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Huddle Fights ...

Grits and Shins

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Huddle Fist Fight #1 - The Biggest Loser

darin3 (pic1, pic2, pic3) vs Big Country (pic)

23 - 25





Huddle Fist Fight #2 - Hillbilly Hoedown

Spain vs H8Tank (pic)

37 - 31


{whomper} Dueling Momos


This fight is sponsored by Pabst Blue Ribbon and Tennessees Big and Tall where the motto is "If it aint flannel it aint clothes"


Anger and desire Gentlemen. This fight comes down to anger and desire. We have two bitter southerners here. Not just regular bitter, im talking Swerski bitter here. Still carrying the hate from an ass kicking from the north back in the 1800s. There are many questions to be answered here. Does H8 have the "Eye of the Tiger?" Is Spain distracted by the " Brown eye of the tiger?". Lets break it down.


H8 is a mad dude. Im talking TimC at a camaro convention mad. H8 has all the tools of an angry hillbilly to win this thing. Size, numbness from treating his liver like an amusement park, and ability to take a punch brought on by faceplanting on the pavement after his 3rd case of schlitz. The Jeannie costume doesnt help him here. We wouldve given him a pass but it wasnt Halloween. The big edge I give H8 comes from the abuse he mustve taken from the trailer park yokels because of the fact that he looks like Ricky Schroeder from silver spoons. How many times has he heard "youve got a purty mouth" in the sticks of Oklahoma. I think someone this angry should be able to channel it into some powerful fighting.


That brings me to Spain. Spain is our resident man of mystery. He always seems to be logged into the huddle. Espana wears his badge of the south with pride. He is always reminding us how southern women and food are the best there is. Physically Spain is giving up a good amount of size here. I do see one strength advantage though. Crouching behind the small livestock has really built up Spains legs and balance. He has also honed his grappling skills when he has to tame a philly that rejects his advances. Spains stint in the pokey is of no advantage to him here although the constant pillow biting has built up his jaw in case he decides to bite. The reason I give the nod to H8 here is what I like to call "satin sheets syndrome". Spain is very far removed from his rugged humble beginnings where he would bang his cousins and eat Gammys pecan pie double fisted. I can see Spain fighting to the death and holding his own vs the bigger man. In the end I cant see Spain regaining the hunger he had before he became a closet Yankee. The Pink trunks will be a distraction but H8 will overcome and take this in the 8th round.


{Blitz} This had all the makings of a classic battle pitting red neck against red neck in what could have been a full out, roll in the dirt, wrastlin’ match … at least for the first 30 seconds or so. Spain hails from the great state of Tennessee where everybody is blood kin. He weighs all of 105 pounds soaking wet and stands just a shade over 5 feet 8 inches tall. You might be deceived by the pink shirt, but keep in mind that family feuds are the nastiest kind of fight … and everybody in Tennessee is family. This means Spain is very experienced in all the low down dirty tricks … because they’ve all been pulled on him before. I expect Spain has spent a lot of time hiding in the closet, crying over the latest ass whuppin’ one of his kin laid on him … plotting some evil way to get back at his oppressor.


H8Tank will probably show up to the fight in his overalls directly from his latest cross burning. H8 is white through and through and loves to brag about how white he is at every chance. While he is a red neck, he is not the result of inbreeding and that will give him an advantage in this fight. He’ll take one look at Spain’s pink shirt and think “homo”. Did I mention that H8’s aversion to blacks is likely as strong as his aversion to gays? Spain will likely open the match with a verbal assault and H8 will end it with 3 sharp blows to head.


The Hillbilly Hoedown will be over disappointingly fast leaving us all wanting more. Spain will wake up and wonder how he could have had his ass whipped so thoroughly by somebody who once wore a belly dancer outfit. But he better be careful ‘cause if he says something out loud H8 is likely to kick him in the nuts while he is down.


The other possibility is that both will show up in their clan gear, drunk off their asses with a jug of their latest rocket fuel, err, moonshine in each hand. Neither will be willing to set down their jugs until empty. After having emptied both jugs they will be even more manure-faced then before (if that's possible) and they will both throw several weak punches before they fall down and roll on the ground in a short wrastling match. Short because the rock fuel will kick their asses much more than their opponent and they will pass out in each other's arms after only a few minutes.


{Dr. Sacrebleu} H8tank in a split decision. (115-112; 113-111; 111-113) These Titans of the Huddle go for a bloodied full 15 rounder like in the days of yore. A brawl supreme in which both contestants lose their tooth. Tongues were wagging when it was pointed out that the deciding judge in the bout was H8’s uncle and half-brother. H8’s camp denied allegations of collusion and pointed out that the same judge was also Spain’s cousin and brother-in-law


{H8Tank} Hey spain, are you one of those 'little' men? Is your wife taller than you? When you two go out to dinner, do they hand you a childrens menu? Does the waiter give her the check?


Tennesse is one of those ugly bassturd states no one wants to admit they live in. What does that long phalic state have to brag about except schitty whiskey and one of the most ghetto cities in America, Memphrica? And the only thing to do for fun in Nashville is go to Atlanta.


At least in Oklahomo, most people still think we all ride horses and chase indians, they don't know what to think. The only thing people know about this state, is Carrie Underwood came from here.


And in the end, Your tittans got thier hindquarter swept by the Jags. Lets not forget that.


Regardless what happens in the fight, my significant other owns a her own shotgun, your corner wench has a can of spray starch and a pigmy goat.




Huddle Fist Fight #3 - Metrosexual Mania

Azazello1313 vs I Like Soup (pic1, pic2)

28 - 27


{spain} Wow!  Interesting matchup to say the least.  Mr. Bing, while not a flyweight, is a little light in the ass to pack much of a punch.  But he does have a distinct size advantage over his opponent which can not be discounted.  Azz main problem is he was a little too close to his Mama growing up.  He would rather spend time inside with her cooking a quiche or a casserole rather than be running the streets with the guys or on a huting trip.  I am guessing that he was raised primarily by women.  Smart women who taught him the value of reading, education, etc.  But this raising gave him an over abundance of feminine mannerisms and an estrogen laced lifestyle.  Hence, the flaming metro-sexuality persona.  He also lacks toughness as evidenced by the activities he participated in; baseball and tennis.  He desperately wanted  to appear to be an just one of the guys, even an athlete, without actually having to sweat or get too mussed up.  Sports that didnt really require somebody to be tough and nasty and mean.  Deliberately avoiding sports like football, wrestling, and even basketball, indicate to me that azz may indeed be a Rosie O'Donnell deep down.  Or maybe his Mama wouldnt let him play the more physical sports for fear he would get hurt.  Either way, it points to a man who doesnt know what it like to get hit in the mouth.


