rajncajn Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I'm actually in fine spirits and have had an enormously satisfying last twelve months. It just so happens that I've been trying to engage this mouthbreather in a spirited debate in the college football forum and essentially all he comes back with is the debate equivalent of wet willies. I found it funny that someone who has shown himself to be on par with the UglyTunas, moneymakers, and Sgt Ryans of the world would have problems getting respect from a kid. I shouldn't have to tell you this, but online personnas don't always reflect what the person's like in real life. I especially have found that to be true in some of the more abbrasive people I've met here once I've gotten to know them better. When your contact with a person is limited to some pretty specific circumstances it's a little unfair to judge that person as a whole based on that limited contact. TOS is obviously very passionate, to a fault, about his Yukeyes. I've seen the nicest guys act like ridiculous idiots when they have their game mentality on full bore. But I wouldn't begin to guess what he's like in his home life based on what I see here. I imagine he'd be a completely different person to sit down & have a with. Assumptions can be made of course, but you should take into account those can be some pretty biased assumptions. Just my Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perchoutofwater Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 (edited) I shouldn't have to tell you this, but online personnas don't always reflect what the person's like in real life. I especially have found that to be true in some of the more abbrasive people I've met here once I've gotten to know them better. When your contact with a person is limited to some pretty specific circumstances it's a little unfair to judge that person as a whole based on that limited contact. TOS is obviously very passionate, to a fault, about his Yukeyes. I've seen the nicest guys act like ridiculous idiots when they have their game mentality on full bore. But I wouldn't begin to guess what he's like in his home life based on what I see here. I imagine he'd be a completely different person to sit down & have a with. Assumptions can be made of course, but you should take into account those can be some pretty biased assumptions. Just my Too true. Both Sgt. Ryan and Blitz are very nice in person, but a number of people seem to have problems with them here on the boards. And then again, DMD seems real nice here on the boards, and he is a real ass in person. Edited January 3, 2007 by Perchoutofwater Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Irish Doggy Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 You have control of yourself, not the boy. Its a tough thing to do, but you probably need to ask mom to take the lead and back off for a while. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cliaz Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I shouldn't have to tell you this, but online personnas don't always reflect what the person's like in real life. Yeah but not in my case, I tend to hang around bathroom at the midget center in down town Baltimore begging to be peed on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azazello1313 Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 She's right. Based on the pathetic logic, inclination to make stupid remarks, and insistance on taking indefensible stances that you've shown time and again on these boards, I have no reason to believe that you have anyone to blame but yourself for the lack of respect your stepson shows you. Honestly, based on your perpetual idiocy, I had you pegged to be about 18 years old yourself, so the only thing about this situation that I find alarming is that you are, in fact, old enough to be married 10 years. My anyway. dayum. that's really cold....yet oh so funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiefjay Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Country Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 And then again, DMD seems real nice here on the boards, and he is a real ass in person. This I can confirm, even if he did pay for the pizza (then again, my car had just been totalled and I had spent most I had on a replacement just so I could work right before I got married, but that is neither here nor there.) TOS - I'm afraid I can't be of much help to your particular circumstances, as I was fortunate that my parents never split up and my chils is only 2, so other than the exhausted tantrums, I have not yet had to deal with a teenager as a parent. But, as others have stated, a united front with your wife is key, and I agree with you to the point that the bad grades, unclenliness, etc. do need to be dealt with, but you must come to a compromise with your wife about what the appropriate approach is to be. Seems to me that limitiations on the computer usage, etc. would be a reasonable start. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bier Meister Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 (edited) Is it possible the reason that your wife doesn't want to get involved and wants to baby the kid is because she wants to make sure that she is viewed by the kid as the good parent between her and her ex? If that is the case, you have to somehow tell here that trying to be the kids favorite parent isn't the same thing as being a good parent. if you make it into a war of wills (which is obviously how you're viewing it, just look at the terminology you chose), you basically lose even if you win. the thing you have to realize and accept is that, as the step-parent, your hands are seriously tied. if it's not coming from your wife, it's coming from "that ass hole who's banging my mom", and it's rarely going to get through. even if you've been a major part of the kid's life since he was a tot, that is all you'll ever be to him as long as he is in his adolescent "rebellious" stage. your wife is in the middle and you simply canNOT let her avoid that responsibility. her escapism could really strain more than one relationship here close to the breaking point. to a large degree, you need to lay off, and she needs to take charge. and for the record, i DO know what i'm talking about here, as i grew up with a stepdad. the guy was there for me since i was 3 years old, and i love him more than i can express for what he did for me. but still there was serious rivalry and resentment there during the teenage years. it was always worse the more it was just me vs. him with mom standing on the sideline. Seriously, I grew up a stepchild myself. The kid needs a parent not a friend. If he is getting bad grades in school, doesn't cooperate with the family. Take all his PC stuff away 1st thing. he doesn't deserve it. After his grades go up, and he starts participating with the family, then he can earn his stuff back. If the computer doesn't work, next is the cell phone etc. I have lived through 4 teenagers, all of whom now are in college or Law School etc. This may seem mean but this technique workd for me for all 4. And my oldest daughter is from my 1st marriage. She especially had to learn the hard way. I don't think your step son is doing anything that I didn't do during various points in my "growing up" years. Still, even though I rejected a lot of what my parents taught me at THAT time, they still taught me stuff I needed to know. (Work ethic, respecting those that earn it, value of a buck, etc). So even if you aren't seeing results today, you've can't stop doing your job. He needs you to do that job, even if he says differently at the moment. I totally agree that kids need some privacy. But putting a computer/TV in that area of privacy is a mistake, IMO, because it makes it too easy for the kid to isolate themself. And, regardless of the privacy issue, bad grades/bad behavior warrants discipline. The method you choose is totally up to you. But if you can incorporate logic and understanding into the (methphorical) clobbering, I think that's valuable: the kid should understand that your discipline isn't arbitrary. But clobber him, you must. Just make sure