Jimmy Neutron Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Colder than a well-diggers ass A few hillbillyisms from an old freind I miss dearly: Busier than a two-peckered billy goat. Shinin' like a ruby in a goat's ass. Boy, you'd be better off trying to jack off a bobcat in a phone booth than mess with me... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptainHook Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 My dad has a ton of these. One of my favs when someone is making a bunch of excuses: The dog woulda caught the rabbit if he hadn't stopped to poop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
millerx Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 (edited) Do you know the difference between chit and shinola? As in... Father: "You see that?" Navin: "Yeah." Father: "That's chit. And this, "shinola." Navin: "chit, shinola." Father: "Son, you're going to be all right." Edited March 24, 2010 by millerx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brentastic Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 (edited) 'You couldn't hit snow if you fell off a ski-######" 'Busier than a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest' 'It's hotter than two rats frucking in a wool sock' Referring to someone crazy as - "nuttier than squirrel poop" If I used the term we around my dad like when are we going to clean the house, he would respond: "What do you mean, 'we' - do you have a turd in your pocket?" E2A: Oh, and my new favorite. When the answer to a question is obviously YES - "Does a hobby horse have wooden balls?" E2Ab: why is it censoring ######? As in ski ###### Edited March 24, 2010 by Brentastic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brentastic Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 L I F T ###### Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Footballjoe Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Christopher: I'm going sailing Mom: Don't go to far or you will "fall off the ends of the earth." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptainHook Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Does a bear poop in the woods? Is the pope Catholic? He's closer than 9 is to 10. (For someone that is stingy or tight with money) Slicker than snot on a doorknob. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SayItAintSoJoe Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 (edited) E2Ab: why is it censoring ######? As in ski ###### Good question. Does anyone have an answer? The other day I was trying to make a reference the infomercial for the "Brazil Butt L I F T" workout and the "L" word was replaced with the pound sign. What gives? Edited March 24, 2010 by SayItAintSoJoe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matt770 Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Just remembered more from Grandpa: While playing Scrabble: "Dammit, I've got more vowels than Carter has liver pills". Describing a tightwad: "Squeezing Lincoln 'til he sh!ts" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SEC=UGA Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 (edited) Sweating like a w h o r e in church Dumber than a box of rocks uglier than a bowling shoe sealed up tighter than a bull frog's ass crazy as a coot or drunker than a coot ("crazy as a loon" is another variation) go poop in your fist (this is one I learned from an old gentleman in NY. We were trying to negotiate a deal between he and a property owner who was being unreasonable.. the owner was looking for a higher price and the old man told me to tell the guy to "go s..h..i..t in his fist") Drunker than a fiddler's bitch going around your elbow to get to your ass wound up tighter than dick's hat band His daddy needs to take a switch to his hide You gonna just sit there like a bump on a log (for someone not doing anything or for a lazy person) prickly as a porcupine (someone that is implacable or disagreeable) That'll go over like a pedophile in the Vatican Edited March 24, 2010 by SEC=UGA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HowboutthemCowboys Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 I was so nervous you could'nt get a needle up my ass with a jackhammer That girl fell outta the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T_bone65 Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 More nervous than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cunning Runt Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 "bitchin'" "Gnarly, dude" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matt770 Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 That girl fell outta the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down Still one of my all-time favorites and I still use it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BiggieFries Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Going to see a man about a horse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twiley Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Honey, let's have sex. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loaf Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 you couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sam Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Does a bear poop in the woods? Is the pope Catholic? He's closer than 9 is to 10. (For someone that is stingy or tight with money) Slicker than snot on a doorknob. My old man alway's says "Does a one legged duck swim in a circle?". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
westvirginia Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 I was so nervous you could'nt get a needle up my ass with a jackhammer That girl fell outta the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down I always heard it as "You couldn't have pulled a needle out of his ass with a tractor!" "Slicker than greased owl sh!t" Oh yeah, please and thank you have gone somewhere to hide too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyBalata Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 madder then Ric Flair stuck at a Hulk Hogan film festival! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brentastic Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 you couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel. That's a good one I've never heard before. You're so ugly you need to sneak up on a glass of water to get a drink. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T_bone65 Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Dropping the kids off at the pool. Taking the Browns to the superbowl. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twiley Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Dropping the kids off at the pool. Taking the Browns to the superbowl. I still use those. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chief Dick Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 That's as useful as a screen door on a submarine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chavez Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 That girl fell outta the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down I alternate between that and "just fell off the ugly truck." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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