Soup is small.  Freakishly so.  That is a definite disadvantage when your opponent can put velcro on your back and toss you against the wall.  His lack of stature has given Soup a Napolean complex the size of Andre the Giant.  He has always had to prove that he was a big man.  Hence he played football, hunts big game animals, etc.  He is a man's man.  Likes to drink and probably took alot of dares growing to prove how tough he was.  Not the sharpest tool in the shed, and certainly not physically gifted, he got by strictly on his "want to".   And while his grit and determination must be admired, he is still the size of a 6th grade girl.  Unless he has been trained in some form of fighting, all the determination in the world will not make up for the fact that he cant even reach his opponents chin with a step ladder and a garden hoe.  Its just bad genetics.


I am going to vote for Soup.  Not because I think he can do any real damage to Azz.  He couldnt do any damage to an egg crate.  But he will puff up and bluster and talk tough.  That alone will make Azz not want to fight.  Azz will simply back down or will try to negoiate his way out of the situation.  He will surrender the field to live and NOT fight another day.


{Dr. Sacrebleu} Draw

Though a seeming mismatch, this bout ends up in a hard fought draw. The tale of the tape was not kind, as Soup was giving up 74 pounds, 14 inches in height, and no tape measure was small enough to measure his reach. Though soup lands an astonishing 314 punches, 290 of them are considered "glancing or inefectual blows". Az "the debater" Azello connects only 13 times, but knocks Soup to the mat on each finely constructed blow. Soup, though bloodied, was undettered, and rose from the matt each time encourage by the crowd. Not surprisingly, 173 low blows were recorded.


{Azazello1313} f*ck you. where does this metrosexual crap come from anyway? because i drink beer that doesn't taste like watery piss? i sure as hell can't cook. or is it because i can read books?


and you haven't played much baseball if you think it doesn't require you to be a little nasty and mean.


i can't believe i'm being called effiminite by a guy who wears preppy looking pink shirts AND pink lipstick.



Huddle Fist Fight #4 - The Massacre in Manila

Whitney Walters vs msaint (pic1, pic2)

42 - 8


{spain} I was going to let this obvious mis-match slip by into obscurity without commenting but I think I will add a few words afterall.  First, JJ, this was a very poor matchup on a number of levels.  If you need help in determining interesting and relatively equal fights, please just ask.  Nobody would want to see this absolute bludgeoning of MSaint by Whitney.  A fight like this is what led the likes of Howard Cosell and Ferdie Pachecko to say we should ban fighting.  That said, a couple words on each of the contestants.


Msaint is a writer not a fighter.  Another word for writer is waiter.  So, he is used to gettting served!  He is the quintessential Oprahized northeastern liberal man.  I cant tell who has more testosterone, him or his wife.  And I havent even seen her. This sort of  wimpy politically correct Bostonian with their concern that no one is ever offended is not the type of guy that has ever let his mouth get him into a fight.  He would rather spend time in doors curled up with a good book or watching a chick flick with his wife.  He is the antithesis to the Bubba's of the world.  And he would never take on a Southie or a Southerner.  Just a lack of masculinity and toughness in this guy.  And I like MSaint, dont get me wrong.  I read his book and recommended it to others.  But he aint the dude I am taking in the first round of a fantasy beat down league.


WW is pissed.  Take a look at his picture again.  Dam right he is pissed.  And he was pissed long before male pattern baldness reared its ugly head.  The guy looks like he could erupt at the least provocation.  He has no patience for people and his hair trigger temper is set to go off at a moments notice.  WW has not been a happy man since he discovered that his mother thought naming little boys with female monikers was cool.  What was his Mama thinking anyway?  And I say his Mama, because I can assure you, his dad had no part in the naming of this child.  I am guessing Dad was in the service or out of town when he was born.  Dad comes home to discover that Mama has named their son Whitney after her grandmother on her mama's side.  Dam, why not just give him a sex change before you leave the hospital? 


If it was me, I would have gone by Whit.  Or Buck.  Or Buddy.  But for some reason, WW proudly and defiantly retained the full feminity of 'Whitney".  I am guessing he kept it so he would have an excuse to beat the living sh1t out of the unsuspecting fellow who dared make fun of his name.  Like a fly caught in a web, just the sound of 'w" coming out of a kids mouth with a weird look and WW would pounce like a duck on a junebug.  it was not pretty.  His anger fueled by pent up rage that was only exacerbated by the fact he turned out to be a rather homely looking dude.  Then the coup de gras, was the male pattern baldness.  Gentlemen, we are dealing with a powder keg and the fuse is already lit.  No way little wimpy MSaint makes it out of the ring alive.  All the years of anger and rage will coming boiling over into uncontolled fists of fury the likes of which we have not seen.  Doo Koo Kim faired better than MSaint will.  God help us all when we open this pandora's box...


{Dr. Sacrebleu} WW by KO in the 1st

1st round KO deemed quickest in huddle fights‘s history. Msaint down only 7 seconds out of the box. He is heard muttering “buy my book” on the way to the hospital. In the same bout, Whitney also K.O.s the ring announcer for using the name Whitney, as well as the ring girl, commentator , and rows E through J because, as the pugilist said later, “you know they were thinking it”



Huddle Fist Fight #5 - Dirty Dancing

NSab (pic1, pic2) vs whomper (pic)

38 - 20


{spain} I actually would like to see this matchup.  Seriously! 2 big city brawlers from ethnic neighborhoods with allegded ties to La Cosa Nostra(I am not saying that the Mafia actually exists :D ) This one could get ugly and tight security would have to be maintained to prevent the respective gangs supporting each combatant from joining the fray. 


