and talking about his situation.

 

My feeling is that if the guy is driving all the way from La. and wants to see old friends and talk I need to carve out some time to do that.

 

We assume he will be staying with his parents, but we could make room for him even though my mom is staying with us. He's calling me back next week to hash out the details.

 

What's my best course of action here?

[twiley]

My feeling is that if the guy is driving all the way from La. and wants to see old friends and talk I need to carve out some time to do that.

Pretty much how I feel.

[MikesVikes]

Looks like there's going to be an "after" party and a "after, after" party for your event.

 

The weekend should be about your graduation party. I'm sure that you will be very busy preparing for that.

 

Maybe you will have time after the party to discuss his situation.

[Jackass]

Was he invited to the graduation ceremony or is he inviting himself? If he was invited, carve out a few hours to hang out with but let him know this weeked is about the graduation. If not invited, tell him another weekend would be better as you won't have much time.

[driveby]

Was he invited to the graduation ceremony or is he inviting himself? If he was invited, carve out a few hours to hang out with but let him know this weeked is about the graduation. If not invited, tell him another weekend would be better as you won't have much time.

By default he was invited as he received an announcement. We really didn't expect anyone besides my mom to make the trip down here to actually attend the ceremony as it's at 9 in the morning Sat May 15. Right now it's my wife and I, my mom, my son's g/f and probably her mom and dad and maybe my son's best friend attending and then going out for a post-ceremony lunch and maybe a small gathering later at the house for other friends to drop by. Mom's flying in thurs aft and leaving Tues morning so most of that time will be devoted to her and my son. If my friend attends the ceremony I think it would be rude to exclude him from the lunch, my wife I think will disagree.

[wiegie]

Don't disinvite your friend, but tell him that with the graduation and all, you are going to be overly occupied that weekend and won't have nearly as much time to spend with him as you would really like. See if perhaps he would be able to come visit a different weekend instead of/in addition to the graduation weekend so that you will have more time to hang-out with him specifically.

Edited April 16, 2010 by wiegie

[Caveman_Nick]

I would just explain to my wife that I am old enough to know how to behave and that I didn't appreciate her saying otherwise.

 

Then again....I would keep the situation under control with my buddy until after the Grad party, or at least until later on in the party. If he started going on about things I would just ask if we can talk about this later. I'm not a big drinker anyways (anymore), so that part would not be a problem at all.

 

This is one of those things where there are too many factors for someone that does not know all of the parties involved to be able to give good advice. You know your wife and how to best handle her. Sounds like it's her fears of your conduct that are driving her here. If you have given her reason to be nervous, then maybe you are screwed. If not then maybe you should try to point out that you deserve more respect than you are being given.

[SteelBunz]

So it's your son's graduation? Clearly you've forgotten what it's like to be that young. Sounds like a smallish gathering and that his family (you) will tie him up most of the day on Saturday. But he's going to want to go celebrate on his own.....with his g/f, friends.....go out.

 

Sounds like his g/f's parents live in the area.....right? So other than the events of Saturday, they aren't staying with you or anything. Your Mom won't want you in her pocket for 5 days either.

 

I guess what I'm saying is....I don't see a problem carving out a few hours to talk to an old friend who is clearly in need of a friend. I wouldn't offer your place as a hotel room for him. Seems that is really what your wife is saying to you. She's afraid that if he stays there, you two will stay up til morning commiserating and since no one has to drive.....having a few too many beers.

 

Don't get me wrong....kids are appreciative of their parents making this a special day. But every graduation party I've ever been to was more for the parents to show their pride in their grad. Most of their friends are graduating too and have their own family gatherings to attend.

The real party for the graduate started AFTER the family party.

 

I think you'll find you'll have plenty of time to talk to him and still satisfy your family obligations. And I think he'll totally understand he can't monopolize your time.

[SEC=UGA]

You can't win this one, you simply can't. Do what I do when something like this happens, get completely diaper dirt faced and threaten to throw yourself off of the deck. Go out onto the deck toward the rail and start screaming about how insane the world is and how you just don't want to bne part of it any more. When your wife comes out onto the deck to see what is going on, strip down to your underwear and jump off of the deck. Typically, depending on the height of the deck, you'll only get a few bruises (I would only recommend this for decks 12 feet off the ground and under), but lay there on the ground like you are dead or severely injured. When your wife comes running down to check on you hop up and run off into the woods screaming. Whatever you do, do not come back home for at least two to three hours. They need time to calm down and begin to feel panicked about the fact that you have been missing and are possibly seriously injured for the gravity of the situation to sink in.

 

When you get home and they ask if you are ok and where you have been look perplexed and ask them what the hell they are talking about, that you just went out for a jog. Then tell them that your buddy is coming into town for graduation and it is really important to you and you're not quite sure how you would react should he be forbidden to come into town. After you say that, light up a J in the middle of the living room and tell your wife this joke: "How many times do you have to tell a woman with two black eyes to get you a beer?.... None, the bitch has already been told twice." Then ask her if she fully understands the joke. After that she should be so pissed that you running off for a night with your friend shouldn't be that big of a deal.

[Square]

What's my best course of action here?

