theeohiostate Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 (edited) Okay, my wife and i have been together for 10 years. She has 2 kids from her previous marriage, they are now 14 and 16. I've basically raised them. Well, the 16 year old is the laziest kid i've ever known, i near have to beat him on the head to help out DO ANYTHING. He's rapped up in pc games, has no friends and is completely disrespectful to himself and me, inparticular. I have been rounds with the wife about doing things to make him more responsible................like A JOB!!! His little brother, who is 14 has been working at McDonalds for 2 months, he does things , like take out the trash, clean his rooom , put away laundry, without even being told. Definately 2 different types of motivations at work with them. Anyways, my wife thinks i'm too hard on him, by consistently telling him to pick up after himself around the house, she says i do it in a demeaning way, which i agree too, but i'm fed up with the disgusting lack of "self" he exudes around the house. So yesterday, like the day before, like the day before, i tell him to clean his room. Like always, the wife goes and checks and says " Everything is okay" WELL ! , IT'S NOT. Here's what i found this moring after they left for school.................You be the judge and let me know if i'm an over-reactor. http://shackdaddy.com/stone003.jpg http://shackdaddy.com/stone002.jpg http://shackdaddy.com/stone001.jpg http://shackdaddy.com/stone004.jpg http://shackdaddy.com/stone005.jpg http://shackdaddy.com/stone006.jpg http://shackdaddy.com/stone007.jpg http://shackdaddy.com/stone008.jpg Edited January 3, 2007 by theeohiostate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NSab Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 (edited) Just disconnect the modem from his PC, block his access until he cleans up. Don't argue and bicker, just restrict the things he likes to do until he cooperates. Edited January 3, 2007 by NSab Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AtomicCEO Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Just disconnect the modem from his PC, block his access until he cleans up. Don't argue and bicker, just restrict the things he likes to do until he cooperates. Hippie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AtomicCEO Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Seriously though... I heard about this book yesterday. It may help you out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DemonKnight Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 C'mon dude, hes 16. If a messy room is the worst of his problems then consider yourself blessed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evil_gop_liars Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 C'mon dude, hes 16. If a messy room is the worst of his problems then consider yourself blessed. +1 At least you can see the floor and there isn't a bong sitting next to his computer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Savage Beatings Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Take all of the garbage and put it in his bed. Do that everytime he leaves that kind of junk lying around. He'll have to clean it up if he wants to sleep. Its a little extra work for you initially but hopefully he would get the point pretty quick. FWIW, I am also going through a very difficult time with my oldest step-daughter. Although she is only 10, but I can tell she is going to become a mouthy nasty teenager. She's very disrespectful of pretty much everyone. If my marriage ever ends, I'm fairly sure that she will be one of the main causes. It is never easy to try to bring broken families together, so good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Furd Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I'd throw him out of the trailer and tell him not to come back until he was ready to clean his room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brewer Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Do what I do with my 6 year old. Start releasing mice, snakes and rats in their room. When they freak out, tell them that the rodents are attracted to all of the crap that they've left all over their room. Then tell them that predators will be attracted to the rodents and it's only a matter of time before a bear breaks into the house and starts hanging out in their room. It's worked so far. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KevinL Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 The closet isn't bad at all and the unmade bed is just that, but the trash (pop cans) sitting on the computer desk and on the floor should be unacceptable. The clothes on the bathroom floor, is this his bathroom or a shared bathroom? Not knowing all the dynamics, I'm hesitant to give advice. You're probably overreacting some. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chester Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 That's bad? I'm 33 and I can't keep my bedroom that clean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rajncajn Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 C'mon dude, hes 16. If a messy room is the worst of his problems then consider yourself blessed. Good info...in a couple of years the 14 year old will be following suit. He'll eventually come around. I'd at least make him pick up the trash tho or you're gonna have critters soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perchoutofwater Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 About the only thing that I see wrong is that ugly logo on the wall, and on the pillows. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarryTheRock Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Take all of the garbage and put it in his bed. Do that everytime he leaves that kind of junk lying around. He'll have to clean it up if he wants to sleep. Its a little extra work for you initially but hopefully he would get the point pretty quick. FWIW, I am also going through a very difficult time with my oldest step-daughter. Although she is only 10, but I can tell she is going to become a mouthy nasty teenager. She's very disrespectful of pretty much everyone. If my marriage ever ends, I'm fairly sure that she will be one of the main causes. It is never easy to try to bring broken families together, so good luck! My wife's roomates in college did that with her and her dirty dishes. She told me that when we got together. Five years later I'm considering putting the dishes in our bed and sleeping on the couch...I can't keep up with them Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theeohiostate Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 The closet isn't bad at all and the unmade bed is just that, but the trash (pop cans) sitting on the computer desk and on the floor should be unacceptable. The clothes on the bathroom floor, is this his bathroom or a shared bathroom? Not knowing all the dynamics, I'm hesitant to give advice. You're probably overreacting some. It's his bathroom If i had not said to clean your room, then this is what i should expect. BUT, having told him to clean it several times and him replying it was clean, i find it disturbing the level of his acceptance to filth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theeohiostate Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 By the way, i just showed my wife i'd made this post. She thinks i'm an ass. for bringing this discussion to stangers Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cliaz Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 This is something that I could give you great advice on. My step father and I did not get along during my teens. He would always ride my a$$ about stuff and I’d go to my mother to fix it. Of course that in turn put a lot of stress on their marriage. What finally worked for us is one day he took me out to the batting cage but we ended up playing put-put golf. He spent the day with me not yelling, not telling me what to do, not riding my tail, nothing along those lines. Instead we spent the day bonding, sort of. We were never like really close but after that day we understood each other. Now we are very close. And I appreciate his tough love approach to me but things started to turn around for us after we did that day. Also about once a month we would go do something small. Didn’t matter what it was. A ride up to hardware store or just to the grocery store was good enough. I suggest stop pushing for him to do these things and start digging into the reason why he is this way. Start with what I said above. If it doesn’t work then do what you gotta do but you can attract more flies with honey then sh1t. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caveman_Nick Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 TOS, I have no kids, so take this with a grain of salt... JMO, but you obviously have a power struggle and a failure to communicate effectively. The kid's bitter about...whatever he's bitter about. And he just doesn't care about either cleaning up, helping, or your feelings about it. And by no means is he right. Unfortunately, if you want to make progress, it sounds like you are going to have to find a way to communicate with the kid on the right level. Maybe NSab's suggestion is the right one. And maybe you need to take the kid out for a milkshake and talk it over under different circumstances. Find out why he doesn't care. There are definitely 2 schools of thought here. There's the "Life isn't fair, learn to deal with unfairness" school, and then there's the "Life isn't fair, and it's my job to help you work out how to get past that and learn why respecting others is more important than fairness to you" It sounds to me like approach number one isn;t working, and that you need to shift your methods if you want to get through to the kid. He can't possibly fathom the impact that making certain kinds of mistakes can have on the rest of his years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NSab Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 Hippie. It worked for me , through 4 teenagers. I don't argue, I just take away their most prized posession. They get it back when they do what was expected. There has to be a price for everything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NSab Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 TOS, I have no kids, so take this with a grain of salt... JMO, but you obviously have a power struggle and a failure to communicate effectively. The kid's bitter about...whatever he's bitter about. And he just doesn't care about either cleaning up, helping, or your feelings about it. And by no means is he right. Unfortunately, if you want to make progress, it sounds like you are going to have to find a way to communicate with the kid on the right level. Maybe NSab's suggestion is the right one. And maybe you need to take the kid out for a milkshake and talk it over under different circumstances. Find out why he doesn't care. There are definitely 2 schools of thought here. There's the "Life isn't fair, learn to deal with unfairness" school, and then there's the "Life isn't fair, and it's my job to help you work out how to get past that and learn why respecting others is more important than fairness to you" It sounds to me like approach number one isn;t working, and that you need to shift your methods if you want to get through to the kid. He can't possibly fathom the impact that making certain kinds of mistakes can have on the rest of his years. I'd bet $$, he is just a usual teenager tha is hooked on his PC. There are no real problems, he just lives in virtual world. Take it away and watch how fast he cleans up. Virtual world is a problem with todays youth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perchoutofwater Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 By the way, i just showed my wife i'd made this post. She thinks i'm an ass. for bringing this discussion to stangers Well you are an ass, but someone has to make the kid pick up after himself, and if Mama isn't willing to do it, then you have too. It is a shame she is putting you in the position to have to do it, particularly if your relationship with him is already strained. I make my 5 and 8 year old girls clean their rooms, I would be out raged if they looked like that. If a 16 year old kid can't clean their room, or won't then something needs to be done. I'd take the computer out of the room until it is cleaned. If that doesn't work after a week, then I'd take something else away from him, until you find something important enough to the brat that he can start acting like a semi-mature young person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cliaz Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I would like to note though that if i were a teenager with internet access in my bedroom i'd be jerking it left and right. Scream all you want Mr. Winkey cuz aint no one gonna hear ya." I Personally do not agree with giving teenagers private internet access. When our kids get older the computer will be located in the living room. I just couldn't stomach the though of walking into my sons room while he is pounding the puma to some german dungeon pron. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evil_gop_liars Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I Personally do not agree with giving teenagers private internet access. When our kids get older the computer will be located in the living room. yep, no need for net filters when you're watching over their shoulder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theeohiostate Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 This is something that I could give you great advice on. My step father and I did not get along during my teens. He would always ride my a$$ about stuff and I’d go to my mother to fix it. Of course that in turn put a lot of stress on their marriage. What finally worked for us is one day he took me out to the batting cage but we ended up playing put-put golf. He spent the day with me not yelling, not telling me what to do, not riding my tail, nothing along those lines. Instead we spent the day bonding, sort of. We were never like really close but after that day we understood each other. Now we are very close. And I appreciate his tough love approach to me but things started to turn around for us after we did that day. Also about once a month we would go do something small. Didn’t matter what it was. A ride up to hardware store or just to the grocery store was good enough. I suggest stop pushing for him to do these things and start digging into the reason why he is this way. Start with what I said above. If it doesn’t work then do what you gotta do but you can attract more flies with honey then sh1t. Thanks, i fell like this is our situation to a tee. I know what is best but i'm failing on my part as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimC Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I think we need pics of the wife's breastesseses to decide if this demands action or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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