stevenmann Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 (edited) *** DISCLAIMER *** If you are the ‘show me the stats’ ‘ kinda guy, The ‘meat and potatoes’ type of player or are in any way adverse to any type of comedic infusion into your NFL information intake, this post is not for you. Please hit ‘back’ ASAP and glance at the ‘Henry Down Thread’, the “Are you gonna Start Ferotte” thread or the “Chad in walking Boot’ thread. This is a warning, if you are not looking for any sort of silly segue from your daily stat intake, please note that there is nothing to see here. If you really feel obligated to rip, insult, hate, or offer anything unnecessarily rude, or uncalled for that’s ok, you’re just being you. THE INTRO Because some of you feel that perhaps I am ‘ripping’ or ‘Cutting and pasting’ my stuff, I’ve decided to ‘Flip the Script on ole time fantasy football” and recommend a few players you won’t find ANYWHERE. That’s right! I’M TALK’N STRAIGHT UP EXCLUSIVE! Since only ‘real experts’ have privy to the Pittman’s, Graham’s and Harrington’s for Week 5… I have decided to dig a bit deeper in order to help you un-earth that fantasy treasure. Since updated statistics are so elusive to the common Mann like myself, I’ve decided take a different approach. Today, I shall offer you a complete and comprehensive analysis based purely on speculation, lies and way too much Shiraz. I promise to incorporate strategies and proven techniques such as assumption, and hearsay, all amid an abundance of unproven and unfounded information. While doing so I will entrust the information with traces of uncorroborated, unsubstantiated, and unconfirmed insider information. That’s my Word… Let’s get it on. THE REASON: 3 reasons why should you listen to me? (Disclaimer #2: Please Don’t Listen To Me) First: I guarantee you will not have to waste a waiver wire claim. Second: Think of all the fun you’ll have being ridiculed and assaulted by the rest of your league, co-workers and foster children. Third: Most importantly you’ll get the chance to package players like Le'Ron McClain, Dez White, and Marques Tuiasosopo, in hopes of landing that one elusive piece separating caveman from championship (drum roll). That’s right I’m talk’n bout Joe Kowalewski. Ya that’s right… THAT Joe Kowalewski. Not to mention, when it’s all said and done, you will have parlayed Ruvell Martin, and Reno Mahe into Reggie Kelly and Robert Royal. So who’s laughing now? Let the games begin… THE PLAYERS- *** updated*** WEEK 5 ADDITIONAL ADD’S 1) Todd Yoder TE Washington: http://www.nfl.com/players/toddyoder/profile?id=YOD177981 If Todd Yoder isn’t on your fantasy radar by now you need to check yourself. Let’s look at the stats. In week one Yoder was shut down and stymied by a stingy Miami D. However in week 2 Yoder bounced back big time and hauled in one pass for 18 yards Vs. the Eagles in what was described as an ‘extremely plucky performance’ by Redskins fans everywhere. To my surprise in week 3, Yoder was shut down by the dominant giants pass D. 0 receptions, 0 yards and 0 glory. See the pattern? If the stats are in fact accurate Todd Yoder is due for a breakout game during the Washington bye week. This habitual week on, week off pattern is gonna pay off big time this week at the redskins practice facility… Can ya feel it? Plus Yoder sounds a bit like Yoda and Yoda was pretty smart. Survey Says: Add… Chances are that Jeff King is already gone, with that in mind think about this; Yoder is on pace for almost 93 all purpose yards and a td this season. If you are playing in a deeper league with over 300 teams, this guy is worth a look. Don’t sleep, hit the wire now or else you could be stuck with Mike Bartrum and that wouldn’t feel right at all. (Who’s the bridesmaid now?) After practice on Wednesday Joe Gibbs was quoted “Yoder will become the crown jewel of this offensive scheme” He went on to add” We haven’t given up on Cooley, however it’s hard to ignore what Yoder did against Philly” I trust that Yoder should receive the bulk of the targets as well as the majority of the touches in the backfield after the Skin’s Bye. Don’t be surprised to see him taking snaps returning kicks and scalping tickets as well. The coffee is brewing up and at ‘em! 2) Adam Jennings: Atl WR http://www.nfl.com/players/adamjennings/profile?id=JEN449337 At 5’9 Adam Jennings is everything Steve Smith is only without the talent and opportunity. This past week at Patriot practice Wes Welker was quoted as saying, “Our game is very similar, except I have 243 yards and a TD through 4 games” So far through the ’07 season AJ has been a model of stability and consistency. Coming off his first start of the season last week