Not sure about the time share part, but I would tell your buddy about the website marriagebuilders.com. He should read the basic concept sections and then there are forums if he wants specific advice. It's a real common sense approach to marriage issues and I can attest to it helping to save mine when my wife was going through depression. Even if his deal is done, there are a lot of people there to give him some direction on dealing with a transition to being single. I don't even know who is graduating from your initial post, but if you care for the guy you have to find a way to talk to him for a little while. He may just want to be around other people and feel normal for awhile so don't be surprised if he doesn't want to do an Oprah interview with you right away. Hang out, but find some time to have a one on one. Good luck.

[driveby]

Bunz,

 

Son's college graduation. (Know of anyone hiring Chemical Engineers? )

 

You pretty much nailed it. He has a very small circle of good friends so it's going to be small whatever he decides to do with the time after the ceremony and lunch. Friend can be a little imperceptive at times so I may need to remind him of your last point.

 

Square,

 

Thanks for the suggestion, I'll see if he's receptive to something like that.

 

SEC,

 

 

Nick,

 

Her fear of my conduct is constantly driving things.

 

wiegie,

 

Sounds like a solid option. I'll see if maybe he wants to do something in June when I'm off.

[matt770]

You can't win this one, you simply can't. Do what I do when something like this happens, get completely diaper dirt faced and threaten to throw yourself off of the deck. Go out onto the deck toward the rail and start screaming about how insane the world is and how you just don't want to bne part of it any more. When your wife comes out onto the deck to see what is going on, strip down to your underwear and jump off of the deck. Typically, depending on the height of the deck, you'll only get a few bruises (I would only recommend this for decks 12 feet off the ground and under), but lay there on the ground like you are dead or severely injured. When your wife comes running down to check on you hop up and run off into the woods screaming. Whatever you do, do not come back home for at least two to three hours. They need time to calm down and begin to feel panicked about the fact that you have been missing and are possibly seriously injured for the gravity of the situation to sink in.

 

When you get home and they ask if you are ok and where you have been look perplexed and ask them what the hell they are talking about, that you just went out for a jog. Then tell them that your buddy is coming into town for graduation and it is really important to you and you're not quite sure how you would react should he be forbidden to come into town. After you say that, light up a J in the middle of the living room and tell your wife this joke: "How many times do you have to tell a woman with two black eyes to get you a beer?.... None, the bitch has already been told twice." Then ask her if she fully understands the joke. After that she should be so pissed that you running off for a night with your friend shouldn't be that big of a deal.

 

+1

[cre8tiff]

Send a graduation announcement to the guy who was the best man at my wedding and his wife. We really don't keep in touch that much, maybe 2 or 3 calls a year, christmas cards that sort of thing.

 

Get a message from him Wed night. He said he got the announcement, wants to come for the ceremony and need to talk to me. (He lives in Louisianna, his parents live in Houston)

 

Called him back last night and he told me a) his wife of 25+ years is leaving him and moving out this weekend, and b ) he's coming to Houston to attend my sons graduation ceremony.

 

Here's the problem. When I told my wife she told me I need to come up with a way to tell my newly single friend that we want to keep this a close family event and she doesn't want me spending time with him boozing and talking about his situation.

 

My feeling is that if the guy is driving all the way from La. and wants to see old friends and talk I need to carve out some time to do that.

 

We assume he will be staying with his parents, but we could make room for him even though my mom is staying with us. He's calling me back next week to hash out the details.

 

What's my best course of action here?

 

If you can get the guy to sleep with you, then pissing off your wife should be no big deal. Otherwise, I would side with you wife on this one.

 

Hard to believe that you would strain your marriage over some dude you talk to two times a year. Plenty of other days to get drunk and listen to his troubles.

[Ursa Majoris]

You can't win this one, you simply can't. Do what I do when something like this happens, get completely diaper dirt faced and threaten to throw yourself off of the deck. Go out onto the deck toward the rail and start screaming about how insane the world is and how you just don't want to bne part of it any more. When your wife comes out onto the deck to see what is going on, strip down to your underwear and jump off of the deck. Typically, depending on the height of the deck, you'll only get a few bruises (I would only recommend this for decks 12 feet off the ground and under), but lay there on the ground like you are dead or severely injured. When your wife comes running down to check on you hop up and run off into the woods screaming. Whatever you do, do not come back home for at least two to three hours. They need time to calm down and begin to feel panicked about the fact that you have been missing and are possibly seriously injured for the gravity of the situation to sink in.

 

When you get home and they ask if you are ok and where you have been look perplexed and ask them what the hell they are talking about, that you just went out for a jog. Then tell them that your buddy is coming into town for graduation and it is really important to you and you're not quite sure how you would react should he be forbidden to come into town. After you say that, light up a J in the middle of the living room and tell your wife this joke: "How many times do you have to tell a woman with two black eyes to get you a beer?.... None, the bitch has already been told twice." Then ask her if she fully understands the joke. After that she should be so pissed that you running off for a night with your friend shouldn't be that big of a deal.

You are a damn funny mofo sometimes.

[driveby]

If you can get the guy to sleep with you, then pissing off your wife should be no big deal. Otherwise, I would side with you wife on this one.

 

Hard to believe that you would strain your marriage over some dude you talk to two times a year. Plenty of other days to get drunk and listen to his troubles.

Obviously I'm not going to let this get to the point where it might strain my marriage.

 

That being said, I've know this guy a lot longer than I've known my wife and just because I haven't made much of an attempt to keep in touch doesn't mean that it's not important for me to be there for him if he needs it - He's always had my back when I've needed him to.

[Bier Meister]

bunz nailed it