NSAB is one of those guys that knows where the bodies are buried.  Literally and figuratively.  By that I mean, he has been around the block, and has taken folks for rides in the trunk of his 1976 Ford LTD.  What WOP grows up in south philly without being able to fight?  What biker gang member has not snorted more meth and coke than Pablo Escobar then went out looking for some rival biker gang, just as loaded, and had a pitched battle at 3:00 am in the middle of a busy street?  And what man alive has a head like NSAB's without enduring countless blows to the noggin with fists and baseball bats and crowbars?  Have yall taken a good look at that abused and scarred mug?  Sure, he is a little long in the tooth, but his experience is plentiful and valuable.  NSAB is of the streets and he will fight dirty, knowing he doesnt want this fight to go into the latter rounds.  With a large tolerance to pain as a result of a lifetime of brawling and drug use, a kicking mule couldnt knock him out.  Whomper will need to be prepared for a war and to wear the old man down.


Whomper is a NYC WOP.  He grew up worshipping his family, Rocky, Rocky II, Rocky III, Rocky IV, Rocky V, his parish Priest, and his uncle Vinny who was alledgedly a "made guy".  Whomper grew up around a bunch of other greasers whose last names all ended in vowels.  Lower middle class Italian neighborhood in NYC.  People dont work well in groups of 9 million so it makes folks rude, surly, and mean.  These kids ran the streets like packs of rabid dogs.  But Whomper really never was much of a fighter and was simply on the fringes of the group with one foot back at home.  He was the funny one of the group.  He developed a keen sense of humor to keep him out of scrapes. His yucks saved his bacon more than once.  His Mama kept very close tabs on him and made sure he was at Mass every Sunday and stayed away from the really bad kids.  His uncle Nicky got him a job down in the garment district.  Being completely Rosie O'Donnell whipped to his hot wife, having 2 little girls and now working with lace and satin all day has drained just about the last drop of testosterone that this once proud Mustache Pete ever had.  If people from the old country could see him now, they would swear he was French.  He watches The Godfather movies once a month just so he can feel like a tough guy even though deep down, he knows that he isnt.


Whomper does have youth on his side in this one.  But NSAB has way too much experience in street brawls to be taken down from some punk kid from Staten Island.  Whomper adds another scar or two to that heinous noggin of Nsab, but Nsab destroys Whomper.  This one will be bloody and a little gory.  But NSAB wins it in 3 rounds pretty handily...

{Dr. Sacrebleu} NSAB in a unanimous decision (108-104; 109-106; 108-105). 12 rounds of all the best Sicily has to offer in the sweet science. Both boxers go the distance in a fight that makes their mamas proud. Ultimately, the Filthadelphia ganglands style proves to be too much for the Whoomp There It Is defense




Huddle Fist Fight #6 - Battle of the Bar Flies

twiley vs Jumpin Johnies

37 - 9


{spain} Since this fight wasnt officially sanctioned by the HTFFA(Huddle Tailgate Fist Fight Association) I was simply going to decline comment.  I especially avoided this thread after it devolved into a "My Dick is Bigger than Yours Thread" by Blitz and SeattleLawDog.  But since it has been moved over to the Huddle Fights Thread, I thought I would go ahead and take a quick stab at it.


I find Twiley and JJ to be an unlikely matchup on a number of levels.  First, these 2 are fraternity brothers who would rather be at frat house Keg party watching porno movies and have jackoff races rather than fighting.  Secondly, neither one strikes me as a particularly fight prone sort.  Twiley moreso than the class clown JJ.  Twiley is the Otis Campbell of the Huddle.  The Foster Brooks if you will.  You see, Twiley is a drunk.  A happy drunk.  A fun drunk.  A drunk that you will always invite back to all of your parties.  A drunk who doesnt mind everyone gawking at his wife's enormous set.  A drunk who has no problem making an ass out of himself at a couples shower or a dinner party.  But a drunk non the less.  And with all drunks, I can assure you, his drunken ass was slapped off of more than 1 bar stool after saying something incredibly stupid or offensive.  And after a steady stream of risque bordering on obscene comments, the random chick, or 500, has thrown a drink on him causing some other dude to come over and defend her honor against the drunk and disorderly Twiley.  So, this bar fly obviously knows what its like to be beaten to a bloody pulp.  And I bet he has woken up innumerable a days wondering how the heck he got that black eye,  bruised jaw, and completely dishelved appearance while wondering how he got home and where he left his car.  My best guess is that Twiley, while not a real impressive fighter, can actually defend himself from blows raining down upon him.  He wouldnt embarass himself in the ring.  Unfortunately, he would under no circumstances be able to fight sober.  But thats ok since he hasnt had a sober night since 1987.


JJ is also the fun guy at the party.  He is the kid growing up who could always sneak out his dads latest Playboy Mag and bring it to the tree house for viewing.  Good guy to know if you wanted to see a whisker bisquit.  He was a good ole boy, never meanin no harm.  Went off to college and partied like a rockstar.  Was on the 7 year plan, trying to hit on incoming freshmen chicks when he was 25.  Again, nothing malicious, he just never wanted to grow up and accept responsibility.  The man is just not serious enough to have a mean streak.  Just not much fight in this dog.  Not that there is anything wrong with that, he just aint wired that way.  He wants to make sure everyone is happy, not dead.  The chance of him getting into a scuffle, while not of St Amantian neglibility, is still incredibly small.  I am guessing he never really had a fist fight.  Ever. 


So, even though we have 2 happy go lucky frat rats with drinking, commitment,  and pron problems, I dont really believe this outcome would be close.  Yes, Twiley has attempted to shed his barfly image and become respectable and even snooty since he got married.  But being a wine snob, still doesnt mean you arent a drunk, your just drinking better spirits!  That said, I am going to have to say that Twiley takes JJ down in the 3rd round with JJ actually taking a dive so he can go get the 35 mm projector started with the Ass Masters II movie rolling.