you and your wife are united in the effort before you take any action. Otherwise you may be setting the stage for a war on two fronts, which could only make things worse. edit: i'm pretty sick and don't have energy ...... these sum up my thoughts Edited January 3, 2007 by Bier Meister Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NSab Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I like it NSab - getting 'grounded' doesn't seem to change behavior for them like it did for us, esp. when most of their social interactions/entertainment happens in their room via PC, TV or phone. I think the underlying message is "this stuff is a privilege, not a birthright. When you behave appropriately for your age, you can have your privileges back." thanks.... Edit: that being said, the pics didn't seem that horrible. But if it doesn't get cleaned up once every couple days at least, it can get frustrating for parents. Hopefully the usual 'lazy' teen can actually see that a couple minutes each day is actually easier and quicker overall than waiting for a week to clean up a huge mess. (To say nothing of improving his view of himself and his place in the home/world, blah, blah.) Appealing to his ultimate laziness might work here.... Exactly! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
montster Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I'd bet $$, he is just a usual teenager tha is hooked on his PC. There are no real problems, he just lives in virtual world. Take it away and watch how fast he cleans up. Virtual world is a problem with todays youth. as quoted on a fantasy football message board. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theeohiostate Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 She's right. Based on the pathetic logic, inclination to make stupid remarks, and insistance on taking indefensible stances that you've shown time and again on these boards, I have no reason to believe that you have anyone to blame but yourself for the lack of respect your stepson shows you. Honestly, based on your perpetual idiocy, I had you pegged to be about 18 years old yourself, so the only thing about this situation that I find alarming is that you are, in fact, old enough to be married 10 years. My anyway. ...........and i slept with your wife. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theeohiostate Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 ...........and i slept with your wife. Oh, wait............she's fat and ugly? Yep, i still plugged the tard anyhow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cliaz Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 ...........and i slept with your wife. Oh, wait............she's fat and ugly? Yep, i still plugged the tard anyhow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiefjay Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I didn't expect that response from TOSU. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theeohiostate Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 I didn't expect that response from TOSU. I watch Seinfield , like the rest of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brewer Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 This could go so many ways. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Country Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 ...........and i slept with your wife. Oh, wait............she's fat and ugly? Yep, i still plugged the tard anyhow. I didn't expect that response from TOSU. That's not TOSU, that's still his wife posting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brewer Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 That's not TOSU, that's still his wife posting. Well, that makes at least two ways. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
montster Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Well, that makes at least two ways. did someone say three-way? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NSab Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Without support from the wife this will not work. It sounds like she is not 100% on your side. You need her to make this work. True Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Take all of the garbage and put it in his bed. Do that everytime he leaves that kind of junk lying around. He'll have to clean it up if he wants to sleep. Its a little extra work for you initially but hopefully he would get the point pretty quick. FWIW, I am also going through a very difficult time with my oldest step-daughter. Although she is only 10, but I can tell she is going to become a mouthy nasty teenager. She's very disrespectful of pretty much everyone. If my marriage ever ends, I'm fairly sure that she will be one of the main causes. It is never easy to try to bring broken families together, so good luck! Nsab can put something in his bead to possibly motivate him Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yo mama Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Nsab can put something in his bead to possibly motivate him Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
detlef Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 (edited) TOSU, if I had anything else to go on but the moronic crap you spew that's intended to masquerade as arguments, I might go along with what others have said about the guy behind the on-line persona. Of course, nobody has yet to take up for you, rather your dipsht running mate Sgt Shortbus. Honestly, have you ever actually engaged someone in a debate without resorting to, "I know you are but what am I?" level crap? Is it really asking too much? I suppose I should just ignore you and I guess I now will. I just think sht talking is fun, so I end up in places like this to trade blows. But going toe to toe with you is just lame. It's like playing hoops with someone who thinks its funny to keep throwing the ball over the fence everytime he gets it. If the guy is aiming to get under everyone's skin, he's going to do so, but what's the freaking point? It's not a matter of you being a dick, it's a matter of you being a dipsht. I can see someone seeming like a prick on-line but just doing so for the hell of it. But why would you pretend to be a dumbass? So, that's great, you called my wife fat and ugly. Woohoo, that's pretty freaking rich. I guess I just don't find that very entertaining. So be a good little trained chimp and try to dance better this time. Edited January 3, 2007 by detlef Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cameltosis Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 TOSU, if I had anything else to go on but the moronic crap you spew that's intended to masquerade as arguments, I might go along with what others have said about the guy behind the on-line persona. Of course, nobody has yet to take up for you, rather your dipsht running mate Sgt Shortbus. Honestly, have you ever actually engaged someone in a debate without resorting to, "I know you are but what am I?" level crap? Is it really asking too much? I suppose I should just ignore you and I guess I now will. I just think sht talking is fun, so I end up in places like this to trade blows. But going toe to toe with you is just lame. It's like playing hoops with someone who thinks its funny to keep throwing the ball over the fence everytime he gets it. If the guy is aiming to get under everyone's skin, he's going to do so, but what's the freaking point? So, that's great, you called my wife fat and ugly. Woohoo, that's pretty freaking rich. I guess I just don't find that very entertaining. So be a good little trained chimp and try to dance better this time. I'm confused here, if you are so agast at the thought of argueing with him why did you come on his post and poke him with a stick. I have to admit I am a hugh OSU homer and even I find some of his arguements tired and childish. But I can guarantee you I dont think he is the one acting like an a$$ right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramhock Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Get him to the Doc's for some meds to treat his ADD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.