Kids say the darndest things

[yo mama]

and I realize just how many small, priceless things I miss being at work day to day.

 

My son, who is about 3-1/2, just got a toy wolf puppet for setting and achieving a goal. Now its nap time, and he's reading to his wolf. Of course, he picks out a wolf story ("Scallywags" which his a pretty good book). I ask him to give me the book so I can read it, he doesn't comply right away, so I start to grab the book away from him without thinking about it, which was rude of me. So he says, "Dad, you're not respecting my property."

 

I wonder if he's ready for me to start reading him the Bill of Rights?

[montster]

and I realize just how many small, priceless things I miss being at work day to day.

 

My son, who is about 3-1/2, just got a toy wolf puppet for setting and achieving a goal. Now its nap time, and he's reading to his wolf. Of course, he picks out a wolf story ("Scallywags" which his a pretty good book). I ask him to give me the book so I can read it, he doesn't comply right away, so I start to grab the book away from him without thinking about it, which was rude of me. So he says, "Dad, you're not respecting my property."

 

I wonder if he's ready for me to start reading him the Bill of Rights?

 

i have a very similar heartwarming story. on monday i took my daughter, who's about the same age as your son, to tumbling class. right before the instructor was about to show the kids what to do, she asked everyone to sit down, at which point my daughter starts scratching herself and announces, "my butt itches real bad!" there were two teachers and a couple moms there. good times, good times.

[whomper]

Ill never forget my wife telling me about when she was on line at a department store and I think my kids were about 4 and 2 at the time and my 4 year old (at the time) said to my little one within an earshot of the people waiting at the register "Stop busting my balls"

Edited April 18, 2008 by whomper

[dmarc117]

my little guy is potty training and i accidently said 'nice turd!'

 

now he repeats it constantly....wife not happy.

[ABearWithFurniture]

My wife was telling me how our 4 yr. old son is 'homing' in on one of the 3 yr. old girls in their playgroup...

 

They are both sitting on the couch with their snacks about to watch some T.V. when my 4 yr. old asks his mom to put on the Barney video...when his mom answers him with "but you don't like Barney"...my son looks at his mom behind the 3 yr. old's back and points discreetly at her and silently mouths "but she does"

[detlef]

My wife was telling me how our 4 yr. old son is 'homing' in on one of the 3 yr. old girls in their playgroup...

 

They are both sitting on the couch with their snacks about to watch some T.V. when my 4 yr. old asks his mom to put on the Barney video...when his mom answers him with "but you don't like Barney"...my son looks at his mom behind the 3 yr. old's back and points discreetly at her and silently mouths "but she does"

Smooth. Just nip that sort of crap in the bud before he gets older. Otherwise he'll sell out and start castrating himself by pretending to like Dave Mathews in a desperate attempt to get laid.

[twiley]

Smooth. Just nip that sort of crap in the bud before he gets older. Otherwise he'll sell out and start castrating himself by pretending to like Dave Mathews in a desperate attempt to get laid.

I take it you know this from experience?

[The Irish Doggy]

So he says, "Dad, you're not respecting my property."

 

 

I suddenly have a picture in my head of South Park's Cartman "You will respect my autho-ri-tay!".

[ABearWithFurniture]

...in a desperate attempt to get laid.

 

hmmm...what other kinds of attempts are there?

[twiley]

hmmm...what other kinds of attempts are there?

GHB

[SheikYerbuti]

My wife was telling me how our 4 yr. old son is 'homing' in on one of the 3 yr. old girls in their playgroup...

 

They are both sitting on the couch with their snacks about to watch some T.V. when my 4 yr. old asks his mom to put on the Barney video...when his mom answers him with "but you don't like Barney"...my son looks at his mom behind the 3 yr. old's back and points discreetly at her and silently mouths "but she does"

 

Well played kid. . you're years ahead of the competition.

[detlef]

I take it you know this from experience?

Sort of, only from previous arguments here at the huddle tho.

 

I noticed someone mentioned "Breakfast at Tiffany's" earlier. Well, last night at a dinner party it came on the radio. This actually begs the question: What kind of tasteless schmuck plays the radio at a dinner party? You'd think they might have had enough music laying around to get them through one evening of company. At anyrate, I digress.

 

Though I'd heard the song a number of times before, I'd never listened closely enough to realize that was the song whomever posted it was refering to. I can say this, it is certainly a freaking lame song. Mostly because any guy who chooses to make reference to Breakfast at Tiffany's in a song has given up all hope of actually attracting a woman using any masculine merits. Not that one should act like an ape and expect much love, but for godsakes BREAKFAST AT FREAKING TIFFANY'S?!?!?! That alone, however, is not enough to unseat "We Built this City" which is a truly god-awful song in every way. As it turns out B'fast was an otherwise mostly inoffensive song that just happened to have the regretable reference to the movie mentioned above.