{Dr. Sacrebleu} Twiley by KO in the 5th

A bout that casts a dark shadow on the HFF organization. Due to a clerical error, Jumping Johnnies entered the ring versus Twiley, not Mrs Twiley as had originally been scheduled. The HFF refuses to sanction this fight, yet allows it to go on because it won’t give up the gate receipts. JJ refuses to go down in the biggest mismatch of Huddle Fistfight history until the 5th round. Though Jjs days are no longer numbered, obviously he will never fight again, and only time will tell if he will recover all of his mental faculties.




Huddle Fist Fight #6 - The Texas Dough Boy vs The Beer Man

DMD (pic1, pic2) vs Chavez

994 - 8


{spain} Good matchup here with both pro's and cons for each of them.  I have had to think about this battle all morning in trying to handicap it, and I still dont have a handle on it.  So, I will shoot from the hip a little bit here since I will be thinking this through as I type:


DMD looks like a big, soft, Pillsbury Dough boy.  You know when Skippy is calling you fat, then you have pretty much let yourself go.  That said, mass can certainly be an asset, depending on the type of fight.  One thing in Dorey's favor is he was raised in east Texas.  That means he grew up a country boy, and country boys are just stronger by nature.  Probably went hunting and fishing since before he could even hold a gun or a pole.  Spent lots of time outside with the other little necks catching crawdads, playing smear the queer or kick the can, and just generally rough housin.  And football is king in small town Texas.  Football is a man's sport and not for the faint of heart.  So, he at least played HS football, at Tyler John Tyler, if I recall correctly.  HS football down there will take the Rosie O'Donnell right out of you.  Of course, DMD played football about 1,000,000 tacos and 10,000,000,000 logged computer hours ago.  The football player in him, if its still there, is buried beneath mountains of Blue Bell Cookies and Cream and his Mama's frito pie!


I think DMD's downfall began when he chose to become a T-sip.  All the toughness that HS football and a good ole east Texas upbringing gave him, was quickly eroded by going to UT.  A more pathetically liberal school you cannot find south of the Mason Dixon line.  They feminize men down there, and want to take all of the testosterone out them.  And for the most part they succeed.  4 years of being enculcated with the notion that masculinity is indeed a bad thing, will nueter even the reddest of Bubba's.  After that, DMD did what all young men who are not quite sure of their masculinity or sexual orientation do, he moved to California.  Texans are about as welcome as a fart in church out there, unless, you know, they are gay and well hung.  This completed the whole nueterization of this once proud Texan.  What started out with such great promise has been reduced to a computer nerd who has completed conquered anorexia.  The only fighting he will do is fighting to get a stubborn back of Cheetos open at 2:00 am.  While his mental toughness will be there, his stamina would not allow him to go more than 30 seconds without needing a break and a 32 oz Dr Pepper.  And physiclly his musculature has atrophyied long long ago.


That brings us to his opponent, Chavez.  He has a great name for a fighter.  Julio Ceasar Chavez is THE national hero of Mexico, and one of the best fighters in history.  Unfortunately, the huddle Chavez reminds us more of a Mexican American figure skater named Rudy Galindo, than he does of a pugilist.  Lets face it, mens figure skaters are not the most masuline fellows in the world, and that holds true for Chavez as well.  But he needed a rouge, to make people think he was actually,you know, a real man.  So, he finds the most masculine occupation he can think of: Beer Man!  While a nobile and admirable profession, it cannot hide the fact that this man is basically a gay figure skater without the tights.


One thing about Chavez that gives him a distinct advantage is that he does do physical work.  Throwing around kegs, cans, and bottles of beer is physically demanding work.  DMD has thrown around his share of beer, but it is typically 12 oz at a time.  His physical activity at work as well as his desire to remain neat, trim, and attractive to the guys in the dressing room at the skating rink, keeps Chavez pretty fit.  But does fitness translate into the ability to use your fists?  Not really.  I dont think he would really be able to do much damage to Dorey, but he would be able to outlast him in a slap and tickle fest.  Then they would share a six pack and some homemade chicken enchilada's together.  I am voting Chavez in a weak and lame fight...


{Dr. Sacrebleu} DMD KO in the 9th.

DMD led this bout from beginning to end in the scorers cards, but the denouement shocked the audience in a most unforeseen manner. At 1:12 in the 9th DMD was ahead on the official scorecard 85-79 (though the independent newspaper, Spain Times, had Chavez in the lead) when DMD unleashed a haymaker that knocked Chavez out of the ring, through the doors, and halfway back to Michigan. Later on officials find a thread-gun in DMDs right glove. Curiously no action was taken by the Huddle Ethics Committee. More curious still, Team Chavez seems to be unable to log on to register a complaint



Huddle Fist Fight #7 - The First to Surrender

Dr. Sacrebleu (pic) vs untateve (pic)

13 - 50


{spain} I will be brutally honest with the huddle membership here before I begin my in depth analysis of this fight:  I had to drink 6 Bud Lights before I could even look at the horrific pictures of these 2 pathetic sicophants.  Fighting is the oldest and most noble of sports.  The sweet science of boxing has always been very near and dear to my heart as many of you are aware.  The mere thought of these two, two, two, "combatants", and I use the term very loosely, is a complete affront to everything the Marquis de Queensberry stood for.  Cus D'matto is turning in his grave, and the very fact that I am even a tangential party to this affair, sickens me.  That is why I had to get all liquored up before I wrote this analysis.  So, as sick and twisted as this may be, like moths to a flame or witnesses to a fatal car wreck, we simply cannot look away. 


Dr. Sac is French.  The French are cowards by nature.  They know it.  We know it.  Everybody knows it.  They are taught from an early age to keep their heads down and their mouths shut.  But they know that eventually, some German kid will move in next door, and bi@tch slap the lunch money out of them every day.  They would rather live on their knees than stand and fight.  This inherent cowardice, inbred for generations, does not bode well for Sac and he knows it.  They are weak, and perhaps more devastating to their damaged pysche's, irrelevant.  Name a Frenchman who has done a dam thing other than surrender in the last 50 years?  The fact is, you simply cant.  The biggest athletic "event" in France?  A bicycle race where a bunch of trim gay guys cruise around in tight lycra shorts and wear pretty yellow shirts.  Its like somebody pulled the drain plug on this countrys testosterone tub.  Why do you think their women dont shave their underarms or their crotches?  Somebody has to be the men for Gods sakes!  It is sickening and sad and worrisome.  But they do have culture.  Yes loads of culture!  No straight men, and no testosterone, and no deodorant, but yes they are cultured. 


