yo mama Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 here's something with the religious data... this is also correlated by the fact that divorce rates are highest in the bible belt. 1279090[/snapback] Good info. Very informative. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frenzal rhomb Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 I've lived with my girlfriend since 2001, She is aware that I will not marry her. I did it once, I won't do it again. If we evr decide to go our own way, so be it. If everything stays good - great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KICK A$$ BLASTER Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 I married an Italian-Catholic, and was told by my mother-in-law that we would not be living together before we got married. So far so good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonorator Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 like others, my wife and i practically lived together before getting married, even though we had different mailing addresses. i think each situation is different so it's hard to generalize (squeegie will like that). no question that spending significant time together prior to marriage is key - whether it's living under the same roof or not. i don't know many couples who have agreed to live together as a trial state - those that i have known just got tired of keeping up two places and knew that they were going to be together long term. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yo mama Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 I married an Italian-Catholic, and was told by my mother-in-law that we would not be living together before we got married. So far so good. 1279106[/snapback] I also married an Italian-Catholic and, ironically, was told by my mother-law-that we should live together before we got married. So far so good. Perhaps the Italian-Catholic spouse is the secret to a happy marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chavez Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 here's something with the religious data... this is also correlated by the fact that divorce rates are highest in the bible belt. 1279090[/snapback] Interesting link; dunno if I'd agree with the one yahoo that "atheistic ethics are superior to Christian morals" though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caveman_Nick Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 here's something with the religious data... this is also correlated by the fact that divorce rates are highest in the bible belt. 1279090[/snapback] Not really. If you read through some of these sites, they say that the higher divorce rate in the bible belt is more because lots of people in more 'urban settings' enter into cohabitation and other serious relationships and never take the step of marriage, even if they stay together for a length of time worthy of a marrigae. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caveman_Nick Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 like others, my wife and i practically lived together before getting married, even though we had different mailing addresses. i think each situation is different so it's hard to generalize (squeegie will like that). no question that spending significant time together prior to marriage is key - whether it's living under the same roof or not. i don't know many couples who have agreed to live together as a trial state - those that i have known just got tired of keeping up two places and knew that they were going to be together long term. 1279109[/snapback] It is a very different thing to live together than to 'practically' live together. Once you are cohabitating, you no longer have another place of your own to go. That is a bigger change than people give it credit for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonorator Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 It is a very different thing to live together than to 'practically' live together. Once you are cohabitating, you no longer have another place of your own to go. That is a bigger change than people give it credit for. 1279122[/snapback] you can go to a bar ... if all her stuff is at your place and it's been days since she's been at her place to pick up the mail, then you will get a pretty good read on how you cohabitate. if you are in that situation for months and then after marriage someone turns into a different person, then you got married too soon ... this ain't rocket science. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caveman_Nick Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 you can go to a bar ... if all her stuff is at your place and it's been days since she's been at her place to pick up the mail, then you will get a pretty good read on how you cohabitate. if you are in that situation for months and then after marriage someone turns into a different person, then you got married too soon ... this ain't rocket science. 1279126[/snapback] That just tells me you don't get where I am coming from. Yes, yes, you can get a read on it. Looking at it from a marriage standpoint, the day we got back from our honeymoon I moved my wife into my house. There was some serious statement there about the finality and totality of the commitment. It was a big moment in our lives putting an exclaimation point on our getting married, but a little after the fact. She no longer had her own place to go to, even every few days. There was bathroom sharing in earnest. While she took liberties with my space and stuff before we were married and she moved in, now she had a right to it. It was a much different situation than her spending several nights a week at mu house but still living somewhere else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TDFFFreak Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 (edited) it's a documented fact that the divorce rate is higher among the most strict religious groups (i.e., people who think "living in sin" is absolutely scandalous and would not do it), than it is among atheists/agnostics and the like. so that might lend a little bit of credence to the idea that living together first is smart. 1278726[/snapback] Interesting.... I think maybe some religious people (not all) fool themselves by just believing what they are told as opposed to really going out and having other experinces outside of what their religion tells them is wrong. I could see this as leading to problems down the road in accordance to my theory that people need to know themselves better before bringing another into their life. Edited January 20, 2006 by TDFFFreak Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chavez Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 Not really. If you read through some of these sites, they say that the higher divorce rate in the bible belt is more because lots of people in more 'urban settings' enter into cohabitation and other serious relationships and never take the step of marriage, even if they stay together for a length of time worthy of a marrigae. 