Vs. Houston, Jennings made a spectacular attempt at making a catch but regrettably came up just short. The thing I like best about Adam Jennings is you know precisely what you’re gonna get… Nothing! No surprises, no hidden fees and no salesman will ever come to your door. Simply stated, you just can’t lose here. Tag: “If you decide to add Jennings in the next 40 minutes we’ll include not 1 but 2 months worth of this sturdy aromatic orange scented cleanser. Think about all the fun you’ll have, smelling like a pungent piece of produce. You’ll be the envy of your entire league. Survey Says: Add… If you play in a league where the sole purpose is to loose with a lack of dignity and self respect… Adam Jennings is the Add for you. Jennings faces Tennessee in week 5 in what must be considered a very favorable match-up indeed. Feel safe to plug in Jennings and ignore all the snickers and the ‘your Momma so stupid jokes’ Gutsy call kid!!! 3) Shaun Hill: SF QB/ RB http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/players/6169 In fantasy football to say the QB position this year is unstable is somewhat misleading… Owen Wilson is unstable, 2007 Fantasy QB’s have been an absolute atrocity. Lets review… Griese replaces Grossman, Edwards takes over for JP, Dilfer subs in for Smith, Carr dances for Delhomme, Culpepper moves Mccown, Holcomb subs for Jackson, Garrard takes over for Leftwich and finally Ferotte bounces Bulger. Do you notice a trend? Ya, that’s right, nobody is safe from poor performance or unexpected injury. If you are the kinda guy that believes ‘Hope springs eternal’, than I declare, better to have and not need than to need and not have. In the midst of that I would like to introduce you to Shaun Hill, who could be the answer to your QB question mark. So far this season Hill has inaudibly racked up nothing! (See the upside?) Conversely it wasn’t too long ago when Hill was in Minnesota ripping up some rug for -2 yards! With a ‘long’ of -1 http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/boxscore;_ylt=...gid=20060101016 That’s nothing to shake a stick at. With the exemption of Vince young, is there a more mobile option at the QB position this year? I think not. With the sudden injury to Alex Smith, Hill climbs up the SF QB depth chart faster than a diabetic dairy goat at a lactose free farm. (Not really sure what that means or why I have this ‘goat thing’ going on) In conclusion, with only Trent Dilfer left to topple, Hill’s opportunity seems closer than ever. Don’t be that guy that ‘almost’ ran up the hill, start packing already and enjoy the trip. Giddie Up! 4) Naufahu Tahi: Min RB http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/players/8078 If you’re really looking to shake up in your league this week try adding Naufahu Tahi. Standing at 6-0 and weighing 254 lbs, Naufahu is just what you need to rejuvenate your team and set yourself up for a championship run. After a blazing start to the 07 season Tahi lit up the ATL D to the tune of 2 carries and 5 yards. Those are the kind of numbers we could all use at some point. In week 2 Vs. Det Tahi showed his vast array of skills and versatility by adding 7 yards on 1 reception. Weeks 3 and 4 yielded squat for Tahi owners, but if you exercised patience and proper judgment you probably stuck with him through the fantasy famine of weeks 3 and 4. The other good news is that Coach Childress makes Lindsay Lohan seem like a 5 time jeopardy champion. Only the guru himself will find a way to incorporate Naufahu and negate Peterson. (Remember you heard it here first) Judging by what has happened in Minni so far; expect a heavy dose of Tahi as the season progresses. Peterson owners may want to hang on for another week but if 12 touches = only 112 yards it may be time to cut bait and take a bite of the Tahi Treat. Survey Says: Add… When it comes to Naufahu, You can't stop him. You can only hope to contain him. Let’s face it; Childress is to coaching what Sen. Larry Craig is to heterosexuality one big convoluted question mark. (Not that there is anything wrong with that) Personally I have more faith in Travis Henry abstaining from random road sex, than I do in Childress making AP the man. This isn’t the time to throw caution to the wind. Add NT soon and thank me later. Good Luck On Sunday Friends. Steven Mann Edited October 5, 2007 by stevenmann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twiley Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 Highly entertaining. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rajncajn Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 You ARE the Mann. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hitman Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 Mann....that's good stuff right there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joethin Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 Oh Mann, reading your post and then that avatar from twiley. It doesn't get any better than this. Ooooh dooggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T-Scorp Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevenmann Posted October 4, 2007 Author Share Posted October 4, 2007 Oh Mann, reading your post and then that avatar from twiley. It doesn't get any better than this. Ooooh dooggy LOL twiley's avitar makes me curious if KY is still available in Bulk at the price club!!! Yowzaaaa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theeohiostate Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 shiz mann that stuff be freakin me out mann, wuz you talkin bout Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 LOL twiley's avitar makes me curious if KY is still available in Bulk at the price club!!! Yowzaaaa Just ask him Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevenmann Posted October 4, 2007 Author Share Posted October 4, 2007 Just ask him Interesting... I think I will use my last life line... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twiley Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 Oh Mann, reading your post and then that avatar from twiley. It doesn't get any better than this. Ooooh dooggy Damn, my avy up and disappeared. I thought that one was tame. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chargerz Posted October 5, 2007 Share Posted October 5, 2007 Oh Mann, reading your post and then that avatar from twiley. It doesn't get any better than this. Ooooh dooggy LOL twiley's avitar makes me curious if KY is still available in Bulk at the price club!!! Yowzaaaa Why are you guys getting all excited about a girl taking a pill?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joethin Posted October 5, 2007 Share Posted October 5, 2007 Why are you guys getting all excited about a girl taking a pill?? Not that there's anything wrong with that But he had a really hypnotic one prior to this one. Where did it go twiley!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twiley Posted October 5, 2007 Share Posted October 5, 2007 Not that there's anything wrong with that But he had a really hypnotic one prior to this one. Where did it go twiley!!! Mods zapped it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gdawg Posted October 5, 2007 Share Posted October 5, 2007 Mods zapped it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peepinmofo Posted October 5, 2007 Share Posted October 5, 2007 Mods zapped it. They did that to mine too when I made it DMD. haha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cre8tiff Posted October 5, 2007 Share Posted October 5, 2007 They did that to mine too when I made it DMD. haha Bouncing DMD boobs? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cre8tiff Posted October 5, 2007 Share Posted October 5, 2007 They did that to mine too when I made it DMD. haha Bouncing DMD boobs? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheShiznit Posted October 5, 2007 Share Posted October 5, 2007 I guess some things bear repeating!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peepinmofo Posted October 5, 2007 Share Posted October 5, 2007 I guess some things bear repeating!! I guess some things bear repeating!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevenmann Posted October 5, 2007 Author Share Posted October 5, 2007 I guess some things bear repeating!! Thats some straight up wisdom! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bushwacked Posted October 5, 2007 Share Posted October 5, 2007 Bouncing DMD boobs? Mah pants got tight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kpholmes Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 Hilarious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevenmann Posted October 6, 2007 Author Share Posted October 6, 2007 Thanks Brother, I gotta lotta mo! See ya in week 6! Good Luck tomorrow guys! Here's hoping Dayne gets 90 plus and 1 td! Damn I Hate Bye weeks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoTs Posted October 7, 2007 Share Posted October 7, 2007 Thanks for the insight? Worth every sip of my margarita on a Saturday night. Your Blog almost...almost makes it worth loging on Saturday evening . Good stuff dude! Like to see your stand-up routine. Being north of the border, can't wait until snow starts building up on your door stoop and you actually have some time on your hands to write this stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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