Some of them actually muster up the courage to move to the United States where they hope to hide amongst the great melting pot and throw off their cowardice past.  But a tiger cannot change its stripes.  That is where Dr Sac comes into play.  He came here wanting to hide his Frenchness.  So, what does he do?  Become a truck driver?  No!  Mechanic?  No!  Steal Worker?  No!  He becomes a "Decorative Painter" :D   What the f?  If he had told us he was a french interior designer or hair dresser or ballet coach he couldnt have come off as any more gay.  What is a decorative painter anyway?  On second thought I dont want to know.  Let's just say that there aint a big need for that sort of occupation in places that dont recognize gay marriages.  The words "decorative painter" come out your mouth down here and you will be meeting the business end of a loggin chain.


And if this isnt bad enough, I was one of those unfortunate people who clicked on the link of Dr. Sac's picture.  Nothing screams gay like a morbidly thin frenchman in a speedo.  And for an added bonus, we get a glimpse of his chicken skined nutsack.  Why would he show a group of men this picture if he didnt want us to gaze upon his marbles?  Unfortunately, he has the body of a prepuscent school girl.  No musculature whatsoever.  I didnt even know "men", again using the term loosely, could be anorexic.  He11, even Somalians and Ethiopians make fun of him for being emaciated.  Sac could pose in a Sally Struthers commericial.  Combine this laughable bag of ligaments, tendons, and bones with a French upbringing and you have an absolute massacre waiting to happen regardless of his opponent.


That brings us to Untateve.  Although I am no Tom Cruise, I have never had a great deal of respect for shrinks.  That is based on alot of personal experience that I have enjoyed.  Typically, they are very damaged people that want to analyze everyone else, because they are afraid to look inward and conquer their own fears.  Like the French, they are cowards.  Well either that or they want to hold some position where they can molest their patients by gaining some sort of pyschological hold on them.  I ask you to go back and look at Uncle Steve's pic again and tell me "Child Molester" doesnt scream out at you from behind those bucked teeth and beedy eyes.  Speaking of which, dude could eat squash through a tennis racquet with those chompers.  And the close set eyes are typical of the inbred north Florida necks.  Look at the way he fondles that poor child in front of him.  The kid is basically screaming out for someone to get that Chomo off of him.  The fact is, Untateve cant deal in the adult world, so he has to pick on little kids.  Again, that is not the type of individual who is ready to take on an opponent in the ring. 


Now, look at back at the pic again.  Go ahead, take a long look.  Look at his unbelieveably malnourished frame.  Let me analyze this shrink for a second.  He never got to have a real childhood so he doesnt want to grow up.  He deliberately withholds nourishment from himself so he can remain childlike.  Michael Jackson comes immediately to mind when looking at Untatave.  But when he says "Beat it"  he is holding a bottle of jerkins lotion and a box of tissues.  Put him in adult situations though and he will fall apart like a cheap watch.  His complete refusal to accept the adult world around him, would prevent him from ever striking someone, unless it was the bare ass of a 12 year old boy while he was playing "Headmaster and naughty school boy".  


Given all of that, I will take Uncle Steve in this battle of surrender.  The only reason is that the French havent won a battle in a couple hundred years, and that is too strong of a betting trend to ignore.  My guess is that they give each other hand jobs in the locker room after the fight.  Untateve in a unanimous decision...


{Dr. Sacrebleu} Untateve wins by Sacrebleu throwing in towel.

In the waning seconds of this 3 rounder, Sacrebleu’s camp throws in the towel. Though the judges had Untateve up by 8-2, the result, though not unexpected, certainly did surprise the audience. Untateve’s camp talked up their boxer‘s ‘phantom punch’, but replays clearly show that sacrebleu was felled by a soft ‘patty cake’ slap to the chest. Both boxers have had their licenses revoked, and the HFF has agreed to reimburse the paying members of the audience. Sacrebleu also ends up surrendering to Czarina, and Luxembourg in this bout.



Huddle Fist Fight #8 - All Dawgs go to Heaven

Grits and Shins (pic) vs Seattle LawDawg

31 - 32


{spain} Finally!  Finally!  Finally!  We finally have a battle royale with participants who wont be a complete and utter embarrasment when they square off in the ring.  So far we have had Fatties and French and Faq's and Child Molesters and Metro-sexuals and Sissies and Drunks and Jailbaiters and Greasers and WOP's and Genie's and Hillbillies and Gay Figure Skaters and 1 really really really pissed off dude with a girl's name. But we have yet to see anybody with any knowledge of, or aptitude for, fighting.  But all that changes with this fight!  We now we have 2 very polished and experienced pugilists with strength and cunning and skill and training.  Two worthy combatants who know how to use their hands and feet and who have the potential to inflict some serious bodily damage on any opponent.   But there is just one thing missing from this Clash of the Titans.  Something isnt quite right.  One very important ingredient to make this a compelling event is just not there.  I sensed it all day yesterday as I thought about these 2 guys squaring off in the ring.  I think most of you sensed something was amiss as well.  But I just couldnt quite put my finger on it.  Until now.


Every great story needs a protaganist and an antagonist.  A hero and a villian.  A good guy and a bad guy.  Somebody to root for and somebody to root against.  Sure, the hero can have his flaws and certainly doesnt need to be perfect.  But there has to be a person that the audience can get behind and cheer for.  That is what we are lacking in this matchup.  Nobody likes these 2 guys.  We will be watching in hopes that they both get seriously disfigured or even killed.  Its like we have put Hitler and Mussolini in a cage match.  You simply cant root for either guy.  So, we are reduced to cheering against two loathsome turds as they try to drown each other in their toilet of piss and vomit.


