Atlanta Cracker Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 So in general if a person continually makes bad decisions that are detrimental to their health, finances, etc. has anyone ever had any success giving advice that actually was taken to heart or made any difference short of that person hitting absolute rock bottom? My Case Study: Female Admin Assistant - Age 23 - Very attractive and great personality. Dropped out of high school but did somehow manage to get her GED. Got pregnant out of wedlock at 18. Moved in with the daddy for 3 years who was emotionally abusive to some degree reinforcing any feelings of unworthiness. Has always gotten by and "it's always worked out." Got a job as a receptionist and then moved into an admin role 2 years later when filling in for someone who left. Is great on the phone but terrible with follow up and can't stay focused. Now she finally left the daddy but got a townhouse that she couldn't really afford counting on getting child support that to the fathers' credit for paying isn't as much as she anticipated. For three months has been running negative each month in her checking account racking up some $300/month in over the limit fees. Rent is now 1 month past due. Next step is on the street with the child then losing the child. It just seems to be a vicious cycle and I would honestly like to see this person figure things out but I can't for the life of me figure out how to get any advice through to her. I've known her for a year and a half and so far it seems like the same old stuff playing out. Any advice? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SEC=UGA Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 So in general if a person continually makes bad decisions that are detrimental to their health, finances, etc. has anyone ever had any success giving advice that actually was taken to heart or made any difference short of that person hitting absolute rock bottom? My Case Study: Female Admin Assistant - Age 23 - Very attractive and great personality. Dropped out of high school but did somehow manage to get her GED. Got pregnant out of wedlock at 18. Moved in with the daddy for 3 years who was emotionally abusive to some degree reinforcing any feelings of unworthiness. Has always gotten by and "it's always worked out." Got a job as a receptionist and then moved into an admin role 2 years later when filling in for someone who left. Is great on the phone but terrible with follow up and can't stay focused. Now she finally left the daddy but got a townhouse that she couldn't really afford counting on getting child support that to the fathers' credit for paying isn't as much as she anticipated. For three months has been running negative each month in her checking account racking up some $300/month in over the limit fees. Rent is now 1 month past due. Next step is on the street with the child then losing the child. It just seems to be a vicious cycle and I would honestly like to see this person figure things out but I can't for the life of me figure out how to get any advice through to her. I've known her for a year and a half and so far it seems like the same old stuff playing out. Any advice? Hit it and quit it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buddahj Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 So in general if a person continually makes bad decisions that are detrimental to their health, finances, etc. has anyone ever had any success giving advice that actually was taken to heart or made any difference short of that person hitting absolute rock bottom? My Case Study: Female Admin Assistant - Age 23 - Very attractive and great personality. Dropped out of high school but did somehow manage to get her GED. Got pregnant out of wedlock at 18. Moved in with the daddy for 3 years who was emotionally abusive to some degree reinforcing any feelings of unworthiness. Has always gotten by and "it's always worked out." Got a job as a receptionist and then moved into an admin role 2 years later when filling in for someone who left. Is great on the phone but terrible with follow up and can't stay focused. Now she finally left the daddy but got a townhouse that she couldn't really afford counting on getting child support that to the fathers' credit for paying isn't as much as she anticipated. For three months has been running negative each month in her checking account racking up some $300/month in over the limit fees. Rent is now 1 month past due. Next step is on the street with the child then losing the child. It just seems to be a vicious cycle and I would honestly like to see this person figure things out but I can't for the life of me figure out how to get any advice through to her. I've known her for a year and a half and so far it seems like the same old stuff playing out. Any advice? My ...don't get involved. She'll just drag you down with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atlanta Cracker Posted June 17, 2010 Author Share Posted June 17, 2010 Hit it and quit it - That's actually good advice if I wanted to become a screw up too hehe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmarc117 Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 My ...don't get involved. She'll just drag you down with her. +1 and dont loan(gift) any money! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atlanta Cracker Posted June 17, 2010 Author Share Posted June 17, 2010 My ...don't get involved. She'll just drag you down with her. Too late. She's an employee. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SEC=UGA Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 Too late. She's an employee. Let me give you a heads up. I have one of these that works for us. Pay her about 45K a year, in all she costs me a little over 70 to 75K a year between insurance, gas card, cell phone, etc... And, on top of all this she has needed multiple bailouts. We have paid for 2 of her 7 dogs to have eye surgery (freaking shar pei's), we have loaned her over 7K to keep her house that finally got foreclosed upon, bought her new tires for her truck (walked by one morning and steel threads were sticking out. Bought them last Sept, looks liek they have 50K on them already between her 2 kids burning them off. One kid took the truck mudding about two weeks after and rung the tire off the rim, so she has a spare on it), financed a truck for her a few years back, she let the insurance lapse and totaled it leaving us with the note, etc... Do not do what we have done, get rid of her before she drags you down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matt770 Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 Do not do what we have done, get rid of her before she drags you down. Yup. Just as you can't talk sense into a die-hard alcoholic or drug addict, someone who is this much of a mess can't just be coached out of it. There are reasons she is this way, reasons that a shrink would probably need years to get to the bottom of and correct. Providing assistance is probably the worst thing you can do as it reinforces the behavior, sets a bad precedent and expectations for more and more, and is a total waste of resources. Cut your losses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmarc117 Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 Let me give you a heads up. I have one of these that works for us. Pay her about 45K a year, in all she costs me a little over 70 to 75K a year between insurance, gas card, cell phone, etc... And, on top of all this she has needed multiple bailouts. We have paid for 2 of her 7 dogs to have eye surgery (freaking shar pei's), we have loaned her over 7K to keep her house that finally got foreclosed upon, bought her new tires for her truck (walked by one morning and steel threads were sticking out. Bought them last Sept, looks liek they have 50K on them already between her 2 kids burning them off. One kid took the truck mudding about two weeks after and rung the tire off the rim, so she has a spare on it), financed a truck for her a few years back, she let the insurance lapse and totaled it leaving us with the note, etc... Do not do what we have done, get rid of her before she drags you down. what is it with people that cant afford sh1t having too much of something that costs alot of sh1t. whether it be kids, dogs, toys, etc. entitled states of america!!! thank you fdr. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SEC=UGA Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 what is it with people that cant afford sh1t having too much of something that costs alot of sh1t. whether it be kids, dogs, toys, etc. entitled states of america!!! thank you fdr. That is the part that get's me about her. The dogs aren't well taken care of. Evidently shar pei's have issues with their eye lids that often require surgery, it costs about 2K for this surgery... Thank god she only had two of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bpwallace49 Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 This thread is useless without pocs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puddy Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 It sounds like you know too much of her personal information. I wouldn't be comfortable in that situation. She comes to work...does her job...gets a check...end of story. I realize that we aren't robots and we all share personal stories with others at work. However, you aren't the solution for those types of issues. It sounds like you may also be her boss or at least a person of power. I'd stay the heck out of offering too much advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Footballjoe Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 Recommend social services or something like that. You do not need to be involved. Any advice you would give, no matter how good would not be followed. There are government agencies for this type of situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cameltosis Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 It sounds like you know too much of her personal information. I wouldn't be comfortable in that situation. She comes to work...does her job...gets a check...end of story. I realize that we aren't robots and we all share personal stories with others at work. However, you aren't the solution for those types of issues. It sounds like you may also be her boss or at least a person of power. I'd stay the heck out of offering too much advice. THIS! I have never understood the need to give or get personal info from casual or work aquaintences. Let me finish my work day and drink myself to death in peace for God's sake!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackshi17 Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 If you offer advice and it doesn't work you have a responsibility. Best to send to professionals church etc and stay away from further commitment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaP'N GRuNGe Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 Let me give you a heads up. I have one of these that works for us. Pay her about 45K a year, in all she costs me a little over 70 to 75K a year between insurance, gas card, cell phone, etc... And, on top of all this she has needed multiple bailouts. We have paid for 2 of her 7 dogs to have eye surgery (freaking shar pei's), we have loaned her over 7K to keep her house that finally got foreclosed upon, bought her new tires for her truck (walked by one morning and steel threads were sticking out. Bought them last Sept, looks liek they have 50K on them already between her 2 kids burning them off. One kid took the truck mudding about two weeks after and rung the tire off the rim, so she has a spare on it), financed a truck for her a few years back, she let the insurance lapse and totaled it leaving us with the note, etc... Do not do what we have done, get rid of her before she drags you down. Are you hiring? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polksalet Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 We just cut my broinlaw off financially. Now he will have to buy his own crack. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matt770 Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 She comes to work...does her job...gets a check...end of story. And if she's not getting it done, document the hell out of it and give her written warnings. If she becomes too much of a liability you want to be in position to let her go without risking some BS lawsuit. When I worked for XXXX we had a girl in collections threatening customers, they fired her, and she found some civil rights lawyer to cry racism and a couple months later she was back on the job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keggerz Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 Are you hiring? after reading his response last nite I turned to my wife and said, want to move to Marietta Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gopher Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 So in general if a person continually makes bad decisions that are detrimental to their health, finances, etc. has anyone ever had any success giving advice that actually was taken to heart or made any difference short of that person hitting absolute rock bottom? My Case Study: Female Admin Assistant - Age 23 - Very attractive and great personality. Dropped out of high school but did somehow manage to get her GED. Got pregnant out of wedlock at 18. Moved in with the daddy for 3 years who was emotionally abusive to some degree reinforcing any feelings of unworthiness. Has always gotten by and "it's always worked out." Got a job as a receptionist and then moved into an admin role 2 years later when filling in for someone who left. Is great on the phone but terrible with follow up and can't stay focused. Now she finally left the daddy but got a townhouse that she couldn't really afford counting on getting child support that to the fathers' credit for paying isn't as much as she anticipated. For three months has been running negative each month in her checking account racking up some $300/month in over the limit fees. Rent is now 1 month past due. Next step is on the street with the child then losing the child. It just seems to be a vicious cycle and I would honestly like to see this person figure things out but I can't for the life of me figure out how to get any advice through to her. I've known her for a year and a half and so far it seems like the same old stuff playing out. Any advice? It sounds like she's already shared way to much of her personal information with you. If that's the case, and she's asking for advice, I would simply suggest that she move out of the place that she obviously can't afford, and find something less expensive to rent. That's a start... she'll have to figure the rest out on her own, but she's not going to be able to do that if she gets kicked out (and becomes homeless). Getting her rent situation under control should be her #1 priority. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ts Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 Many companies have HR departments that can try to help employees in tough personal situations, even if just to the extent of suggesting reputable counceling / debt consolidation organizations ... if you have such an HR department, your best bet might be to refer the employee to them ... up to her if she chooses to take advantage of any advice or aid they can offer. If you don't have such an HR department & truly want to "get involved", maybe you can do some research on local counceling / debt consolidation organizations and anonomously leave the info for your employee to review ... again, up to her if she follows thru. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonorator Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 terrible with follow up and can't stay focused. performance improvement plan that leads to termination if she does not improve her results. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Country Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 You could always pimp her out but let her keep a higher portion of the proceeds than a typical pimp, maybe a 70/30 split. That way she is earning some extra cash for the bills, and at the same time earning you some extra cash. Also teaches her some lessons on entrepreuneurship. Plus you get to wear a cool fur lined coat and get some gold teeth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SEC=UGA Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 You could always pimp her out but let her keep a higher portion of the proceeds than a typical pimp, maybe a 70/30 split. That way she is earning some extra cash for the bills, and at the same time earning you some extra cash. Also teaches her some lessons on entrepreuneurship. Plus you get to wear a cool fur lined coat and get some gold teeth. And the pimp hat, why do people always forget the freaking pimp hat?!?!?!?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SEC=UGA Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 Cracker and his Bitch http://adyadrian.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/pimp1.jpg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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