1279120[/snapback] Are we talking about divorce or aren't we? IMO anyone co-habitating for over 5 years without at least being engaged has no intent to BE married for whatever reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonorator Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 That just tells me you don't get where I am coming from. Yes, yes, you can get a read on it. Looking at it from a marriage standpoint, the day we got back from our honeymoon I moved my wife into my house. There was some serious statement there about the finality and totality of the commitment. It was a big moment in our lives putting an exclaimation point on our getting married, but a little after the fact. She no longer had her own place to go to, even every few days. There was bathroom sharing in earnest. While she took liberties with my space and stuff before we were married and she moved in, now she had a right to it. It was a much different situation than her spending several nights a week at mu house but still living somewhere else. 1279144[/snapback] you are right caveman. i have no idea what you are trying to say! probably different for everybody. my wife took her liberties and exercised her rights from the get go, so after the marriage, it wasn't different in any way, just more convenient and less of a hassle to manage two places ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caveman_Nick Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 Are we talking about divorce or aren't we? IMO anyone co-habitating for over 5 years without at least being engaged has no intent to BE married for whatever reason. 1279169[/snapback] Yes, and I am saying that making a statement that the bible belt has a higher rate of divorce is factually accurate, but that the reasons people have tossed forth (not specifically in this thread) on this site are not necessarily accurate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chavez Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 Interesting.... I think maybe some religious people (not all) fool themselves by just believing what they are told as opposed to really going out and having other experinces outside of what their religion tells them is wrong. I could see this as leading to problems down the road in accordance to my theory that people need to know themselves better before bringing another into their life. 1279147[/snapback] I'd agree - with the old fashioned courtship rules, you didn't know if you were sexually compatible (I disagree that you "learn" this), what the person was like 24/7 (fess up, when you start dating someone, or aren't with them constantly, it's easy to put on a "game face" from 6 pm to midnight), how good they were or weren't with money, etc etc. Maybe it was better that way, maybe not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caveman_Nick Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 you are right caveman. i have no idea what you are trying to say! probably different for everybody. my wife took her liberties and exercised her rights from the get go, so after the marriage, it wasn't different in any way, just more convenient and less of a hassle to manage two places ... 1279175[/snapback] My wife wouldn't mess with my place or stuff. I guess I just made that clear to her early on. She would have the opportunity to do what she wanted if, and eventually when we got married. But not before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brewer Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 My wife and I lived together for 5 years before we married. Will be married 7 years sometime this June. It's either the 26th or 29th. Ummm. Litlle help here Big John? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retrograde assault Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 My wife and I meet and lived together for 5 weeks before we got married. That was over 28 years ago and even though it worked for us, I don't really recommend it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaP'N GRuNGe Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 My wife and I lived together for 5 years before we married. Will be married 7 years sometime this June. It's either the 26th or 29th. Ummm. Litlle help here Big John? 1279492[/snapback] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puddy Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 My wife and I lived together for 5 years before we married. Will be married 7 years sometime this June. It's either the 26th or 29th. Ummm. Litlle help here Big John? 1279492[/snapback] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Holy Roller Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 I also married an Italian-Catholic and, ironically, was told by my mother-law-that we should live together before we got married. So far so good. Perhaps the Italian-Catholic spouse is the secret to a happy marriage. 1279111[/snapback] Add me to the ranks of marrying an Italian-Catholic, lol. Been that way since July 29, 1979. Seems to be a common link. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skylive5 Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 I know people that lived together, it turned into a marriage, and it didn't work out. I also know people that lived together and it turned into a marriage that did work out. I also know people that lived together and are still living together after several handfulls of years. However all these experiences are with couples (or non-couples) are from the late 80's to now. My wife and I didn't live together before we were married. In fact I don't know anyone that lived together prior to marriage from those years. People didn't do that back then. Personally don't understand the living together prior to marriage concept. To me you either know or you don't. Everything else is worked out over the years. And as far as this married too young stuff.... probably applies now, but sure didn't when I was younger. She was 16.... I was 21. And we had to wait until those ages to get state approval or we would have been married sooner. Lot of marriages are still going on from those days of most getting married at 18-21. Different times, different attitudes, different maturity, different beliefs. I will say....on a lighter side of things.... that taking into consideration posts from around these here parts.... probably a good portion of you should wait until 40 or 50, if ever, before making a committment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
devilwoman Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 We lived together from 84 until 87. Been married since then. We needed stuff. 1278579[/snapback] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimmy Neutron Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 And as far as this married too young stuff.... probably applies now, but sure didn't when I was younger. She was 16.... I was 21. And we had to wait until those ages to get state approval or we would have been married sooner. Lot of marriages are still going on from those days of most getting married at 18-21. Different times, different attitudes, different maturity, different beliefs. I will say....on a lighter side of things.... that taking into consideration posts from around these here parts.... probably a good portion of you should wait until 40 or 50, if ever, before making a committment. 1279935[/snapback] Good info here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Sacrebleu Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 Frankly, if you are asking yourself that question than perhaps you are not ready for marriage or co-habitation. Moving in, or getting married require a mindset that you not be looking for an 'out' down the line. Even if you fail in the end, and many people do, you at least have to beleive thatthis thing is going to alst for ever. Though having lived with two girlfriends before finding my wife (who I cohabitated with for 2 years before marrying) I can tell you it is easier, though still one hell of a mess, to get out of a cohabitation than a marriage. I dropped the 16 ton weight on my last girlfriend, because we got along just fine, and we were progressing on our merry way, and then I realizd that this was not the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Boy, did she not see it coming. And boy does she hate me. Adn boy does she live just three blocks away. And boy did she go to the same high-school as my wife. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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