First lets take a look at the dispicable SeattleLawDog.  He went to law school and wants everybody to know it.  Puts it right there in his name, LawDog!  Boy is he proud.   Like we give a sh1t for one.  And secondly, that wont endear you to anyone else on the planet except for all the other jack asses that went to Law School.  The rest of us simply dont care and we dont like you.  Your reputation as the most vile and dishonest creatures that ever slithered across the earth is well earned.  The first day of law school they told you that they were going to "teach you to think like a lawyer".  What that actually meant was that they were going to "teach you to think like a liar".  Any wonder the movie "Liar Liar" involved a lawyer?  You are parasites on the underbelly of America who do nothing to add to the economy but simply try to tear down what others of built.  You are the hired guns of con men, phonies, and people trying to get rich quick off of someone else.  Vile, leacherous, disgusting, and hated the world over.  Its just not a "profession" that people like or respect.  Who hasnt been screwed over by a barrister at least once in your life?  So, we simply hope that you are mortally wounded by some former client that you ripped off as you enter the ring.


Unforunately, Blitz may even be worse if that is possible.  The man demands order.  So much so that his Obcessive Compulsive Disorder is a running joke at the huddle.  Always spoiling for a fight, but notice, he chooses only to pick on the lame newbies who inadvertantly post their threads in the wrong forum.  Blitz's military upbringing simply wont allow for anything to be out of place, so he tries to get those soldiers in line.  And they better show respect to a superior officer or he will court martial them off to "ignore land".  Blitz is all about right and wrong.  Everything is either black or white with no shades of gray.  You are for us or against us.  He is the George W Bush of the Huddle.  For Christ sakes you pathetic arrogant jack ass!  This is a f'n message board!  If you want people to shine their boonies and salute you, go harrass your own kids some more if they havent run away yet or called Childrens services on you.  Blitz most reminds me of the military dad in that movie American Beauty.  He hates drugs, and queers, and anything that is not perfect.  Well, in the end he tries to kiss Kevin Spacey and then kills himself.  It think it pretty obvious that Blitz is a latent homosexual just screaming to get out.  We all saw the picture of him surrounding himself with very effiminant black men.  To each his own I guess, but having sex with a bunch of sissy black dudes and a carnival midget is just weird.


The problem with Blitz is basically he could never quite measure up to what his strict military father wanted him to be.  His father demanded perfection, something Blitz always strived for, but could never quite attain.  Deep down, down where he would never let anybody see, until he tries to kiss Kevin Spacey of course, Blitz knows he simply isnt good enough.  He went to Texas A&M because he knew he wasnt good enough to go to UT.  The Aggie jokes he shrugs off but knows deep down that there is alot of truth to them.  He demands so much out of others because condescending to them is the only thing that makes him feel good about himself.  But his insecurities are what make him such a complete ass.  Nobody will be cheering for this arrrogant jackbooted nazi to win. 


So, who would win: the lying dispicable lawyer or the Obcessive/Compulsive latent homosexual?  There has been alot of posturing by both parties over the last couple weeks, both claiming to be Billy Bad Ass.  Quite frankly, I believe one of them is scared, and the other is glad of it.  Blitz has lots and lots of training.  But SLD has been in actual cage matches.  Playing "break this board" on a gym mat with the local boy scout troop is one thing.  Getting into a ring fighting some other gorilla until someone taps out or is knocked out is quite another.  I am going with SeattleLawDog to win a very competitive fight that ends in a broken bone or two.





Huddle Fist Fight #9 - Taking a Dive, brought to you by Matt Millen

policyvote vs Puddy (pic, pic2)

21 - 49


{spain} Another abysmal "fight", as if 2 Detroit Lions fans could ever put up a fight, that I was going to let slip silently and gracefully into obscurity. But since Policy finally came out from cowering underneath his bed to actually stand up to that big old mean intimidating bully accountant :D , I thought I would say a quick word or two. When I first noticed this matchup, it reminded me of a scene in the movie "Gladiator". No, not the parts where people actually fight and die. It was a scene where Spaniard was about to go into the ring to fight some other gladiator to the death. And although a gladiator himself, Spaniard realized that the entire concept was twisted and wrong. And as he stood just outside the Coliseum with sword and shield in hand preparing to fight and die, he said something to the effect of, "Markus Arrielius proclaimed the greatness of Rome! This is not it! This is NOT it!" Well, many times on this board I have proclaimed the greatness of boxing. Of mano e mano combat. The greatness of 2 combatants entering the ring to test their strength, their will, their mettle, their skill, and their physcial prowess. Gentlemen, THIS IS NOT IT! THIS IS NOT IT! This is not what the sweet science was meant to be. If this is what fighting has been reduced to then perhaps we as a people need to look inward at our own humanity and ask why? I would rather watch those 2 rednecks that came out of the stands at a Chicago White Sox game to beat up the 1st base umpire than watch these 2 ultra white boy dorks throw laughable windmill punches at one another. I am sickened and appalled at the thought of these 2 uncoordinated crackers even contemplating attending a boxing match, much less participate in one.


These two dorks share one unenviable thing it common: it is the love for the Detroit Lions. Like many of you, I was unaware of the lack of lucidity and sheer stupidity that is required in order to support this n'r do well franchise. But any illusion that I may have had about them being just like fans of any other franchise was completely obliterated long ago. When I first discovered The Huddle, this board was inundated with Lions fans. Of course, that was before it went pay, and the hugh $12 investment precluded 99% of the broke ass Lions fans from staying with us. But at that time, there were probably as many of them as Cowboys fans here. And quite frankly, I didnt have a problem with it and really didnt know much about the Detroit franchise as they are one of those teams that just never seemed to hit my radar screen. We all have our favorite teams here, and the respective fan bases and rivalries add to the enjoyment of this board. But the unmittigated pychosis of the Detroit fans while humorous in some respects, was very sad and troubling. And when I pointed out some of their foibles, many of them went ballistic and took offense as if I had insulted their mother, as if its possible to insult the crack addicts and prostitutes that whelped these weetodds. I even had the random death threat of two from some of their more ardent supporters. Can you imagine sending anonymous internet persona's death threats via email because they said something about your favorite team? Needless to say, I do believe that there is some brain damage inherent in these flat-lined morans.