 

 

"Breakfast At Tiffany's" was the soft, crappy song that you tolerated because the girl you were trying to bang would belt the lyrics and bought the CD. You sat in the backseat of the car on the way back from the bar and nodded your head thinking that its not so bad as long as i get the draws. Admit it. Same can be said for any DMB song. I bet you have even attended a concert where he played or opened for one reason and one reason only.... TO GET THE DRAWS! You suffer briefly for the ever elusive DRAWS.

 

 

Let the record state: I HAVE AT NO TIME IN MY LIFE, EVER FEIGNED INTEREST IN ANY OF THE PAP MENTIONED ABOVE TO PULL WOMEN.

Any woman worth the effort should be willing to deal with the fact that you think that song sucks. Getting laid is all well and good, but you should be able to do so while maintaining a shred of dignity. Beyond that, there is literally a ton of music that women love that isn't sh!t like that you mentioned. Try Al Green, Shriley Horn, Nick Drake, Greg Brown, I could go on.

 

On another note, maybe if you showed some stones in terms of your musical taste, your date wouldn't make you ride in the backseat when she drove you home.

[Atlanta Cracker]

Sort of, only from previous arguments here at the huddle tho.

 

Is quoting yourself the same thing as talking about yourself in the 3rd person? Wouldn't it have been easier to just say...

 

Detlef don't take no chit off no biaches. What Detlef says goes.

[detlef]

Is quoting yourself the same thing as talking about yourself in the 3rd person?

Detlef ain't trying to hear that.

[ABearWithFurniture]

GHB

 

Doesn't get much more desperate (and depraved) than that...

[Puddy]

When I took my son to his first Pistons game we were playing the 76'ers. We were in the home whites and they had their black uniforms on. All game..."Dad, I hope the black team doesn't win".

[AtomicCEO]

My mother in law just left after a week visit.

 

During her time here, my 2 year old son at one point was babbling something that we didn't understand and we were trying to figure it out, and then he grabbed the back of my MIL's shirt and pulled her over to where he was standing on the couch. He pulled on the back of her pants, looked in at her butt and then let it snap shut and said "No poop."

 

That's funny.

[isleseeya]

That is funny atomic

 

I look down the back of my own pants sometimes and yell out the same , while at work .....one time though when I did that and yelled " look no poop " , I actually lied ...and I felt ashamed ...for lying that is

 

Real men shart at least once a year

[Skippy]

Real men shart at least once a year

I should be good for another 364 days.

[SheikYerbuti]

Real men shart at least once a year

 

If that were really the measure of a man I'd be second only to Chuck Norris.

[Savage Beatings]

Yesterday morning my 3.5 year old son woke up and right away started scratching his butt underneath his diaper (almost potty trained but not quite there yet).

 

I said, "Good Morning little dude... do you have an itchy butt?"

He replied, "No Daddy, that not my butt, that my skunk pit."

So I start cracking up and asked him, "What the heck is a skunk pit? Did you just make that up?"

Then he tugged on his diaper a couple of times, made some awesome fake farting sounds and said, "See, I got butt powers Daddy. That my skunk pit!"

[Savage Beatings]

Bump for Opie.

[Pitbull739]

I was in Target the other day with my 5 year old daughter and were walking up to the checkout. Most of the lanes were at least 2 deep, so we headed to what looked to be the fast lane. There was a lady weaving undecidely in front of us, never fully committing to one lane or the other. My little one says in her best outside voice, "Daddy, I wish that lady would just pick a lane". I was thinking the exact same thing and was glad she said it instead of me.

[Cyclones]

When my son was about 3 and a half, we took him to Wal Mart late on a Saturday night. As we got out of the car, 2 African American ladies were walking past us - one was on the hefty side. They were really nice and said hi to us and our son, who has curly blonde hair. The hefty one even ran her fingers thru his hair and mentioned what a cutie he is. As we said goodbye and they got about 5 feet in front of us, my son says, within plain earshot of the two "Daddy, how does that monkey talk?" If there had been a mirror there I know my face would have been as white as a ghost. I stumbled my way to a "son, thats not a nice thing to say" before heading for the opposite entrance, after which we avoided the two ladies like the plague.

[whomper]

My oldest daughter isnt big on playing sports. She is going to a basketball birthday party today. She is faking an ankle injury and she limped over to us and said " I need help walking , you better get me some crotches"