As for the participants to this battle of the motor city Rosie O'Donnell, can you imagine 2 less equiped people to fight than these 2 "savages"? Policy is so scared of his own shadow, that he has decided to move to France to be with his own kind. Heck, it took nearly a week to come out from under his bed to face a limp wristed accountant in only a war of words. I will give Policy credit, he writes the most detailed and thorough pre-season analysis of any homer on this site. It is well written and researched. And like the Swallows returning to San Juan De Capistrano each year, you can count on it being absurdly wrong. A red ass ape could come closer in its predicitons of the Lions than Policy ever has. Again, its part and parcel of the idiocy known as Lions Pychosis. Optimistic beyond all reason, each pre-season, Policy busts out with one of his, "This year will be different, Charlie Brown" predictions and forecasts a division title and a playoff berth. And by week 3 of the season, when it is obvious that Policy was full of sh1t again, Policy slinks off to hide under his bed until the next preseason. Trust me, dont look for this coward after the 2nd week of October. He is scared that someone actually used his lame and pathetic predictions in betting or drafting ff players. So, he magically disappears and goes into hybernation until Summer when hope springs eternal. Well, now it appears that this spineless wimp has decided that his nest under his bed in Michigan isnt safe enough so he is moving to the land of cowards and punks. One good thing, the French are losers too so any Lions fans should feel at home there.


You would think that Policy would be ripe for the pickings in a cage match against any opponent. But what if that opponent is a dork accountant who cant even change a tire, much less change his panties after soiling them when some bully threatens him on the playground? Puddy became an accountant for a number of reasons. First, he didnt have the personality or good looks to be an economist. Secondly, he had has lunch money jacked everyday by the black dudes in his Detroit hood. Too keep his mind off of the complete Rosie O'Donnell he was, he kept track of how much each homey had taken, just to make sure that each of them got their fair share. If one of them was getting shorted, he would go ask his parents for more money, so he could keep all the natives happy. This obcession with keeping the ledger straight, led him to becoming an accountant. Well, that and the hope that nobody would actually hit a man with coke bottle glasses and a pocket protector with 17 #2 pencils in it. The man personifies cowardice. Dam, even frenchman call him scared. Nobody was happier when Policy failed to show up for their scheduled 10 round bout. Of course, he puffed up like a bull frog when Policy remained in hidding. Once Policy showed up however, we havent heard a peep out of Puddy. The Motor City Rosie O'Donnell indeed.


In terms of the bout itself, Iwoud call it a draw. Neither fighter would show up so we would have to DQ both of them. THIS IS NOT IT!!! THIS IS NOT IT!!!





Huddle Fist Fight #10 - Brawler vs Scrawler

Sgt. Ryan vs Menudo

46 - 41




{Puddy}From the untrained eye, it doesn't look like a close match-up,

We all expect Menudo will have to play catch-up...


Sarge is from Oklahomo, nothing could be gayer,

And Menudo was quite a football player...


Sarge will storm out to a lead in the beginning,

Doesn't neccesarily mean he'll end up winning...


Sarge flexes his internet muscles in the college forum,

and Menudo peppers us with his rhyming decorum...


Menudo is the gayest name ever, thinks Sarge,

May even be worse than El Debarge...


As the fight nears its finish, Sarge is out of breath,

He swears he's in this thing til the death...


His overly small t-shirt full of sweat,

Sarge wonders if he should honor his sigline bet...


Menudo is almost down for count,

One last comeback he hopes to mount...


He closes his eyes and thinks of Big Ben,

And to his surprise, pulls off the win.


{Menudo}Hey, don't let the poem writing and boy-band name fool you........nevermind, that sounded funny in my head just typing it. :D


P.S. For those that really want to know and don't:


a. 'Menudo' was a fraternity pledge name because the guys, as they put it

"Thought I resembled one of those faaaags in Menudo. :irate: Pledge

names aren't usually complimentary.


b. I've never written poetry for anything other than the Steelers or to rip

on someone at the Huddle.


c. Those that talk tough on message boards, NEVER are tough in real life.


d. I'm not in quite the same shape as I was when I played football 9 years

ago. Like Bill Murray said in a Hercules sketch on SNL, "I have learned

that without exercise, that the muscle turns to fat !!!!"


e. Pretend you didn't read point 'c' after I type point 'f'


f. This one wouldn't even be close, I would knock that loudmouth the

Oprah out, and it wouldn't take very long...... ;)




Huddle Fist Fight #11 - Sidekick Showdown

ChuckB vs Marauders11

19 - 33




{Marauders11} :D

Alls fair in love and war- and this is war my man- the secret to taking control of a fight is to strike early and often- preparation is key and I am prepared to whoop some tail. I’m gonna smack ChuckB before ChuckB even knows he’s fighting me-the’ol blindside.


See I knew who my opponent would be probably before JJ did- come on… Huddler’s brother vs. Huddler’s brother-could it be any more obvious? So let me start with one of these Chuckie- :D since you didn’t see it coming you can have this too-:D


Now let’s expose the reasons why the Pudster should throw in the towel and save his baby bro before things get messy….


-First off he’s a newbie-we all were at some point but his lack of Huddle experience is a handicap for sure. From our limited exposure we’ve learned the following…


-admits to drinking Tequila with lime kool-aid- real men drink shots and beer- not “mixers” THEN he’s pimping Captain & Ginger Ale which he ADMITS is a chick drink.


-thinks “irregardless” is a word-


-drives a Ford Taurus


-Plays on a CO-ED softball team! Holy crap that is gay.


-had to kiss Puddy’s feet as a child


-he’s a self-proclaimed fatty


-bowling is a form of exercise for this guy-how’s he gonna hold up in a street fight?


-seems to frequent the food & beverage forum where he participates in on-line wine tasting get togethers-what the hell is THAT all about


-and worst of all he’s been Puddy’s girlie his whole life


- what’s up with that Hank Hill avatar- a self portrait perhaps?


That’s after only 6 months at The Huddle-we’ve only scratched the surface on his overall gayness. Just give him some more time around here and I am sure plenty more will surface.


If that’s not enough-here are some more reasons why this should be stopped before Chuck gets hurt….NSab has taught me a thing or two over the years-I’ve survived and thrived in the 700 level of Vet stadium all my life-I’m a fightin’ 180lbs. (down from almost 200 a few months ago)-I play softball (and any sport for that matter) with men and men only, co-ed games should be reserved for the bedroom-I was a collegiate athlete (DIII Lacrosse, varsity MVP as a freshman-) and I can still run, jump, throw, shoot, kick, and catch without having a coronary-Puddy is not my brother-I drink beer like men should-I am not Puddy’s nor any man’s girlie-I’m from Philly- and I already roughed you up a bit before you had a chance to react- I don’t think you are in any shape to make a comeback- call the fight Puddy-do your brother a favor.


Oh, and my big brother knows how to change a tire-he taught me in fact- see that’s what big brothers’ are supposed to do-learn us youngins on how to scrap, kick azz and take names, and function as men in general- I feel sorry that Chuck didn’t have that proper guidance growing up.


{ChuckB} OK all the jawin while I'm not around is something I would expect from a latent homosexual with a buzzcut.....A BUZZCUT! That screams out policeman from the village people like nothin else, probably has a ghey pron stache to boot. I was readin yer post about me and all I saw was Blah, Blah, Blah, he plays coed this, he drinks this (which I would love to see a post where I said I drank teq. and lime kool-aid, get it right Susie), he 's a fatty, he's Puddy's bro, whatever all that don't mean $hit. Bottom line is I don't F' around, no jawin necessary , there's somethin to get done I get it done, Period!


Let's just say a dude that knows more about TV shows than bein a man is noone I have to worry about. For example:


-Talks about Lost like he's a 18 year old chick that has to call her girlfriends to discuss todays episode of General Hospital. (TV show #1)


-Can tell you anything you need to know about Survivor because he's a faithful fan like all the other women out there. (TV show #2)


-Tapes Quantum Leap :D so he doesn't miss it in addition to watching an entire season on dvd, and can tell you the whole story line and whats next for the show or any other info you need, including the size and shape of the dude with the remote's package. (TV show#3)


-In addition to the shows he knows more about ghey movies than Roger Ebert ( who I am sure he fantasizes about) and probaly has at least three Brokeback Mountain t-shirts.


Dude I don't know how your playin any sports with all the TV your watchin, I find it hard to believe. And by the way watchin action movies aint gonna make you tough calm down.


This guy seems like a joke, gettin by on his brother's supposed "toughness" come on if it wasn't for your brother how many votes do you think you would have? He likes to post swear words because it makes him feel tough, who gives a manure. "I can post swear words, I played lacrosse :huh: , I'm tough" Bring that ghey lacrosse stick with ya, your gonna need it. Oh yeah I forgot about the 180 pound thing :D that's a joke. This wouldn't even be a contest. I'm 230 lbs. and could still kick the head off of a guy 6 in. taller than me and you wanna come to me with 180, that's priceless. Let me save you some trouble, Nsab kick your little brothers a$$ again and pretend it's from me cause your bro's gonna have mercy, I'M NOT!


BTW your blatent homophobia only makes it obvious that your ghey. The wifes just a beard. It works out for both of them he get's to pretend he's straight and she gets someone to watch Survivor and go shopping with. It's a win win.


Edited by Grits and Shins
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Now Spain has to do his Spainisms for each match!

Edited by NSab
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Who else is good at creative writing, we need one for Spain's match :D

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Who else is good at creative writing, we need one for Spain's match :D







Whomper maybe.







Msaint might want a chance to write about the Spain v H8 fight, given that Spain wrote so glowingly about him in his. :D

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It would be my pleasure..Ill do one tonight.






:D Spains in for it now

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One thing is for sure ... in a fight twixt spain and H8, no teeth will be knocked out ... both lost their tooth years ago.







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I am going to make a suggestion here. Rather than simply using my contribution, we should all continue to post our best analysis for each matchup. And then if one or two posts stand out as being very good, we should transfer those over to this thread. What do yall think?

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Who else is good at creative writing, we need one for Spain's match :D






Furd is also terrific at that sorta stuff. He had a "Chavez vs Ditka" (for those of you who voted against me, if I can stand toe-to-toe vs Da Coach and live to tell the tale, what chance does DMD have, really?) thread a while ago that was gold.

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Spainisms are tough to top, Spain is the master of Verbal Charicatures.

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I am going to make a suggestion here.  Rather than simply using my contribution, we should all continue to post our best analysis for each matchup.  And then if one or two posts stand out as being very good, we should transfer those over to this thread.  What do yall think?






If someone tops you fine I guess.

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Spainisms are tough to top, Spain is the master of Verbal Charicatures.







Yep, Spain is in Post Season form. :D:D


BTW, nice thread too Blitz :D....hope I get back on a fight card one of these days :D(even if it is via FF messageboard)....ahh..the good ole' days. :D

Edited by Hitman
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With a user name of Hitman and a boxing avatar, I can only hope I don't get matched up against you. :D







:D Don't worry....I'm just a little guy...or like Sarge called me "Scrappy". I couldn't do much damage. :D


Yes, I am a former amatuer boxer though. Greatest accomplishment was making the 1997 U.S. Amateur Championship quarterfinals in Colorado Springs, CO. If I would have won there, I would have went on to face 2000 U.S. Olympic silver medalist Rocky Juarez in the semis....so I didn't feel too bad. :D Won a couple of MS Golden Gloves in my weight class, and a had a win in a Gulf States tourney. (MS, AL, FL, LA) I grew up playing baseball & football all my life, didn't start boxing until I was 16...by far the most challenging sport physically & mentally IMO.


BTW, back then I only weighed 119 lbs. :D (Bantam weight) At about 147 now.(Welterweight)

Edited by Hitman
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Yep, Spain is in Post Season form.  :D  :D







Well... Spain is a Titans fan, so his offseason started a lot earlier than the rest of ours.


I was looking forward to our DEN/IND sigline bet this year, Hitman... maybe next year, eh?

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